Chapter 51

"What do you mean she's grounded?" asked Fisk angrily, throwing down a star chart forcefully onto the table in front of his sofa. Lee was stood on the other side, his hands clasped behind him, standing alert.

"I've grounded her sir," he replied.

"She's my best pilot, not to mention my CAG, there better be a damn good reason why."

"That heavy raider she saw yesterday didn't appear on the cockpit footage."

Fisk leant back on the sofa and folded his arms in front of his chest. "Are you telling me she's was hallucinating out there?"

"I don't know sir," replied Lee resignedly. "All I can say is that she doesn't trust her nerve out there at the moment."

"Everyone gets shaky behind the stick sometimes. I need my CAG out there, no arguments."

Lee scrunched his fingers together behind his back. He needed to stay strong for his wife. "My wife doesn't get shaky behind the stick, not even when she was a nugget on her first flight. Sir, please listen to me. I can't fully explain why, but please trust me. She needs to stay grounded for the time being."

Fisk stared him down for a few moments before looking down at his charts. "If it was Cain sitting here now you wouldn't be asking for this."

Lee squared his shoulders, "with all due respect to Admiral Cain sir, I don't believe we would be here on this mission if she was still in command. We'd be off hunting the cylons or already destroyed trying. You're the one that is in command now."

Fisk sighed, "I knew when I first read Thrace's record that she was going to give me a permanent headache." Lee smiled briefly. "How long for?"

"I don't know sir."

Fisk sighed again, "fine, but I hope you know I'm putting a lot of faith into you two. Don't make me regret it."

Lee felt his body relax slightly, "thank you sir."

"Who do we replace her with as CAG for the time being?"

"I believe Starbuck can still perform her duties on board sir."

Fisk shook his head, "if she can't fly then she's also not fit for active duty. Let her rest for now and we'll review the position in a week." Lee nodded his head once in understanding. "Alright, dismissed. Let Stinger know that he's the CAG until Thrace comes back."

Lee saluted sharply and then walked out of Fisk's quarters promptly. He knew Kara was going to be upset with being taken fully off duty.

It was 1200 hours so he walked straight to his quarters, hearing the sounds of their children before he reached the hatch and then stepped inside. Normally when he opened the door he would see Kara smiling down at them happily, but today she seemed to be staring off into the distance.

"Dada," squealed Lena as soon as he stepped inside, making Kara turn towards him. She looked as if she had just been pulled out of a trance, faltering for a few moments before smiling at him.

"Hey," she said softly. "What did Fisk say?"

"He wasn't happy, but he agreed," replied Lee picking up Lena who had toddled over and gripped his leg. "The catch is that you're not to resume any duties until your better."

"You better take this then," replied Kara blandly, seeming not to care that she was being pulled fully from duty. She stood up from her chair and walked over to a cupboard high up on the wall. She took out her sidearm and held it out to him. Ever since Lena and Joseph had started crawling she had taken to placing her sidearm up there, removing the clip every time.

Lee placed Lena back on the floor. "I don't think Fisk meant for you to hand that in."

She shrugged, her voice still unanimated, "Just take it Lee, please."

His voice nearly cracked as he took it from her hand. "Kara you're scaring me."

He could see the tears pooling in her eyes and she walked over to him, placing a soft kiss to his lips. "It's going to be okay," she said in a soothing voice.

He wished he could understand, possess faith deep enough to believe it. "I'm afraid of what's happening to you."

"It's okay Lee, I promise. We'll always find a way to find each other."

Lee swallowed hard, she wasn't making any sense. It was as if she had been holding a previous conversation with someone else entirely and expected him to catch up. Pooling his strength, he remembered that he didn't have to understand what was happening, but he did believe in her.

"Do you need some rest?" he asked as she gripped the sides of her head with her hands.

"I'll be fine," she replied weakly. "It's just a headache."

"If it's still there tomorrow then I'm dragging you to doc Phillips, no arguments."

"Agreed," she said pulling a mock salute.

With a frown, and feeling slightly defeated, Lee turned around and walked back out of the quarters to continue his shift, a feeling of foreboding dread weighing down on his shoulders.

oooo

Kara barely noticed the day and night go past. She wasn't thinking of anything in particular, but everywhere she looked she seemed to be staring into oblivion. The only thing that kept her barely conscious was the sound of her children playing happily, warming her heart.

That night she didn't sleep, choosing to get up and sit in the children's room, just watching as they slept peacefully. Her headache still pounded throughout her head, but that was nothing compared to the disturbing invisible force that kept pushing her to go back out into that storm. It was like an obsessive compulsive urge, an irrational need to fly her viper until it hit the hard deck, crushing the life out of her.

She didn't fear death, but desired life more and everything inside her resisted the temptation.

By the time Lee awoke at about 0700 hours, Kara had already been through the shower with Lena and Joseph. If only for a few minutes, the warmth of the water cascading down over them felt comforting. She was sitting feeding them breakfast, just like she always did, trying to look normal to Lee, but really she was running on automatic.

"Hey," he said and walked over to give her a kiss.

"Dada," squealed Lena happily.

"Good morning my Little Lee," he replied with a smile and swooped down to give her a big kiss to her forehead, followed by Joseph.

"Tah," his son replied, half sucking on his finger.

"How are you feeling?" he asked Kara, sitting next to her.

Kara smiled as convincingly as she could, "a lot better, headache has finally subsided." She didn't know why she lied to him, but she felt compelled to protect him from the truth. She was feeling worse. Part of her wanted to go and see Phillips, but then she knew he wouldn't be able to do anything. This type of headache could not be cured by a pill. It was the weight and pull of fate that was causing it.

Lee placed a kiss to her head looking slightly more relaxed, "glad to hear it."

"When are we leaving here?" she asked in a small voice.

"In a couple of days I believe."

Kara nodded, wanting to cry. She wasn't sure if it was the location or time that was affecting her. At least if they jumped away she would know.

She carried on feeding Lena and Joseph like normal as Lee got ready and then left for his shift. It felt strange not having to be on duty and she had certainly never expected to be acting as a full-time mum. The hours dragged past as she just sat there watching them play, not fully able to join in because of the excruciating pain that pounded through her head.

"Dada," said Lena happily as she gripped a crayon unsteadily, scribbling on the piece of paper in front of her.

Kara felt her cheeks flush as she looked down. Lena had managed a big scribble in blue.

"Is it hot in here or is it just me?" she asked making her children look up confused.

Kara stood and walked over to the hatch door, pulling it slightly ajar to let in a breeze. She closed her eyes as gently the air blew into her face, making her hair sway. A sudden flash of the mandala came to her mind, swirling before blinking into another image, an apartment she hadn't seen in a long time. Briefly she saw her mother sitting at her dining room table, cigarette in hand, before the sound of her children brought her back to the present.

They were looking up at her with eager eyes.

"Stah," said Joseph and held out his hand.

Kara walked over to them slowly, looking down at their scrap of paper. She felt her breathing falter as she saw that Joseph had scribbled his red crayon in the middle of Lena's blue scribble. The mandala screamed out at her again, swirling round and round.

She was confused and disorientated. Was she supposed to even be here now? Should she have already hit that hard deck, blowing herself apart? The possibilities were crushing her mind.

"Stah?" squeaked Joseph as she gripped the side of her head, trying to push away the pain.

"No, no, no, no," she stammered out, shaking her head. Tears were streaming down her cheeks as she looked at her children, her heart aching for them. "I'm sorry," she whimpered before her vision blurred. She could see her mother's apartment again and a blonde child crying with blood dripping from her nose.

Reaching her hand up to her face she could feel a dark thick liquid.

"Please," she begged to the Gods. "Please don't make me leave them."

Her vision cleared again, seeing her children who had started crying. They were reaching out their pudgy hands towards her, and then everything went black.

oooo

Lee stretched out his neck as he stood in the CIC. Words couldn't describe how boring his job had become. He was a pilot, needing the adrenalin boost that came from negative g-forces to keep him motivated. He was not meant to stand behind a dradis consol. Already the lack of exercise was taking its toll and he could feel his duty blue slacks feeling slightly tighter. After he had escaped from the cylons the waistband had been loose, needing a belt to stop them from falling down.

"How was Major Thrace this morning?" asked Fisk casually after he walked in for his afternoon shift.

"A little better sir," replied Lee with a smile. "She might be fit for duty sooner than expected."

"I'll let Phillips decide that."

"I thought you'd be happy to have her back on duty sooner rather than later?" asked Lee with a frown.

"Of course I would, she's my CAG and best pilot, but I also don't want to see her flying into the side of the ship because she wasn't ready." He looked down at some star charts, telling Lee that the conversation was over.

Lee was feeling slightly happier today. Seeing his wife deteriorate had cut away at his heart. That night had been the first night that week when he hadn't been awoken by her nightmares, pained by her evident distress. Even though she still looked the pale, her headaches had stopped and Lee felt that she had gotten past the worst of whatever was affecting her.

"When are we going to jump again sir?" he asked after a number of minutes.

"The planet is providing the best cover possible while we complete our repairs, so another week perhaps."

"A week?" asked Lee shocked. "I thought the original plan was for only a few days?"

"I'm getting numerous reports telling me the wear and tear is worse than originally thought. It makes sense to hide out here for the time being."

"And what if there is a heavy raider out there?"

Fisk looked at him with a raised eyebrow, "do you still believe there might be? Because I haven't seen one, nor did anyone else but your wife who's declared herself unfit to fly."

"Nevertheless sir, we should still stay frosty, just in case."

"We're always frosty Major."

"How's Stinger doing as the CAG?" asked Lee with curiosity. He had hoped that Fisk would allow him to over the CAG duties instead, but evidentially the ship needed an XO.

"He's getting back into it slowly I believe. I was going to head down there now whilst they hold the afternoon briefing. Perhaps it would make you feel better if you gave them a lecture on staying frosty."

Lee didn't bite back, merely following the Commander out of the CIC to the Ready room where they addressed the pilots. Despite their early reticence towards Kara when she first became the CAG, they all appeared to hold genuine concern for her wellbeing. Even Kat refrained from making any snippy comments. Lee had assured them that she was just unwell, but would hopefully be back on duty soon.

"Are you satisfied now?" asked Fisk as they exited the ready room and stopped outside in the corridor.

Lee wanted to sigh, "Yes sir, I apologise if I came across as if I didn't have faith in the pilots. All I meant is that we should be ready to jump at any moment."

"Shaw programmed in the co-ordinates for the next jump last night. If we so much as catch a whiff of the cylons then we'll be out of here."

Lee nodded. He felt a tug at his slacks, pulling his leg forwards to stop it. "Perhaps we can have some training drills whilst we're hanging around here?"

"That's a good idea…" began Fisk but Lee was distracted by the feel of his slacks snagging again.

"What the…" he said and looked down behind him, shocked to see his son standing there gripping the cloth of his uniform. "Seph, what…?" Lee's heart started hammering in his chest, something was wrong, very wrong.

"Stah," said Joseph looking up at him with wide blue eyes.

For a moment he was too shocked to move then Fisk shouted out, "go, go!"

He sprinted off down the corridor towards his family quarters, seeing that the hatch door was ajar. The sound of wails reached him immediately. Knowing it was Lena squealing inside he pushed open the hatch quickly.

Kara was lying on the hard metal floor, her blonde hair splayed out with Lena pulling on her hand. Within seconds Lee was down by her side shouting out her name, but there was no response. Blood from her nose had spooled out down the side of her face and onto the floor. Too much blood for a mere nosebleed. He was almost afraid to place two fingers to her neck to check for a pulse, but was relieved to feel the gentle rhythm underneath his fingertips.

"Dada," sobbed out Lena, but Lee was busy trying to ensure that Kara was still breathing. The blood bubbling at her nose told him that she was.

The tears flowed down his cheeks as he softly stroked back some of her hair off her face. "Kara, please answer me."

He was about to scoop her into his arms when he heard Fisk shout out "no."

"What the frak do you mean no? We need to get her lifestation now!"

He looked up to see that the Commander was looking concerned, holding Joseph against his hip. "We don't know what's happened, so moving her could cause more injury." He didn't wait for an answer, he turned and picked up the telephone on the wall and dialled. "This is the Commander we have a medical emergency, send medics to the Adama family quarters stat."

Joseph started wailing in Fisk's arms until he placed him on the floor. The boy toddled over towards his mother, sitting himself down by her leg.

"Kara please answer me," begged Lee, ignoring Lena and Joseph's continuous wails.

It seemed to take forever for the medics arrive, taking Kara away on a stretcher with Lee running alongside. For the moment nothing else mattered to him, he had to be by his wife's side, and there he remained as the days dragged past.

Doc Phillips was none the wiser about what had caused Kara's coma. He had performed test after test, which revealed nothing. A brain scan showed that there was brain activity, which looked like she was peacefully dreaming. As far as Phillips could ascertain, she had not suffered from a stroke, aneurism, hematoma or brain damage and he was at a loss to explain a diagnosis. No-one could say with any certainty what had happened in her quarters. There was a bruise to her head, but Phillips suspected that had occurred when she collapsed. She had lost a lot of blood from the nose bleed, but not enough to induce a coma.

Phillips had merely said that she appeared to be "lost" in her own consciousness.

From his constant vigil, Lee had watched her sleeping. He had been sitting there for five days now, every night dreaming that he was seeing his wife hit the hard deck in the storm and blowing apart. It didn't make sense. That had not happened, they had avoided it.

It was now the afternoon, about six hours after Fisk had demanded that he return to work. Lee had felt a pang of guilt when the commander had mentioned Lena and Joseph, but as much as he wanted to be with them, he couldn't leave Kara's side.

He felt the presence of someone standing next to him and turned his head, seeing Helo standing there.

"I never thought I would have to see her like this again," he said making Lee turn his head back to his wife's bed. She looked soundly asleep as if nothing was wrong and would wake up any moment. "But it was different then."

Lee reflected for a moment, remembering that Helo had been there during Kara's last coma.

"At least she's not hooked up to a machine this time," added Helo sadly, the memory obviously painful. His eyes fixed on Lee's, "she's beaten the odds before."

"I don't know what happened," croaked Lee in response. "One day she was fine and the next…this."

"What did she say before it happened?"

Lee thought back, trying to remember everything she had said. "She had lots of headaches, a nightmare about her mother…"

"Why would she have a nightmare about her mother?"

Lee realised that Kara must not have told Helo about her frakked up childhood. "It's a long story, never mind. She saw that phantom heavy raider out in her viper. She told me that if she went out there again she would basically end up flying down into the atmos of that gas planet, killing herself. She even got freaked out by a picture Lena and Seph painted."

Helo frowned, "that's weird."

"Which part?"

"All of it, but especially the bit about the kiddies."

"She asked about the colours they had used. When she collapsed they were drawing something similar."

Helo paused for a moment as if he was mulling something over, giving it serious consideration before speaking. "I saw that," he said quietly. "And they've painted these over the past few days." Out of his pocket he pulled out two sheets of paper holding them out to Lee. "There's more. This pattern is the same one that Kara had painted on her apartment wall."

Completely covering the pages was the same pattern in blue, red and yellow. "Oh my Gods," muttered Lee and took hold of the pages, staring intently down at the images. He traced a finger of the largest circular pattern, which seemed to have a stick person drawn in the middle. "They're too young for this."

"Hera added the person in the middle," replied Helo and Lee removed his finger from the page.

He could feel tears pricking his eyes, and as much as he tried to refrain from crying in front of Helo, he felt them trickling down his face. "What's happening to my family?"

"I don't know, but I might be able to get some help…if you'll allow it."

"I don't care Helo, I'll try anything." Lee brushed the tears away with his sleeve. "I've been a lousy father the past five days," he added. Guilt was wracking his body, guilt for stopping Kara from flying and the abandonment of Lena and Joseph. He wondered if his wife would ever forgive him.

"They're fine," said Helo. "You're hardly in the state to cater for their every need, so leave that to me, Sharon and Meg."

Lee laughed briefly, "I never thought I would have a cylon for a babysitter." Helo didn't respond and Lee felt another pang of guilt that he had offended someone who was helping him so much. "Or as a friend and comrade," he added. "Thank you."

Helo's shoulders seemed to relax slightly. "Hera's enjoying having two children to play with, I've never seen her laugh and smile so much."

"They have that effect on people."

As if on cue he heard the familiar gurgle of Lena and Joseph. He strained to turn in his seat, seeing them standing at the front entrance to lifestation, both gripping on to Sharon's hands.

"Is it okay?" she asked softly and Helo motioned them in.

"I'm sorry Apollo," said Helo. "They need to see their parents."

Lee felt the guilt rock through him as his children pulled away from Sharon and ran over to him. He lifted them both onto his lap and gave them a hug, some of the pain lifting away from his body.

"Dada," said Lena and pulled at the small wisps of his beard.

Joseph pointed over to Kara's bed and said, "stah."

"Yeah that's right," replied Lee. "Your mom is sleeping at the moment."

There was no way that at not even 14 months the twins would understand what was happening, but he could still see the sadness on their faces. It still amazed him how intuitive they were.

"Come on, let's go and see your mom."

As he stood he lifted both of them onto his hip and walked them over to the bed. He could see the slow rise and fall of her chest beneath the bed sheets, her eyes softly fluttering as if she was dreaming. Phillips had tried everything to wake her up, but nothing had worked.

Gently Lee sat down Lena and Joseph onto the bed next to her, holding them against him, continuing his vigil.

oooo

One day later

Lee was surprised when he saw the Priestess Eliya walking into the lifestation. He had not seen her since Lena had been sick, when she had prayed over his daughter. The woman walked up to Kara's bed and stroked her hair back softly.

"I knew our paths would cross again," she said and then placed a kiss to her forehead.

Lee stood up from his chair and walked over, passing the cot where Lena and Joseph were enjoying an afternoon nap. "I didn't know you were on board the Pegasus," he said standing on the opposite side of the bed.

"I was not," replied the priestess with a smile. "I was journeying on board the Tylium ship. They needed a priestess to help with their faith on such a long journey and I knew I would be needed here again."

"How?"

"This woman's destiny has been written out in the stars since the beginning of time."

"And her destiny was to fall into a coma?" asked Lee sceptically.

The priestess smiled again, testing Lee's patience. "The destiny has been set out, not the path. Some paths are stronger than others to follow, many seem like the easiest route, but that doesn't mean they are necessarily right."

"Such as blowing up under the pressure of a planet's atmosphere?" asked Lee not sounding convinced.

The Priestess looked puzzled, "No-one knows the paths except Kara herself. Is that what she believed was going to happen?"

Lee felt himself blushing slightly with shame, "yes and she asked me to ground her, so I did."

"Perhaps Kara no longer wished to take such a perilous path any more. There was something much stronger keeping her here." The Priestess motioned over to the twin's cot. "Sacrifice may not seem logical to many, but it is written of throughout our history. That may have been the clearest path to Kara at one time, but not anymore. You changed everything."

"I've dreamt of her, like I am her, flying into that storm. I…I can't believe that could…"

"There is a strong bond between you two, that much is clear. Such a bond stretches to your children."

Lee held up his hand, "before you continue you should know that I don't believe in the Gods…"

The Priestess' smile did not falter. "But yet they will always believe in you, which is why they have entrusted you with one of their most precious gifts. Hasn't she always trusted in you, confided in you what she hides from everyone else?"

"You speak as if you know her."

"I have only met Kara twice in my life. The first time was when I prayed over your daughter."

"Then…how…?" he was willing himself not to believe in the fantastic.

"Exactly Lee Adama."

"Then what has happened to my wife?" he asked, his shoulders slumping.

"I do not know with any certainty. She may have resisted a very strong path. The weight of destiny pressing down is a powerful thing for a mortal mind to handle. As long as we are here it was continue to press down."

"So what is her destiny?"

The Priestess stroked a hand through Kara's hair again, "only she can answer that."

"Right," replied Lee. "One more question."

"Only one?"

Lee ignored her jibe and walked over to the twin's crib. He picked up their painting and took it to her. "What's this?"

The Priestess looked at it closely, "it looks like the Eye of Jupiter."

"The what?"

"It is an ancient symbol, believed to be a marker upon the route to Earth."

Lee felt his heart start to quicken. This was all too much for him. The realisation of what everything meant was starting to dawn upon him. He believed, knew, that Kara was destined to find Earth and this was the proof. Flying into that gas planet had been part of that journey, but Kara had chosen a different path because of them.

He guessed the Priestess was trying to tell him that they needed to jump away from the gas planet and to continue the journey to the nebula.

Convincing Fisk was going to be the difficult part.

oooo

The light was beautiful, surrounding her like a protective blanket. She wasn't dead, that much she knew. But where she was, she had no idea.

On the periphery of Kara's mind she could feel Lee's presence. He was her guide home, always there, her anchor to life.

As long as he was there with their children then there was no way she would pass over to the other side.