A Complete Turnaround
Rated; M
Pairing; HiccupXAstrid
Disclaimer; I do not own anything HTTYD related. Everything belongs to its original creator.
Discovered Dilemma
=Astrid's POV=
{Friday, April 22, 2022-6:30 pm}
(Berk; Haddock Manor)
It's officially been two weeks since Hiccup woke up from his six-day coma, but three weeks since the battle with Red Death where Hiccup defeated the beast and lost his left leg around the shin area. I suppose that it wasn't really his leg because Hiccup still has his thigh, knee, and part of his shin. I'd say Hiccup lost his foot in my opinion, but I'm not a medical professional. Doctor Matheson keeps saying leg, so that's what we leave it at. Hiccup would be able to start physical therapy with a prosthetic next week as long as the doctor gave the okay that Hiccup's leg was healed and ready to move forward in the process. Hiccup has recovered his memories of the last six months, thankfully. It happened by the end of the week after Hiccup was released from the hospital, so by April 15th; it had all come forward. I guess attending school and being home helped bring everything back. I was happy he remembered everything, but I knew Hiccup was miserable about the final outcome of the fight with Red Death, and who could blame the guy? I certainly couldn't and wouldn't.
Returning to Archian Preparatory on Monday the 11th of April had been interesting. Hiccup and I arrived on Stormfly together, then made our way inside the school. It's my job to stay with him at all times unless Hiccup is using the bathroom. For that, one of Hiccup's male friends would walk with him; it would be whoever was in that period with us. If it happened during a class switch; I would just stand outside the restrooms against the wall. I could tell Hiccup was getting annoyed with everyone always looking at him, but he kept his mouth shut and went about his day. Hiccup was using crutches to get around, and we'd leave five minutes before the bell to get to the next period before the halls became crowded. Hiccup is being seen once a week for checkups on his recovery, and also an appointment three times a week for working with the leg to strengthen it to try a prosthetic out. Hiccup is still teaching Dragon Training, but Dagur is the one to use Shattermaster to give the physical example of what we have to do; Hiccup talks, but can't ride since Toothless's rig is still out of commission.
I wasn't sure what Hiccup would do about that; he'd mentioned rebuilding in but would need a lot of materials. However, Stoick and Valka wanted Hiccup to take it easy for another week until Dr. Matheson gave Hiccup the all clear of being healed with his nub. But until Hiccup can fly Toothless again; we take Stormfly to and from school since the Jeep is gone thanks to the accident I was in not too long ago. Hiccup and I aren't working anymore; he can't, and I'm not supposed to be away from him for my own protection. Also, Hiccup was still giving Dragon Training lessons at his house on Friday nights, and it would be Saturdays and Sundays too. There was a lot of catching up to be done before Finals, which had now been announced for the week of the 16th in May. That wasn't too far off; then after Finals, it would be Prom and Graduation. I do my best to help Hiccup, but Hiccup has been trying to adjust on his own; he doesn't take help unless he absolutely needs it. Hiccup showers, takes care of Runa, gets around, and tries to do everything he used to do. The most Hiccup lets me do is hold Runa while he does something, or sometimes just grab him something from across the room after he's sitting.
Things have been hard for Hiccup, and I can tell he's not as happy as he was before the battle. We may have Dragon Training Friday, Saturday, and Sunday, but Hiccup won't hold his weekly sleepovers anymore. We hang out until about 7:30-8 pm; then everyone leaves because Hiccup is tired and looks bored. I know he's upset about his new limitations, but Hiccup losing his leg came from saving his home; the entire island. I guess Hiccup doesn't see it the way everyone else does. Reporters from news and daily papers have been trying to get a statement from Hiccup, but he refuses to talk to them and has asked his family and us to keep quiet as well. Of course, we respect his wishes. I assume that Hiccup isn't ready to talk about it publically yet. Also, Hiccup sees a psychiatrist once a week too; Dr. Matheson reported that Hiccup seemed to be doing well in the sessions. Hiccup didn't mention anything regarding what was talked about, but we all felt that it was Hiccup trying to deal with the trauma of losing his foot.
Still, I felt like there was more going on and I wanted to know what, so that way I could try to help. Hiccup has done a lot for me, and I owe the guy my life on more than one account. I like Hiccup a lot, and I wanted to tell him, but I knew my timing couldn't be worse as we both had a lot going on right now. I was still a target, though, attacks on me seemed to have ceased for the time being. And Hiccup was dealing with his loss of limb, while likely still mourning Olivia who passed away a few weeks before my parents were killed. I planned to talk to Hiccup tonight, but I forgot it was a Friday, so we've finished Dragon Training and just had dinner with Hiccup's parents and Godfather. Runa is with her grandparents and uncle on Olivia's side of the family for the weekend; Hiccup would get her back on Sunday afternoon. Our friends were over, but as expected; Hiccup just wasn't into doing much. I see him now, across the dinner table eating silently and not looking up or joining in the conversations.
"Are you excited for next week, son?" Stoick asked. Hiccup didn't answer.
"Laddie?" Gobber tried. "Are ya listening?" he tried, nudging Hiccup in the arm a bit. Hiccup flinched a bit and lifted his eyes up slightly, but not much.
"Your father asked if you're excited for next week?" Valka inquired with a soft smile.
"What is there to be excited about?" Hiccup asked before taking another bite.
"You get to start using a prosthetic," Gobber reminded.
"No, I get to sit in a physical therapy office and try to walk with one or many different prototypes, then if there is one that works well; they'll go through the motions of ordering one specifically to fit me just right. It's still a process that has yet to end…" Hiccup muttered.
"But it's still a step towards finishing everything," Heather tried.
"Yeah. Things will go back to normal soon; it just takes-," Camicazi started, but Hiccup closed his eyes as he pushed away from the table and grabbed the crutches that were lying on the floor beside him. Seconds later, he was making his way towards the exit of the dining room.
"You just don't get it. There is no going back, okay? My leg is gone, and no amount of robotic, metal-made prosthetics are going to make things normal again. No amount of doctors and psychiatry appointments are going to turn back the clock to what it was before. This is the outcome for what I did a few weeks ago. The choices you make every day shape your future, and my choices caused things to change mine. I'm not saying I regret what I did, but everything regarding my life…Is different now, and that is something I have to live with. Please excuse me," Hiccup disappeared from sight. The diners in the room let out a collective sigh knowing that Hiccup was now in his 'I'd like to be left alone' mood.
"It's probably going to be like this for a while, lads and lasses," Gobber stated. "It's nothing against any of you,"
"We know that Hiccup is dealing with some stuff," Fishlegs mentions.
"It's more than some," Valka informed. "Recalling six months of memories, waking up after a six-day coma, working through appointments for the checkups, trauma from the battle, losing his leg, and the physical therapy to walk without crutches," she added. "It's quite a bit to deal with in a such a short time,"
"We know, Mrs. Haddock, but we want to help him…It just seems like he shuts down instead of opening up," Snotlout remarked. "And that's not like Hiccup,"
"Well, some events can change things, kids," Stoick said. "What Hiccup went through, as Valka explained, was by no means easy. What Hiccup did was fearless, courageous, brave even…But it was dangerous, and Hiccup did not escape unscathed. As I recall; the only thing Hiccup can't seem to remember is how he lost his leg. It seems he does know, but things are still blurred. The doctor explained that it might reveal once he's recovered physically and mentally,"
"What do you mean?" Nadia wondered.
"What Hiccup went through was traumatic, and right now; he's still coping with the things he couldn't remember. And if he does know what happened to him to lose his leg; his mind is…blurring the event because so much is going on. Like a victim working through…Rape, shall we say; it has to be approached in sections. You figure that Hiccup has to feel all of that what was lost for a brief period again. And still, work through Olivia's death as it was something he had to deal with before the battle. Basically, like a military person suffering PTSD and having to cope with things; Hiccup has to do the same, going through everything that's affecting him, which is why he's not rejecting the psychiatry appointments," Gobber explained.
"Because he knows how much it hurts him and he wants help to feel better?" Tuffnut questioned.
"Exactly. I feel that once he gets through everything before the accident; what happened to him will come forward and that will be a large hurdle he has to overcome," Stoick nodded.
"Well, we're here for him," Ruffnut informed. "Whatever he needs,"
However, I wasn't sold on their explanation. Hiccup didn't seem confused and trying to remember something that happened; he was too miserable like he did know what happened. Something that Hiccup said before leaving the room made me think that. Hiccup said that the choices you make define your future and his choice to battle Red Death changed his, and now everything about his life is different; that he has to live with that. What was in Hiccup's future that altered drastically? Hiccup could do everything he could before, couldn't he? Well, not right now because he didn't have a prosthetic fitted for him, but soon he would? I've seen amputee patients move around as if nothing changed. So what did Hiccup mean?
"Is Hiccup going to go back to Archia Burger?" Eret wondered.
"I don't know what he plans to do now," Valka replied. "Hiccup doesn't appear to want to talk about it,"
That's when it hit me like a pile of rocks. Hiccup's plans! Gods, how did I not realize it sooner?! My eyes widened, and my mouth dropped open a bit. I got up from my seat and made my way upstairs to locate Hiccup. I'm sure the others wanted to know what this was all about, but I had a theory, and I needed to know if I was right. If I was; I knew Hiccup needed comfort. I hoped this would go well.
. . .
{7 pm}
(Haddock Manor; Hiccup's Room)
I reached Hiccup's room and took a breath. I knocked three times and stepped back.
"Who is it?" I heard Hiccup inquire quietly.
"Your best human friend," I replied gently.
"Hi, Astrid…" Hiccup replied through the door.
"Hey…Can I come in?" I wondered.
"Sure…" Hiccup trailed off as I opened the door and walked inside to find Hiccup sitting on his bed with some papers scattered around him. Pamphlets about the military; jobs, tests, joining process. I saw forms that Hiccup had already filled out and pre-dated for after high school graduation, which right now was set for Saturday, June 18th, 2022 at the Archian Preparatory central Soccer field. Seeing all these things out; I knew I was right on what was bothering Hiccup. "They sent you to check on me?"
"No; I just thought you could use a friend," I smiled. "Are you alright?"
"I've always accepted everything as it happened, Astrid; whether I liked or approved of it. I'm not a guy who complains or fights the things that come my way. But this…" Hiccup motioned to the things around him. "It's the one thing I've always wanted and been sure of for years. No doubts, no hesitations…I've dreamed of joining the Archia Isle Armed Forces and becoming a member of the Army…This was the job I wanted for my future…And now it's gone…And I can't accept it…" Hiccup closed his eyes. "So to answer your question…No. No, I'm not alright…"
"Is this what you meant earlier downstairs? That your choices define your future, and yours has changed?" I decided to ask.
"It's the truth, Ast. Every choice made has an effect on something else…I've always weighed my options in careers, thought carefully about my decisions before making them…I don't regret the battle with Red Death; I know what I did saved dragons and humans…But that choice cost me my chance to join the army…" Hiccup explained. "I was so ready to do it. I did my research, talked to the right people, stayed in perfect condition to do all the physical fitness, studied for the tests to ensure I got the position I wanted in the military…I got all this stuff filled out as soon as I turned eighteen, pre-dated it too…Ready to hand it over a little after graduation…" Hiccup continued softly, sadly and it broke my heart.
"Hiccup…" I whispered. I truly felt like he was about to cry.
=Normal POV=
Out of curiosity, the diners downstairs hurried after Astrid and snuck into the Sitting Room of Hiccup's bedroom while quietly, and carefully listening to what Hiccup and Astrid were talking about; hoping to get a glimpse into why Astrid darted upstairs suddenly. However, what they heard is something they didn't expect.
"And now all I'm going to get to do is throw it away, and continue to watch from the sidelines as I did as a kid when Uncle Gobber marched the parades, came home from tours of duty like the hero he is for fighting for our home. It's all I ever wanted…To be like him and all the others heroes. I can watch all those men and women serve their home, protect the people they love most…" Hiccup choked up a little as I saw him shaking a bit. Astrid quickly moved in to hug him. "But I'll never get to be one of them…I was so close, Astrid. So close I could taste, see, feel, smell, hear everything about that lifestyle. But now…No. It's just gone. I'll always just be another civilian; but never a soldier. Never a hero…"
And much to everyone's surprise, Hiccup lowered his head until his forehead was on Astrid's shoulder and started crying. Astrid wrapped her arms around Hiccup tightly and let him cry on her. Now, not everyone heard the whole conversation, but it was clear why Hiccup was so distracted and miserable lately. Hiccup realized that he couldn't join the military anymore, and it was hurting him pretty badly for him to break down and cry on Astrid, who appeared to have figured out before running upstairs what might be wrong. The only thing left to figure out with more time was if Hiccup knew what happened to him or had it really been just a freak accident from the battle.
