Year 3 - Too Short to Ride

[The episode begins with Me walking down the beach with Amethyst]

Me: And you won't believe the bill we got!

Amethyst: Man! I still can't believe Greg's rich now.

Me: Yeah, but the weird thing is he's not spendin' them all. You know what I'd do if some guy gave me ten thousand dollars?

Amethyst: What?

Me: I'd buy a huge mansion, a helicopter, and my own pet tiger.

Amethyst: Cool.

Me: Yeah. (We approach the temple, we enter inside) Steven! P-dot! Que pasa?

Amethyst: You guys look like you're having fun.

Peridot: Oh, Marble, Amethyst. (Shows her innovation: A tablet attached to her arm) What do you think?

Amethyst: You look like a square.

Peridot: It's a rectangle.

Me: That's an upgrade.

Amethyst: Heh, nice. Anyway, you guys ready to go or what?

Steven: Yeah. Marble, Amethyst and I were gonna go hang out, and we wanted you to come, too.

Peridot: Hang out? Oh, yeah. That's a friend thing to do. So, where are we hanging out, friends?

Amethyst: You'll see.

[Transition scene to "Beach City Funland".]

Steven: Ta-da! Welcome to Funland!

Peridot: You brought us to a sign!

Amethyst: Nah, nah. You got to go inside.

(Steven, Amethyst, Peridot and I watch a roller coaster ride by with people screaming.)

Peridot: [Chuckles] A speed pattern transportation circuit.

Steven: And a roller coaster.

Amethyst: You've got to do the most fun thing in Funland first.

Peridot: Hmm. Bold. Let's follow this logic! (We all run to the Appalachian ride as a bell dings in the background.)

Steven: Four, please.

Mr. Smiley: Sure. We got some new rules, first. We all get our heights measured to see if we are eligible to ride the Appalachian.)

Me: I'm tall enough to ride. Naturally.

Steven: (he's not tall enough) Uh...

Amethyst: (she's not tall enough) Uck.

(Peridot stands by it and smiles widely. Mr. Smiley questions Peridot's real height from her hair, so he pushes it down to see her real height, which aggravated Peridot, who grunts from his touch and growls in response flailing their arms)

Mr. Smiley: Ha-ha! Sorry, guys. Looks like the majority of this squad has some growing to do before they can ride.

Peridot: I do not have to grow. This height is indicative of my rarity and importance. I demand entry, you clod!

Mr. Smiley: [Clears throat] You kids want another lifetime ban?

Steven: No thanks, Mr. Smiley. (drags Peridot away)

Me: Sorry, Smiles. Can't ride without my crew.

Amethyst: Shorty Squad out. (We all leave the area with the Appalachian.) Well, that stinks.

Steven: [Sigh] We'll just have to maintain a healthy lifestyle in hopes we grow before the end of the season.

Me: Pfft! Who's got time for that?

Amethyst: (slaps forehead) Ugh. Of course. Let's just grow. (Amethyst grows via shape-shifting.)

Steven: [Gasps] Shape-shifting! (Steven shape-shifts his legs to grow longer. Peridot attempts transformation.)

Peridot: Hmm. [Grunting and sweating]

Steven: Uh, Peridot?

Peridot: [Stops grunting and breathes heavily.] Uh, I... I must be a little rusty. Why don't the three of you just go?

Steven: Aw, what?

Peridot: What?

Amethyst: You sure?

Peridot: Sure I'm sure. I can just look up what a roller coaster feels like. Just hurry up and go so you can hurry up and come back.

(Steven, Amethyst, and I pass the measurement test and are eligible to ride the Appalachian. We had a lot of fun as Peridot watched

Amethyst: S-s-s-s-s-s-so good!

Me: (Dizzy) Hah! I could go another round on that bad boy!

Steven: What next? What next?

Peridot: Yes. What next that doesn't have a height restriction?

Amethyst: Uh, there! (We arrive at the House of Mirrors. Amethyst is messing around with the mirrors already.) Ooh. [Giggles] (Steven and Amethyst and I laugh at our own reflections from shape-shifting. Peridot is the exception.) Wow, Marble. Did you lose weight? (I shape-shifted myself to look skinny and squggly)

Me: (laughs) Oh, you tease! (Soon, we exit the House of Mirrors for another area to travel to.)

Amethyst: Ha, this place is fun.

Steven: Yeah. It totally does live up to its name. (Peridot googles "am I having fun?" which pops up the definition widget for "fun." Peridot sighs at this)

Amethyst: Let's see who can eat the most chili dogs before we go on the Tilt-a-Whirl.

Me: I'm there! (Peridot stops at "RING SOME LOSE SOME" attentive to one of the alien figures one can win.)

Peridot: [Gasps] Steven, Marble, Amethyst! Look at this being. Its large head, swollen with thoughts! Those compassionate eyes, it understands. I need it. Now!

Steven: Peridot, that's a prize. You have to win it first.

Me: Careful, Peri. These guys are known to rig games like these. (Peridot Googles "rig")

Peridot: They're making a boat?

Me: (giggles) I like her. She's silly. (Steven rings the bell which calls Mr. Smiley to the stand.)

Mr. Smiley: (Runs to the stand, breathes heavily, and grunts when climbing the table into the stand.] Hey there, Steven.

Steven: Mr. Smiley, you're working the ring toss, too?

Mr. Smiley: Yeah. You can say we're a little "fun-derstaffed."

Steven: [Chuckles] I get it.

Mr. Smiley: I'm glad you're seeing the humor in it, Steven, because I haven't seen a bed in six days!

Steven: Oh. (Chuckles nervously. Peridot grabs a ring and throws it at the bottles, but misses and hits something else.)

Peridot: I win!

Steven: Um, well...

Amethyst: You have to land the rings first, broski. Shorty Squad throw! (We all throw rings at the bottles to get one to score, to no avail, and to Mr. Smiley's growing boredom.) Okay, last chance. We got this. (We all throw each ring in unison, which all miss to Mr. Smiley's pleasure from the trio's displeasure. We groan)

Amethyst: This biz is rigged!

Me: Told ya.

Peridot: I didn't save Earth for this.

Steven: Sorry, Peridot.

Amethyst: Hmm. No. We're gonna get you that prize.

Amethyst: (looks behind her) Oh. Hey, Mr. Smiley. Is that Onion trying to light the roller coaster on fire?

Mr. Smiley: I'm not falling for that one again. Oh! (Screams are heard in the distance which grabs Mr. Smiley's attention. The camera zooms to Onion who is holding two cotton candy cones on fire next to the Appalachian.) No! I'm still paying off the last lawsuit!

Amethyst: Heh, good old Onion. (Amethyst extends her arm to drop the ring on the bottlenecks successfully.)

Mr. Smiley: All this running around. I'm not even in a union.

Me: Oh, Mr. S. While you were gone, Peri got a ring.

Peridot: I did?

Amethyst: (whispers) We're lying.

Peridot: [Sweating.] Oh, uh, yes, I did land the ring. I also do not steal Steven's clothes when he's not looking.

Steven: What?

Me: I'm gonna pretend that's a not a lie.

Mr. Smiley: Huh. Would you look at that? And I thought this thing was rigged. Here you go, kid. (Peridot opens her arms for a big alien figure, but Harold gives her an alien figure the size of her index finger.) It's a little sister. [Laughs]

Peridot: Um, excuse me, but you're wrong. I'm supposed to win that one.

Mr. Smiley: You mean the big guy? Sorry. That one's 10 rings. (Peridot is upset from this explanation.)

(Peridot is upset from this explanation. She continues to wear it, however, as it is seen worn when Peridot tries to click away from a "find roommates" ad on her tablet. Amethyst is eating a triple corndog stick combo in the meantime.)

Advertisement on the Tablet: Find cute roommates in your area.

Peridot: I'm all set, thanks.

Steven: That toy you won is really cool, Peridot.

Peridot: You mean that Amethyst won with shape-shifting? Maybe they should call it shape-shift land because it's a land where you go to shape-shift.

Amethyst: What's wrong with shape-shifting, bro?

Peridot: You mean besides being an insult to your intended form?

Me: Here we go again, with your Homeworld mannerisms.

Amethyst: ...Okay, what's really wrong with it?

Peridot: I can't do it... at all.

Steven: Well, we can help you try.

Peridot: What?

Steven: I didn't ever think I could use my powers, either, but then the Gems helped me out. We can help you, too.

Amethyst: Yeah, man. [Munches the rest of the corndogs.] Mmm! We'll give you the shape-shifting lowdown. (Amethyst gives Peridot a noogie.) Shorty Squad style.

[Transition scene to the beach.]

(Steven, Amethyst, and I perform various shape-shifting preparations before undergoing transformation.)

Me: Now, If i can remember correctly: Gems can change parts of their bodies. How about we try something simple like... your tongue. (I extend my tongue, Steven does the same, Amethyst extends her tongue longer than both Steven's and mine) Now you try. (Peridot tries to extend her tounge too, but failed) Hm. Okay, let's try something else. [snaps fingers] I know! How about animals? (Amethyst turns into a cat, I turn into a poodle, and Steven makes a cat finger which quickly startles him. Peridot uses her tablet to send "cheeps," chuckling in the process.) Maybe, you're more into inanimate objects. (Amethyst turns into a ball and Steven extends his arms to catch Amethyst. Steven throws Amethyst onto the ground to make her bounce at Peridot. Peridot fails to catch Amethyst and gets a direct hit in the face which leaves her laying on the ground face first.) You okay?

Peridot: Yes... I'm fine.

Amethyst: Uh, okay. Maybe we just have to activate it manually. You grab her feet. I'll grab the arms.

Steven: Okay. (Steven grabbed Peridot's legs as Amethyst and I grab Peridot's arms)

Amethyst: Ready? Pull. (We all grunt in unison. Peridot is in pain from the pulling.)

Peridot: Ow. Ow.

Steven: Is it working?

Peridot: Ow.

Amethyst: I think so.

Peridot: Ow.

Amethyst: Pull harder! (we pull harder)

Peridot: Ow. Ow.

Me: Come on! Put your backs into it!

Peridot: Owwwwwwwwwww!

Amethyst: Ready? Pull. (We all grunt in unison. Peridot is in pain from the pulling.)

Peridot: Ow. Ow.

Steven: Is it working?

Peridot: Ow.

Amethyst: I think so.

Peridot: Ow.

Amethyst: Pull harder! (we pull harder)

Peridot: Ow. Ow.

Me: Hmm. Perhaps shapeshifting not your strong suits. Let's try something else..

[Cut to me bringing four practice dummies]

Me: Gems can summon their weapons to defend themselves against any danger. (Amethyst summons her whip and ropes in her dummy, I summon my axe and chop mine in half, and Steven summons his shield and throws it at his dummy) Now, you. (brief silence) What's wrong?

Peridot: How am I expected to use my weapon when my limb enhancers are FLOATING IN THE MIDDLE OF THE OCEAN!?

Me: Oh, yeah. Forgot about that... Well, I'm out of ideas. (Peridot walks to the shore of the beach.)

Peridot: My lack of skill is an objective fact. I'm an Era-2 Peridot. I am new. Resources are dwindling on Homeworld. They can't make Gems like they used to. That's why they give Era-2 Peridots technological enhancements because we... don't have powers.

Amethyst: Per, I'mma be really real with you for a sec. This whole time we've been here, you've just been focusing on what you can't do. Of course you're not having any fun. You think that all you are is who you could be, but we don't hang out with you because of who you could be. We like you.

Me: yeah. Besides, so what if you can't shapeshift. You've done plenty of impressive stuff; we built the drill and stopped the Cluster; heck, you managed to avoid us for who know how long. And not to mention the way you stood up to your diamond! (Peridot ignores Amethyst and me and continues using her tablet.)

Amethyst: I know you just heard us. (Peridot continues the act. Showing frustration, she types fourteen "CLODS" to cheep.) Stop playing with that thing. Ugh. Gimme that! (grabs it from Peridot but she holds on)

Peridot: No!

Me: Keep away from Peridot! (Amethyst throws tha tablet to me and I throw it back to her, and made sure Peridot could not catch it)

Peridot: Give that back!

Amethyst: No! You don't need it!

Peridot: You don't know that! (Peridot grabs the tablet)

Amethyst: Yes... I... Do! (Amethyst pries it from Peridot's grasp)

Peridot: Wait! Wait, wait, wait, wai-w-w-w-wait! (Amethyst throws the tablet to the ocean.) NO! IT'S ALL THAT I AM! (Peridot reaches out and pauses for a second, then notices she is conducting the tablet in mid-air.)

Me: Whoa... Did you just do that with your mind?

Steven: Peridot. Metal powers!

Amethyst: ... Dude. (Peridot giggles and gestures the tablet to come back to her as Steven talks about the possible scenarios for Peridot's "metal powers.")

Steven: Do you know what this means? You can open really tight jars. You can remove staples without a staple remover. You can open doors without having to touch them after you wash your hands.

Peridot: No! I know exactly what I can do.

[Transition scene to the "RING SOME LOSE SOME" game in Funland.]

(Peridot uses her "metal powers" while Harold is sleeping to levitate and drop the ten rings onto the bottlenecks and win the "big alien.")

Peridot: 10! That's 10!

Mr. Smiley: Wah! That's 10, alright! Well, I guess you won fair and square, or fair and triangle. [Laughs] Because your head looks like a triangle.

Me: Get some sleep, man.

Mr. Smiley: Here you go, kid. (Peridot and the big alien slide to each other. Peridot, with open arms, hugs the rewarded toy for a job well done.)

Steven: Hehe, You did it, Peridot.

Me: Now you got a little friend!

Amethyst: Give it up for Pea-Pod! (four blackout stars zoom in on us)

Peridot: No, give it up for the Shorty Squad. [iris out]

[END]