Chapter 52: Tatooine: My Ghosts Are Gaining On Me….
~Kreia~
Perhaps the droid found me or I found the droid. It really did not matter, it had been sent out to find help and it found me. I could feel her, my padawan. Yet, she felt different. I had heard what the Jedi had done to her. They had ruined her. My anger was at full measure. I had been cast out from the Order. They blamed and sentenced me for the transgressions of my student. I spent the time wandering the galaxy, the exile's path. I chose Tatooine as a place to center myself and to follow the path of my padawan.
I hated the droid, damn machines! Why did Revan spend so much time with them? Perhaps she inwardly distrusted others and relied on the company of droids. They were loyal to their masters and did not betray them, unlike Revan's apprentice. The droid led me to the Sand People's camp and I entered in. Ahh….the scent of slaughter and blood was strong here. The corpses of the Sand People were cut with a lightsaber blade and burned with electricity. There was no doubt whose handiwork this was.
As I drew closer to Revan's side, I found her unconscious in blood and vomit. I chuckled lightly; what an amusing way to find one's old student! She was incredibly vulnerable at this moment in time. The twi'lek looked at me and I said firmly calling on the Force, "Your companions are in Anchorhead, I saw them leave this encampment. You should join them. Once you leave you will forget me."
The twi'lek was susceptible to Force compulsion nodded and left. The droid barked out at me, Cautionary: Harm the master in anyway...and I shall blast you."
I raised my hand and using the Force I overloaded the droids circuity and the droid cried out, Warning: Systems failing master….
The droid fell to the ground deactivated. Finally. Annoying machine. I sighed and gently stroked the hair of my padawan. Revan, as a young child, had been assigned to me. She had been in my guidance and care first as an apprentice and then as a padawan, We had a connection of student and master. It was a rarity to be appointed to a student at such a young age Yet, I had convinced the council that I wished such an arrangement and at the time they had agreed to it. I had been drawn to Revan. I had felt her power, her potential, her destiny. She was such a remarkable student. Perhaps I was too attached to her, and being attached that deeply was a weakness. Yet, she was the only student that I felt strongly attached to, I felt like a mother to her. She was my greatest pupil. Why did the Jedi blame me for her fall? She had told me at one point in her training that I had taught her all I could and went to other masters to learn. Weren't their teachings just as bad? Why didn't they blame that fool Zhar? He trained her as well as Vandar, Vrook….the fools. No, it was blame me, sentence me.
Revan opened her eyes, as she revived and she groaned. "HK…..HK…."
"Your droid tried to attack me. I had to deactivate it."
She licked her lips. "That had to be interesting….I seriously doubt HK would have liked that."
"The machine did not….it will be fine. I am sure you can repair it. It requested my assistance for you and I am here."
She slowly tried to gather herself up but she struggled.
"Take it easy, padawan….ummm,,,"
"My name is Phoenix…..Phoenix Star."
I sighed. So that was the name they had given my student. It made me angry and sad all in the same breath. I debated whether or not to reveal to my student her true identity and then decided it did not serve me or the Force to tell her the truth. She had a destiny to fulfill as Phoenix Star, perhaps when the time was right I would acknowledge her as my padawan and declare her as Revan. However, she needed to prove that she was worthy of who she was. At the moment she had not proven herself worthy of her true heritage. So right now I would act like a stranger around her.
She paused. "You called me padawan….are you? Are you a Jedi?"
"I once clung to such a title, child. Yet….the title Jedi does me very little justice anymore."
She looked at me and she said softly, "You seem oddly familiar to me, there is something….I feel like I should….I can't explain it….I feel comfortable in your presence….yet I...I don't recall meeting you before. You're Echani, aren't you?" She paused and then coughed a bit of a laugh. "No offense….but I haven't exactly have had much luck with Echani lately. Last Echani I met, wanted to drag me back to Malak and Admiral Karath. I sincerely hope you don't have similar designs. I am not really in a position to fight you."
Revan couldn't hide from her past or her history forever. It had seemed that Revan's apprentice and the Sith Admiral had aims on capturing her. I shook my head. "I have no desires to fight you, padawan and if I did...I would have attacked you much sooner."
She said nothing.
The thought she felt comfortable in my presence made me wonder, could it be that she still had traces of her old memory? Perhaps that bond we had as master and padawan still vaguely remained. Yes, I felt the traces of it. It was broken but there were vestiges of it left, it was like the threads of broken cords. I could feel them fragmented but still around. "I suppose in your travels you have meet many, many people, Padawan. Faces and those you meet slowly all blend together till they blur."
She nodded. "I suppose." She tried to rise and she fell over. "I feel….dizzy, weak..."
"Ahh….you have burned some of your life force. You will recover, in time. Come with me, padawan….you need to rest, to eat, and you may wish to find some better clothing to wear, as well as attempt to clean up. I have shelter."
She nodded. I extended a hand to Revan and she took it and leaned on me. "You claim you're not a Jedi….you're not a Sith….are you? Are you….trying to convert me?" She suddenly laughed. "If you are this would be the first time a Sith sought to help me….well that's not true….there was that damn Echani….and he…."
I laughed and interrupted her comment. "Jedi, Sith….what is this preoccupation with such titles? You would do wise padawan to throw such titles and philosophies into a trash compactor. They are worthless, they make everything into absolutes. Think padawan….think or would you prefer I knock some sense in your worthless head?"
She frowned. "You wouldn't try and….beat me would you? Or use Force lighting on me would you?"
I raised an eyebrow, she remembered something I had done to her or perhaps something she had done.
"Beat you? Use Force Lighting….well that would depend on the situation, padawan."
She looked contemplative for a moment. "You're Revan's Master aren't you? You're Master Kae."
"What assumption are you basing that on?"
"A wild guess….based on….my own personal observations."
I mused quietly. Memories. She remembered something.
"I see….Master Kae is dead though…. she went to war with Revan and died during the war. As for Kreia….well….that is a name I know only too well."
Revan furrowed her brow. "No matter what you call yourself. You are Revan's master...well...it seems the dreams I have of Revan….well he….had a habit of beating lessons into his apprentice."
I suddenly laughed, was that what the Jedi had told her that her memories were visions and dreams? I shook my head. "I am not the only Master who believes in physical discipline to reinforce lessons, padawan. I am just the only one among the Jedi who believed that such ways were considered a valid way to reinforce all the lessons I taught. Revan learned that pain was something not to be feared but to be overcome. True, I was a bit unorthodox, but….it served Revan well. She learned her lessons well from me. More often than not…she learned quickly enough that such discipline was not needed. Others not so much."
Revan's jaw dropped. "But I was told Revan was a man…."
"Don't be absurd….that was what Revan wanted everyone to believe. She had her reasons but the Jedi were so ashamed of her, they disavowed her and her memory."
"You mean the Jedi let Revan claim that she was a man. For the Force why?"
"Who can understand the minds of the Jedi, they are just as obscure as the Sith at times. Perhaps it was easier for the Jedi to accept Revan as a woman when she was a Jedi, and as a man when she was a Sith. Perhaps this division of her past made it easier….for them to comprehend her fall or to deny her existence completely."
Revan seemed troubled over the information that I had given her. She wanted to say more to me but she looked troubled and concerned. She muttered something darkly under her breath about being lied to once more by those she care for.
I said nothing. Revan needed to piece together the puzzles of her own existence slowly on her own. I would not be a proper master if I gave her the truth all at once. I only hoped she figured it out on her own, rather than have her enemies give it to her. Such a reveal of knowledge could mentally and physically scar her. Yet, I knew my student, she was resilient, she would draw her strength from the Force and become stronger from such things occurred.
Revan looked at me. "What are you doing here on Tatooine?"
"I am tracing the footsteps of my student… Revan. Are you not doing the same?"
She paused. "Yes….I suppose I am. We should help each other, Master…Kreia."
I sighed. "I would but I would prefer to work with just you and just you alone, child. I dislike working with others. You did not come alone. If you come to see me again, child. I would rather it be you and you alone. No others."
I hated that damn padawan, Bastila Shan, she was a tool of the Jedi Council. She had played a part in warping my poor student's mind. It was bad enough talking to Revan and for her not even to realize who I was to her or who she was. However, what really gained my ire was that my padawan had encumbered herself with Bastila. Yet, I had heard that it wasn't really my student's fault. She would have been dead if it hadn't been for Bastila. No….I couldn't tie myself up fully with Revan, at least not at the moment.
I motioned around the room. "What business did you have with the Sand People? And what pray tell did they do to deserve your ire?"
~Phoenix~
I got the impression that this old woman was hiding something from me. What that was I was not sure. She did not seem completely truthful with me. In fact she was downright slippery and seemed illusive in spirit. She reminded me of the spirit of Revan that possessed me. He….no….as I had found out, Revan, was a she, and she had made a habit at first to be just as illusive within my mind. It made sense that this woman was Revan's master. Yet I was too tired and weak to determine whether or not this woman in Jedi robes was a Jedi or a Sith. Maybe she was neither. I sighed, talking with her took a lot of energy out of me. I needed rest. Yet, I couldn't help but talk to her. I was convinced she had knowledge that would help me. I leaned on her, for an old woman she seemed rather strong.
"What business did you have with the Sand People? And what pray-tell did they do to deserve your ire?"
"They hurt someone I love and care for. I acted in her behalf. She doesn't have the strength of will like I do."
Kreia suddenly laughed. "Strength of will! ….and yet you've worn yourself out, padawan. If I was Malak or an enemy of yours I could have killed you or captured you."
I grunted acknowledging the truth of her words. "Yea and she lied to me...about...well about Revan being a man."
Kreia nodded. "You need to be much more mindful of those you travel with and their agendas."
"Agendas….since when does….Bastila have an agenda? I love her….and she loves me."
Kreia shook her head. "Really padawan! Everyone has an agenda, particularly her! But you should ask her about that on your own...and see. Besides what has love gotten you? You slaughtered the Sand People and did it all on a whim of passion! Do you honestly think she will reciprocate such a thing for you?"
"I don't want my acts reciprocated Master Kreia! I never intended my actions to be reciprocated. I intended it as an act of sacrifice. A true sacrifice, never asks to be reciprocated, I did it out of necessity. Any sacrifice may cause pain, but a Jedi's life is sacrifice. My own life, my own position means nothing to me. Bastila's suffering, that's what matters to me. I may have taken a misstep as a Jedi. I may have taken a step towards a fall but I can cope much better than she from a fall. My actions are noble because I am stronger than she is. She wanted to kill the Sand People. I couldn't allow that, she can't cope from the morality of such actions. I can. As for whatever agenda….she has….well you obviously have an agenda as well. Apparently you are trying to pit me against my friend and friends...I don't know what your ploy is, Master Kreia….but….stop it."
My outburst suddenly made me feel dizzy, I suddenly plopped to the ground. The Tatooine heat was not helping me either.
Kreia calmly managed to pick me up, she shook her head and said,"I see, padawan…and you are right to assume that I too have an agenda. However, how do you know my agenda is not in your best interests rather than the agenda of Bastila Shan? You would be mindful to guard your emotions from her rather than let some sort of connection to her drive you. However, perhaps I underestimate you and your…unique situation. But I grow weary of this conversation, it's apparent you know everything and I know nothing. Typical of the arrogance of Jedi these days. I would expect better from you, child. Come….you need to rest. I can feel your exhaustion."
"Alright...hold on..."
I hobbled wearily but I recovered the holocron from Bastila's father and then on a whim I walked into another room and picked up the chieftain's gaffi and placed it in my pack, a strange trophy of my combat against the Sand People.
~Kreia~
In many respects Revan was not gone. Her spirit, her ideals were still very much within her. Perhaps I was wrong about her. Yet, her mind was still an obvious muddle. She still believed herself to be….someone called Phoenix Star. She obviously had no idea what the Jedi had done to her. I refused to call her that. I would call her padawan or child, I refused to dirty my tongue on that false name.
The conversation we had took a lot out of her. Her features had gone pale. She looked a bit sick. We loaded up her deactivated droid and I put her on one of the Sand People's banthas. She fell asleep on the animal. She slept completely oblivious. I sighed as I lead the bantha to the shelter I had taken refuge in. It had been ages since I had seen my first and my greatest student. I had followed her to war. I knew her path and yet, I had abandoned her when she truly needed me. I should not have gone back to the Jedi, after the war. I should have followed Revan to the further reaches of the rim. Perhaps I would have understood why she had chosen to become a Sith. The Jedi seemed to think I was to blame. Yet, I knew my student, she was perfectly capable of choosing her own actions with or without my advice. True, she came to me asking how to best leave the Jedi during the Mandalorian wars….
"Master Kae. I know I am not the first Jedi to rebel against the Order. But it's obvious the Jedi have grown blind to the fact of suffering in the rim. Tell me, you are the archivist for the Order. How did others leave? Is there any risk? Will they exile me for my actions?"
I looked at my old student. "The risk is yours, Revan. Going against the will of the Council and the Order, is a quick path to exile. But would you rather stay a Jedi Knight or let the rim burn in the fires of war?"
Revan sighed. "The answer is obvious to me, Master Kae. A Jedi's life is sacrifice. My own life, my own position means nothing to me. The suffering of others along the rim, that's what matters to me. I can no longer sit here on Coruscant or at the Enclave on Dantooine while others die."
"Then you must be prepared for the consequences, Revan. You will lose all respect, honor, and position within the Order. You will be considered a renegade Jedi. The Jedi will turn their backs on you. There will be many who will not understand you or your path. However, I suspect that the Republic will welcome you with open arms."
"I honestly don't care how the Jedi view me or the Republic either. I just know….I believe my choice is the right one. The Mandalorians are the greatest risk to the Republic since….well since Exar Kun. I am not afraid of my choices. I will take up the mantle of war….I will burn with my own light….the light of the Force. Since the Order lacks the conscience to act…. I will. I will sweep down….like fire upon the rim. I will be a firebird…. I will burn our enemies to ashes."
"I believe you will be successful in your crusade, Revan."
She smiled softly and then knelt before me. "Master Kae….I would be honored if you would join me in my crusade. Not as my master but as my friend."
I put a hand on my student's shoulder. "I accept your call to war, Revan. And I always considered you a friend….Revan. I may have been hard on you as a student….and hard on you as a child, but...you have learned my lessons well and you know that being a Jedi is more than just following the words of the Code. It requires so much more and those words are empty if it means sitting here doing nothing."
I looked at Revan as we arrived at my shelter. She slept away as though she was dead. Considering the fact that she had burned her own Life Force away it was a wonder she wasn't dead. I nudged her a bit. She groaned a bit. "Carth….just five more minutes…."
I rolled my eyes. Seriously, how many lovers did Revan have? When I knew Revan there was only Liam Mandrell. Those two were like fire with each other. It made sense though that those two would be close, as they were both Onderonian. I tried to discourage their relationship. I was convinced that their relationship was a relationship to piss off Malak. Malak continued to try and woo Revan but Revan kept rejecting him. It was obvious that Revan was not interested in her friend, Malak. She would try and be nice to Malak and say she wasn't interested but the Coruscanti Jedi Knight refused to take no for an answer. Finally, Liam drew up his lightsaber and told Malak to back off that Revan was his. Revan finally stood between the both of them and said that it was stupid to fight over her. She said she was not a prize to be won and stormed off. Both hormone driven men apologized and tried to avoid Revan. Yet, eventually Revan would return and twist Liam around her finger and those two would be quietly found in the Room of Thousand Fountains doing Force knows what. Then Malak would find out and….it would begin all over again.
I wondered what romantic entanglements Revan was in now. I knew she was involved with Bastila...but now she was apparently involved with Carth Onasi. Revan seriously needed to stop getting involved with everyone she developed feelings and friendships with.
I coughed. "I am not Carth….Padawan….."
Revan opened her eyes and turned beet red. "Err….yea….obviously…..plus Carth is much easier on the eyes than you."
I sighed, she hadn't changed one bit. She still had a rather perverse sense of humor at times. "I suspect you wish a bath first. Take it easy on the water. It's a difficult commodity out here."
"A bath….you mean like in a tub?"
I nodded. "Yes….the foul water will then be used to water crops. Nothing is wasted in the desert. I have some robes…."
She manged to get off the bantha and she entered my shelter. I quietly unloaded her droid and propped the thing in a corner. I wouldn't have even bothered with the damn thing, except apparently Revan seemed attached to the damn thing and would have been upset if Jawas ran off with it.
I laid out some robes for Revan some were Jedi robes, others were Dark Jedi robes. She frowned as she fingered the Dark Jedi robes "Where did you get these?"
"Ahh those….would you believe that Malak and those who serve him tried to recruit me?"
"I would say….Malak would be hard up trying to recruit an old fossil like you."
I chuckled lightly. "Old fossil, indeed. In my day, we were polite to elders. But it matters little. Malak knew I was Revan's teacher. His ire did not stop at….killing his master. He sought to kill me because I was associated with his master. I fought back against his slaves. The robes are what remains of them. He has stopped hunting me for the moment. You and your "friend" Bastila is what preoccupies his mind at present."
She grunted, "Yea….no kidding. At least there are a few less Dark Jedi in the galaxy because of you. I better take that bath. I think I can't stomach my own stench…."
"This way, padawan..." I pointed her to a room and she retreated to the room and I heard her sloshing around.
I sighed as I prepared a simple meal for her and myself. This shelter use to belong to a moisture farmer and his family but the Sand People had killed them. I had buried them and then took over the homestead and made it my shelter. It felt odd being back in the presence of my old student. It felt like old times and yet...it felt like I was in the presence of an absolute stranger. Revan seemed in so many ways similar and yet so very different.
Revan finally came out from her bath. She wore one of the Dark Jedi robes and I raised an eyebrow.
"Any particular reason why you are wearing those robes, padawan?"
She chuckled. "Yea, to peeve off Bastila. She's probably going to hit the roof when I come back wearing the robes of one of Malak's Dark Jedi."
Even that brand of humor struck me as something Revan would have done. "You should probably eat and then res..."
"Uhh no offense, Master Kreia...but I probably should get back to my friends. Knowing them they are probably worried and concerned about me. I can rest on the Ebon Hawk. But I'll eat something….the food dispenser on the Hawk leaves a lot to be desired."
"As you wish, child. Again….if you ever come on your own….without your friends. Please seek me out."
She nodded and then we sat down quietly as we ate a simple meal of bread and a simple porridge.
A/N: And I decided to bring in Kreia into this chapter because I wanted it to be someone else saving Phoenix/Revan's skin aside from it being the standard rescue from Carth, Bastila, etc because frankly having the standard rescue or help come from them has already happened. Besides, I wanted to add some KOTOR 2 elements so the two games sort of blend together. Besides it gives a unique perspective to have some background from someone who truly knew Revan and her past.
Title comes from Evanescence and their song, All The I am Living from. I guess using song titles is coming from Kosiah. Please read their fics. They are awesome. Also some please read Ether's fic, they are almost done with their Star Forge fic….but inspiration always comes when I read other people's fics so I will promote others fics as worthy reading material. :)
