Won't Be Back

Sam's p.o.v

I glanced at Carlo's feeling a heaviness in my heart as I thought about his sister my cousin Maria.

Maria was beautiful born to her momma my dad's sister my aunt Auna and her dad Manuel when they were barely teens themselves. Maria had pale choc skin with these huge brown eyes and she was blessed early on in life with her womanly curves she attracted all the boys.

Her parents struggled with money their whole lives her dad was a member of the Mexican Mafia who was in and out of jail, when he was drinking he became violent and would beat them all he had a temper and when he got angry he didn't think.

Maria was smart and she studied hard she dreamed of one day going to Mexico to live on the beach and become a social worker for kid's rights she wanted to help kids. She wanted to get them out of the life that we lived through. She was always trying to teach us kids that there was a better way then street life.

She always had boyfriends but she never went further then 2nd base she believed in saving herself for marriage. She was just like an angel in our family everyone was so proud of her even the ones who talked trash about her dreams being unrealistic secretly they were envious of her.

I looked up to her even though I didn't see a lot of her I loved her she was so sweet and so tough she taught me how to fight for my rights even if I was a girl she showed me the different ways of being tough.

Angel or not she knew how to fight she wasn't afraid to and she knew she had to take care of her family she was the oldest of 6 kids and when there was no money she did what she had to just to make sure her family was taken care of. She did time in juvie to but she always knew she would be better when she grew up.

She kept studying and kept going to school even when there was no money for food or rent she put on her private school uniform and walked the miles and miles to school. That's how smart she was she got accepted into a private school she encouraged us to Study that's why Mel got to where she did.

Her belief and determination got her a scholarship to one of the top colleges some place called Crawford...Lawdford...Wait Harvard...yea that's it..

Maria was so happy I remember her smile was so big when we celebrated her 19th birthday three years ago..she had taken a long time to get through high school with all her issues but finally that august as we partied her bday away she was excited about her future she had a sexy boyfriend Andres he was going to college to study music he wanted to be a rapper and producer.

He was 22 but he was sweet and supportive and a general all around good guy.

Two days later as she was packing up her car saying goodbye to her grandparents and brothers and sisters she heard screeching of tires and looked up just in time to see the barrels of 22 caliber's aimed at her family.

Shots rang out. Shots fired back but in the end. The Aryan Brotherhood had killed ten people. Maria was one of the oldest. She was 19.

Tears clogged my throat when I thought about her eyes so big so full of life and dreams plans.. she had done everything right she had played by the rules...she went to school she listened to her parents..

What did it get her?

I looked up at Carlo's I saw it in his eyes as much as he wanted to do right by his sister he was only 14 when he saw her murdered in front of him. He couldn't follow in her footsteps the lure of street life of money and power was just too much for him to resist.

He hated himself for it.

I didn't want that life..

I lived that life my mom hated every second of her life and every day I was the one who got her self hate.

Taking his hand I squeezed it bringing it to my shoulder silently I made a promise he heard it he returned it.

In memory of Maria I would beat this.

Carlo's left us Freddie looked confused as hell but Carly knew all about it. She was the one who held me when I cried over her senseless death she was the one who held me when I puked from my alcohol induced pity party. She was the one who encouraged me to live in her honor to make something of myself.

To make sure people remembered her..

The dude behind the counter was glaring looking nervous as Carlo's dressed in Mexican Mafia colors walked out flipping him the finger.

We need names..

I cleared my throat shaking the memories of her laugh away.

Names for what?

Listen nubskull its too dangerous to be us now we can't be Sam, Freddie and Carly we have to be …

Other people...

Think hard...

As we thought about it Carly started dancing in her seat I groaned Jespen McCurdy was now blasting through the speakekrs. She loved her girly pop sound of Karaoke dreams.

I had to admit she was kind of cool she had her own style kind of girly meet Shaker..Her song was filling the room along with Carly's sweet voice.

Soon I joined in I mean it was a great song..

Hard To Look you in the eyes

When we met I thought you were my one

It's funny how life can quickly flip

Pictures can tell a thousand lies

Take one and look at my smile

Can you tell me

Is it real?

Was I just playing a part?

Before you came into my life I never knew what heartache was

Now I shed a thousand tears a day

Flying High my emotions are a roller coaster

Do I let go of the memories?

Do I hold on tight and hope they someday

Give me Strength?

Tomorrow maybe I will get the answers I'm seeking

For tonight I pour me another round

I will sing my heartache away in another bad karaoke

Dream

Freddie was groaning as we sang and laughed clapping using our straws as mics falling all over each other.

Hey I got my name!

What's that Sam?

Jespen..Jespen...Cosgrove

Where does Cosgrove come from?

Maria's middle name

What about you Carl's?

I feel like Miranda is speaking to me

I looked over to see a big sign on the back of a bus stop showing a kid being handcuffed saying

"Miranda Rights it's the law"

Nodding I smiled at her..

Miranda McCurdy ..

Aw that sounds all country like I like it

Yea Cupcake Miranda suits you what bout you nubskull?

How about Nathan Tori

Where did you get Tori from?

Who knows it just floated through my mind I like it I think I use to know a Tori or something.

Nathan was his dog that he had years ago he was a cute little fluffy thing aw I miss Einstein

Carl's we have to go

I know..

We grabbed our things as we went outside the air was thick with fog and rain it smelled from the mixture of elements.

It's atmosphere matched my emotions.

The subway was empty as we went to wait only a few people lingered I stayed close to them.

It's smelly down here gross

It's a subway nub not 'posse to smell pretty

Does pretty have a smell?

Shut-up Nub before I beat ya

She stepped in between us as he hid behind her hands over his pretty boy face.

Wimp

I muttered as the sub roared to life in front of us my whole body was tense I just wanted out of Washington.

I needed a new start some place where the cops didn't know my name some place I wouldn't be judged and prosecuted before a trail starts.

Once I was gone I won't be coming back..

The roar of the subway inspired me..I could hear the lyrics in my head.

I never asked to be the kid

Chosen to play cops and robbers

It wasn't a game to me

Born into this life style

I was labeled and judged before I could grow to learn any different

They took aim they pointed and I was slain

Ain't no one ever gave me illusions that life was fair

But damn I was just a kid barely 16 and they wanna throw me down for life

I'm taking matters into my own hands

Never been the kid to run from my own fate

Now I'm Running for my life

It's not a game I can lose

Cuz the choices are life or death

I chose Life

They say only the good die young and maybe its true

Cause the good in me has died a death long a time ago

Now I'm looking to others for leading me into the light

Some Day maybe I can wash away these sins

I never asked to be saved but maybe someday

When I leave this life away I can start brand new

No sins no pains just lost memories and fresh air

I want the days of carefree laughter and sweet kisses on children's checks

Caught up in a war I didn't make I am gonna use everything in me

To take aim and shoot for a better life

I won't come back

Good-Bye Seattle Thanks for the memories

Good-Riddance I won't be back..