A/N: Sorry about such a long wait. I had to make sure these updates were perfect and I got a little busy. Like I promised, two chapters. I would have some tissues in case you cry.
Chapter 49
So, Elsa had a surprise meeting this afternoon and now she's super pissed. I happened to walk by the conference room to return a book to the library when the doors slammed open. They were coated in thick ice and Elsa stormed out, anger written on her face. She stomped past me without a glance in my direction. I looked into the room. Some advisors looked frightened while the others seemed upset. Then, they were all staring at me. I pressed my lips together and awkwardly walked to the library. I don't know what the hell happened but I'm not sure I wanted to know.
I decided to hang around the library for the time being. I wanted to give Elsa a chance to blow off some steam which I assumed would involve ranting to her sister and maybe me later on. Plus, I didn't know where to go. I stared out the window watching the activities down at the fjord. Then, someone cleared their throat and I almost jumped out of my skin. I turned to see one of the advisors behind me but I didn't even hear the door open or close.
"I apologize for startling you," he spoke.
"No, it's fine. I just didn't hear you enter," I said. He nodded but didn't move. I smiled politely, "Did you need something from me?"
"Yes, but let me formally introduce myself. I'm Haavard, one of the top advisors on the royal council. I've served the royal family for 37 years."
I shook his hand, "Nice to meet you. Well, you know me."
"Yes, I do. Alexis, I wanted to discuss an important matter with you. Since you've lived in the castle-"
"Oh," I broke in, "is this about me living here? I know I'm not royal blood and everything but-"
He cut me off, "No, the living arrangements are not the concern. Honestly, you've been a wonderful guest. This has to do with Queen Elsa."
"E-Elsa," I stuttered. My heart stopped. Do they know? What do I do?
"I've noticed you two have become quite close..."
Oh gosh, here it comes. Lie! Deny everything!
"And I wanted to know if you can help us."
Instant relief flooded through me, "Help you?"
"You may have noticed the... scene earlier when the Queen walked out."
"I did..."
"Well you must understand we have the best intentions for both Queen Elsa and Arendelle. We've had trouble trying to interest her in searching for a suitor. Since you are close friends with her, I was hoping you could talk to her about at least considering it," Haavard proposed.
My jaw dropped. Did this man literally ask what I think he's asking? "Are you serious?"
"Yes, I am."
"So, you want me to convince Queen Elsa, who clearly isn't interested in this suitor business, that she should be forced to find a king?"
"This is hardly by force. The decision is completely up to her but this can't last forever. The kingdom needs an heir."
"Are you forgetting about Princess Anna, who is happily married I may add. Arendelle will have an heir hopefully soon."
"We would prefer one with... a direct bloodline from the Queen."
I glared at him. What he was implying was that he wanted to marry Elsa off to some prince or king so the child would be pure blooded. Not a half commoner.
"If she doesn't at least try to find a husband, the kingdom will start to wonder."
"Let them. Why is it their concern?" I snapped.
"Excuse me?"
"Look, the Queen is still very young. There is no reason she has to hurry and start a family especially if she's not comfortable with the idea. Like you said, it's her decision and when she's ready, she'll look. I'm sorry but I won't influence her choice with something I don't agree on."
He sighed, "I didn't mean to upset you but maybe you don't understand."
"Understand what, exactly?"
"If Queen Elsa does find a match, we would be thrilled. Not only has she found love but the kingdom could prosper. Behind a marriage would be a close alliance which means financial opportunity for both kingdoms. Her children ensure Arendelle will have heirs to continue the monarchy. To simply put it, there will be uncertainty about Arendelle's future and the monarch ruling it if our Queen decides to rule alone."
"Oh," I whispered. I didn't even how to respond.
"As you can see, it's an important matter. I do hope you consider talking to her. If not, we might have to consider unlikeable options."
Unlikeable options? "I'll keep it in mind."
"Good day, Alexis."
Haavard walked out leaving me in a troubled state. I walked to a seat slowly falling into it. Surely, he must be exaggerating. No suitor wouldn't mean the kingdom would fall apart! They all seemed pretty worried but it's probably the tradition thing that's bugging them. Their Queen won't follow tradition. Yet, I couldn't convince my guilty conscience otherwise. It was my fault that Elsa wasn't interested in any suitor or searching for one. I'm the cause of these concerns. I closed my eyes as the doubt crept back into my mind. There has to be a way to make things right, to make it easier for Elsa. Why wasn't I born a boy? I already dress like one!
Then it hit me. I already dress like one! I scrambled out my chair and raced to my room. This idea is stupid! It will never work! Too bad I'm crazy enough to try it. I hurried inside my room shutting the door and then opened my closet. I pushed all the dresses to the side and looked through my small collection of shirts and pants. I pulled out my nicest outfit: a beige undershirt, dark blue waistcoat, and black trousers. When Marie, the clothing store owner from the village, initially thought the separates were for my husband, she threw in a formal suit thinking we couldn't afford it. Then I had to explain they were really for me and I couldn't accept the gift but she insisted I just keep it. You never know when you might need them. Oh, how true were those words.
I slipped out of my dress and began to change into the suit. After adjusting the last few buttons, I fidgeted under the clothing material. Kristoff was right. These outfits can be terribly itchy. I stepped in front of the mirror to see the final result. Most of my clothing looked lose on me because they were made for men but this suit didn't look too baggy. I turned at all angles. It still covered my figure except my chest. I sighed, Guess I'll have to start binding.
As long as I kept my face clear and my figure hidden, I could be taken as a feminine boy... hopefully. Now it's time for my hair. I grasped my hair and tied it into tight slicked back bun. Okay, maybe this plan could work if I keep my hair back. Having it tied would raise suspicion but it's not like I could wear a hat everywhere. There was only one thing to do and it's going to kill me.
I touched my head, "I'll have to cut it off..."
"You're cutting your hair off?"
I jumped at the voice and I looked into the mirror; I saw Elsa behind me. Why was everyone sneaking up on me today?
"Elsa, I didn't hear you come in."
"Sorry, I wanted to see you," she said. She walked closer to me, "You look nice, although, it's a bit formal for walking around."
I shrugged, "I'm just trying it on. Just wondering but do I look a boy?"
"A little. Are you planning to wear this for future events? I don't mind but I do prefer you in a gown."
"What if I started to dress like this permanently?"
She smoothed out the wrinkles of my waistcoat, "Well... if that's what you want, I'll support you. We can get you more suits."
"Great. All I need to do is get a haircut."
"Wait, you're really going to cut it? All of it?"
"I'm trying to look more masculine," I admitted.
"You don't look too happy about that decision," Elsa noted.
"It's a big change. I love my hair but it's time for a new look."
"Are you sure? I like the way you look now."
"So do I," I murmured. I stepped away from her and sat on the chair nearby.
Elsa followed me and kneeled down, "Snowflake, what's wrong? Why are you trying to change yourself if you're not happy about it?"
"I thought if I looked like a man, I could pretend I was. Then we could tell everyone you found a suitor. I would just wear a disguise and things would be easier for the both of us," I confessed.
"What about you? It won't be easy for you if you constantly have to worry about someone finding out."
"It's worth it as long as you're happy."
"I am happy. This," she gestured to my clothes, "won't make me happier. I love you for who you are and what makes you happy should matter too."
"I knew this was stupid..."
Elsa stood up. I watched her walk over to my dresser and return with my brush. She pulled down my bun and brushed out my hair, "It was a sweet idea but I don't think it would work. People know what you look like. They would know if you suddenly disappeared and then a stranger, who had the same features as you, came out of know where."
"What if I left for a long time? We can make up an excuse on why I have to go. I'll hide out in Arendelle. Then a few weeks later, I return as a handsome stranger who steals your heart."
"Lucky me. Then I could announce I found my suitor."
"We can court publicly if your royal council allows a common man to court a Queen."
"I'm certain I can persuade them. What if we get married?"
"Well... uh... that's a little far ahead but if you want to, I m-mean we can," I stammered.
She giggled, "I mean if we do, what about children? My advisors would ask why I'm not having an heir."
"I might have an idea..."
"If it involves my sister or her husband, stop now."
"I was going to say you were barren or something! Looks like someone is thinking outside the box! You think Anna could lend us a kid?" I teased. She hit my head with the brush.
"Either way, it's very complicated. All the disguises and lies would be too much. Someone would find out eventually. The consequences could be worse."
I sighed, "You're right. This was all a silly dream."
Elsa finally stopped brushing and pulled me over to the mirror. My wavy hair fell back over my shoulders. She kissed my cheek making me smile.
"There's the beautiful girl I fell in love with."
"When did you know?" I asked.
"Know about what?"
"That you loved me."
Elsa cocked her head, "There was never an exact moment or time. I remember distinctly the day I had feelings for you; the night we had in the ballroom when I made it snow. This was different. One day I looked at you and realized I've fallen in love. What about you?"
"Well, I first discovered my feelings when we went out to the village and danced for the first time. Do remember that really weird hug I gave you at the end of the day?"
"Yes."
"I was trying to kiss you so I hurried to cover it up with a hug. Stop laughing! I panicked! Anyways, I realized I fell in love with you when we had that fight at the ice castle. I was so scared of losing you that it revealed how strongly I felt about you and I had to fight for you."
Elsa intertwined our fingers, "I'm glad you did."
"Me too."
"If you don't mind me asking, why were you suddenly interested in becoming a suitor and disguising yourself as a man? I thought we were fine."
"We are but we should think ahead. You never know when our secret might get out or you know... things. I'm being careful that's all," I rambled.
She frowned, "Don't lie to me."
"I don't want to upset you again. I don't know if you noticed me but I was there when you stormed out of your meeting."
"No, I didn't notice you. I'm sorry you had to see that. Still, you can tell me. That was a separate matter."
"Not exactly..." I took a deep breath and answered quickly, "Haavard walked into the library to talk to me. He wanted me to convince you that you should find a suitor but of course I said no because it was wrong! Then he started to talk about all the benefits Arendelle would lose if you didn't listen and how it would make you a bad Queen so I got worried and felt like it was all my fault because we're together. Now I feel like the kingdom will blow up if I don't fix the problem so I thought I could be a boy and everything would be fine. Please don't be mad."
Elsa's face was blank. That isn't good. Her hands crushed mine. Yup, this is definitely not good.
"He wanted you to trick me into looking for a suitor," she echoed. "He planned to use my friendship against me."
"Elsa..."
"I can't believe this!"
A sharp pain pricked at my hands. I looked down and a faint blue glow appeared between our hands. Elsa released them without noticing what she had done. I turned over my hands and found that frost had covered my palms.
Elsa paced and continued her rant, "I walked into that room today and they have a list of men for me! Do you know how angry I was?"
I watched in shock as the frost creep up my fingers then down the back of my hand. There was no physical contact but her magic was still responding to her emotions.
"Arendelle has more important problems! Our military is basically in shambles and they call me in because I refuse to find a suitor!"
As Elsa's anger grew, so did the frost on my hands. My flesh stung from the cold. I called out to her, "Elsa."
"Now they're harassing you! What's going to stop them from going to my sister or Kristoff?"
My hands became numb but the pain still present. I started to panic, "Elsa, I-"
"This is no one's concern but mine! They have to start listening! This has to stop. I'm-"
"Elsa!"
She cut off at my cry. My knees hit the ground as I clutched my hands to my chest. The pain was unbearable.
"Alexis!" Elsa cried. She dropped down in front of me and pulled my hands towards her. They were completely covered in thick frost almost hardening into ice. "Oh god, what have I done..."
She quickly thawed the ice from hands and revealed the redness of my skin. Tears formed in her eyes, "I'm so sorry."
"It's okay Elsa. You were upset," I tried as I rubbed my hands together.
"I lost control and I hurt you."
"Elsa, I'm fine. It was an accident."
I reached out to her but she flinched at my hand. Her arms wrapped around her body in a protective position. She was trembling.
"No, I'll hurt you again."
"You won't. You didn't mean to do it."
Elsa started to cry, "I keep hurting people! I never mean to but it keeps happening! Why aren't you upset?"
"Elsa, I'm going to be okay," I showed her my hands, "See they still work. I'm okay. I'm not mad at you. This wasn't intentional. You made a mistake!" I defended.
I pulled her into my arms but she struggled against me. Elsa was afraid to touch me. I held on tighter until she gave up and slumped into my arms crying harder.
"I'm s-so s-sorr-ry. I n-never wanted this t-to ha-appen."
"I forgive you. Please don't cry. I love you. Don't blame yourself," I kept reassuring her, the words tumbling out of my mouth. Yes, I was scared at the time but she was still learning to control her powers and I need to help her even if I got injured along the way. She needed to know I wasn't upset, angry, or afraid.
Elsa's sobs turned into small sniffles. She curled up in my arms and I held her tighter. Tears ran down her face. She looked so weak and vulnerable in my arms. My poor Elsa. I knew guilt was eating at her but I wanted her to know I loved her and this wasn't going to drive me away. I'm not afraid of her powers; I never was.
