Ctrl-A-Delete, a Glee fiction

I do not own Glee or Egreetings. Please review!

Dear Blaine,

Oh my goodness has it been forever since I've written you an email. Already it's February. We've past so many holidays together this month. The Day the Music Died, Don't Cry Over Spilled Milk and White T-shirt Day (Conveniently both celebrated on the 11th when Finn spilled chocolate milk across the counter and it got on your white shirt that clung to your chest. "Finn, don't cry, it's just spilled milk." "But it was chocolate!" Fun times.) And now we celebrate Singles Awareness Day. Except this year it's Valentine's Day because Cupid has shot me in the butt. Hard.

What better way to spend a Monday than showering your boyfriend with buckets of affection. I think Wes and David were getting annoyed with us during practice. It's not our fault we're so cute together. Okay, maybe it's partially our fault, but they should be used to it by now. They can't expect us to be singing romantic music and not be making love with our eyes.

I mean, it's not like we were making love with other parts of our body.

And in case Karlie is reading this, I mean our elbows. Or any other body part not below the belt.

Ctrl-A-Delete

Dear Blaine,

I finished all of my homework and got dressed (three times) for our date tonight. Here I sit, incredibly bored and anxious, so rather than helping Finn get ready for his date with Rachel I decided to write you an email. I haven't done it in forever, so forgive me if I sound a bit rusty. I'll try not to use any LOLs or OMGs. I know how you hate those terms so.

What a whirlwind of a month it has been. Between midterms and Eve's coma and going on actual dates with my ever so lovely boyfriend I haven't had the time to write any nonsense emails. I haven't even had time to read much of my email. You know what it's like to open your inbox to half a dozen advertisements for Viagra? As you and I are both well aware, I do not need that.

I was going through a website full of e-cards. I was going to send you one, but the comment box was too tiny to write out my greatest passions and desires in. I'll probably end up writing three or four drafts of letters I'll never send to condense it down to a whole two lines that could fit in that comment box, but who needs a flash animated heart to know that they are loved?

I did send a faux e-card to Finn. It's from his secret admirer. I just enjoy the fact that it'll cause him to lose his mind for at least a couple of hours. Especially when it starts out "To my wife." It's a bit perverted with the whole thing about putting their puzzle pieces together so he's bound to get a bit disturbed.

I attached a message to it. "Finn, I love watching you while you sleep. Love your secret admirer."

Oh yeah, he is definitely going to bug out. I am such a horrible brother.

Ctrl-A-Delete

Dear Blaine,

I can only imagine the joy Jade must have felt yesterday morning when Eve woke up. She was in that coma for a week. I wasn't sure she'd come out of it. I know what it's like to stay by a hospital bed asking all the powers in the universe to keep the person alive. That one day when you had to babysit Karlie and I came up by myself I found Jade on her knees. On the hospital floor, her eyes closed and hands folded. Her lips were moving but no words were coming out. I didn't want to disturb her. My friends had prayed for me, despite my beliefs and it worked. If it made her feel better by praying to some god, whether it be Jesus or Buddha or Zeus, then I was going to let her do it.

She shouldn't have had to suffer like that. She made a personal choice to start a family with another woman. That doesn't mean it's someone else's business to beat her so senseless that she can't wake up. If she wanted to go to the store to buy some food for her son's lunch and held hands with her partner in the aisle while deciding which apples to get, Melrose or Fuji, nobody should be stopping her. Instead some random stranger snaps at the fact that she's gay and punches her head into a brick wall when she goes outside to drive the car up to the door. She was alone for five minutes and got hurt.

This is a messed up world we live in. One where only tears and pleas to whatever deity you please can bring love to you in time for the most commercially romantic day of the year. I watched as Jade's pink hair slowly faded into a dull rose color. She told me she's not going to dye it again. Why waste the time when she could be spending it with her family?

Why is it that near death experiences seem to be the only way we humans learn anything anymore?

Ctrl-A-Delete

Dear Sir Dapper,

It's weird. I never sent you an email earlier like I was going to, and now that I'm back from our date I have the strange urge to write one anyway. The whole point of it was to pass the time, but now I remember how addicted I am to telling you things you'll never hear.

Well, technically unless you read these things out loud, which I highly advise against, you'll never hear even what I do tell you.

You really outdid yourself tonight. Sure we went to Breadstix, which you know I love so much, but the small little touches meant so much. The table in the back with a single rose in a vase. The incredibly sappy music we blasted on the way over. The call from your eight month pregnant aunt that interrupted a wicked lip lock in the backseat of your car. I don't think she knew she was on speakerphone, but when she wailed about how she couldn't stop peeing and all she wanted was mini donuts and was that too much to ask, I tried so hard not to laugh. I had a lot of fun on our date.

It looks like we only have one more month left with Mr. Bear. A part of me doesn't want to give him up, having grown quite the attachment to him. We're going to have to have visitation rights when we pass him along to the future baby. He/she better share.

I can only imagine the heartbreak if he/she does not, or causes physical harm to him. Then we'll have to play doctor.

At least we already know you're good at that game.

Ctrl-A-Delete

New message from Egreetings. Read.

Kurt Hummel has sent you an ecard.

To view your ecard, choose from the options below.

Click.

Many Ways I Love You.

Dear Blaine,

In case this e-card didn't make it crystal clear for you, I love you. But you already knew that.

As long as you love me,

Kurt

(P.S. I totally ripped that line off of some 90s boy band. That does not give you permission to belt out Backstreet Boys during rehearsal tomorrow.)