Title:- Sleeping monster
Rating:- T
Pairing:- Supposedly Izuo
Warning:- Crack, language, violence
Disclaimer:- I don't own Durarara
Summary:- Prince Izaya gets more than he bargained for.
Requested by:- Tachumare
Once upon a time in a far away kingdom, there lived a prince-cess of sorts. See the baby was born was a boy. The king and queen had wanted a daughter. It was their decision that the baby would be raised as a girl yada yada yada.
Everyone in the kingdom was invited to the celebration of their new baby girl. All sorts of magical creatures were invited and so forth. Really the king just wanted a break from the tiny lungs ruining his sleep and sex life.
Everyone gasped and cooed over how pretty the new princess was and what a beauty she would grow up to be. Anyone not kissing ass could see a tiny human covered in dribble and vomit- as was anyone else that picked up the precious bundle.
To ensure happiness and prosperity in the kingdom, four fairies were called fourth to give their blessings. The queen smiled inwardly thinking of punishments for the king. Her deadbeat husband had left her to handle the event whilst he'd gone drinking in the village.
The first fairy was in the guise of a teenage boy, black hair with blue eyes. "I bless your child with the gift of being extraordinary." Everyone clapped not realising how much of a curse the gift would be.
The second fairy was ignored, since she was mute and no one in her presence was literate.
Before the third could speak the large doors burst open and in walked the drunken king draped over a woman. The woman wore a mix of green, white and black.
"You didn't invite me?" The long haired raven snapped waspishly pushing the king to the floor. "This is the brat then?"
The queen nodded drawing her daughter safety into her arms.
"Allow me to make a wish. On your child's sixteenth birthday, she will prick their finger on a spinning wheel and die." With that the woman turned around. The silence was broken by the snap of her heel as she turned around.
The king was passed out in a puddle of his own vomit, leaving the queen to fret over the dreadful wish.
The third fairy grinned reaching for the baby. "Don't worry. Shizu-chan will fall asleep instead of dying. He will awake with true love's kiss."
"Oh thank you-"
"It will be a guy. The two of them will ride off together in the sunset. Fufufu." The queen said nothing staring down at the giggling fairy with a nosebleed.
The king quickly sobered with a kick to the gut. The demand was given that every spindle be burnt yada yada yada and so the princess's safety was secured.
x-x-x
At the age of seven, the first fairy's gift bore fruit. Princess Shizuo had super strength and a nasty temper to match. The kingdom was aware that the greatest monster was harboured in the castle. The villagers still adored the princess-obligation. Even when they were thrown from a castle window- provocation. Shizuo had no need for guards.
As Shizuo grew older the villagers fervently wished the teen would turn sixteen and quickly fall into a deep sleep. The time was close at hand. It helped that the spinning wheels hadn't been destroyed but stored in a large pile beyond the woods. Each villager now had a small piece in their home.
x-x-x
Shizuo didn't want to celebrate his birthday- so it didn't happen.
The party was quickly cancelled and a normal day resumed. Quiet and without viol- oops. Another window smashed, another suitor flying back to their own kingdom.
Shizuo walked away from the nagging of the queen. Poke. Turning around the princess glanced at the servant. "Ah! Sorry!" The woman screeched turning to run away- straight into the queen. Good. Shizuo thought. Let his mother nag someone else.
Taking a walk outside the castle, the princess went through the subjects without a word. They didn't like him, so why should he like them? Poke.
Poke. Poke. Poke.
Shizuo glanced down at the group of children poking at his dress with sharpened stakes.
Poke. Poke. Poke.
"Little children, what are you doing?" The blonde delinquent like future ruler of the kingdom asked.
"Uwaaaaaaaaah!" The children cried pissing themselves and running away.
Poke. Poke. Poke.
Everywhere Shizuo went someone was trying to poke him with sticks. Was it a right of passage thing? Either way it was annoying.
Marriage, responsibility, etiquette and bridal training. Everyday was an annoyance.
Poke. Poke.
"Why do you keep doing that?" Shizuo snapped glaring at the villagers.
"To put you to sleep." Came the drunken tone of the king, staggering uselessly from the tavern. "You were cursed to prick your finger on a spinning wheel when you were a baby...I think. I was there...your mother said so anyway."
"Cursed?" Shizuo growled storming forward. "What? They want me to die or something?"
"Not die." His father paled looking green. "Fall asleep until you get kissed by a prince."
"Fall asleep?" Shizuo asked. "Why didn't you just say that?" Spinning on his heel the princess snatched one of the stakes stabbing it into his finger. "You'll explain this to mom, right?"
With that the princess fell face first into the dirt, the curse in place. The villagers celebrated through years to come, the farms grew into prosperity and the kingdom was happy.
The end?
Not really. A century later the curse was to be broken. The rumour of a beautiful princess trapped in eternal sleep drew in princes from the surrounding kingdoms. In truth they were sad neets that couldn't get a girl and as a last resort decided to drag their lazy asses out of bed.
Or it could be that the princess in question was rumoured to have the secret of immortality, seeing as she hasn't aged a day. This fact drew in one particular prince at the age of 21 (24).
Izaya Orihara. Not your typical prince, choosing to forgo the jewels, the prince chose to use his riches to test humanity. Not in a good way. The games designed were humiliating pushing the subjects to breaking point. If they failed they would be banished from the kingdom- if they didn't kill themselves first.
So you can imagine the kingdom's rejoice when the prince openly declared his intentions. Of course everyone had common sense and until after the prince had left on his journey. They weren't smart enough however to realise they were being watched and every detail would be reported to the prince upon his return...nothing to worry about then.
x-x-x
Izaya didn't believe in fairies- so they didn't show.
He didn't believe in a magic barrier keeping out the princess' suitors- so it didn't work.
There was a cave with fire blasting from the entrance- the prince went the long way around and no one saw the dragon ever again.
The tower in fact was clear. No tedious vines to job down or attempt to climb- a shame really, the prince was good with a knife. The door swung wide open giving Izaya easy access. It was easy...too easy.
Believing himself to be the chosen one and up his own ass, the egotistical-god complexed-proclaimed asshole skipped up the steps towards destiny.
At the top of the pointless staircase was a door. This one was locked with a do not disturb sign pinned to the door. Izaya ignored the warning, placing a few well aimed kicks at the hinges.
The old door creaked forward, falling flat against the floor. Spiders and cockroaches scattered. Pulling up the strange fur hood of his cloak, the prince covered his mouth walking through the cobwebs.
The only clean space in the room was the dome around the bed. "Aha!" Izaya declared pointlessly spitting out cobwebs. Down on the floor he could see two bodies rotting away.
Skipping past them Izaya divulged the cloak from his shoulders. The princess was as beautiful as the rumours proclaimed. "Forever sixteen, ne? I'd like to see how you managed that."
Izaya stared long and hard at the teenager. Her hair was long and fair pillowed out beneath her. Her face was sweet and innocent, complexion healthy. The frilly dress would need to go. It was so last century.
"So far you pass." The prince mused pressing his hand down on the princesses's chest. "Flat chested. You lose a point for that."
Moving to the end of the bed, Izaya shamelessly flicked up the skirt of the dress. "Nice legs." He mused running a hand along the blonde's calf. Humming happily to himself the prince's brow furrowed at the familiar shape of the princesses's panties. "Oh."
He wasn't shocked. If anything knowing the princess wasn't a nagging female only made the whole deal sweeter. At least she wouldn't try and steal his makeup. At the window a crow stared at him accusingly. "What? I want to make sure I'm not making a mistake."
The dress was fixed in place, Izaya finally leaning down to press his lips against the soft ones of the princess. "Wake up wife-chan." He snickered taking a step back.
It wasn't so much as a flutter of eyelids. It wasn't that kind of fairytale. Izaya blinked wiping his lips with the back of his hand, trying to rid himself of the awful taste in his mouth.
The space around the bed became as rancid and filthy as the rest of the room. The bed posts were rotten, the stench driving him far away from the bed. Three more spiders died during this movement cursing him like the rest of humanity.
The dress he had touched moments ago was tattered and moth eaten revealing tree trunk-fur covered legs. The Frankenstein like princess slowly sat up, a long mop of almost black hair turned left and right. Two smelly, dirt caked feet landed on the floor. One step forward... Thud.
Izaya watched the fall in slow motion not daring to get close. The princess hit the floor hard. Around her the flooring snapped rotten through. Izaya watched her fall into what looked like a hot spring below. "Well that was lucky. She needed a bath."
x-x-x
At the hot spring he witnessed the wrinkled zombie slowly becoming the image that had been before him. At least the chest anyway. Izaya took the knife from his pocket darting forward to slash at the grey curtain slowly becoming brown.
The first cut lopped the front off. The second the sides and the third the back. Confused chocolate orbs blinked at him. Izaya was on his knees slicing the thick matted fur from the princesses's legs.
"Good morning, wife-chan. How was your sleep?" Izaya greeted.
"Hah?" The princess growled looking up. "You woke me up?"
"True love's kiss." The prince tried to show he wasn't bragging but who was he kidding?
"Bullshit." The soaking wet princess dragged herself from the hot spring. "Piss off."
"I understand your shock." He didn't. Nor did he care. "We're destined. You're to become my wife."
"I said piss off." The princess pushed him away striding past him.
"I woke you up. I broke your curse."
"What? Did you expect a congratulations? It wasn't a curse. Do you know how much crap I had to go through? Ugh. I doubt anything has improved."
"It's been a century give or take." Izaya told the princess. "Everyone you knew is dead."
"Oh. I was wrong. That is an improvement." The princess turned to him. "I'm hungry."
"I didn't bring anything." Izaya shrugged.
"Could you be any more useless? It's been a century. Of course I'd be starving!" A loud rumbling had the princess glaring at her stomach.
"Well the village is close by." Izaya helpfully supplied. "After you've eaten we can go back to my kingdom."
"Piss off and die." The princess snapped ripping the door from the hinges and tossing it to one side.
"Wait!" Izaya ran after his flighty bride to be.
"Don't come here! Idiot!" Izaya dodged a large chunk of rock sling his way. The princess was having a piss. Being the dutiful husband to be Izaya waited and waited and waited and waited...
And waited for the worlds longest piss to end. "I'm Prince Izaya." He called out deciding to make conversation.
"So?" The princess growled.
"It's only natural to introduce yourself."
"Go to hell."
"Okay, go to hell-chan. I think we're going to have a lot of fun together."
"I think you'd better shut up so I don't kill you." The princess growled.
x-x-x
Barely three steps outside and Izaya made the foolish mistake of brushing a hand against his bride to be's butt. The prince found himself lifted up high.
"Quite strong, aren't y-" the princess hurled the prince through the air watching the annoyance fly away. "-ooooooooooooou-" shaking his head Shizuo shielded his eyes from the sun.
"Stupid flea, waking me up like that!" The princess growled. "Guess I'd better get something to eat."
Close by the Orihara castle, a small crater was formed. From the crater, the prince pulled out his head, standing on wobbly legs. "I- I'm still alive!" He murmured falling on his face. "Ooh. Look at that. I'm back home."
Sitting up the villagers screamed running round away from the scene. Izaya laughed insanely thinking about the princess he would go back and tame.
End
