A/N: Thanks for all the responses to the last chapter. For those of you worried, the drug used in their 'trank guns' has a wide therapeutic index, meaning you can give a very high dose before you get toxicity eg coma or death. Seven shots is fine and won't kill the hero (but is still painful).

Fifty: It's you or the General…

It had been a week and I still hadn't seen Hiccup. In fact, only the General and I hadn't been to visit him in the cells-probably because we both knew it would be ugly. Well, thinking about it, it was always ugly when Hiccup and his father spoke but this time, I guessed it would be uglier for us as well. And I wanted to put that off as long as possible.

The others had all been to see him, visiting him as he sat locked in his cell, constantly guarded by at least one member of Security and always on camera and I had reviewed every encounter along with Sergeant Grimsdaal, watching his reactions and listening to his words. The others had all been frustrated because all he would say was "sorry" and ask if I was coming. When they said no, he clammed up and I watched as each and every one gave him an absolute verbal pasting. Even I had winced at what they had said and what they called him...but he had simply bowed his head and taken it.

After the week, Snotlout sought me out. "Look, Astrid...Lieutenant... I don't want to make things difficult or upset you...but I really think you need to talk to him. He's not saying anything to anyone and we both know we have to find out what he betrayed and what damage we have to deal with." I stared at him silently: we knew I was probably the most damaged by this. The team had been walking on eggshells around me since his capture, as if they thought I would suddenly collapse into a weeping mess or transmute to a raging psychopath. I gave a small, humourless smile: I had shot Hiccup seven times with my trank gun-that should give them the answer.

"I know," I said tonelessly, "but I really don't want to." Snotlout stared at his feet for a moment then looked carefully at me.

"Look, Astrid," he said softly, "I don't think he's become a bad guy. He's been through so much and he never wavered. I don't know what he was doing joining them...but I'm certain he had a plan. And he's desperate to talk to you. If you don't, the General will...and that won't go well. You owe him a few minutes, at least..." I could feel the scowl twist my face as I glared at him, but he was right. Knowing Hiccup had ultimately given me BERK and Stormfly: I owed him a chance to explain himself.

I felt sick but I headed straight down to the cells, determined to get this over with and move on. The part of me that was still in love with him was screaming at me to listen without prejudice but the soldier was just wanting it over, so I could draw a line under it…under us…and start to mend my broken heart. I showed my pass and was conducted into the cell block, then patted down. I checked my gun in at the desk and was finally taken to the cells.

He was the only prisoner there, sitting on the standard bunk with his knees drawn up to his chest and arms clasped around them like a waif, the horrible scar on his left arm on view. His bare foot and prosthetic were right on the edge of the bed and his shoulders were hunched, his head down. They had him in a grubby white T-shirt and grey sweat pants, his auburn hair unkempt but he looked up at my footsteps and his entire face lit with relief and hope, his forest green eyes shining.

"Astrid," he breathed, scrambling up to get to the bars, his hands gripping the metal tightly. He looked scruffy and thinner than usual, his entire body taut with urgency as he looked at me. I carefully remained well out of reach.

"Hiccup," I said neutrally. "I hear you were asking for me." He nodded eagerly.

"Yes, Milady..." he said quickly but my hand snapped up.

"Don't!" I snapped. "You gave up the right to call me that when you betrayed BERK. When you betrayed me!" I growled. He looked shocked at the anger in my tone and there was hurt in his eyes but he nodded.

"I...understand..." he murmured. "I'm sorry, Lieutenant." I glared at him.

"Well, go on then!" I snapped. "I don't have all day!" He backed up a pace and then nodded.

"What do you want to know?" he asked me softly. I folded my arms brusquely.

"The same question I asked you three times before, you lying bastard!" I spat "Why?" He looked at me wordlessly for a long time until I snorted and made to turn away.

"Astrid! No-wait!" he called desperately. "I'm sorry..." I stared at him, reading anxiety in his face and my eyes narrowed.

"What?" I growled. He took a slow breath, trying to calm himself.

"I-er-I'm sorry..." he mumbled. I turned fully to face him, my expression furious.

"Is that it?" I spat. "I'm sorry? How pathetic is that?" He flinched at the echo of the taunt he had sneered at me. "And what makes you think I will believe a word you say now, Mr 'I played you. I played them all. All I wanted was to get away'?" He cringed, turning away and all his hopeful expression vanished: he suddenly looked like a beaten dog.

"I'm sorry I'm not the person you thought I was," he murmured. "I'm not brave enough or strong enough to cope with being captured again." I stared at him.

"What?" My tone couldn't get colder. He backed away, no longer able to meet my eye.

"When-when we were shot down, they knocked us out...but I wasn't out long...and then they came for me..." he said quietly. "And-and as they took me out and as-as I was t-tied up and R-Ryker began to punch me I-I knew there was no p-point in denying who I was. B-because they kn-knew I was the Night Fury rider and I recognised them: the Grimborns. They are Drago's dragon hunters." Despondently, he rested back against the wall and slid down to sit on his heels. He stared at the floor.

"Coward. Got it," I growled. He flinched.

"They had me. They had Toothless. They had you. And there was I, knowing that they would hand Toothless and me to Drago in a heartbeat and he would kill me. He swore...he swore he would murder me slowly and painfully when I escaped last time..." He was trembling now, his voice ashamed. "And I really didn't want to die. So-so the only plan I could come up with was to-to surrender and beg to join them. Because I-I hoped that if I was with them, it would spare me being handed to Drago's torturers." He closed his eyes and hunched up again, once more hugging his knees to his chest.

I stared at him. I wasn't sure what to think. I could recall how badly he had been treated when we were kidnapped...Cami and I had rescued him then...but who could've rescued us when we were shot down? He was looking utterly wretched, his voice the soft plea for understanding I had heard before. But this was the same man who had sneered at me and claimed he had never cared for me.

"Okay. You joined them," I said coldly. "But what you did..."

"I saved your life!" he said suddenly, his eyes abruptly locking with mine.

"You hunted me! You rejected me. And when you had a chance to explain...you just made it worse!" I shouted at him. He scrambled up.

"They were monitoring me!" he blurted out. "They monitored us both. If I had told you what I was doing, they would have heard and realised what you meant to me and they would never have let you go."

"And what do I mean to you?" I asked him coldly. He stared at me in shock, as if I had spat in his face. He was breathing hard, his entire body tense.

"Everything," he said softly. "You mean everything-you and Toothless. And-and they were never g-going to let him go...and I could never leave him. They would just use him, like a weapon..." His voice was thick with emotion and he blinked several times. "But...I knew if I persuaded them that you didn't mean anything to me, then they'd be happier to dispose of you instead of keeping you as a hostage against me. And...Ryker wanted to rape you, Astrid-and he would have done if you'd stayed. The hunt was the only thing I could come up with to stop him...and I know it was horrible and I was scared they would reach you before I could but it was literally the only idea I had."

"It was a sadistic thing to do," I said icily. He lunged forward, gripping the bars, his voice pleading.

"I know," he begged, "but I guessed they would like it. They did because the pair of them are evil and cruel and very sadistic…" There was an edge of his voice that I picked up on, the same edge he had used when referring to situations where he had been wounded and tormented and I found myself wondering if they had really been all that welcoming to the skinny traitor. "And I gambled they wouldn't let me have Toothless...but they may give me Stormfly instead to follow you. And I trusted you would be Astrid and get her from me. I knew she would never hurt you! And I banked on you using her to get away."

"You're saying you planned that obscene farce to get me away?" I hissed. He rested his head against the bars.

"I left your helmet for you," he sighed. "Why would I do that if I wanted you dead, Astrid?" I paused. I had assumed it was carelessness...but was he just 'playing' me again?

"Where is Toothless?" I asked bluntly. He swallowed.

"He's in the glen," he sighed. "He's got a friend." He looked at me with a soft plea. "I...I need a favour..."

"I think you're all out of credit," I told him. With a groan, he slid to his knees, burying his face in his hands.

"Please!" he begged, his voice shaking with emotion. "You're the only other person he'll come to! I need...I need you to get him into the pen. There is another dragon with him, a very young female Night Fury that we stole from Drago. She's bonded with me as well...I had to, to stop her becoming his...I've called her Myrkr. It means Darkness in old Norse..." And I found the faintest smile on my lips: only Hiccup would name a dragon in a long dead language. "He was treating her badly…he's already beaten her and broken a wing. I-I couldn't leave her. And…I think she'll come to you because Toothless trusts you."

"I already have Stormfly," I reminded him and he nodded.

"She can still like you, let you train her," he said slowly. "And you can fly Toothless..."

And then it struck me: he had accepted his punishment and knew he would probably never see his dragon, his best friend again. Why did he do it? Why did he come back? He could have gone a million other places where he would be welcome and celebrated, where he would be treated properly.

"So why did you come back?" I asked him. There was a long pause and I saw his throat work, his head briefly inspecting the floor.

"You," he confessed. "I owed you the apology. I know BERK can look after the dragons better than anyone else...but that wouldn't have mattered because I know my Dad will lock me up forever. But I had to come back to see you, to apologise..."

"You broke my heart," I told him roughly and he nodded.

"I-I know," he said, staring at his hands. They were trembling and he had to clasp them tightly together. "I...know I gave up any hope with you, Astrid, but I...love you. And I'm sorry. It sounds pathetic and after what I said I know you can't ever believe me but I do. You-you are the ONLY person who has showed me any kindness, any love for so many years and it killed me to say what I did but I had to get you to leave and get them to believe that I didn't care for you. And with me being a traitor...and you informing BERK of that, then I had a shot at convincing Drago I wasn't one of the good guys any more. So I found Myrkr and his other dragons, I located the nest they have uncovered on Franz-Josef Land and I got help for...Heather."

"WHAT?" My glare would have melted steel. He recoiled.

"I read the reports," he revealed bleakly. "They had already given her up as a hopeless case, abandoned her to the effects of the drug-which will be lethal, by the way…but I knew from the data I downloaded from Alvin's base that there was an antitoxin and I bargained with Drago to get her the help. So he did...and there were some flashes of the old Heather...just enough to give me a little treacherous flash of hope...but not enough to convince me she would ever get back to normal." I stared at him, breathing hard.

"Let me get this straight," I growled. "You got Drago Bludvist, an evil madman with dragons, to spring Heather, a psychopath with pretty solid riding and instructing skills and implacable hatred of BERK and you left her there?"

"Um...wouldn't quite have put it like that..." he murmured, "...um...but yeah…sorry..."

"WHY?" He ran his fingers through his hair, tousling the wild auburn mess further.

"Because she was Ozzie's sister," he said miserably. "He was my only friend in BERK for so long, the one person who gave me some purpose when I was dragged from the States and dumped here by my Dad. I promised him I would look out for her when we were on missions, because he loved her and he didn't trust Dagur…"

"Good call," I murmured.

"And I swore I would do my best for her when he died because I knew Dagur wouldn't," he murmured. "I had to do it for him…"

"And you're sure it wasn't just for Dagur?" I asked pointedly. He sighed.

"I know you think…" he admitted softly and I strode forward.

"I know," I breathed and crouched opposite him, staring into the miserable forest green eyes. "Just for once, be honest with me, Hiccup. What happened?" I wasn't talking about his recent betrayal now. Wincing, he shook his head. He knew the only gesture of faith he could give me was the truth-the truth he had concealed and avoided ever since I arrived at BERK.

"We didn't have a relationship," he said quietly, unable to meet my eyes. There was a moment of hesitation, an abyss of pain he crossed to speak on, to give me the answer I needed as a sign of his trustworthiness. His voice betrayed his shame. "That was his thing, not mine. I'm not gay, Astrid: I was sexually abused. Dagur…raped me."

I stared at him. The last words were said, utterly devoid of emotion except the slight emphasis on the penultimate word. I knew there was something there, some bad history…but I hadn't even considered that he had been…hurt like that. I blinked.

"Oh." I sounded like a fool.

"I know," he sighed. "My father doesn't know, by the way-why would I tell him? It would just be another thing for him to rip me to pieces with." He swallowed. "Gobber, Gothi and Ozzie knew. No one else. The others just thought he's beaten me half to death…which he had to in order to stop me fighting him. I did everything I could to stop him, Astrid. Everything! And I never went to the infirmary afterward because they would know…Dad would know…Dagur would know he had won…And he never stopped wanting to take more from me…my dragon, my leg…and you…" He looked away but there were tears on his face now. "But…but I only killed him when he was trying to kill you…because he was all Heather had left."

"Heather's our enemy…" I reminded him quietly, watching his facade crack.

"But I promised," he whispered, palming the moisture off his cheeks. "And I failed. I found out about the dragons and the nest and his complex…but I couldn't help her. And then I knew…I had a chance to get the Night Terrors away, to free Smidvarg and get him to bring them back…and they're in the glen as well, with Toothless…" I stared at him.

"Then how…?" I asked and he dropped his head.

"I found a way to switch off the trackers," he admitted. "I've emailed the countermeasure and process to reactivate them to you…" I stared at him, shocked. "Astrid-I'm not your enemy…"

"But you betrayed BERK," I repeated, looking as he rested against the bars, his eyes closed and breathing ragged.

"I could've done so much more," he sighed. "When he got me to hack BERK, I saw the modifications Will and my team had made and I knew I could circumvent them if I tried…but I lied and said the system threw me out, when actually I manually activated Ragnarok to cover my tracks… Um…Drago wasn't too pleased, by the way…"

"Hiccup…does Drago know you can switch the trackers off?" I asked him. He shook his head and gave a small smile.

"He believed I failed as well," he said. "Not happy about that, to be honest." The edge was there again, the frisson of fear at the mention of a situation that almost certainly turned out badly for him. Snotlout's words rolled around my head: I don't think he's become a bad guy.

"Hiccup…how did you get Toothless back?" I asked, watching him lean against the bars. He sighed and closed his eyes as he spoke quietly..

"They needed him when they went to the nest…because they can't control the hatchlings either and dragons have died as a result…" he revealed. "So they let me out with him…and when we reached the nest, we were able to get the Terrors away…and then I was able to disable their craft and get on Toothless. We flew to Drago's complex at top speed and grabbed Myrkr before they knew what was coming. And then…I came here…"

"Hiccup…I…" My anger was dissipating…not completely because I was still so mad at how stupid he had been. But I began to understand his thinking because I don't think I could ever fully appreciate how badly he had been treated for so long…and how he couldn't face another round of torture at the hands of Ryker or Drago or-or anyone, of that matter. He had baulked…but could I blame him? Why should I have to expect this young man, cruelly discarded and ignored by his father, abandoned and abused for some many years, scarred mentally and physically, to endure sadistic torment when there was a way round it? He had some appalling psychological wounds and I knew how he undervalued himself. Deciding to give himself up, to surrender to the enemy…to get his dragon and me away would be typical. As would his coming back here to give himself up to the good guys to take his punishment.

"Why didn't you just go?" I asked him in a low voice.

"Because I would never see you again," he said wretchedly and finally he opened his eyes. "And I know I sacrificed us when I made my choice…you are here and safe and Toothless and Myrkr and the Night Terrors are all here and free…" And I shuddered-because his eyes were terrified.

"Hiccup-the General will condemn you to life in prison…" I said quietly. He nodded desperately, curling round to face me.

"No…he'll have me taken away, to some intelligence place they have for dangerous criminals…because they can't ever risk me talking to anyone who would believe me…and then I will vanish forever…" His voice was trembling.

"Why couldn't you have just warned me that it was an act?" I sighed, staring into his face and seeing him blinking.

"I hoped you would realise when I called you stupid," he sighed. "Gods, Astrid-you are the smartest, bravest, most determined woman I have ever met…and I know I don't get out much but don't think of that an insult because I can't imagine ever meeting anyone more amazing than you. And now I never will…but I don't want anyone else. And I know I hurt you and I know I was stupid but I know you will look after my bud and you won't let Drago harm the Team and I love you and need you and I don't know how I can ever go on without you…" And he broke, tears trickling down his face, his voice choking to silence as sobs wracked him. He curled up, trying to shy away…and I reached through, my hand hesitating an inch from his shaking shape.

"Hiccup…please…" I said suddenly, gently touching his shoulder. He just sobbed harder, his face pressed into his hands…but he leaned very slightly against my hand.

"I…thought…you…trusted…me…" he sobbed. "I thought…you knew…I loved you…"

"And I thought you loved me…but you tried to kill me…" I retorted, though my stomach was really dancing with a horrible feeling of guilt. He was shaking his head.

"I n-never m-made any m-move against y-you…" he wept. "I j-just s-said I w-would…so V-viggo and Ryker would b-believe me…" He tried to take a breath. "All…all I ever wanted was for you and Toothless to be free. And…to spend the r-rest of my life with you…"

"Oh God," I murmured, staring at him and realising-and finally accepting-the truth. He had been unable to face another round of torture and had thought quickly and brilliantly, convincing the horrible sadistic and brutal Grimborns to accept him, managing to get me to declare him a traitor and then help me escape by allowing me to steal my own dragon. And then he had co-operated with the Grimborns and Drago, a man who terrified him, in order to try to help a woman who had sworn to kill him painfully and slowly and to release his dragon.

"I believe you," I murmured, feeling my eyes prickle with tears. And then he lifted his head, his shining green eyes urgently searching my face for any artifice…and finding none. He urgently turned and grasped my hand in both of his, lifting it to his face and pressing my hand to his lips. His eyes closed again and he held my hand there for a long moment, before pulling away.

"Thank you," he murmured hoarsely. Tentatively, he inched forward and hesitantly extended his hand through the bars to pause, hovering inches from my face. I nodded and he very tenderly stroked my cheek, a tiny brave smile lifting his sorrowful face. "It…it won't change my fate but at least…I know someone will miss me…"

"Get away!" the guard shouted, seeing him reaching beyond the cell. We both glanced up…as the taser hit him. I stared in shock as the current surged through him and he gasped, frightened eyes wide as he jerked and then slammed to the floor. I scrambled up as the guard urgently unlocked the door and steamed in, kicking Hiccup's prone body, each thudding blow shuddering through him. Trembling, he grunted in pain as I clenched my fists.

"HALT!" I shouted, my voice a shout of rage. The guard froze mid-kick. "ATTENTION!" I bellowed and he reluctantly stood to attention, leaving the prisoner curled, shaking at his feet. "Get out of the cell and stand over there. If you come within ten feet of this cell until I give permission, I will have you on night guard duty for the next month!"

"Yes, Ma'am!" he said through gritted teeth and walked back. I stared at him…then walked into the cell, dropping to my knees by the curled up shape. Quietly, I reached down and lifted his bowed head.

"Hiccup?" I murmured, leaning closer. "I'm here…" Breathing hard, trembling all over from the aftermath of the current and the blows, the dazed green eyes stared imploringly up into my face.

"Astrid?" he breathed. A hand gently rose to rest on my wrist and I could feel him shaking. I nodded then leaned closer and slid an arm under him and he wrapped his arms around me, curling against me and burying his head in my shoulder as I hugged him fiercely. Far skinnier than I remembered him feeling, he pressed hard against me and I felt him desperately questing for comfort as he had so many times in our relationship. I tightened my hug around his warm body and felt him nuzzle into my neck as I curled against him. He was weeping and so was I-because though I had realised why he had done what he had done and that he hadn't truly given anything away, he had betrayed BERK…and his father would never forgive him.

I feared that no matter what happened, even though I really believed in him and trusted him, I would lose him forever…