Mary was pretty certain that she was obsessed with her baby. After one day of being without her, she found herself examining every inch of the child to look for changes and she thought quite possibly she had grown a little more hair. Matthew had laughed at her like she was crazy, but there was a chance she had even more of her dark brown hair than before. So, for now, she needed to catch up on her skin to skin contact with Oliva. There was too much time missed and she had to make up for it. She didn't want to miss another second of Olivia changing. As she held her little one on her chest, she pressed soft kisses to her baby's head of hair and looked into the mirror that the nurse placed next to her to see Olivia's face. She was grateful that her baby looked more like her than anyone else. She actually didn't see Carlisle in her at all. She saw herself and bits and pieces of her family. She knew that could change, but it was alright. Nothing could change how she felt about the little wonder in her arms. Olivia was so small and delicate, but Mary had so much faith in her. She was doing amazing. She was handling her tube feeds well and her body temperature was stabilizing, especially when she was doing skin on skin. All of the skin on skin had been great for her and she did exceptionally well when she was with her mom. Mary was so happy to be her mom, but it broke her heart that she couldn't feed her baby herself or take her home. Soon she was going to be discharged from the hospital and her little girl would still be there. It seemed like an impossible thing to deal with.
"A penny for your thoughts?" Matthew interrupted her thoughts and she looked away from Olivia's reflection in the mirror.
"They're not worth that much." She breathed, pressing a kiss to the top of Olivia's head.
"That's not true." Matthew sighed, closing his book as he leaned over and pressed a kiss to her neck, before putting a hand over Olivia's back. "How is Squeaky?"
"Is that what you're calling her now?" Mary giggled, titling her head to look at the little one's face. "Your Daddy is making fun of you."
"Her noises." Matthew laughed, kissing her neck softly again. "Little Squeaky."
"Mary! Matthew!" A voice interrupted them as the curtain pulled back and Mary looked up to find Dr. Lee who walked in front of them. "How is Olivia doing?"
"She's good, but I think she's ready for a bath." Mary replied, lightly tapping her hand against Olivia's back.
"The nurses have that set up for you just on the other side of the curtain." Dr. Lee pointed, before crossing her arms over her chest and leaning against the counter. "Are you guys comfortable with doing that on your own? I know you guys have already been taught how to move the electrodes off of her and then back on."
"Yeah, we're ready." Matthew nodded, sliding his book into the arm of the chair. "The nurse taught us how to remove and put the cords back on for her baths."
"Perfect." Dr. Lee nodded. "Mary, she's doing exceptionally well with you. Her temperature and heart rate are always exactly where they should be when she's with you."
"That is because Mary is an amazing mother." Matthew grinned and Mary felt his hand on her shoulder. "Olivia adores her already."
"Dr. Lee…" Mary breathed, placing a soft kiss on Olivia's head. "I've been pumping constantly. When can we try to breastfeed?"
"Olivia wouldn't be expected to have that ability for another two weeks, but it isn't too early to start introducing her to having something in her mouth." Dr. Lee walked over to a drawer, pulling out a packaged green pacifier. "These come sanitized already. You can lightly rub this around her mouth or start trying to attach her to you for a bit just to familiarize her with it. She just won't really be able to do anything with it yet. Still, introducing her to it will help tremendously. Perhaps while you're giving her the bath, try it out a bit. This is her fist real bath and she may not be happy with it. It could be a great idea to start teaching her to soothe."
"And when can she go home?" Matthew asked and Mary knew he was trying to ask for her.
"Medically the expectation is her due date, however all preemies are different." Dr. Lee explained, walking over to a personalized checklist on the wall next to the incubator. "Olivia can breathe on her own now which is huge and her temperature will likely be considered stable soon. She hasn't had a single apnea spell in two days, so we'll have her tested soon. If we can confirm she has no other unresolved acute medical concerns and she can gain weight steadily, we can start evaluating that. That means she has to gain a bit more and be growing consistently as well as eating without a tube."
"But she's making improvements?" Mary asked nervously.
"She's doing exceptionally well." Dr. Lee leaned forward, running her finger over Oliva's head. "Once we see how she does on her apnea tests, I will feel better about starting to make a timeline. Test out the nipple with her, I don't expect her to catch on for a bit but the introduction is crucial. Also, keep up on the skin on skin. Has Dr. Morrison discussed discharging you?"
"In the next day or two." Mary replied, instantly feeling a bit sad.
"We're not pleased about leaving Olivia." Matthew sighed.
"There are limited family visitation hours, but not for her parents. You can be here as long and as often as you need." Dr. Lee explained, before handing Matthew a pamphlet. "Some parents spend the majority of the time here and some rent hotel rooms across from the hospital. Either way it is up to you. I do encourage you being here often so that you can still hold her."
"I doubt Mary will leave her alone here very often." Matthew chuckled, taking Mary's free hand and lacing his fingers in hers.
"I always recommend that parents go home and spend a night there the first night the mother is released." Dr. Lee explained, looking directly at Mary. "Go home, get a warm shower and some sleep. I know it seems impossible, but having a premature infant can be exhausting. You're throwing everything you have into taking care of her. Take a night for the two of you. Order some takeout and get some sleep. She'll be in amazing hands and I will personally make sure Olivia has someone to rock with her. You can have someone come in on your behalf, like one of your mothers. I will even personally rock her myself for a bit. I know Olivia loves to be held."
"We would appreciate that." Matthew said, as Mary felt his eyes on her.
"I don't need a night off. I could just rock her…" Mary replied as Matthew lightly squeezed her hand to reassure her. "We don't live too far or we could get a hotel."
"Well, whatever you decide. She is in the best hands." Dr. Lee stepped over to the curtain and pushed it back. "I will check in with you guys before I leave today. Enjoy your bath, Olivia."
"She will." Matthew chuckled and stood up as Dr. Lee walked away. Mary looked up at him as he rolled his sleeves up and walked over to the sink to wash his hands. "Mary, you know if we go home for a night, she'll be okay. You could use a home shower, maybe a night of sleep in your bed and a movie. A date or something."
"Maybe." Mary sighed, as Matthew came over and helped Mary turn Olivia over. The baby curled up a bit, her face scrunching as the air hit her chest. Mary placed a soft kiss against her temple as Matthew began removing some of the cords as the nurses instructed them. "You're so little."
"I can't believe how tiny she is." Matthew chuckled, taking Olivia into his arms and Mary pushed herself up from the reclined chair. Matthew walked slowly with Olivia over to the infant bath station. When Mary got over there, she turned on the water, testing it with her hand. She adjusted it several times, making sure it wasn't too hot or too cold. She looked up at Matthew who was staring at her. "Mary, I think it's good. You've got this."
"Well, she's already not pleased that she's cold." Mary giggled as Matthew laid the baby on the blanket next to the little tub, and Mary moved to undo her diaper. "Little darling. I am sorry."
"She makes the same pouting face you do." Matthew laughed, leaning over to give Mary a soft kiss on her cheek as Mary slid the baby into the water. Initially Olivia began to let out a little cry, but as Matthew went over her with the sponge, she just opened her eyes and looked up at them. "Get your phone…we need a picture."
"Got it." Mary pulled her phone from her robe and taking a picture with her phone. She had expected Olivia to cry the entire time they gave a bath, but right now the baby was looking up at her and only shuttering occasionally as Matthew washed her. She seemed quite pleased with the bath as she looked at Mary. "Oh…the pacifier." Mary reached for the green plastic, before running over the baby's lips. Olivia didn't do anything, just kept her eyes on Mary. "She's not reacting to it at all."
"That's okay." Matthew assured her as he reached for some soap. "We just want her to get a feel for it. It will probably take time."
"Maybe I'll try to put her on me later." Mary sighed.
"I know I respond well to yours so…" Matthew winked, looking down at her chest. "Not sure why she wouldn't."
"Matthew…not in front of Olivia." Mary laughed in disgust, pushing into his side. "I just want her to start gaining and I think if we can get her to start eating more…"
"She will." He replied, looking at her intently. "She'll be okay. We'll get it worked out."
"I know." Mary whispered as she looked back at Olivia and they continued to give the little one her bath. Her daughter was looking up at her and making it clear that she trusted the two people who loved her the most. Mary hated that they were still in the hospital and that the first time giving their little girl a bath was her only break from the wires that normally covered her body. While she was improving, it seemed unfair that her life was so up in the air. Nobody knew when she would be able to go home or have her feeding tube removed. The feeding tube was the only cord that had to stay attached as they gave her a bath, because it wasn't easily removed. That being said, it was probably a lot easier than having to watch what it took to remove it. She never wanted her child to be in pain or uncomfortable and right now Olivia looked like she was enjoying herself. She even seemed to be falling asleep and Mary leaned forward to kiss her cheek again. This was heavenly. The only way it could be better is if they were home. She didn't want to go home and leave her here. There was no way she could do that. She wanted Olivia home with her. Which meant fighting for her. She knew she wasn't going to take her home right away, but the best thing she could do was work her own butt off to help Olivia grow and improve. Moments were what she wanted. Taking care of her little girl with the man she loved the most.
