Ch. 20

On pain of death, Coulson would never admit it to anyone, but he was actually enjoying himself, training every day with May, Ward, Sif, and Hogun. He'd secretly admired the Sif and the Warriors Three ever since the New Mexico incident and there was something freeing about not being in charge. He wasn't responsible for any missions, didn't need to track down any bad guys. Every day, he got up, dressed like an extra from a Robin Hood movie and spent eight hours training new recruits.

He still missed his suit, however.

He had made it a point to touch base with FitzSimmons at least once a week and check on their progress. Given the data they had surreptitiously collected with Dr. Foster, they were confident they'd have a working bifrost portal soon after they returned from Asgard. Having the means to travel to Asgard or any other Realm would level the playing field somewhat. Even though Loki had behaved himself during the last few months, Coulson would never truly trust him. Every morning as he dressed, he'd look at the scar on his chest and be forcibly reminded of Loki's ability to destroy those around him. Despite Loki's assurances to the contrary, Coulson wouldn't be surprised if they all still ended up in the dungeons.

At least, Skye seemed to be doing better. She still had another three months before the birth of her baby, but things were progressing well. The baby's growth had been severely slowed down thanks to the Asgardian healers and the last time Coulson talked to her, she was upbeat and positive, eager to show him all the different tricks that Loki had taught her. Coulson was glad of her progress, but still wary of all the time she was spending with her father.

Ward, on the other hand, was even more quiet than usual. Coulson tried to draw him out, get him to talk about it, but he couldn't force the younger man to share what was bothering him. Coulson wasn't sure it was the thought of his impending fatherhood or the fact that they were essentially stranded on Asgard that put Ward on edge.

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After a hearty breakfast together of a sweetened, thick porridge with light green berries, Coulson made his way to the training rooms. May was already there, decked out in her red, leather Asgardian armor, putting a new batch of recruits through their paces. Coulson looked over at her for a while and had to smile. For some reason, being on Asgard seemed to lighten her mood. Perhaps she, like Coulson, was leaving the responsibilities and burdens of being a S.H.I.E.L.D. agent behind. They both should have been on edge, living and serving in the palace of an egomaniacal killer, but getting away from S.H.I.E.L.D. seemed to relax them both. It reminded him of when they first served together. He remembered being so flustered around her. She was one of the most beautiful women he had ever met and he felt gawky and awkward around her. It didn't take long for them to become fast friends, however, and for a time, so much closer than friends.

But maintaining a relationship while serving S.H.I.E.L.D. was nearly impossible. There were anti-fraternization rules in place for a reason. Before long, they were sent on assignments on opposite sides of the world. A year later, when they were paired up on a mission once again, she was cold and brusque with him, obviously hurt that he put his devotion to S.H.I.E.L.D. above his affection towards her. And then Bahrain happened and the May that he once knew seemed forever lost.

But, as he glanced over at her, laughing and teasing with Sif, comparing techniques with Hogun, he was struck by how light-hearted and carefree she seemed to him, two adjectives he hadn't associated with her in decades. He vaguely wondered if those changes were permanent or if she'd revert to the way she was once they returned to Earth. For a moment, he wanted to stay on Asgard forever, a notion that made him nearly start to laugh.

"Penny for your thoughts?" May said, sidling up next to him and smiling at him as he surveyed the new recruits, with Ward showing them a few new moves.

"I . . . . Do you ever wish things could have gone differently? Every wish you had zigged instead of zagged?" he asked.

"All the time. Everyone does. But every day is a new opportunity to zig," she said, chuckling slightly.

"Really?" he asked. He wished it were true. He wished that he could believe that life was a never-ending buffet of second chances.

"Really," she said firmly, hands clasped behind her back as she looked out over the room.

"There are a lot of decisions I'd take back. A lot of roads I'd wish I hadn't travelled down. A lot of times I turned right when I should have turned left."

"I know," May said simply.

"Do you?" he asked. They had danced around this topic for months, neither one actually putting how they felt into words.

She turned to him, looking him in the eyes. "What we had together was special, unique. We were both too young and foolish to realize it at the time," she said.

"May . . . I . . .," his voice broke. "I'm sorry. Sorry that I chose a career in S.H.I.E.L.D. over you. It wasn't right. It's a decision I regret to this day," he said.

"I know," she repeated. "I am, too. I could have come to you. I could have tried to fight against it. But, I was hurt and I felt rejected so I . . . . I just shut down."

"Do you ever think that someday, you and I could maybe . . . ." his voice trailed off.

"Why do you think I came along on your team?" she asked lightly.

"This whole time? You were just waiting for me to get my priorities straight?" he asked, dumbfounded.

"And are they?" she asked, slipping her hand in his and giving it a slight squeeze.

Coulson nodded, not trusting himself to speak. He couldn't keep the grin off his face as he held her hand, swinging it back and forth slightly, remembering what it was to be young and in love. Being stuck on Asgard wasn't so bad after all.