HOPE VALLEY, TRAIN DEPOT
Jack stepped off the train and headed for the jail. Caleb wasn't there so he walked to his and Amy's house.
He knocked and smiled when Amy opened the door. "Dad? What are you doing here?" She hugged him tight. "I'm so glad you're here."
"Hi, sweetie. I got a telegram."
"Will?"
"Yeah. Where's Caleb?"
"I don't know. I would normally say rounds but I honestly haven't gotten much from him the last few days."
Jack closed the door and took Lily from her. "Hi, pretty girl. Wow, you look like your Mama." He kissed her chubby cheeks and sighed. "I'm going to go find him. Any ideas?"
"No. He left early this morning without a word. I'm worried, Dad. He's got it in his head that you would be disappointed in him."
"For quitting? I admit, it's not the Caleb I know, but the job of a Mountie can change a person."
"No. He has been struggling since he was injured. He has nightmares. He doesn't realize I know about them. A few days ago, a man robbed the saloon. The gunshots scared him. According to Kip, the barkeep, he froze."
"Now Caleb blames himself for the guy getting away?"
"Yep. He says he failed. He's definitely depressed."
"I know how he feels. You remember when I had to retire. You know how depressed I was."
"Yes, I remember."
"I'll find him, Amy." He kissed her cheek and handed Lily back.
"Thank you, Dad."
"This may take some time. To get back the Caleb we once knew."
"I know. I have forever."
….
Jack looked all evening and still no sign of him. The last place he decided to look was the last place Jack figured he would ever go.
As he entered the saloon, he found him. On a stool at the bar, a drink in front of him.
Jack sat next to him, waving off the bartender as he walked up. Caleb turned his head and smirked. "I wondered how long it would take for Amy to send for you."
"What are you doing, Caleb?"
"Thought I'd check out the inside as a patron instead of the law. Things are quite different." Caleb ran his finger around the rim of the shot glass.
"Been here all day?"
"Pretty much. Got nothin else to do."
"How about your job?"
"Oh, took a day off."
"Caleb.."
"Look, Dad. I'm sorry you came all the way to Hope Valley to see your disappointment of a son, but…"
"Caleb, stop. What are you doing? This is not you. This drinking and quitting your job when you have a family to care for."
"It's a waste of your time to be here, Dad! Just like I'm a waste of a Mountie education." Caleb slammed back the shot and stood up, walking out of the saloon.
Jack paid for Caleb's tab and followed him out the door. He walked behind him, mostly just to make sure he didn't walk in front of a wagon or car.
Caleb walked, sometimes stumbled, to his front door where Amy stopped him.
"You been drinking, Caleb?" She pushed him back a bit and shut the door.
"You're not coming in here drunk. Your children are in there and I will not let them see their father like this. Find somewhere to sleep it off."
"Come on, Ames." She shut the door and locked it.
Jack followed him to the jail where he fumbled with his keys to unlock the door. After he dropped them three times, he gave up and sat down against the door.
Jack shook his head and took the keys from his limp hand and then unlocked the door. Caleb, unconscious at this point, fell back against the floor of the jail. It took a bit of work, but Jack finally dragged him inside and locked him in a cell, shoving the keys in his own pocket.
"Be glad your mother's not here, son."
…..
The next morning, when Caleb finally woke up, he opened his eyes and saw his Dad and three annoyed women staring at him, hands on their hips.
Caleb chuckled. "You three look like Mom."
"We'll take that as a compliment," Maddie told him.
Caleb stood up, the room spinning a bit, so he sat back down. "Dad, can I get some coffee?"
"First, these three lovely ladies wanted to talk with you. Personally, I'm going to go play with my grandchildren. See you later." He kissed all three women's cheeks and left the building.
"Can someone please give me some coffee? My head is pounding."
"Could be all that alcohol you drank," Amy said quietly.
"Ames."
"We already know, Caleb. Dad filled us in," Em told him.
"What exactly are you and Maddie doing here?"
"As Dad said, we have some things to tell you."
"Well, before I can even think about listening, I need coffee and the outhouse."
Caleb stood and pushed against the cell door but it was locked. "Who has the keys? I can't believe you locked me in here."
"Dad locked you in and therefore logic would dictate that Dad has the keys," Amy told him. He leaned his aching head against the cold metal bars and moaned. "Why don't you have a seat, Caleb?"
He stared at the three women again recognizing, even in his hungover state, that they could all be just as stubborn as he could. So he sat slowly.
Maddie started. "Ok, big brother. I'll make this short and sweet. I can see that you've been hurting since you moved to town. I can also see how much you and Amy love each other and how much she and your children depend on you. This stupid drinking thing you did cannot happen again. It doesn't help matters. It may help you forget temporarily but then you're right back to where you started."
Em began her speech. "I'm not very sweet, so I'll just make it short. Whatever it is that's bothering you, Caleb, talk to Amy and Dad. Dad's been through it and Amy is your wife. Although Amy deserves to be the one you turn to. You said vows, for better or worse. Live up to them. Don't push her away." Em walked closer and took his hand. "I love you, Caleb. I'm so sorry you're hurting."
"I love you too, Em."
Once he and Amy were alone, they just stared at each other for a moment before they spoke. "Ames, I'm sorry."
"About what?" She sat on his desk, a good five feet away. He wished she would come closer.
"A lot of things. I'm sorry I got drunk yesterday instead of being responsible. I'm sorry I let every one down."
It took all she had not to unlock the door and rush to him.
"I admit, I didn't expect you to get drunk. You never drink. You've changed, Caleb."
"Yeah. I have. I can promise you that one thing hasn't changed, though."
"What's that?"
"How much I love you and our babies." He reached for her. She hesitated for a moment. "Ames."
"Caleb, we need to somehow get through this."
"I'll figure it out."
"That's the problem. This isn't something that you are alone on. I'm your wife! We need to help each other, but you keep pushing me away."
"Ames, it's not that I'm pushing you away." He sighed and sat down on the cot. "I don't want you to worry about this."
"Don't you see, sweetheart? I am worried. I am worried that since you quit, you will be unhappy and leave me. After yesterday, I'm worried that someday you're going to come home drunk and hurt one of us. I'm worried that we won't have a place to live now and no money to buy the things we need." Amy couldn't help the tears. She had been holding in her words too. "Keeping me out in the dark just makes it worse, Caleb."
"Amy, come here." He reached through the bars for her again. "I wish I could hold you, babe."
She stayed back, knowing that keeping him at a distance might help him to share what's bothering him.
"Please, Ames." She crossed her arms and looked away. He dropped his arms and sighed. "First, I will never leave you. I am unhappy but not with you or the kids. I'm unhappy with myself. Second, I would never ever hurt one of you. In fact I'll make a promise right now, I won't ever drink again. As far as a house, I don't have an answer on that yet but I will be working everyday in the mercantile so we will have the things we need."
"But you're still unhappy, Caleb. That means something is still bothering you. Tell me what's going on. You quit your job without discussing it with me. I've never known you to be so impulsive or irresponsible." She saw him faltering a bit. Almost as if she could see him thinking. "I know about the nightmares." His eyes met hers in disbelief. "I don't know why you choose not to share things with me and I'm trying not to take it personally but…" She looked away from him for a moment. "Maybe you found someone else? Someone not as stubborn or outspoken as me? Someone you share your thoughts and fears with?"
"Of course not. You know I would never do that."
"I thought I knew, but you've been closing yourself off for over a year. Anything is possible, I guess."
"Amy, we've been married twelve years! You really think I would find someone else? After everything we've been through? After five children? Really?"
"I don't know! Caleb, I don't know anything anymore. I need to go."
He sat down on the cot in shock. She didn't trust him. It felt terrible to know that.
…..
Amy walked into the library, nodding at Max, and then back to the play room. She felt the tears stinging her nose and eyes but she wanted to get home before they appeared.
"Mama!" Joey shouted, running over to see her.
Jack looked up from the couch where he sat with the other children. He wished he saw a smile on Amy's face but instead he saw tears.
As she picked up Joey, she held him tight, needing his love right then.
Jack walked over and stood next to her. "Where is he?"
"Same place." She pulled the keys out of her pocket and handed them to him. "You can let him out. Nothing's changed." She set Joey down and picked up Lily. "Come on kids, let's go home." Mason, Meri, and Logan followed her out after she said goodbye to Livy, paying her for the hour.
Jack walked across the street to the jail and took a seat by Caleb's cell. He was sitting against the wall, his head resting on his arms.
"So, will you let me out, Dad? I really need to use the outhouse and get some coffee too."
"The girls said what they wanted. Now it's my turn."
Caleb sighed and looked up. "Go ahead."
"I almost lost your mother, Caleb. As you know, back when your mom was pregnant with Em, a man came into the jail while I was working and shot me. She, Bug, and my mom came to the hospital and stayed with me until I was better enough to go home. The doctor healed what they could see, but my brain and my heart were injured and that wasn't something they could fix."
Caleb knew all about that. He was in the same place.
"When we got home, the nightmares started," Jack continued. "I couldn't sleep. All I saw when I closed my eyes was this man walking into the jail and shooting. The difference was, he was shooting at your mother and Bug. Each time, I couldn't see who he was and each time, he killed them. I lost them everyday for weeks. So instead of trying to sleep, I worked, day and night. That meant I was neglecting Bug and your mom. I missed Bug's first steps and first birthday. Finally, it took her and your Grandma to pull me out of my daze and get me to focus."
"She doesn't trust me dad. She thinks I found someone else to confide in. Another woman."
"How does that feel? To not be trusted?"
"Horrible!"
"She probably feels the same way, Caleb. Look, I'm not going to tell you how to fix your marriage. Just think about how bad it feels to have lost her trust and then think about how she feels because you won't confide in her." Jack stood up and unlocked the cell. "I'm heading home in a few days. I'm staying at Nate and Maddie's. Let me know if you need anything." He handed the keys to Caleb through the door. "I love you, son. Nothing will ever change that."
…..
HARRIS TOWN
Jenny washed the counters in Jon's new house. Jillian clapped and giggled in Jenny's arms as she worked, propped on her hip.
Once the counters were cleaned, she set the happy baby in her crib and swept floors as Jon moved his trunk into the larger bedroom in the back.
Cam carried in a lamp and carefully set it on the table by the couch. "Ok, I'm done, Ma. Can I go fishing now? Please?"
"Yes, thank you, Cam." The boy had been working all morning.
"Bye, Ma. Bye Dr. Beckley!"
Jon entered the kitchen and watched Jenny for a moment. The woman had been cleaning all morning and insisted on taking care of Jilly too. How'd she get the energy?
"Jen?"
"Yes?" She stopped sweeping and looked at him, her cheeks rosy from working.
"I think it's clean enough."
"I haven't swept the bathroom or the bedrooms yet. Then, you don't have food and…"
"I can do those things. You must be tired."
"I like to help."
He walked over and took her hands in his. "And I appreciate it, fully, but when I asked you to come help, I didn't want you to feel like you had to clean everything."
"I wanted to. Jon, I want to be here, with you and Jillian. You mean so much to me."
"How much?" He slipped his arms around her waist.
"So much." She sighed, leaning against his chest. She loved him. She knew it for certain. She wanted this to be her and Cam's house too one day. She could imagine it.
"You mean a lot to me too," he whispered into her hair that smelled like vanilla.
"How much?" she teased. She pulled back and smiled as he kissed her forehead and slowly moved to her cheek. From the look on his face, she knew they both wanted a real kiss. The longing was in his eyes. She just didn't know what he was waiting for.
"Dadada!" Jillian called from her crib. Then she clucked her tongue signaling her hunger.
Jenny stepped out of his arms and fixed a bottle while he picked her up. They walked over to the couch and Jillian immediately reached for Jenny. Jenny hesitated. "It's ok," Jon told her. "I'll take the wagon back to Travis and go to the store. Anything you want for dinner?"
"Whatever you want is fine."
"So if I pick up calves liver and onions, it will be ok?"
"Gross, no!" He smiled at her reaction.
"I'll be back soon."
….
DREW AND CARRIE'S HOUSE
Drew walked in around dinner time, with food from the restaurant. He knew Carrie wouldn't be up to cooking quite yet and he picked up Abigail's chicken and dumplings, knowing they were Carrie's favorite.
On his way back from town, he picked wildflowers from the meadow and bought a blue glass vase to put them in.
As he prepared a tray, he heard Noelle crying upstairs and then Audrey joined her.
He carried the full tray carefully to the bedroom and nudged the door open with his boot. "Carrie? I have dinner."
Carrie laid next to her crying daughters. He set the tray down and bent down to pick up the girls. "Hey, what's going on? How long ago did my mom leave?"
"About an hour," Carrie told him.
He laid the twins down and changed their diapers and kissed their tummies. "Is everyone hungry? I brought Nana's chicken and dumplings."
"Nana?" Audrey asked.
"Yep, Nana made us yummy food."
"No thank you," Carrie told him.
"Sweetheart, you need to eat. If not for you, do it so the girls can keep nursing."
She stood up slowly, still feeling cramps and muscle soreness. "I need to use the bathroom."
When she returned, she sat gently on the bed and covered her legs. She watched as Drew gave spoonful after spoonful of the dinner to the girls. "Num Num," they said as he offered another spoonful.
"I guess it's their favorite too," Drew mentioned. He glanced at Carrie. "Sweetie, do you want me to fix a bath for you?"
"Sure, thank you."
"As soon as the girls are in bed, I'll do that." She nodded.
It didn't take long for their warm, full tummies to cause them to get sleepy. So Drew placed them in their crib and then sat on the bed next to Carrie. He handed her a bowl and spoon. "Please, Drew. I don't have an appetite now."
"What did you eat today?"
"I ate just fine." He set the bowl down and moved so he was seated right next to her, giving him the opportunity to hold her. "Drew, I don't want to feel like this anymore." He felt her tears dampen his shirt but it didn't matter. He needed to give her some measure of comfort.
"Shhh. It's ok."
"No it's not. It's not ok. She's gone and we will never get to meet her."
"I bet she would have been beautiful just like you and the girls." He turned her chin and kissed her softly, sad, but grateful he still had her and Audrey and Noelle. "I know she would have been and she will always be with us in our hearts."
