DISCLAIMER: I own nothing. All rights to Veronica Roth.


Chapter 48
Take The Bad Dreams Away

|1 week later|

Another nightmare occurred just like every night, only this time Mara was the one standing by my side of the bed instead of Phoenix, her cheeks wet with tears as she sobbed heavily.

"Mara sweetie." Tobias says in astonishment of her state, flipping on the dim lamp and coming to where Mara stood. I sit up and allow Mara to be laid in the middle of the bed. I don't bother questioning the nightmare, no use in bringing back something to scare her even more.

We allow her to cry it out, holding her in our arms and kissing her warm forehead. I'd had hoped the sobbing would have subsided but they stayed heavy, so heavy that Mara began to turn green.

"Bucket." She chocked out through her impeded speech. Tobias shoots up in bed and runs into the bathroom, he came out with the empty tin trashcan, which Mara instantly hurled into. She continued to cry and vomit, squeezing my hand in pain.

"Make it stop!" She pleaded Tobias and I, vomiting another load and soon dry heaving because no food was left in her system.

"What do you want us to stop?" Tobias asks as he wipes a cold towel over her face and places the smelly bucket on the floor.

"The nightmares. Please take them away." She begged, her eyes catching mine and releasing more tears.

"I would if I could baby but that's out of my control." I explain cautiously.

"But you said it was a mommy's job to take away the pain." She reminds me sadly, my stomach clenches at her words.

"What's in your nightmares that's so bad?" I ask, attempting to show the benefits of opening up.

"Fire, and screams. Lots of screams… some of them I don't know who they belong to." She explains tightly, eyeing the covers of the bed.

"How can we make them go away?" Tobias asks, noticing my tongue-tied situation. Mara shrugs and sniffles her tears back.

"Do you want me to sing?" I ask, her eyes lock with mine at the thought. She nods and crawls onto my lap, nuzzling into my chest and waiting for the tune of any song.

I being Outlaws because it worked last time, Tobias quickly leaves to the bathroom to get rid of the dirty trash.

"I think we might be outlaws." Mara joins in lightly, her small voice sounding angelic with the song.

"I think I might be in love.

'Cause I'm all out of reasons,

like seasons,

Winter, summer, fall

they're all washed up.

If you're still way over there,

maybe slide on in by my side,

'Cause I'm just an outlaw,

wanted if you want me.

I love you everyday and every night." She stops singing there and allows me to continue alone, humming along to her favorite parts and becoming quiet when sleep began to swallow her.

The ending line came with gentle words, I heard Mara sing/mumble it with me:

"I'm just an outlaw,

wanted if you want me.

I love you everyday and every night."

I kiss her forehead and continue to hum a beat despite the song having ended.

~.~.~

The next morning begins with ease. It's a Saturday leaving Ezra free from school. We've entered stage two of initiation therefore we don't have to call everyone up until at least 9. The first thing my eyes open to see is the gentle features of Mara. Her perfect nose and long dark eyelashes, she looks like Tobias in a small way only more graceful. I sit up and notice Tobias sleeping with his arm around our daughter and his perfect lips parted slightly. I get up and walk to his side, quickly glancing at the clock to read 5:24am. I slide in next to him and nuzzle my face into his neck, he stirs at the feeling of my lips pecking his warm neck. I feel his arm shift around my waist and draw me closer to him.

"Did you have another nightmare?" He asks with his mouth close to my forehead. I mumble a yes and breathe in his scent.

"After Mara told me about the fire and screams I dreamt what she dreamt, only I saw their faces." I say tightly, tears brimming my eyes but he can't see them.

"I'm here now, I won't let the bad dreams get you." Tobias promised, I sniffled and gripped his shirt. "I will always be here Tris." He promised, sliding his arm away from Mara and tucking me tighter into him. I cry quietly into his shirt, soaking the black fabric with my tears. "How do you do it?" Tobias asks me, I look to him with red eyes.

"Do what?" I ask.

"Put up this illusion that everything is okay when you're with the kids or in front of our friends but deep down you are being tarred apart."

"I guess I'm not allowed to be sad, that I need to show I'm brave." I say cautiously.

"You're already brave enough. I don't like looking into your eyes and seeing the sadness, it makes me want to cry sometimes." He admits.

"I feel broken and I don't know how to feel good again." I finally tell him after he stares at me intently for a minute.

"How can I fix you then because the love of my life is currently hurting in ways I will never know."

"Just hold me, it takes away the pain for a little while." I say, drawing my eyes down to his chest.

"I'm going to call Zeke, maybe he can take care of our initiates as well. Mar and Uri are already going to watch Ezra and Mara so I'm going to stay with you. I'm going to stay with you and hold you until all the pain is gone." Tobias promises, kissing me passionately before running a hand over my head.

"Sleep now, I'll fight off the bad dreams." He commands.

"With what?" I ask.

"My bare hands of course." He says bringing a small smile to our lips before I tuck my face into his chest and sleep with his strong arms holding me.

~.~.~

The next time I awaken Mara isn't in the bed, and Tobias is on my opposite side, his face nuzzled into the back of my hair. I glance at the clock and notice it's already 10am. Careful not to awaken Tobias, I turn over and curl up in his chest.

"How do you feel?" Tobias asks me though his eyes stay shut.

"Alright." I lie to him.

"Tris," Tobias says unconvinced, un-tucking me from my chest and turning my chin up to meet his eyes. "Please don't hide from me, I will always be here to listen to you." He reminds me, I can only nod and allow the tears to prevail.

"I just can't get over how I will never be able to hug them or show any form of physical touch ever again. You can tell me that they will be there in my heart but I can never see my parents again. They're gone, and I hurt them."

"How did you hurt them, Tris?" Tobias asks me, running his fingers over my cheekbone.

"By leaving Abnegation, especially after Caleb chose to leave I broke their hearts even more. When we visited them I could see the pain in their eyes, they said they forgave me for leaving but I could truly see the anger and pain that lingered in their eyes. And now they're dead. They're dead and while they died I'm sure they never resented Caleb or I more than ever in that moment."

"How can you think that way?" Tobias asks in whisper.

"Because if I stayed then maybe they wouldn't be burnt to ash at the moment." I say in anger, a single tear roll downs my cheek at that moment.

"Tris, even if you stayed it doesn't mean they wouldn't have taken Mara in and pay the price for breaking faction rules." He states.

"I don't want this to sound like I resent Mara in any way. She is an amazing little girl who I love dearly." I reply quickly, never would I ever say what happened was Mara's fault.

"I do too. She is our new future." Tobias reminds me, I nod into his neck. "Is there anything we can do today to take your mind off of everything?"

"I have one idea." I instantly press my lips to his and begin to move slightly. He grabs my waist and pulls me so I'm lying on top of him. Without breaking out kiss he sits up against the headboard and has me straddle him while my fingers run over his neck and hair. His hands began pushing my shirt up and gripping my hips as our kisses heated.

I faltered with my kisses as soon as Tobias moved his lips over my jaw and down my neck. He kissed the hollow beneath my neck and trailed the butterfly kisses up the other side. He sucked at my earlobe making me laugh and tug at his hair in delight.

"You're beautiful." He whispers once my giggles subside and his mouth is breathing air into my ear.

"I love you." I say wistfully, turning my head and kissing hiss neck.

"I love you too." He says, connecting our lips once again.


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-Valentina