Author's Note

I really hate and love some of the ideas I come up with. At the same time, I mean. This chapter has become one of those ideas. Another idea that I didn't include but had thought up at one point was the NOAP/NOFAP, or Ninja Organization For Animal Protection. And ran by the Inuzuka, of course. It's really, really stupid, but part of me loves it for no real reason.

Gui Hawk: Oh, trust me, the fight is not worth it. I love it, but it's not worth the wait because I'm terrible. As for Mabui showing up, it's very possible. I still have Kumo flashbacks available, but just not… inspired enough to do them right now, I guess.

Naroku: As long as you're enjoying the story, that's what matters most! As for other stories like this, I have, but not really for anime. I've had thoughts on doing something with Fire Emblem Fates/Awakening, possibly God Eater, Senran Kagura, and possibly Pokemon? If I were to do one with anime, though, I'd probably do Familiar of Zero, Rosario + Vampire, or try One Piece even though that would be a lot harder. Bleach is a possibility, but there's so much I need to get caught up on. I hardly remember anything past the first season, and even that much I barely remember.

Warning! This story will contain language, sexual situations, and possibly fetishes that some people may feel uncomfortable with. If you are easily offended or disturbed, don't complain, you've been warned.

Disclaimer: I do not own Naruto


Chapter 51: How Things Go Worst to Weird

"KATSU!"

Yoichi had braced himself for an attack from all sides, but he hadn't been expecting an explosion above him. The shockwave from it made him lose his balance, before finding himself propelled backwards by some force before someone caught him.

"You alright, kid?" He managed to make out through the ringing in his ears, getting his balance as he rubbed one of his ears.

"Yeah, you got me just in time." He said as he looked to the person who caught him before pausing. "Oh boy." He muttered as he saw the members of Akatsuki all there, Kisame being the one to have caught him, including Itachi and Konan, the latter of which quickly appeared by his side with Nagato.

"We would have done something sooner, but Deidara took his time preparing for that one explosion." She stated, Yoichi immediately noticing she was wearing the Akatsuki's signature cloak.

"You can't rush art, un!" A voice yelled from above them.

"How interesting to see my former… colleagues here. I thought I finally lost you months ago." Orochimaru stated, his shinobi barely harmed and standing in front of him. As for the Zetsu clones, they seemed to have caught the brunt of the explosion, but more simply emerged from the ground.

"We were in the middle of doing some community service until we felt your presence. Seems like we'll be taking a day off to take care of other business." Nagato stated. Despite that the odds were currently in the Akatsuki's favor, Orochimaru and the masked man were completely unfazed by their appearance.

"Then it seems I'll have to even the odds. Kabuto!" The snake sannin exclaimed, his subordinate quickly appearing by his side, cracks along his face, quickly going through handsigns, already knowing what he was supposed to do.

"I thought he was dead- Ohhhh, Reanimation Jutsu." He said, watching as Kabuto summoned several coffins, recognizing them from what Tayuya and Kin told him happened to those Orochimaru didn't find useful anymore. But, since he had Zetsu clones now, there wasn't a need for an actual person to sacrifice. "Shouldn't we be stopping him?" He asked, looking to either side of him to see the Akatsuki patiently waiting. Konan's cloak turned into paper before wrapping around him, much to his surprise, before pulling him beside her, the two now sharing the cloak.

"This is the first time they've gotten to fight without any need to hold back in a while. Despite how they were all teamed up in pairs of two, they've gotten a lot better at working as a team." She stated, Yoichi nodding before looking down at the cloak. He couldn't seem to find any kind of sleeve to put an arm through.

"What about you and Itachi? And what about the rest of the shinobi back in Konoha?" He followed up with as she shrugged.

"Itachi and I came along because we're the only ones who know the rest of the Akatsuki and how they fight, so we'll be able to help the most. But, since you're here, I'll be making sure that you don't end up in the hospital for the third time in two weeks." He couldn't really argue with that, idly wrapping an arm around her waist, noticing she was underdressed beneath the robe, making him give her a questioning look. "It's warm." She responded along with another shrug.

When the coffins finally opened to reveal who was to be brought back, Yoichi immediately recognized five of them to be the deceased members of the Sound Five from Tayuya's description, Sakon and Ukon being reincarnated in the same coffin. Another two he recognized as the First and Second Hokage from seeing their faces on the Hokage's monument, even if they weren't completely accurate. The last one was someone he had never seen before.

"Who's the guy with the breathing device?" He asked, Nagato speaking up.

"That is Hanzo, the Salamander. Former leader of Amegakure. I've faced him before, and was the one to kill him as well." He calmly responded, but Yoichi could see him tense up a bit, even feeling a bit of fear running through Konan. He held her a bit tighter, making her look to him before nodding, feeling reassured already.

"So, how are things looking?" Yoichi asked, Kakuzu being the one to speak up.

"They won't be as strong as they were in life, and we know what the Hokages and Hanzo can do. The other four we have fought when chasing Orochimaru down as well. We could handle this, even with the Zetsu clones." Sasori, in his Hiruku puppet, followed up.

"Orochimaru and Obito know this, too. Orochimaru has access to many more shinobi, but he brought back those we know how to best deal with already, as well as easily counter." A few of the other Akatsuki nodded in agreement, Yoichi only half hearing what he said as he stared down at Sasori.

"Hey, how do you move around like that all the time? That has got to be bad for your back to be so hunched over like that." His comment only got a glare in response as Konan elbowed him.

"That's not his real body. He controls that puppet from inside." She reminded him.

"That doesn't make things better. How does he fit comfortably in that thing, then?" She sighed and shook her head.

"Never mind, just forget it." He was about to respond when a certain silver-haired member loudly spoke up.

"Holy fuck you're an idiot! You're lucky Leader is here, else I'd sacrifice you just to shut you up!" Hidan yelled at him.

"Oh, almost forgot about you. No hard feelings about the whole, 'trapping you in rock' thing, right?" Yoichi replied, serving only to piss him off even more.

"You little-"

"Hidan, enough." Nagato stated, quieting the Jashinist up quickly, everyone turning their attention back to where the opposing forces were finishing their own preparations with the reincarnated shinobi. "I've been made aware that there is a shinobi of Konoha that could replace any trees, so you all have permission to go all out. If possible, leave Orochimaru and Obito alive to be brought back to Konoha. At the most, leave most of their body intact if you have to kill. Akatsuki, move out." Nagato stated, making the criminals, and Itachi, rush forward to engage the enemy, three of Nagato's paths of Pain joining them as well.

"Not joining them as well?" Yoichi asked Nagato who shook his head. A few feet away, Yoichi noticed the other paths that hadn't run out were idly standing by, each reading a book.

"It won't be necessary. The three I'm using now will be enough, and the others won't be much help." He stated, pulling out a book of his own to read, making him blink.

"How so? And… why are you reading?" Nagato seemed to be too engrossed in concentration, Konan explaining for him.

"The three over here are more support than fighters. One takes peoples' souls to see their memories, one summons animals to fight, and the third repairs the others if needed. The first one isn't needed at all, and would mainly be used to take a strong hit. The third he wouldn't need involves that, because he's confident that any of the paths won't be harmed enough. As for the second, well, he summoned most of his animals to look after Ame while they were gone." Yoichi was a bit dumbfounded.

"Wait, he's left animals in charge of Ame?" She nodded, looking like that was a perfectly reasonable.

"As for why he's reading, it's because it's a hobby he's picked up. Though he really should spend less time doing so since he runs out of books so fast from being able to read seven at once. I've had to let him start borrowing some of our own since he didn't bring enough to get past the first week." Yoichi managed to bring a hand up to pinch the bridge of his nose as he sighed.

"You mean he's been reading porn?" Konan shrugged, pulling out her own book to read.

"He and I were taught by Jiraiya, remember?" Was her answer, making Yoichi groan as he ddn't understand how that was relevant exactly, but Konan sounded made it sound so obvious.

"I've been having the others participate in a book club every other week to help them be more civil." Nagato added. At that, Yoichi froze as his mind immediately went to the image of the Akatsuki sitting around in a circle, talking about the latest book of porn they read. He had to quickly shake his head to try and think of anything else, settling on watching the fight to take his mind off that thought.

He had to admit, things were going quite favorably for them. Knowing what most of the reincarnated shinobi could do really did help, almost shutting them down to the pont where they were practically playing with them. Any wood release techniques the First Hokage did were burned away by Itachi's Amateratsu who had no trouble doing so thanks to the Eternal Mangekyo sharingan. Hanzo's poison was close to worthless as Sasori and his puppets kept him away from the others without any fear of being poisoned, although having to resort to his Third Kazekage puppet to make use of its iron sand. Yoichi wasn't sure how he felt about that, though.

Kidomaru's webs were easily torn away with Kisame's Samehada while also being able to take care of Jirobo at the same time with his strength overpowering the other's own. Sakon and Ukon were being kept on the run by Deidara who constantly created his 'art' that would keep pushing them. That left him to take care of the Zetsu clones and Sound shinobi while Kakuzu and his hearts dealt with the Second Hokage and Hidan took care of Kimimaro.

Of course, the only difficulty of taking care of them was taking them out entirely, which was Nagato's focus with his paths. One would assist Deidara, another assisting Kisame, and the third helping Sasori. As things were, Hanzo was the larger threat due to his poison, and taking out the weaker members of the Sound Five would make things easier with less reincarnated ninja to take care of.

There wasn't much difficulty to be had, however, as Nagato's presence kept their opponents constantly on the move, taking care of any Zetsu clones as they made their way to them. It was only a matter of time before Hanzo, Jirobo, Kidomaru, Sakon, and Ukon were all caught, their souls being extracted and released before assisting the others, forcing their opposition to go on the defensive.

"Wait, I thought that one of these bodies did the soul thing?" Yoichi asked as he saw that.

"I can do any techniques through any path. I just keep things organized." Nagato stated, making Yoichi have his palm introduced to his own face, taking a moment before turning back to the battle.

"Guren, now!" Orochimaru exclaimed, one of his subordinates who had been protecting him moved, using some technique that caused red crystals to emerge from the ground around the Akatsuki members, quickly encasing them to render them immobile. While the First and Second Hokage managed to get away, Kimimaro was caught as well from how he was fighting between Hidan and Kisame.

"Um, Nagato, I think there's a problem." Yoichi said, the other male sighing and putting his book away.

"I'll take care of it quickly." He said, taking a moment to focus his chakra. This was the moment that everything took a turn for the worst.

"Now." The masked man calmly stated. A distortion of the air in front of Nagato was all the warning they were given before another masked man emerged out of what seemed to be a tear in reality itself, delivering a blow to Nagato's face that caused him to let out a yell of pain and fall back, the person disappearing as quickly as he appeared.

"Nagato!" Konan exclaimed as she quickly rushed to his side, Yoichi being pushed out of the cloak. "Are you alright?" She asked him before gasping, seeing how one hand was clutching his face.

"I didn't expect that Obito was a clone the whole time. I let my guard down." He said, getting back onto his feet with a bit of help, glaring across where the masked man joined the other with one eye, Konan immediately doing what she could to help treat the bleeding where his other had been.

"A clone? Hardly." One of the masked men stated before they both removed their masks. It was clear they weren't the same person from their eyes. One had a Sharingan in his right eye, his left eye closed. The other man, however, had his own Rinnegan with cracks along his face.

"Madara Uchiha… so this was their plan all along." Nagato said, the air growing thick from the tension.

"Zetsu, is everything now in place?" Madara asked, getting a nod from the plant-man hybrid before splitting in two.

"Orochimaru, I do hope you keep your end of our deal." Madara asked the snake sannin who nodded.

"Kabuto, implant the eye into Obito." He ordered, Kabuto doing as he was told, accepting the eye from Obito and performing a quick surgery on the spot to put it in.

"Now, for your end." Orochimaru stated, not getting a response as Zetsu's black half assimilated himself with part of Obito, who in turn made a handsign.

"This is really bad, isn't it?" Yoichi asked, not sure what he could do with Konan and an injured Nagato to stop this.

"Samsara of Heavenly Life." Obito called out as he used the technique. As it went into effect, the cracks along Kabuto and Madara's faces closed up, the formers eyes returning to normal as the Uchiha's Rinnegan crumbled and turned to dust. As if to add insult to injury, after Black Zetsu split from Obito, who's hair had turned white from the use of the technique. Both Uchiha's pulled out a small vial of liquid before downing the contents. The mystery of what it was didn't last long as Madara's eye sockets were soon occupied by a new pair of Rinnegan and Obito's hair returned back to its original color.

"Yeah, we're fucked, aren't we?" Yoichi asked out loud.

"How did you get your hands on the god tree water again?" Nagato asked as they watched Zetsu reform into his usual self.

"You didn't really think you had all of it when you tried to take it away, did you? This was all part of the plan, even letting you get your hands on your own share." The hybrid asked before following up with a dark laugh.

"Your plan is ruined, why would you still go through this effort just to bring him back? There's no point!" Yoichi exclaimed, only for the older Uchiha to scoff.

"My plan was ruined, and by a foolish child as well it seems. However, that will not stop me from working towards my dream, and I will not be stopped by the likes of you. Hashirama, Tobirama, get rid of him." He ordered the Hokage, only to be forced to dodge an attack that came from them.

"Orochimaru, what is the meaning of this?" Obito asked as he had to avoid the attack as well.

"I've gotten what I was owed from you. Did you really not expect me to take the opportunity to make the legendary Madara Uchiha my next vessel?" He asked, before he also had to dodge an attack from the two Hokage. "Kabuto! What is the meaning of this?" He asked his newly revived subordinate who shook his head.

"I didn't order them to attack you, my Lord." He said, eyes turning to the Hokage.

"We never were under your control. A reincarnated shinobi using the reincarnation technique doesn't have their own will to control others. We simply were waiting for a time to strike." Tobirama stated with a serious look on his face, while Hashirama had a smirk on his own.

"Besides, I've missed being able to have a good fight. I just wish I was able to give it my all. You and I still have something to settle, Madara." He said, making the Uchiha glare at him.

"Obito, Zetsu, we've accomplished enough for now. If Orochimaru is no longer on our side, we will have to rethink things." Madara stated, Obito nodding before warping the two of them away, Zetsu retreating into the ground.

"Kabuto, release the reincarnation technique." The sannin stated, only to notice his subordinate was no longer by his side.

"I'm afraid he's a bit tied up at the moment." Turning his head, he saw Yoichi holding a kunai while standing beside a paper-covered Kabuto who was struggling to get free, yet not making much leeway. Beside him was a pretty pissed-off Konan as well as Nagato who had his eye covered by a thick patch of paper. "I have to admit, I really don't get it. Why would you help bring back Madara in exchange for having this guy back? And what did you need me for in the first place? I thought you were here for me, not Nagato, so why suddenly turn on him?"

"How dare you question Lord Orochimaru!" One of the Sound ninja yelled, rushing towards him.

"Guren, stand down!" The sannin exclaimed, catching the girl off-guard as she froze in place, looking back to him before looking back to Yoichi to glare at him. The boy took a moment to stare at her, meeting her gaze, before he turned back to Orochimaru.

"And another question, the hell you keep finding these cute girls at? I'd prefer it if you answered that one first." Yoichi said, Konan smacking him in the back of his head.

"Is this what the new generation of shinobi are like? I hope none from Konoha are similar to him." Tobirama said as he and his brother watched the exchange.

"His eyes are very familiar… You there!" Hashirama exclaimed, getting Yoichi's attention to look over to him. "Would you happen to know a Koichi Sakata?" Yoichi blinked before nodding.

"Unless there's other Sakatas I don't know about, that is the name of my Great-Grandfather. I'm Yoichi Sakata." Of course, that was if the lineage he was told by his grandfather was true. He had his doubts on a lot of what he was told. The answer he gave the Hokage put a smile on his face, however.

"Ah, I see! How is he?" Yoichi gave him a dead look for about ten seconds before realizing he was serious.

"Uh, I'm pretty sure he's dead." Hashirama's smile faded.

"Oh. My condolences." He replied with a bow, Tobirama sighing and shaking his head.

"We could have very well met him in the afterlife. We don't retain our memories from our time dead." He said, Hashirama standing straight with a smile on his face once again.

"Ah, you're right!" He said with a laugh, Yoichi looking around to everyone else to see if he was the only one seeing this. He wasn't. "Since you're a Sakata, would you mind demonstrating your family's technique for me? I've always been curious to see how similar this 'Seduction Fist' compares to something like the Hyuga's 'Gentle Fist'." He continued, giving him an expecting look.

"You… you mean, right now?" Yoichi asked to which the Hokage nodded.

"Of course! No time like the present after all. Besides, I've heard great things on how effective it works on enemies of the opposite sex. There's even one here!" He said, nonchalantly motioning to Guren. Tobirama sighed again as he shook his head, placing one hand on his forehead.

"We won't let you land a finger on her!" One of Orochimaru's generic subordinates exclaimed, Hashirama simply forming a wooden dome around them to keep them out of this. Yoichi looked from the Hokages, to Konan and Nagato, to Guren, to Orochimaru, to Kabuto, then back to the Hokages.

"I'm sorry, but considering how Nagato's missing an eye, Madara is back, the Akatsuki are still trapped in crystal, and I'm in the middle of a hostage situation for information." He said, just as his stomach growled. "And it's lunch time." To that, Hashirama thought for a moment before sitting on the ground with his legs crossed.

"I can wait. It would be nice to have something to eat as well!" He said, completely ignoring the fact he was a reanimated corpse. "Orochimaru! Why not come join us?"

Yoichi didn't know what to say. This was the founder of Konoha? He could tell he wasn't an idiot, but he just seemed so… carefree and aloof even though his fighting was on par with the Akatsuki even with the handicap from the reanimation jutsu. Looking to Konan and Nagato, the former just shrugged as the latter began making hand signs.

"I'll get the others out of the crystal. Kisame should have some god tree water on him in case of emergencies." He stated, Yoichi sighing before mentally saying 'Fuck it'.

"Good thing I keep food and a picnic blanket on me at all times…" He muttered. He hoped he didn't have to explain what happened to the others, though. He doubted anyone would believe him.


Author's Note

I really like Hashirama's personality. He gives almost no shits. Madara is currently attacking and they need help? Let's take a seat and talk for a bit first. I'm pretty much just exaggerating it in the story, but dammit, I feel it actually fits him for some reason. Oh, and Madara's back. That's a bad.

Anyways, hope you all enjoyed! Please make sure to follow this story to keep up to date on when I post as I do not have a regular schedule. Also leave a review/comment telling me what you did or didn't like and what you'd like to see more or less of. Any bit helps!

Until next time!

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