A/N: Thank you for reading!

Chapter Forty-four.

I didn't tell Alfred about the call or that I had to leave. I'm not sure why I decided not to speak to him about it, at least while he was still in the hospital, I just thought enough had happened for him without my announcement that I was going home and leaving him.

So I acted as if everything was normal for the duration of the week. It was hard, but I got through it, not letting on that every time I saw his cheesy grin I felt stabs of guilt knowing that be I'd leaving him.

He left the hospital one week later and clearly he was just glad to be out. He started school again and although he had missed a month, thanks to the work I had given him while he was gone, he wasn't too far behind. He slowly became the Alfred that everyone knew again.

Which is why I felt so awful telling him that I was leaving.

"Artie, wait!" He called after me. It was our walk home, I stopped to let him catch up.

"Sorry." I said shortly and he sighed.

"Hey are you really okay?" He asked me for the fifth time today.

"Yes!" I gave my usual defensive reply.

"Then why are you acting like this? You've been so distant all day... Don't you like having me back at school?"

"What?! No! No... That's not it I..." I'm about to tell you something that will put you down on another low and render all your progress at getting better meaningless because I'm going to destroy it by leaving for a place halfway across the world.

We had stopped walking now, "Then what?" He asked and I looked up at him, there was genuine concern in his eyes. Stupid fool, he shouldn't be the one looking so worried.

"I have something to tell you." I swallowed; my eyes were on the ground between us.

"Okay sure, go ahead... Is it bad?"

"I'm leaving." I heard myself say.

Silence crashed around us, I didn't dare look up at Alfred, I couldn't.

"Leaving? L-Leaving for where?" His voice sounded confused but I could tell that he wasn't completely clueless. Just too scared to assume that I meant that I was going home.

"Home. England." I forced my eyes up to his face. His lips were slightly parted and his eyebrows furrowed. He looked hurt. "I'm sorry" I choked, but I'm not certain he even heard me.

"But... You promised! You told me that you'd stay with me!" His voice was shaky; it hurt to listen to him. I knew that it wasn't my idea to leave and abandon him here alone, as much as I had tried to reason with her, my mother had made it quite clear that if I didn't return home they would come over here and drag me back by my ear if they had to.

"I know, but I didn't realise that I had to go so soon... I don't want to! I really wouldn't do this if I could!" But as much as I reminded him that it wasn't my choice it didn't change the pain that my words caused him.

"You're all I have!"

"I'm sorry."

"You can't go!"

"I'm sorry."

There was nothing I could do to make this any better. Nothing. I put out a hand and touched his arm. I could try to comfort him, but it would change nothing.

"Goddammit..." He whimpered, "What am I gonna do?"

He put a arm out and wrapped it around my waist, pulling me close to him and put his head on my shoulder, burying his face in my neck.

"We won't lose contact." I promised him, "And it isn't forever, I will come back!"

I felt him shake his head and I tangled my fingers in his hair, "It's not the same!" He sobbed, his voice muffled.

I couldn't help but remember the story Francis told me last year, his time with Jean and how they were too, pulled away from each other. I remembered him telling me how the distance wore them down until there was nothing left, and now they can't even find one another. Would that be Alfred and me? Would I realise one morning that we no longer knew each other and I would become like Francis, a knotless thread?

No, I couldn't let that happen. I had heard that story, but not as something that would happen to me but for something for me to learn from.

I held Alfred out so I could look him in the eye, my face a picture of determination. His eyes were red and his face wet, it hurt to look at but I refused to cry again, if I showed that kind of weakness Alfred would lose all hope. If I didn't stand strong then he would see me as someone couldn't cope with this, and if I couldn't cope with it, then how could I expect him to?

"We'll get through this, Alfred; we won't let this get the better of us, will we?"

"I just don't wanna lose ya..." He seemed small.

"You won't!"

"I'll be alone, you make me so happy, and knowing that I can be with you everyday... Well it's been the best year of my life!"

"It's been mine too."

"Please don't go." He mumbled.

"I know it wont be easy," I told him as firmly as I could, "But we'll make sure to stay in contact, and then we'll be together again as soon as we can."

He frowned and looked away, "My dad's got a gun at home. That would be easier."

I stepped back, my hand over my mouth in shock, "Alfred!"

He shook his head a little, "I know, I know, I'm sorry, that was a stupid thing to say."

"That's right!" I swallowed, that comment he made was horrible and unnecessary. It only made me feel worse, "You can't say those things!"

He looked at me with reproachful eyes, "I just really want you to stay." I stayed silent. I couldn't think of anything else to tell him to try and make him feel better, "It'll be alright though, won't it?" He said, "It'll all be alright? You'll find a way out of leaving wont you?"

I didn't say anything as he left to go to his house.

.oO0Oo.

The next day I woke up alone.

That wasn't right.

As soon as Alfred had gotten out of hospital he had gone right back to his daily wake up calls, coming round at ungodly hours each day to shake me awake and tell me to get up.

But today he hadn't arrived.

I got up without him and dressed slowly, perhaps he was only running late. Maybe his alarm clock hadn't gone off, or maybe he had broken a plate while having breakfast. Still, I felt uneasy as I waited for him. Soon I was ready to go out the door and there was no sign of him, he was never usually even late, let alone not turning up.

I started my walk to school alone.

Or at least, I had planned to go to school.

But as soon as I arrived at the turning onto Alfred's street I stopped and looked down it. I had to go to his house; I didn't even feel like I had a choice as I started my walk to him. It just felt like the proper thing to do.

I stood on his door step and raised my hand to knock, but stopped before I could. I lowered my hand and put it on the cool door handle, pushing it down and finding the door unlocked, I opened the door and stepped inside, closing the door behind me quietly.

The house was silent, apart from a dripping tap in the kitchen. I took my shoes off and padded through to the kitchen, fixing the tap and letting deafening silence fill the whole house. It was an eerie feeling. I didn't feel like I was allowed in here, that it was criminal and that I was intruding, though I knew that Alfred didn't mind if I entered and exited his home as I pleased.

Even my breathing seemed loud as I looked around, wondering where he was. Was he even home? He had to be, the door was open, but I couldn't help but wonder.

I opened my mouth to call out his name and closed it again, unable to make such a loud noise in the quiet house.

I knew where to go next; I headed straight for the stairs. I climbed them slowly, wincing at every creak that they made.

Finally I arrived at his door, it was slightly ajar and through the crack that let me peer into his room, daylight streamed through. I could see boxes all over his floor, most likely for his move to Matthew's house.

I opened the door more, just enough for me to slide through and no further.

The first place that my eyes went to was the bed, and there he lay. He was on his stomach, one arm hanging down over the side and onto the floor. The three-quarter length trousers that he had been wearing yesterday were strewn across the floor messily beside the bed and his body was only half under the covers. He was still wearing the t-shirt that he had had on yesterday and even his glasses were still on his face. He didn't even stir as I looked at him, nor when I moved closer and nor when I crouched down beside him.

His breathing was deep and warm, his whole body rose and fell gently, that was the only movement that he made.

I softly touched his shoulder, "Alfred?" I whispered

"Nnh..." He made a small sound, I poked his face and slowly his eyes opened. But they weren't his eyes, they couldn't be. They didn't immediately strike me as beautiful.

"We're late for school." I told him as he slowly sat up, taking the glasses that now dangled from one ear and putting them aside.

"Are we?" He said hoarsely still waking up, "Shit..." He said, but I don't think he cared that much.

He sat back against the headboard of the bed and picked up a half empty can of 'Red Bull' that stood on his bed side table, taking a small swig.

I frowned, "You shouldn't be drinking that so early in the morning." I told him,

He sighed softly, "I know... I'm sorry I couldn't come wake you up."

I shook my head, "Forget that, it's quite alright. But why are you still in bed? You've not even taken off your clothes since yesterday!" I tried to sound disapproving, but my voice only sounded concerned.

"Yeah, I know." He brought he good knee up to his chest, "When I got home yesterday... I just took to my bed I didn't even bother with anything else. I couldn't see the point in doing anything! I just took my pants off and lay there until I fell asleep. There was nothing that could have made me happy in that moment... I was just thinking of you and how it's only been a year but you... You..." He sniffed, "The day you said that you loved me, I've never been that happy before or since! And I can't stand the idea that in just weeks there will be days that I won't even see your face or hear you voice, I want to hug you whenever I want, and show up at your place uninvited just because I can!" He wiped his eyes on the covers over him, "I don't want you to go! I don't wanna be excited to see you, because I don't want to have to not see you! I want to be happy, not excited! I had imagined us together, having marathons of shitty movies in only our underwear, going to dumb parties and waking up with hangovers even though we said we wouldn't drink, having weekends that are just one great big epic day, saving up and one day taking a road trip all the way to New York!" His voice was getting louder now and he was shaking as he voiced all the things that he couldn't articulate yesterday, "I don't want to say that my sweetheart is five-thousand miles away! I want to tell everyone that you're right here, with me... Keeping me going. And I know it's selfish. Skype, texts and letters aren't enough. But that's why I couldn't even fucking wake up this morning. I..." He gave a single sob, "I just couldn't see the point."

I swallowed down the lump in my throat, though when I blinked tears still leaked. I climbed up onto his bed beside him and let him put both of his arms around me.

"I still love you! Don't think that any of this changes that!" I breathed him in; he smelled like sleep and something else that I couldn't figure out.

"I love you too!" He desperately gripped me as if I was going to leave him that second, but I wasn't going anywhere. Not yet.

"I wish I could stay with you, I want all those things, just like you, and we'll have it all one day, I promise!"

"But when?" He drew back to look at my face, his fingers gliding over my jaw, "One year? Two? We'll be adults one day."

"What's wrong with that?"

"We're young and we have all the time in the world, one day times just gonna pass us by. I want to love you when we're grownups, sure... But right now, when we're young... It's the best time to be in love."

"You mustn't say that."

He shuffled and managed to get it so his head was on my lap, and his hands played with one of mine,

"But it is true, right? I don't think I can wait so long without you anyway..."

"Of course you can! You have friends here! They'll all support you! I don't have anyone back home..."

He suddenly looked at me, "Wait... Artie, are you saying you don't have friends in England?"

I didn't look back at his gaze, "Not like I do here."

He reached up and ran the pads of his fingers over my jaw, "Why didn't you... You never said that!"

I took his hand and pulled it away from my face; I didn't want his sweet, gentle touches to amplify the pains in my chest.

"Because it makes me look pathetic! See, I don't want to leave you, or anyone else here either! You mean a lot to me too, you made me feel like someone could actually take an interest in me!"

He pressed his face into my chest, "I'm sorry for complaining... I didn't know it was that bad for you too."

I ran my fingers through his hair, "I never told anyone. I suppose this is just shit for us both."

"Yeah." He gave a big sigh, "We should just run away together..."

"You know we can't do that." I twiddled his hair between my fingers.

"Shh..." He glanced up at me, "Let me dream about it."

"I don't like you like this." I admitted, "I like it when you're happy, you're all mopey, you're missing school..."

"I don't like it either." He sighed again, "But without you, and without even the escape of football..." He trailed off, "y'know."

"I know." I nodded, "We should go to school, it started a while ago."

"Lemme have a shower first?" He sat up slowly, "I'll go in feeling like shit if I don't have one."

"Go for it, I'll wait." I made myself comfortable, knowing that I'd be there a while now.

He made sure to kiss me quickly, "Thanks, baby, I'll just be a sec." He tried to smile at me but somehow it didn't reach his eyes.

He left and soon after I hear the shower running. I listened through the walls to the sounds of splashing water and Alfred washing himself. Looking around I realised that this would probably be the last time I saw this room, or at least one of the last times. Alfred would be moving out soon anyway so nothing would change about that even if I was staying, but still... I could remember the first time I came in here. The memory was fuzzy because I was steaming drunk at the time and the things that happened while I was in here had been rather glossed over by both Alfred and I, but now as I looked back on that eventful night, I could almost see it as a fond memory.

Alfred's shower only took him five minutes, his short time had always astounded me, and I could hear the water stopping. I sat up, ready to go when Alfred came through.

He re-joined me, his towel around his shoulders and his hair dripping wet. I averted my eyes quickly.

He was as naked as the day he was born- completely nude.

"Put some bloody clothes on!" I bit out, acutely embarrassed to have had my eyes lingering on his toned chest and arse before turning away

I heard him chuckle a little behind me, "Why? You've seen me naked plenty times before."

"W-Well," I stuttered, "You still can't just wander around with your balls hanging out!"

"I just forgot my clothes, besides it's only you around, you're my boyfriend, its cool."

"It's still embarrassing..." I muttered, focusing on the wall in front of me.

"Don't be shy of what's already been in your ass, Artie."

"That's not..!" I whipped rounded and looked at him, trailing off as I saw the small smile on his face. Alfred could be happy, he wasn't completely depressed yet.

He pulled on a t-shirt and rubbed his hair with the towel one last time before tossing onto the bed over me.

I pulled the damp towel off my head and was met with him holding his hand out for me,

"Ready?" He asked.

I nodded and took his hand standing up and we left together, on one of our last days before we had to part.