The sunset of the day after my conversation with Echosong, I moved back to the warriors den. Climbing the willow tree made me realize that I was capable of making the climb up the cliff if I was careful. And, I was sick of being alone in the den with Echosong, especially since things felt awkward after I rejected her offer to train as a medicine cat. My friends were happy to have me back in the den, especially Sagewhisker. He showed me the soft feather lined nest that he made for me between his and Briarspot's nest.
The large nest I used to share with Wolfshade was on the other side of the den, and now my half of the nest reeked of Minttail. I didn't even bother hiding my curling lip when I walked past the nest and caught a wave of her scent. A small part of me spitefully wished that sometimes Wolfshade or Minttail would occasionally catch a whiff of my old scent when they curl up on the moss. I also hoped that when Wolfshade first moved back, my scent was still strong and it mingled with his. But, I knew that was unlikely, considering the length of time he was passed out and our nest was vacant.
I sat in my new nest, while Sagewhisker purred something excitedly to me about how he was certain that I would be back to warrior's duties in no time. I nodded and purred along, but I felt like I had drifted faraway from my body and I was only half-listening.
Wolfshade padded into the den. His eyes met mine for the briefest of moments before he looked away and curled up in his nest.
"I'm feeling tired, Sagewhisker," I said as he paused for breath.
"Oh, okay," he said, blinking understandingly. "You need your rest."
I curled up in my nest, bringing my tail to my nose and tightly shutting my eyes. A heartbeat later I felt Sagewhisker's flank brush mine as he settled into his nest beside mine. I sighed softly, imagining the brush of his fur was Wolfshade's. Then I drifted off to sleep.
I crept down the side of the cliff slowly, sighing when I finally reached the ground. I stretched in the sunlight, feeling relaxed for a moment, before I caught sight of Wolfshade and I immediately tensed back up. I watched him walk out of camp on a patrol with Minttail at his side. I dug my claws into the dirt in anger and frustration.
If only he would quit being such a mouse-brain I could talk to him before Minttail sunk her fangs in him any further,
"You know staring and sulking isn't going to make anything better," Echosong called from a few fox lengths away.
I turned towards her in surprise. We hadn't spoken in a few sunrises.
I dipped my head to her and padded over, hoping she wouldn't mention anything of her offer from before.
"And, what would you know about that, Echosong? You're a medicine cat. No mates remember?" I said, trying to keep my mew playful and light.
Inside though, my stomach churned with bitterness. I was angry. At myself and at Wolfshade, and also a bit at her, for asking me to do something I didn't want.
Echosong did nothing wrong, I reminded myself.
She just wanted to seek the best for our Clan, which she thought she could find in making me a medicine cat.
"I wasn't always a medicine cat," Echosong replied with a purr, her eyes sparkling.
I blinked, my eyes widening slightly in surprise as I remembered that Echosong had once been a kitty-pet. With ancestors and traditions that stretched back generations and generations, it was sometimes easy to forget that our Clan was so young. I felt my anger towards her ebb away as I imagined her young and confident, courageously leaving her home and two-legs to join SkyClan.
Echosong turned her head to cough into her shoulder. I took at step closer to her.
"Are you alright Echosong?" I asked, my brow furrowed with concern.
She dismissed my worry with a wave of her tail.
"I'm fine," she said. "I just had a feather from my meal stuck in my throat."
I blinked, not entirely convinced.
But, a medicine cat must know if she is getting sick, right?
"How are you feeling?" Echosong asked, clearing her throat, and circling me to inspect my injures.
I shrugged.
"No more achy than usual," I meowed.
"Your scars have sealed well," Echosong commented, flicking her tail to indicate the long slash of pink skin that ran on my back from my shoulder to hip.
"It's an impressive wound," I agreed.
"Lightningfire!" a voice called, interrupting our conversation.
My ears pricked and I glanced up to see Sagewhisker bounding over to me.
"Hey. I know you aren't quite healed enough to go hunting yet, but I was wondering if you wanted to take a walk around the forest with me or something?" he asked.
"Oh, uh—" I meowed awkwardly, my gaze flashing from Sagewhisker to Echosong.
I looked at Echosong, widening my eyes slightly in panic.
But, Echosong just dipped her head to me.
"See you later, Lightningfire," she said.
I glared intently at her back as she padded off, leaving me alone with Sagewhisker.
Ugh, some friend she is.
My tail tip twitched as I slowly turned my gaze back to Sagewhisker. The pale grey tom waited patiently for my answer, his eyes bright.
What's the harm in saying yes? I'd enjoy a walk in the forest with a friend. But, I don't want to give him the wrong impression. We are after all, just friends.
I hesitated.
Are we though? Nothing seems like it'll come from me and Wolfshade. Sagewhisker likes me. I guess… we could be more.
My stomach flipped at the thought.
Did I want that?
"Um… okay," I agreed hesitantly.
"Great!" Sagewhisker said.
His eyes lit up, and I felt a sudden sinking feeling in my stomach as I saw the eagerness in his gaze.
Mousedung. This was definitely a mistake.
As we padded towards the edge of camp, I spent every step frantically trying to think about how I could tactfully get out of this. I was about to fake a shoulder injury or start complaining that my ribs were really hurting me when I caught I glimpse of Sagewhisker's excited face when he turned to look at me.
"I'm really glad you're feeling better now," Sagewhisker said. "I've missed going on patrols with you."
I felt a stab of guilt for wanting to so badly get out of talking with him.
I guess one walk can't hurt…
"Thanks. I think I can go back to warriors duties soon," I said. "If I have to take it easy for much longer, I'm going to go crazy."
"You were really hurt," he said, widening his pale green eyes at me. "There's no shame in taking some time to heal."
"I know. It's just that I love hunting and patrolling, and I hate feeling like a useless lump that everyone has to take care of," I said.
Sagewhisker let out a snort of laughter.
"You're not a useless lump. No one minds taking care of you while you're getting better," Sagewhisker said.
I twitched my ear rather than responding, feeling slightly uncomfortable.
We padded through the forest. It was a hot day, but the leaves swayed with a strong breeze, stirring my fur enough to keep the heat from feeling too stifling. We padded through the undergrowth walking in silence for a while.
"How does your chest feel?" Sagewhisker asked.
"It's good," I said. "It's not too painful anymore, unless I jump around or do something mouse-brained. It does feel tight some times, though."
"That's good," Sagewhisker said with a nod. "My warrior ceremony was delayed a moon because I broke my leg as an apprentice."
"Aw, that must have been hard for you," I said.
"Yeah," Sagewhisker said, ducking his head. "It was rough seeing Minttail get her name before I did. I mean, I was happy for her, but I was jealous. I guess I kind of felt like it made her better than me or something."
I was silent, trying to imagine a young Sagewhisker and Minttial.
I wonder if Minttail had a crush on Wolfshade even then.
"But, my leg doesn't bother me anymore at all," Sagewhisker continued.
"I hope my ribs heal as well as your leg then," I said with a quiet purr.
Wolfshade, Bouncefire, Tinycloud, Sagewhisker, and Minttail would have all been apprentices together for a while. Wolfshade had told me a bit about the time when he was an apprentice, but he never talked a lot about Minttail. He probably thought it would have made me uncomfortable.
I wonder what their apprenticeships were like.
We walked for a while longer without really talking about anything. Sagewhisker would occasionally comment on a tree or the hot green-leaf weather. I responded, but soon the conversation would die out and we would fall back into silence. Finally Sagewhisker slowed his pace, coming to a stop. I stopped as well, turning to look at him.
"Look, Lightningfire, there's been something I'd like to talk to you about," Sagewhisker said slowly, taking a deep breath.
I froze, feeling icy panic surge through me.
Oh no. StarClan, here it comes.
I shot a quick glance to my left then to my right, wondering if it was too late to run away.
"I think you must have noticed," Sagewhisker said, casting his eyes to the ground as his fur fluffed a bit with embarrassment. "The thing is… I like you a lot, and I think—"
"Wait," I meowed quickly, cutting him off, and startling myself as a sudden rush of bravery surged through me.
Sagewhisker looked up at me in surprise.
"Please don't continue. I'm sorry Sagewhisker. I didn't ever mean to give you the wrong impression. This…" I trailed off, gesturing to him them myself with my tail. "You and me, I mean… This isn't going to work."
"I thought…" Sagewhisker said, blinking at me in confusion.
I shook my head, gentle but firm.
"You're my friend Sagewhisker. A very good friend. I care about you, but not in that way. No. I can't," I meowed, giving my head another shake. "I'm not the right cat for you, and you're not the right cat for me."
Sagewhisker was silent, staring down at his own paws. Slowly his gaze drifted up to meet mine.
"Wolfshade?" he asked quietly.
I let out a soft sigh, closing my eyes for only a moment before opening them again.
"Yes. Wolfshade," I said. "Even if he forgets me a thousand times, it'll always be him."
