This is short chapter, but important.


She Couldn't,


She didn't know how long she passed out. True be told, she didn't exactly care about it. Only thing she cared was the face she saw when she awoke.

On the couch near her bed, Issara was sleeping. She seemed so tired and older than before.

Back to the camp, the party didn't want the leader too take watch because she always fell asleep if she sit still longer than five minute. She must pace around the camp to keep awake but that only disturb the companions. So she didn't take watch unless it was necessary.

However, if Issara didn't sleep in her tent or in Alistair's arms, she would sleep in sitting position, holding the Iron Rose. It seemed she would relax only when her husband was around. Somehow, Millar thought her lovely friend had something in mind.

Issara was Issara. She always listens and helps but never burden her problem on anyone, even Alistair. That was something that Millar loved and hated in the same time.

Still felt light-headed but the elvish Warden tried to get up. She accidentally swept some bottle from the night table, which woke the light-sleeper up.

"Millar? Good to see you awake. How do you feel? I'll call Wynne if you need any..."

But she held her hand to stop the question. "I'm fine. Just feel a bit dizzy but it will be better in time. Don't panic." It's not exactly true, but she didn't want to make Issara worry.

Still, the Exotic Warden frowned. "I'm sorry, Millar."

"What is that about? I afraid I can't see why you apologize." Millar smiled as Issara sat down on her bed. She knew the woman saw her as friend, but a little hope always remain.

"I sworn to protect you, but I let them hurt you like that. I'm really sorry."

Issara looked so sad, which made her heart ache. "Please, don't mention it. You didn't know what they would do. Besides, if I'm here instead of some dungeon, it must because you saved me, yes?"

"Thank to Owen. Our good blacksmith made me a lot of grenades, smoking bombs and bullets. Without those little things, I would never hold those bastards long enough for the reinforcement's arrival."

"Owen; the blacksmith in Redcliffe's village... I talked to him and his daughter once. They spoke about you highly." She took Issara's hand, but found it's so cold. "Are you catching a cold, Issara? Your hand is almost freezing."

But she didn't answer. "You slept for several hours. It's pretty late now. Perhaps you're hungry. I'll bring you dinner."

Millar didn't let that hand go. "I... Issara, don't you mind if I ask you something?"

"What is it?"

For her entire life, she had only few people she ever loved. That woman was only one who accepted her without caring about her past. Millar really wanted to repay her even that might cost her life. "Could you let me take the final blow?"

Millar was a Grey Warden. It's strange if she knew their secret. Issara wondered only why she said that. "No, I would do it. Unless I fall before that, you and Alistair wouldn't take the final blow."

"If Alistair becomes king, he will need a queen. You would make a great queen, Issara. Alistair and Ferelden need you. But I am nobody... Your life is worthier than mines."

Sigh, the Exotic Warden decided to reveal the truth. "I don't think so. Well, I'll tell you if you promise that you would keep it secret, especially to Alistair. I don't want him to know."

"Yes, I promise. Please tell me."

This must be a few time that Issara unable to smile. Still kept looking the floor, she spoke calmly. "This body is dying, Millar. It's just about time before it become a corpse."

"What?" Shock, The elf was speechless.

"Today, I surrendered to Cauthrien because I couldn't move my left arm and also couldn't use magic. Morrigan told me that was because Lillian's soul leaving the body for too long. Even I'm in this body, it would never enough. She will brew some potion to keep this flash effective but no one knows how long the time I have." Although the time was short, Issara still looked incredibly calm. "Even though I survive the Blight, I'll die eventually. So, I want to make it worthy. I'm willing to die if it would save many. Isn't that a best way to live and die?"

"How could you say that? You're dying but... I don't want you to die." Millar cried.

"No one live forever, Millar. And the live worth living is the life that does something good for the other. Just a blow and I would save the entire world and people I love. Does it good enough to sacrifice? Besides, it's not mean I would really die. I just leave this world and return to mines. Well, it would be a lonely life without Alistair but I would handle it... I hope,"

Issara talked like it was easy, but Millar couldn't stop crying. "Why you don't tell Alistair?"

"If he knows, he won't let me work and he might treat me differently. I want him to remember me in the way I am, not a pathetic woman who is waiting for the death."

Millar looked into those eyes. They're still brighting as always. Despite the sorrow, she tried to smile back. "I love you, Issara. You're the best...friend I ever have. No matter what happen, I'll never forget you."

"Thank you. It means a lot to me." The Exotic Warden held that hand tighter.

However, the fate always had surprise for them.

...

When she left Millar's bedchamber, it's pretty late. Issara found her husband was waiting in the hallway. He seemed sleepy and moody.

"What took you so long?" Alistair asked as soon as he saw his wife.

However, Issara had known him better. "Why's so grim, husband? Something's bothering you?"

"You don't know? Oh my dear lady, you caged me here for all day. Had you ever thought how much I worry for your safety? Do you know I almost die with concern when I saw Sten carry Millar back? How could you go to Gnawed Noble Tavern to play politics with those nobles instead of comeback to me? I knew it's your duty but..."

"Alright, alright, I get it." Alistair really had a lot to say when he furious, wasn't he? "For the goodness, Ali. Can we talk elsewhere? I don't want to disturb Millar."

She didn't have to say it twice. The knight carried her on his shoulder to their room. Behind the door, the couple looked at each other in mix emotion.

"I'm sorry." Issara said. When Alistair was angry, she felt like her body was smaller than usual.

He had a lot to say, but that wasn't important at all. The ex-Templar just held his wife tight. No matter what Morrigan thought about him, he wasn't totally stupid. He knew something horrible happened with her body. How could he not know that she stopped breathing in middle of the night?

But she kept it secret just like she always did. Issara was too good to burden anyone with her trouble even that might mean her dead.

"I love you, Ice. You knew that, right?"

"I love you too, Ali." Those words never came without sting attach. She knew he had something in mind.

"I could do anything for you, even set Jowan free from his cell. But please, don't command me to stay behind again. I want to go with you as far as I could. Though it was the gate of the black city, I would follow you till the end."

The last night in Redcliffe, they helped the blood Mage runaway because Issara believe he deserve second chance. True be told, she surprised that her husband was willing to help.

"You have my word." She smiled and kissed him. The feeling of him wasn't intent as usual because her condition, but it's good enough.

Soon, their clothes were shattered on the floor. Alistair carried his wife to the bed, placed her on soft mattress without stop kissing her. However, he hid his tear as he found her skin was so cold like a dead man.

She couldn't stay with you. Alistair told himself. She had to go. Just make the time you share great. Don't ever let her down.

...

That night, he looked her was sleeping. After the moon touched the middle sky, her breathing stopped. Alistair just cried and cried until he fell asleep.

...

I've seen her smiling

The sunlight is shining on her now

She couldn't stay here

She knows you won't let her down

.

You knows she couldn't stay here with you

You know she had to go

Even though she couldn't stay here with you

You knows you're not alone

(She couldn't: Linkin Park)

...