Title: Interesting Dynamics
Author: ZombieJazz
Fandom: Chicago PD
Disclaimer: I don't own them. Chicago PD and its characters belong to Dick Wolf. The character of Ethan has been created and developed for the sake of this AU series.
Summary: Hank and Erin are forced to re-explore their complicated 'family' dynamic when an unexpected 'family emergency' causes Voight to have to deal with demons related to his wife's death, his failings in parenting, and the challenges his work has created for his family and for his ability to be the father he wants to see himself as.
***WARNING**** CHAPTER IS M RATED. There's some dialogue at the end for people who want to skip over the rest. It is marked with another bold notification.
Erin wasn't sure what they were doing. She wasn't sure how she felt about what they were doing. Because this wasn't sex to her. It was way to slow and gentle. Jay was being way too attentive. Giving. It definitely wasn't how she usually had sex. It wasn't even how her and Jay had been previously. They pretty much fucked. They had fun. This wasn't that. It wasn't that it wasn't fun. Maybe it was. It felt nice – in its own way – a very different way than she was used to. It's just that it was actually feeling really exposed and awkward in it.
She didn't really look at men during sex. She hadn't since she was about sixteen years old and thought she was in love. But she wasn't in loved – or at least she wasn't loved. And, she didn't much think she'd loved anyone – not romantically – since then either.
And, that was OK. It gave more legitimacy to not looking at each other. It made it clear what things were and what they weren't. It was just sex. And she was just someone they were using to get them off. She could handle that. She'd learned how to use men to get off – to get distracted, to have an orgasm, to feel something else – when she needed it too. They didn't need to look at her. She didn't want to see them anyways. Or really – see their eyes and what was behind them in that moment. And, she knew they didn't either. They were just taking what they wanted and she pretty much provided the vessel for that. And, she just set herself up to be in a position to get what she wanted or needed in a particular moment too. She didn't need to look at them. She didn't want to. She didn't want them to see her. It was just sex.
Jay had always made it a bit more than just sex. But she'd also been sure to keep it as just sex. She'd been careful not to get too close – while still knowing she was getting too close. She'd been careful to make sure they were just having fun. They were getting off. They were getting what they wanted out of it. They were getting off. They didn't need more than that.
But that night he was pushing the bounds. Really pushing them. He'd pushed them when they'd talked. When he'd made her talk. But she'd wanted to talk. She needed to talk. She didn't even know entirely what she was talking about. Thanks to Hank. Or no thanks to Hank. But that needed to be talked about too. She needed to put it all out there in the universe to try to make it real. To try to figure out how to deal with it so she could sort it away into little boxes to deal with in a more manageable way later. To hear someone else say that it could all be managed. Somehow.
But the talking had only lasted so long. And, really the talking was a foreplay of its own. She'd bared herself to him. Not just herself – her family. That was intimate whether she wanted it to be or not. And the exposure had eventually lead to real foreplay – physical foreplay. But he'd slowed them right down when the foreplay did even start. When she tired to speed it up he kept pulling back. Making them take their time. And he kept on looking at her. Really looking at her. She almost couldn't get away from his eyes. And, every time she did look away he was slowing or stopping and telling her to look at him.
The eye contact had been really jarring. It was just hard. She's struggled with it. To the point that she was almost ready to pull away. To stop. To run away from it. But he'd sort of made her relax. Or really, he was fingering her so expertly at the point she was thinking about calling it off, that she'd managed to just let herself push by the awkwardness and just enjoy what he was doing even though it meant letting him look at her. Thankfully she hadn't had to look at him directly through all of it. There was the kissing too. Kissing – despite softly moaning, panting a little uncomfortable against him as she tried to relax and get there – had been a good way to avoid direct eye contact even if it meant more labored breathing mechanics while trying to orgasm. There hadn't been that much try involved. He did the work and soon enough she was withering against him.
He'd let her close her eyes then – and while she came down for it. Her labored breathing expanding and collapsing her chest. She could still feel him gazing at her and she felt slightly embarrassed. She didn't need that close of examination of her climax. But when she finally let herself open them, he was still gazing at her with that impish smile on his face. She couldn't tell if he was amused at her rather animated orgasm or if he was a little smitten that he'd managed to do that.
She'd figured the best way to wipe the grin off his face was the same as before – to capture his mouth with hers. Cover it up with a kiss.
But now he was pursuing his own orgasm and he was definitely the one dictating the eye contact and the kissing too. He didn't seem in any hurry to reach his climax either. He was moving so languidly against her. There was so much physical contact in their positioning. So much skin-to-skin and he kept slowly trailing his one hand from her buttocks along her thigh and to her knee and as far as he could reach down her calf – while propping himself up on his opposite elbow. Then his hand would move to gently tracing along her ribs and cupping her breast. To the sensitive skin along her neck and brushing her hair from her face for her – only to lean in for a kiss again.
It did feel nice. Even though it was strange for it to be that slow – that gentle – for a man to actually be giving her body that much attention when it was clearly "his turn". "His turn" when he'd actually already been gentlemanly enough to ensure she got "her turn" and that she hadn't had to just manage that responsibility on her own. Hadn't had to be the one pushing to reach it or taking the matter entirely into her own hands. But the strangeness of it meant that she kept looking away – finding a spot on the ceiling to stare at. Only to have Jay say yet again, "Look at me," far to gently. Not angry. Not urgently. Just a request – a request he clearly wanted. That he felt was important.
She could tell he was getting close. She could hear the changes in his breathing. She could feel the changes in his movements. He'd readjusted himself slightly and was entering her from a slightly different angle. A more urgent leverage as a bit more of his weight rested on top of her. And she again looked away. She didn't want to see that look in his eyes when he came. That flash across his face. She didn't want to know that about Jay.
"It's OK," he whispered at little breathlessly. "Watch." She shook her head a little but he said a little more firmly, "Look at me."
She let out a slow breath and brought her eyes back to his. They were dilated with his arousal at that point. They were almost glassy with it. He wasn't likely focused on her even though they were sharing a line of sight. She could actually tell that he seemed to be struggling a bit too to maintain the contact – his physical needs taking over. But there wasn't this animalistic urge creasing his face. There wasn't some sort of urgency where her body was clearly just providing a means to an end for him. It was still Jay above her. And, it suddenly flooded over her how vulnerable he was letting himself be in that moment too.
His brow was creased in concentration and effort. A small sheen of sweat. He was still propping himself up to they weren't going cross-eyed in their examination of each other and his muscles were straining under it. His chest developing a sheen of its own to accompany the flushing. He hung his head a pull times – usually accompanied by a small sound of his labored pleasure – but he'd snap it back up and find her eyes again as soon as he realized they'd lost contact.
There was something insanely intimate about it. It hit Erin in a way she didn't entirely expect – and she suddenly found her hands roaming against him, trailing her nails along his back and ass. Holding his hips tightly as they did their dance against her. He was sexy in those moments. So fucking sexy. He was a mess. His breaths were starting to become more like pants. His eyes were entirely unfocused even though they were directed all at her. His chest was heaving. He was dripping some sweat on her. And he was making some noises as he pushed through the painful pleasure of those final seconds before orgasm. Erin found herself reaching to cup his face – to run her thumbs gentle over the sparse beard on his cheeks as he made that last push. And, then his head snapped back a bit as he did go over the edge. He let out a quiet guttural sound, followed be a little murmur. She smiled at it. She didn't cringe at it. She didn't look away.
This movements against her slowed and stopped, though his chest continued to rise and fall heavily, as he calmed. His head fell back into place. His eyelids heavy. But Erin propped herself up on her own elbow and found his lips – kissing him deeply, passionately – and he returned it.
She slinked back down a bit and he opened his eyes, again giving her that smile. Proud of himself? Sated? Likely a little of both. But it made her grin too and he leaned forward on his own and kissed her again. That time when they broke away, he pulled out of her and settled on his side next to her, still staring at her now fully exposed body. She found herself reaching for the sheets under the examination – trying to find where they'd been kicked or tossed. But he reached and stilled her hand.
"Don't," he said gently.
She gave him a bit of a patronizing look. "I think you've seen all these is to see here," she told him.
He smiled a bit and shook his head. "I don't," Jay provided. "You're easy on the eyes."
She snorted at him and reached down the bed again. He let her get the sheet about part way up but stilled it around her thighs, as he hand landed here and caressed. His eyes following his hand – though she could tell he was more likely staring at her flushed and glistening sex than anything his hand was doing.
"Did me to …?" he asked and gave her an innocent enough look.
She rolled her eyes and yanked the sheet up over her. "I think you did fine the first time," she said.
He shrugged a little. "I can do better on the second," he said. She smacked him in the shoulder at that but it just made him smile more. "Practice makes perfect." His hand trailed up her leg closer to her apex. The sensation of him being that close to her still sensitive arousal made her body prickle a bit more with anticipation and desire.
*** RETURN TO T RATING***
But she made herself glance around his bedroom. "What time is it?' she asked. She didn't want for him to answer. "I should go."
He pulled his hand out from under the sheets at that and her body protested a bit at its sudden absence – the loss of opportunity. He tucked some of her hair behind her hair again. "You should stay," he said.
"I need to change before work," she provided.
He shrugged. "So – we'll swing by your place before we go in."
She sighed at him. "Jay –"
He cut her off. "You shouldn't be alone tonight," he said a bit more firmly. "You'll end up over-thinking. Digging yourself that hole again."
She did look away from him at that – gazing at the ceiling. "I'll be fine, Jay."
"Right now you are," he said. "So stay. I'll give you another distraction." His hand started to trail under the sheets again but she swatted him away.
He gave her a frown and settled down more into the bed, more carefully drawing the hair from her face, working to remove each stray strand.
"You're amazing, you know," he said eventually.
She scoffed and gave him a look. "You already got laid. You don't have to sweet talk."
He shook his head. "That wasn't getting laid."
She let out a slow breath and looked away. "Don't Jay," she said firmly.
"It wasn't," he put flatly.
"I don't want to do this right now," she said with a small edge. "It was nice. I had fun. Thank you."
He snorted and shook his head, staring out door of his room into the living space. "Yeah, sure," he said flatly. "Glad I could oblige."
She shot him a look and he found her eyes. The annoyance dimmed. "Just stay," he said. "In case you want to talk again."
"There's nothing to talk about," she said.
He shrugged. "We can talk again about there not being anything to talk about. It will be good practice for when there's something to talk about."
She sighed at him. There was too much to talk about. It was just going to take a long time to get used to actually talking – especially to him.
