His head was spinning from the bloodrush his over-active heart was
pounding into his brain, making it feel like his head would explode at any
minute. Stalking madly through the dungeon corridors, he finally reached
the entrance to the Slytherin common room, where he barked the password at
the portrait there and proceeded to enter, slamming the door shut behind
him. He didn't care if the noise woke his fellow students, nor did he care
how late it was. He had had enough, damn it, and he wanted nothing more
than to leave this accursed place once and for all.
When he entered the room he shared with the other boys his age, a
couple of them cast him strange looks.
"What the bloody hell are you staring at?" he demanded.
The one boy was about to ask about the noise, but Severus didn't want
to hear it. He turned on his heel and strode out of the room, wanting to
be alone, now more than ever. Going back down to the common room, he
glowered at the surroundings and found that being in this place simply
wouldn't do. So, throwing the rules to the wind, he left the Slytherin
common room and went back into the dark halls.
As he searched for a hiding place, he knew he was blatantly
disregarding the Headmaster's request - no, demand - that he return to his
dormitory immediately, no questions asked. Finally, finding a safe and
secure broom closet, Severus locked himself inside and cast a half dozen
or so charms to insure his privacy.
As was customary during times like these, he began taking out his
aggression on the unsuspecting flies that were found buzzing about the
ceiling. Aiming his wand at one, he hexed it, and then another, then
another, and another. But hexing innocent flies into oblivion couldn't
satisfy his rage.
The whole utter unfairness of the situation did far more than irk him.
This time, Dumbledore had gone too far. The old man had always shown favor
to his sickeningly-beloved Gryffindors, even though he claimed to have an
understanding and an appreciation for all four houses of Hogwarts.
Everything had started innocently enough earlier that evening... well,
as innocently as things usually occurred between Severus and the
Marauders. He had been spying on them yet again, looking for a reason to
get them expelled... or at the very least in trouble. They were always
causing trouble, that he knew, but they always seemed to suffer nothing
worse than a mere detention or a few house points deducted for their
purposeful misconduct. Although Severus would never admit it, he was
jealous of them in a way. They were all such close friends, and there were
times where he swore he would give an arm to have friendship like that in
his life.
Oh, sure, he had his fellow classmates who others may have called his
friends, but they were hardly that. One of the first things Severus had
learned by being placed into Slytherin that he could trust no one,
especially in his own house. The cunning nature of a Slytherin meant doing
whatever was necessary to achieve the desired ends, even if that meant
sacrificing a friendship. One thing that Severus knew made him an oddity
in this house was that betraying a friend was going too far. He knew he
was a lot of unpleasant, not-so-nice things, but he did not believe
himself to be a traitor.
The only friend he had to betray was Lily Evans, anyway.
He felt a pang of worry begin to surface inside. Surely she would know
by morning. No doubt Potter would tell her everything, from his point of
view, of course... about how he had heroically saved that loser Snape's
pathetic excuse for a life.
Because Severus knew he had been out of bounds that day. He had always
had his suspicions as to why Lupin wasn't present in class for a couple of
days on a monthly basis. Black got word of this and apparently thought it
would be a very hilarious prank indeed to show Severus were Lupin went
during those days of the month. Some prank. What kind of prank results in
someone almost losing his life? But Dumbledore didn't think of this
"prank" as anything more than just that... a prank.
Dumbledore hadn't been there when a snarling, bloodthirsty, untamed
werewolf was suddenly directly in his face, practically devouring him
already. Severus had been scared beyond reason in that horrifying moment
and found his feet frozen to the ground. He remembered feeling a hand
yanking frantically on his arm, roughly pulling him away from the beast.
Somehow, Potter had gotten him away from the scene just in time. He
recalled gazing at Potter, shocked in the aftermath, but had felt the
anger begin to well up inside him the moment Potter had dared to speak.
"What d'you think you were playing at back there, Snape? Couldn't keep
your big nose outta other people's business, eh? Now look where it's
gotten you - almost killed!"
Severus had recoiled from Potter and had sent him a loathsome glare.
"Wait until Dumbledore finds out what you've all been hiding! You'll be
expelled for sure, and it would be about time, too! I bet Black had a
merry time tonight, what with nearly getting me killed and all!"
"It was supposed to be a joke!" Potter had protested vehemently. "Even
I thought he'd gone too far, and as much as a git you are, even you don't
deserve to be put in that type of danger."
Severus had then rolled his eyes. "Do you expect me to believe you for
one moment?" he had asked sarcastically. "You were saving your own skin as
much as mine. You just don't want to face the fact that you might very
well be expelled now!"
"We'll see about that, Snape!" Potter had yelled, roughly shoving him
aside.
Severus had been in hot pursuit of Potter all the way to the
Headmaster's office. There, they had argued their case in front of
Dumbledore, and Severus had thought his jaw would break from the way his
mouth was left gaping open when all the old man did in way of punishment
was tell Potter that he and Black would be receiving detention for a week.
Potter had been sent away, and Severus could still now hear Dumbledore's
words of warning ringing through his ears:
"I am only going to warn you this once, Mr. Snape. You should not
meddle in things that are not of your concern. I have been well aware of
Mr. Lupin's condition ever since he began attending this school, and his
friends have been faithful and true and kept his secret safe. I trust you
will not tell anyone what you have seen, lest you put Mr. Lupin in
jeopardy. Werewolves are not easily accepted by the majority of wizarding
society, but here, I believe everyone should be given an equal chance. You
are to return to your dormitory immediately if you have no wounds that
need treatment. In the future, I expect better behavior on your part."
Severus now wondered what Dumbledore was playing at. He had the nerve
to say that everyone was to be treated equally, and yet, Severus felt on
numerous occasions that Slytherin was trampled on and neglected by the
Headmaster. He felt that Dumbledore turned a blind eye to the behavior of
the Marauders and the Gryffindors in general. It was true that Severus had
not received detention, but Dumbledore's words had stung. They still did.
When his mind grew numb from mulling over that evening's events,
Severus sighed heavily and finally returned to his dormitory room and
surrendered to sleep.
The next day began as usual, with most people simply ignoring him as he
walked through the corridors and sat in class. During Double Potions that
afternoon, though, Severus noticed that Lily never looked in his direction
once. When his concentration began to waver, for he had been staring in
her direction far too often, his potion boiled over, and the teacher
reprimanded him, deducting house points from Slytherin. Severus knew he
heard sniggering in the direction where the Marauders were always seated.
He felt his temper flare, but managed to keep himself calm enough until
class was over.
Wanting nothing to do with those whose supposed prank had almost
resulted in his death, Severus darted out of the room. He spent dinner
just as he had breakfast and lunch: alone. Finally, seeking out the
quietude of the library, he entered the silent haven and took a seat in
his usual place to study. After a little while, he got the distinct
impression that someone was watching him, and so, glancing up cautiously
from his book, he noticed Lily seated not too far away. The moment his
black eyes met her green eyes, though, she quickly diverted hers and
pretended she was busy reading. Severus wasn't fooled for a second.
He closed his book and stood up. If there was one person whose opinion
mattered, it was Lily's. They had been friends for a long time by now and
had even started becoming more than that. He thought he even loved her,
and so, he knew he would have to talk to her about last night's incident.
"Hello, Lily," he said neutrally.
Lily looked up from her book, with a blank expression on her pretty
face. She appeared closed. "Hi," she replied off-handedly, like she was
merely greeting a stranger.
With raised eyebrows, Lily asked, as if surprised he was even speaking
to her, "Yes?"
He was growing ever more impatient. He had had enough of everybody's
games for one day. "Don't act like you don't know!" he exclaimed angrily.
"Oh, yes, Severus... I know plenty well. You simply had to go snooping
around, didn't you? There are some things you really don't have a right to
know, and whether you like it or not, Remus and I are friends. I might not
get on well with the others in their little circle, but Remus is a good
person, and he deserved for his secret to remain a secret."
"So... so... all this time? You... you knew?" he stuttered, unable to
believe she would keep such a thing from him. He thought they shared
everything.
"Yes, I knew," Lily replied curtly, "and, like I said, it was none of
your concern, Severus. You're just lucky James was there to save your
life. Why would you do something so incredibly stupid, to almost get
yourself killed?"
"I didn't know I could have gotten killed!" he exploded, standing up
and beginning to pace. "Do you think for one second that I would have gone
into that tunnel had I known I could have died! If you've known the truth
about that- that monster, that beast all this time, you could have told me
and saved me a lot of trouble, and then I wouldn't have risked my life in
the process of trying to find out the truth about that-!"
Lily lost her temper by now as well and was standing, staring at
Severus in disbelief. "Don't call him such horrible names! What's he ever
done to you?"
"Maybe he's done nothing to me directly," Severus blared hotly, "but
his friends certainly have! He's certainly done nothing to stop them!"
"And your attitude doesn't help matters any! Many times, Severus,
you're just a guilty as they are in all these escapades, but I've defended
you all these years, and-"
"Then stop trying to fend for me!" he roared, towering over her. "If
Lupin means so much to you, why don't you just go find him and tell him
how much you need him? I don't need you, that's for sure, not if you're
this type of friend! Ha!" he laughed bitterly. "Some friend! I don't need
anybody, and I most certainly don't need you, Evans!"
Lily was speechless. Throughout the years, she had been witness to many
of Severus's tirades, but his words now stung unlike anything she had even
heard from him. Tears welled up in her eyes and spilled over, flowing down
her cheeks. With a shaky hand, she reached out to touch his shoulder,
saying desperately, quietly, "Severus... surely... surely you don't mean
that?"
For a long time, he didn't look into her eyes, but when he did, she
gasped. His eyes were so incredibly cold, and his words were like icy
daggers penetrating straight through her chest, killing her heart.
"I meant every word," he said with such finality that she was left to
pick up the pieces, but their friendship was beyond repair. He turned and
left, and from that day forward, Lily and Severus were no longer friends.
He no longer could say that he hadn't betrayed a friend.
For some time after that day, Lily found herself inevitably growing
closer to Lupin, but with a heavy heart, Lupin had to eventually tell her
that things wouldn't work out between them. He always feared his condition
would put any lady in too much danger. Finally, in their seventh year,
Lily surrendered herself to James, realizing that he had grown up. The
rest was history.
More than twenty years later now, Lupin was with a lady again, and Snape knew of this recent development between Lupin and Tonks, but it didn't bother him. Thinking back on his adolescent years, he realized yet again how many regrets he had. His choices had been mostly bad, but oddly enough, things had turned around one-hundred eighty degrees. Now, Lupin and Snape were on good terms. Not really friends, but certainly there was an understanding that had not been there before.
As for Harry Potter, Snape usually left the boy alone nowadays. He looked more like his father than ever, now that he was a young man, but there were certain aspects of Harry that he had gotten from his mother. He could be thick-headed like his father, but he also was understanding like his mother, if only one would get past that thick-headedness of his.
Sometimes, seeing Harry reminded Snape of Lily and of his final words to her. He oftentimes wondered how his life would have played out had he not walked out of her life so harshly and so unfairly all those years ago. Part of his reason - or so he believed - he had joined the Death Eaters was because of his bitterness over losing Lily and thus seeking companionship elsewhere, obviously in the wrong place. The Dark Mark was now a physical reminder of his worst decision ever, and Snape knew that one choice was the result of many bad choices made earlier in his life.
The Dark Mark had not burned for months, and as Snape absently rubbed the mark under his sleeve now, he wondered yet again what the Dark Lord was planning.
Then, with no warning, the mark burned.
Soon Snape would perhaps know the Dark Lord's plans.
