In pieces

On the radio was playing .com/watch?v=OThfgmZASes . I looked at him, his arms were crossed, he was giving me the same contempt look.

"I have nothing to talk to you Anne, I guess I saw enough."

I couldn't read his expression, actually, he had no expression, but I had to try somehow...

"But Dave, I have to explain that...

Without looking at me, he interrupted me, there was anger in his voice.

"You don't have to explain anything, Anne! Actually, there's nothing to explain…"

I thought a lot about what to say, but the words didn't come out…

"But D..."

He finally looked at me, and I wished never to see that look on his face again.

"Look, Anne. I have only one question for you. I just want to understand WHY. Why did you do this to me? I'm not enough for you, not good enough, come on Anne, why?"

It was not the first time I'd say that, but there was not other justification.

"I was drunk Dave, I didn't know what I was doing..."

I was gonna say more, but he got irritated and raised his voice.

"YES, YOU DID! Don't give me this lame excuse, you knew very well what you were doing… It's always the same excuse Anne, that was your excuse to do a lot of stupid things when Matthew was in the hospital, same thing with our first time that you preferred to call a "drunking mistake", it's always the same fucking excuse! You know what's funny? You can always blame the alcohol for your mistakes and I can't… you just left me in Hawaii, without a chance to justify myself because of my mistake, and now I have to happily accept your pathetic excuse? Nobody forced you to do anything, I'm pretty sure Andrew didn't force you to do anything you didn't want to! You did this because you WANTED TO. You know... I really thought you liked me... really, I believed you when you said you loved me!"

I was getting desperate, everything he said made sense, and now he had doubts about my feelings for him...

"But it is true, it have always been, I LOVE YOU, David!"

I had never said that with so much confidence, but at the same time, so much pain, there was no point, he wouldn't believe me…
My heart was beating faster, he yelled even louder, he scared me...

"NO YOU DO NOT!"

He walked around the room, and stopped in front of me, speaking loud, his voice was trembling, he pointed his finger at me...

"Don't say it again, because it's a lie, that's not love! If you loved me, you'd NEVER had sex with my brother! This is anything, but love! Actually, are you sure you know what love is? Because I was when I told you this, I tried to prove you through my acts and not only words… What was it, only one brother was not enough? You had to have both? I bet if Matthew wasn't your brother, you'd have sex with him too!"

What? That was too much. I know he was nervous, but he had no right to offend me...

"David, you are insulting me..."

He wouldn't listen to me, it was like I was talking by myself...

"I am insulting you?"

There was anger in his laughter… he continued.

"Anne, you humiliated me! Do you have any idea how I felt when I saw YOU on the bed with my brother?"

I didn't have and didn't want to...

"You know, I thought I knew you, but I can see I don't... I look at you know and I see a stranger... You are a completely stranger for me, Anne! You know, in my life I met a lot of women, but for some reason I always believed you were different… unfortunately, you proved me you are just like everybody else… you know what? Now I can see it was not that permanent."

His words made my stomach churn, my body was hurting, I couldn't even cry, there was a lump in my throat, I wanted to show him he was altered, and we could talk without that much insults...

"That's too much already, David!"

He was in disbelief with what I said...

"Too much? Ok, picture this then, Anne: what if you had a sister and I slept with her? How would YOU feel?"

Awful. I'd feel awful. But the truth is, even for a second I could picture him doing this kind of thing with me, and I had done it to him, I couldn't answer…

"..."

"See? Anne, I was not 100% honest with you, I made a lot of mistakes and I knew that. You had to forgive me a lot of times too. I could forgive anything coming from you, I could try to understand anything, but not this… that was too much for me…"

I thought about anything that could save that conversation...

"Dave..."

He definitely didn't want to listen to me...

"Look, Anne. I could try to understand if you had sex with ANY other guy. We are not together for real, I don't have the right to demand anything from you… Even if it was Kyle I could make an effort to understand, but not Andrew! You chose the only guy you could NEVER have anything with!"

He didn't have to repeat that, I knew the size of my mistake... everything I wanted at that moment was turn back time...

"I'm sorry Dave, I'm so sorry, I really am..."

He was angry again, he raised his voice, the veins in his neck were popped out, he was red, and this time facing me…

"Sorry? You think it's so easy, right Anne? You think you can do anything you want and apologize later, saying you're sorry and everything is gonna be alright! But I bet you were not sorry at all when you were under MY FUCKING BROTHER!"

He was yelling louder, it was echoing in my head...

"I know I did a LOT of bad things. We broke up a lot of times because of me, but I was thinking about you THE WHOLE TIME! You made me feel the worst person in the world when you left Hawaii, during the entire flight back I was thinking about what to do to make things up with you, make you realize I never wanted to hurt you, and when I get here what do I see? That was the way you found to punish me for my mistakes? Throwing in my face that if things didn't work out between us, you could fall in his arms and he would want you too? You never valued me, now I can see I was only another one in your list, I repeat, I always thought you were different, but you're like everyone else!"

I bursted into tears, I ran towards him trying to calm him down, in a desperate gesture I tried to hug him…

"That's not true, Dave..."

But he pushed me away, turned around and got my guitar from the bed...

"You see this?"

He lifted it, his eyes were filled with anger, he came towards me, I tripped and fell on the bed, I cowered crying, scared, he was still yelling…

"This is the proof that I always thought about you, even when you were engaged to Kyle! And know I now you don't deserve 1 minute of my thoughts, you don't deserve this, YOU NEVER DID!"

My heart stopped for a second, between the silence and the fear of what he was about to do, and then came the thunderous sound...

I opened my eyes and saw him smashing it against the wall. Destroying it, piece by piece, just like I had done with our friendship.

I got up and yelled, trying to stop him...

"DAVID!"

I was in shock, looking at him with the pieces of the guitar in his hands, I guess he realized what he had done, he was breathing fast, dropped the pieces, got away from the bed, towards the door...

"I can't Anne, I can't even look at you right now... You know... I'm angry with myself, for caring so much about you."

I was hopeless, the only way to fix that was turning back time...

"Don't say that, Dave..."

In other words, impossible... he put his hand on the door knob...

"It's pointless, Anne, you did this..."

I just wanted to know one thing, it didn't matter when, but I had to ask...

"Can you forgive me someday?"

His answer couldn't be worst...

"It's over, Anne... you took care of this… I'll never forgive you."


Guys, I hope you are enjoying the story! What do you think it's gonna happen now? I know the fic is a little long, and there's quite a few things to happen yet, but I'm sure you'll like it! and don't forget to read the other fic, to know David's point of view about all of this!

.net/s/7733962/1/Its_up_to_me_to_forget