CHAPTER 51

I was still in hospital since the doctors didn't think my mind was stable enough to go home. Last night after I yelled at Jax to get out my cramps become more intense since my body was being forced into labour.

When it was all over I didn't feel any better. I was drained about it all and I felt angry at the fact this happened to me.

I was trying to distract myself from crying over it by watching some boring t.v when there was knock and the door and I expected some nurse to come through to ask me how I was feeling or Gemma to come in over reacting acting like I had almost died.

Unfortunately, it wasn't. It was who I least expected to walk in and it's who I least expected wanted to see.

It was Clay holding a bunch of flowers.

"Brought you these" he said as he closed the door behind him and stiffened up in my bed.

I didn't want to thank him or say it was nice to see him, instead I said "What are you doing here?"

"Well, uh – Jax filled me in on what happened. Terrible thing" he says with fake remorse.

"And you think those are going to make me feel better?" I ask him nodding towards the flowers sounding like a bitch and I speak again. "You didn't really come here to give me those"

"Truth is I – I'm worried about Jax. He isn't focused. I don't know I – guess I'm thinking it has something to do with those letters" he says and he sits down the whole time he was talking I knew he was going to mention those letters.

"We just lost a child." I bluntly tell him starting to feel angry at his selfishness "And to tell you my truth – I haven't given him the letters. And, I couldn't give a shit about his unfocused cartel drug dealing and gun running head."

"Woah … Jax certainly has got his hands full with you. I always knew you had a mouth on you but …" he says sounding like an arrogant ass then becoming more serious, trying to intimidate me by saying "But Cara, you should listen to me"

I interrupt whatever bull shit threat he was going to say to me "I don't need to listen to anything you say"

"Seems JT is clouding your head too huh?" he asks and I shake my head

"No. I just know who to trust and who not to trust." I tell him and it goes silence for a couple of seconds.

"You trust Jax?" he asks and I furrow my brows at him as he explains what he meant "Did he uh – tell you about the fact he found the letters himself? Did he tell you about that?" he asks and I don't know whether he is telling the truth or if he is messing with my head. Jax would mention this to me.

I stare blankly at him not giving in to him and giving him the satisfaction of me throwing a hissy fit over Jax hiding things.

Just as I am about to tell him to get out and never come back Gemma pushes open the door with force looking like she just ran down the hall. She was wearing a hat and sunglasses like she was trying to cover her face up.

"Gemma?" I question wondering if she is okay but she doesn't say anything she just glares down at Clay like she wants him to leave, like she knew him being here wasn't a good thing.

Clay gets out of his seat and says "I'll leave you ladies to it" and as he walks past Gemma they give each other a strange look and when he finally leaves the room Gemma takes off her sunglasses to reveal two black eyes and she sits down.

"Jesus Christ Gemma" I say when I see how beat up she looks "Who the hell did this to you?" I ask her only having a little idea of who it might be but for the sake of her hoping it's not.

She just gives me a worried and fearful look not answering my question so I ask her "Clay?" and she nods.

"Is that why you rushed over here? You think he might –

"He's dangerous Cara." She says sounding frightened and vulnerable. I've only ever seen Gemma like this once before and that was when she was raped.

"I know Gemma. Does Jax know?"

"He hasn't seen me yet, it only happened last night. We got into a fight about those letters, he was throwing around all these threats – like what would happen if he didn't get a hold of em. Then he got violent."

"Oh my god Gemma, you can't put up with that. He shouldn't have done that!"

"Look, I didn't come here to get you to feel bad for me. I came here for you. What happened is awful" she says and I don't want to discuss me anymore, it's all I've been doing.

"I just want out of here but Dr Namid thinks I'm not stable enough. He thinks I need physiatrist examination."

"Is that because of before with your post-natal depression?" she asks

"Who knows. I can't blame anyone; I can't explain it – I- can't quite believe it happened"

"Where's Jax on this?" she asks and sigh. "You shouldn't push him away baby" she tells me and I know.

"I lost it on him yesterday, I haven't seen him since. I think he's trying to give me time."

"You need to grieve alone but you need to grieve together" she says and I roll my eyes then she asks "What did Clay say to you? Did he threaten you?"

"He mentioned he was worried about Jax which I know is complete bullshit. He just probably feels like this miscarriage happened at an inconvenient time for him and the god damn stupid club." I tell her then I feel I need to mention what he said about the letters and I do "But he mentioned something else … We got talking about trust and then he mentioned the letters. He said Jax found them – all of them"

Gemma's face looks lost, angry and worried like she doesn't know what to do with this one so she put her head in her hands. "Jesus Christ!" she yells "How?!"

"I don't know, I had em locked up in my office and I've not checked on them in a while. No one knows they are in there but my dad."

"That son of a bitch" Gemma says and I don't have the energy to get angry at her, I want her to understand.

"Gemma." I say softly trying to calm her down and not get her pointing fingers. I grab her hand from my bed best I can "This might be a good thing, Jax will know the truth and he will understand. Especially after the way Clay acted towards you last night." I try convince her but I don't know if it's working.

"That's only one way it can go. The other? You don't even wanna know" she says sounding scared but if I know Jax this will be a new door opening at the right time.

"I can't act like I don't know Gemma." I tell her hoping she will give me some proper advice and not to ignore it.

"I know. Don't worry. We are gonna need to talk to him." She suggests and I don't know if I like the sound of we.

"We?" I ask and this time she grabs my hand and pushes back the hair in front of my face.

"I need the support just as much as you need mine baby" she says and I sigh

"Jesus" I mutter under my breath and put my head back on the pillow trying to think of how this looks and how it will end. I can't take anymore fighting and crying – I'm all dried up.