Chapter 44:

Alina wondered when exactly it had been that they'd all grown up.

She stood, leaning against the wall, at the edge of the room in Alice and Franks flat, gazing in wonder at the group of people before her. It seemed ridiculous to imagine them all standing in the same uniform that they had been wearing just under two years ago, it was as if they had grown at a year per minute in the time that had passed.

It wasn't just the obvious changes that anyone who had eyes could see; the wedding rings on four of their fingers, and in particular the two heavily pregnant women that stood amongst them.

No. It's far more than that.

It was in their very expressions, the brief moments that could only be caught between the laughter. The grave expressions that often washed away the familiar grin on James' face as his mind raced with thoughts of the future that waited for his family; for his child. The look of sadness that seemed to hold a constant presence over Elyse as she sat beside Peter, whose nerves had left him jumpy and distant to those around him.

And Remus' eyes. The brown eyes that once shone with intelligence and happiness had been scarred; reflecting those of a man who had lived years of hardship and ruin.

The times were hard, everyone knew that. But as she glanced around the room warmth spread through her, recharging her hope and determination. And as her eyes rested on the swollen stomachs of her best friends, she knew she would never, ever, give up fighting for their future.


He lifted her off the bed, pushing her roughly backwards so that her back was pressed against the cold hardness of the wall.

She clung to him, one fist clenching the back of his long hair, the other grasping his shoulder tightly, her nails digging into him with each powerful movement that he made.

Their bodies were glazed with sweat, and she gasped out loud, sacrificing her body and mind to the primal instincts that were commanding dominance over her actions.

Holding her firmly in place, his lips replaced their touch, ravishing each part of her naked skin with kisses both tender and passionate, sending chills down her spine.

As his pace increased, and his breath became shorter and heavier, she allowed herself to give in to the coil that had wound tightly in the pit of her stomach, and as the cries of pleasure left her lips, a loud groan told her that he had joined her in the moment of sheer ecstasy.

They didn't say anything for a while afterwards, with trembling arms; he had carried her to the bed, holding her close to him as he felt her grow more and more tense in his arms.

'Don't do this Alli' he whispered, pressing his lips gently to her head 'you know you don't have to do this with me.'

'I know.'

Her words were cold, distant, and the unresponsive movements of her body told him that she was battling against him. Refusing, once again, to let him bare her pain.

'Alli -'

'What do you want me to say Sirius?' she snapped through clenched teeth, turning sharply towards him, her eyes flashing dangerously.

'I want you to let me in!' he snapped back.

'Why? Why!' she retorted, sitting upright and running her hands roughly through her matted hair.

'Because we're together Alli! Because you love me and I love you!' he mimicked her movements, sitting up and grabbing her hand in his own 'I thought by now you might just trust me enough to let me know what you're feeling, because I'm fucking sure that I'm feeling it too! Do you not get how I feel about it too?'

In the silence that followed Sirius felt physically sick, he'd done it. He'd pushed her too far and now she would never let him in. With an angry sigh he fell backwards onto the mattress, staring at the ceiling.

Does she not understand how I feel?

He had been asking himself that question every night for the last month, over and over and over. Each time they made love, and each time she froze afterwards, turning away from him and shutting him out from the pain that they should be sharing.

'Is that what you think?'

Had the night not been so still, had the room not been so silent, he would not have heard the words that she breathed. Her voice was so soft, so fragile, and so alien from the one he was familiar with that it tore his heart the moment it reached his ears, but he was too angry to allow himself to give in to it.

'You don't think I get how you feel?' she continued, her voice growing in volume, yet remaining unbelievably fragile.

'What else am I supposed to think Alli?' he asked her, his voice weary with defeat 'you freeze yourself away from me, you put up those walls you've built for yourself and it's selfish! It's selfish because you have no idea how I feel too!'

'I know exactly how you feel Sirius, because every time we allow ourselves to get excited, and hopeful, and nervous, I can feel you! I can feel how much you want it too!' she took a deep breath as the words tumbled from her mouth, and turned round to face him, her eyes filled with the inward torment that she had been containing for so long 'and every time it goes wrong, every time you feel angry, and bitter, and distraught I can feel it too! It's just so hard...and I don't know how to cope with feeling you feeling it too, because you want it just as much as me...'

As her voice grew tighter and tighter, he sat up, pulling her into his arms, her body heaved with the sobs she had kept in for too long.

'It's okay, it's going to be okay' he whispered.

'And those are the words I didn't want to hear, because we know it might not.'

The lay together for hours, tightly embracing each other as they gave in to the tears that had been repressed.

'I just want a baby.' She breathed softly.

'We'll have one Alli, we will.' He told her gently, and kissed her with all the tenderness he owned.


Alice, Lily and Elyse all sat around the table in James and Lily's kitchen, each rooting through a thick book, two long scrolls of paper in the middle of them.

'What about Melvin?' Elyse asked, breaking the silence that had fallen between them.

'Melvin?' Alice snorted, arching her eyebrows at her friend 'there is no way on earth that my son is going to be called Melvin.'

'Hey! You're the one who likes Neville! They're similar!' Elyse raised her hands in defence, suppressing a grin.

'Melvin is nothing like Neville! And I think Neville's a lovely name!' Alice smiled, her hand caressing her bump fondly 'not long now Neville' she spoke gently.

'Well I take it your mind's made up on that then?' she laughed.

'Yeah, me and Frank kind of decided last night really' Alice shrugged, looking at both of her friends innocently 'what? I just like looking at baby names!'

'So you've had me looking for you too, when I could have been helping out Lily?' Elyse shook her head in disbelief.

'Oh as if it matters! Lil's having a boy too, so you would have said the same names anyway!'

'I'm never going to find a name' Lily groaned, dropping her head onto the table with a bang.

'Yes you will, and you'll do it before you go and give yourself brain damage' Elyse laughed, pulling Lily up from the table and handing her a new book to look through 'now get to work! You've only got a week left!'

'Yes sir!' Lily laughed.

It was in a state of silence, as each of the girls read carefully through the lists of names and their meanings that James, Sirius, Alina and Peter found them in.

'Wow, this is the quietest I've ever seen them...' Alina remarked in surprise, as they opened the door.

'Finally, you're home!' Lily snapped, kicking a chair towards James and shuffling a book in his direction.

'Hi dear, How did fighting the Death Eaters go dear?... Oh not too bad dear they were in a bit of a bad mood, but death defying duelling? Pah! Not important! How are you dear?...'

'I checked with Dumbledore earlier when you got back to the Headquarters to see if you were all right' Lily rolled her eyes 'now sit down and get to work!'

'Such a delight!' James shook his head, his voice dripping with sarcasm.

'You married her' Alina grinned.

'And impregnated me' she snapped 'so get baby name finding!'

Shuffling his feet across the floor, James threw himself into the chair in front of him, muttering something that included the phrase 'spawn of Satan'

Narrowing her eyes at her husband, Lily let out a sigh and flicked her wand to cast a cooling charm on herself. It was by far one of the hottest July's she could remember and the discomfort of swollen ankles and a giant belly made it ten times worse.

'Do you want to go and have a rest?' Sirius spoke quietly into Alina's ear, and she shook her head slightly, turning to face him with a mischievous grin plastered on her face.

'I think I'd rather watch this' she told him indicating with her head to Lily and James 'how long do you think he's got before she kills him?' she asked.

With a grimace, Sirius looked between his nervous looking best friend and a flushed, disgruntled, very pregnant Lily.

'Ten minutes? And I'd say she'll eat him before that'

'I agree' Alina smirked, swallowing her giggle as Lily's eyes shot towards her.

'I don't know what you lot think you're doing...get to work!'

'Don't refuse her' Sirius whispered from the corner of his mouth as he edged toward the table.

'And don't make eye contact' Alina responded, watching Sirius smirk at her words.

'You too Peter!'


'I NEED JAMES!'

Lily's desperate screech pierced through the walls of the house, causing the newly born Neville, who had been sleeping in his crib, to stir, and add his cries to hers.

Alice glanced quickly at Frank, indicating him to go and see to their son, whilst she tried to convince her friend to floo to St Mungo's.

'Lil, you need to get to St Mungo's!' she told her for what felt like the hundredth time but Lily had dug her heels firmly into the floor, and with a look of stubbornness that would make Alina proud, was steadfastly refusing to move.

'I am not going without him' she growled, before letting out another sharp cry of pain 'this is...not...how...it's supposed to be!' she gasped out, from her hunched over position.

'I know sweetie, but he'll be back soon!' Alice heard herself reason, knowing that there was no real way for them to tell when James would be back from the mission.

'It's just so bloody TYPICAL!' Lily yelled, tears now pouring down her cheeks 'and if Alli hadn't gone with them she could have used her mind to call them! WHY did they let her bloody go?'

'Shhh, calm down Lil, let's go to St Mungo's; Frank's sent a Patronnus to James, all that we can worry about now is getting that baby out safely!'

At the mention of the child, Lily froze, suddenly seeing reason.

'Yeah, you're right' she muttered, before sucking in a sharp intake of breath as another contraction hit her 'let's go.'


Once again they had known they were coming.

And once again the members of the Order were left fighting for survival.

They had arrived at what they had believed to be a simple search the premises mission, and had discovered a group of Death Eater's lying in wait for them.

'ALINA, BEHIND YOU!'

Sirius' yelled reached her ears just a split second after the sharp pang of panic he had felt shot through her mind.

She didn't turn around, she knew she didn't have time to even use her wand, with reactions quicker than she knew she had, she closed her eyes, throwing her senses behind her to locate the Death Eater that was closing in on her.

Freeze.

She smirked as she sensed his movement stop.

Fall.

The sound of a loud thud reached her ears and she let out a light chuckle.

'Stupefy!' she added, swivelling round at lightening pace, and pointing her wand directly at the Death Eater on the floor.

Her brief moment of pride was immediately cut short as an agonized scream sent chills down her spine.

'Sirius' she muttered, feeling a wave of anger, so intense that it knocked the breath out of her, erupt through her body.

She clenched her wand tightly, feeling her nails slightly pierce her skin as her knuckles whitened at the grip.

Her eyes darted around the room and with a groan of frustration she realised he wasn't there.

Sirius?

She pushed her mind out, searching the building for him, knowing that wherever he was she would find him, and she would stop whoever was hurting him.

Another shout of pain shot through the room, and as she felt her legs start to run in the direction of the stairs, she knew it was not with her ears that she was hearing his cries, it was through her soul.

Silently, she allowed her mind to lead her body to where he was, trying to control the anger that was flowing through her veins, the anger that was thirsty for blood, for pain, for revenge.

She didn't pause as she reached the door she knew that he was behind. She knew exactly how many were in there, for she was no longer watching through her own eyes, she was watching through his.

She was looking up at them, crumpled on the floor, her eyes narrowed at them.

She could feel his anger, mixed with the acceptance that he would probably die.

Three of them.

One standing directly before him; he was clearly the one in charge.

The two that were standing further back, by the wall on the left side of the door, were each occasionally shooting their own spells of torture at him, but the majority was left to their leader.

As the main Death Eater raised his wand once again to Sirius, Alina raised her own and pointed it directly at the door.

Before the Death Eater had time to even form the words of the curse in his mind, the door exploded, sending splinters of wood shooting throughout the room.

Get on the floor.

She spat the words through her mind, concentrating only on the two Death Eaters to the left, before she turned to the one before her.

He had his wand pointed directly at her chest, a triumphant smirk visible below the mask that covered the top of his face.

'Alina Blake' he drawled, his smooth voice sending shivers of rage through her body.

'Snivillus' she replied casually, her eyes focused on Sirius, glancing over him to ensure he was all right.

'I suggest you lower your wand, Snape.' She continued 'you might be better at Occulmency than most, but I can assure you, I'm better.'

'Sectumsum-'

Before he could finish his curse Alina through her mind forward, using as much energy as she had left inside of her.

With a force, beyond anything she had imagined to possess, Snape was thrown backwards, crashing through the window and falling out into the night.

Instead of the dull thud of a body hitting the ground below, a loud crack met her ears, informing her that he had apparated mid air back to his master.

With a growl of frustration she turned her attention to the two Death Eaters still laying face down on the floor.

'Expecto Patronum' she muttered, watching as the Unicorn shot from her wand 'Go to Mad-Eye' she told him 'We were ambushed, it's all under control now, and we've captured two Death Eater's.'

She didn't wait to see the Unicorn leave; she immediately turned to Sirius, who was slowly pulling himself up from the floor.

His face was dangerously pale, and a trail of blood was seeping from his bottom lip, but other than that he was fine.

She knew his mind was still stable, she could sense it; feel it deep within her core.

'Thanks' he flashed his familiar lop-sided grin at her, trying to play down what had just happened.

'Siriu-'she began, but was interrupted by a shout from another room.

'PADFOOT!'

Alina and Sirius paused and stared at one another in shock for a split second, the panic in James' voice was thick through the single word, sending chills down their spines.

'JAMES?' Alina shouted, her wand held out, and despite the harsh aching in her head, she held her mind at alert, prepared to use whatever power she had left.

'HERE! I- IN – here!' his final word sounded weak; broken.

'Oh God' she muttered, observing the drastic paling of Sirius' complexion as he heard the falter in his friends tone.

Without even a seconds pause to think about what they were doing, the blast through the door from which James' voice had sounded behind, and sprinted through, clenching the wands tightly.

Alina wasn't sure what they had expected, whether it be ten Death Eaters, a dead body or even Voldemort himself. What she was sure they hadn't expected was a white faced, jittery looking James, muttering incoherently to himself as he paced up and down the room, his fists clenching at his already messy hair.

'Is he -?' Sirius didn't finish his sentence; instead he looked desperately towards her, his eyes flooded with fear.

The thought of using her mind once again sent a feeling of dread into the pit of her stomach; her mind was no longer aching anymore, instead it was sending jolts of pain throughout her skull, making her breathing slightly uneven as she tried to suppress it.

Grimly, looking at James' manic state, she projected her mind forward, grimacing at the sharp pain it caused.

It took only a second to process the thoughts in James' mind, as they were practically being hurled towards her. Immediately her eyebrows shot up and her eyes widened.

'He's not lost his sanity' she confirmed quickly for Sirius, who immediately relaxed 'but Lily's gone into labour' she grinned.

'What!' Sirius yelped, his chin dropping 'but Alice was only yesterday...'

'I know!' Alina laughed, her excitement taking dominance for a second over the searing pain in her head.

'JAMES!' she barked, feeling pleased when the panicked man immediately stopped and stared at her 'I know you're scared, but Lily needs you so...'

'Suck it up you pansy' Sirius interrupted, grinning at his friend.

'Get him to St Mungo's' Alina muttered, not quite trusting James to apparate alone in the state he appeared to be in.

With a brief nod and a quick kiss, Sirius grasped his friends arm and disappeared from sight.


When Alina arrived at St Mungo's waiting room James had already gone in to be with Lily, and Sirius was sitting down beside Alice and Remus. Sirius immediately jumped up upon seeing her, quickly sweeping across the room to help her into a seat.

The strength of his arms around her body, and the worried expression on his face told her that she must now be showing signs of the pain in her head.

'You okay?' he asked her, turning her cheek with his hand gently to look at him.

She opened her mouth to lie, to tell him that she was fine, but a wave of pain shooting through her head caused her to flinch.

'Yeah, just – headache' she mumbled, falling into the seat next to Alice 'how's Lily doing?'

'You need to rest, I'll get you home' Sirius ignored her question, extending his arm towards her to help her up once again.

'I'm not going Sirius' she told him calmly, her voice thick with exhaustion 'I'll close my eyes here for a while, I promise, but I won't leave until that baby arrives.'

For a second Sirius looked as if he was going to argue, but seemingly accepting that anything he did say would be a waste of breath he let out an exasperated sigh.

'Fine, but you are going to rest!' he told her firmly, and she nodded in agreement.

'Now how's Lily?' she asked again, this time turning to Alice.

'She's all right now that James is here, but it's going to be a long night for her...' Alice grimaced, thinking back to the day before.

Alina's eyes widened as her mind fully processed the bags under her friends eyes, and the paleness of Alice's complexion.

'Al! You have to go home! What are you still doing here?'

Alice gave her a weary smile 'Lily wouldn't go without me, so I let Neville with Frank and got her here as soon as possible, and believe me, that was a battle in itself...'

'Go. Home!' Alina told her firmly 'I'll let you know when he's born, but you were here yesterday Al! Go be with Neville and Frank!' she continued a little more softly.

Alice paused for a second, biting her lip as she thought through Alina's words.

'Yeah you're right' she sighed 'But let me know as soon as possible all right?'

'Of course' Alina smiled, giving her friend as small hug as she left.

Within seconds of Alice's departure, Alina tucked herself comfortable under Sirius' arm, her head pressed gently against his chest, and listening to the familiar sound of his heartbeat, she fell asleep.


If she dreamt, she didn't remember it.

She didn't stir from her sleep by any movement Sirius made, or any sound from other people in the room.

The only thing that woke her was the sound of her name on Sirius' lips and a gently shaking on her shoulder.

Blearily she opened her eyes, frowning as the fluorescent lighting of the room reached them.

'Huh?' she grumbled sleepily, looking up at Sirius' grinning face 'wha?'

'Lily's given birth! It's time to meet him Al'

She blinked three times. Her mind processing the information, before she sat up bolt right, and wide grin illuminating her features.

'Has she named him yet?' she asked quickly, climbing out of the seat.

'Yes' Sirius said brightly 'Harry!'

'Harry...' she sounded the name on her lips, and smiled warmly 'Harry Potter...I like it!'