Dave & Karkat: Trope- Good Cop/Bad Cop
"Look, I don't want this to be hard on you." He says, leaning over the steel table to smile winningly at her. "I mean, that would be ass, wouldn't it? Just all sort of ass, if this was hard on you. The worst sort of ass, the kinds of ass that smells like shit and looks like moldy cheese, and it tastes like moldy feet. You dig? I just want to make this easy, you know? For you! Let us help you."
Rose blinks, unimpressed by her sort-of brother's "winning" smile and "good-guy" vibe.
"Or," Karkat grumbles, loudly. "We can do this the hard way. You want to know what the hard way is, Lalonde? Well, I'll fucking tell you. Oh, I'll fucking tell you." He takes a deep breath in, and begins. "The hard way is you, skipping your way straight to fucking hell. You'll breathe in, and your head will pound, your shame-center will be operating about one million times more efficiently than it would otherwise.
"You'll be digging in your heels, only to find the ground is not the safe realm of happy dreams and fucked up ambition, but the cold, loving dick of disappointment and the unwelcome stench of depression. Your think your heart aches now? Well just wait until it's beset by the knowledge of how utterly ashamed of you everyone is.
"Well Lalonde, are you prepared for the consequences? Or shall I continue?"
Rose groans, her head pounding. She rests her head on her arms, grateful for the relief from the light, and wishes she had something to block out the sound of Karkat's near screaming.
"Oh, good job dick-munch, you're making her hangover worse!"
"Whatever, Strider. It wouldn't even be a problem if you'd manhandled your balls into prime rodeo position, stepped up and taken care of your sister. If she hadn't come to the point of blackout drinking, we wouldn't even be in this situation! It's your fucking fault that your sister came to this point! You should be the one whose shame melts you and turns you into a puddle of shitty drunk!
"Rose doesn't deserve your shitty attitude, Dave!" Karkat growls, turning on his "partner."
Dave makes noises of protest, but Rose tunes them both out. She crawls into her bed, three rooms away, pulls the comforter above her head, and wishes she could disappear. That, or that Dave would give up his good-cop/bad-cop team with Karkat and just accept that she was an alcoholic in the making.
She didn't think she could take too many more of Dave's ineffectual "interventions."
