Don't be distracted by the smoke and mirrors. I told you in the summary exactly where I plan to go. Remember everything I do has a purpose ;)
"Maya?" The voice called from behind.
Of course he would be here right now! She had a hard enough time being around him on a good day, ever since Texas, but this wasn't a good day and she was not in the mood to sit in bizarre silence and stare at the blank space ahead.
Lucas saw her from across the room talking with Shawn. He didn't know what the conversation was about but it was clearly intense and she hadn't looked very happy when he'd left. She hadn't looked happy the last time he had seen her either. When she hadn't returned his greeting he pressed further.
"Maya, are you okay?" He asked, genuinely concerned.
She wouldn't even look up at him.
"No," she mumbled.
"Do you want to talk about it?" He inquired.
This time her response was not quiet and contemplative. It was loud and clear as she shifted in her seat to look back at him.
"No!" She insisted.
Lucas glanced down at the smoothie in her hand. The last time he'd tried to have a real conversation with her she had dumped one on his head, but he couldn't just leave her there to sit alone when she was visibly upset. Deciding it was worth the risk, he walked around to the front of the couch and sat down next to her, resting his arms on his legs.
They sat in their usual silence as she glanced over at him, appearing rather annoyed.
"You're not going away, are you?"
Lucas just smirked. "No."
She huffed as she flipped her back deeper into the couch, running an aggravated hand through her long blonde hair. Another few moments of expectant silence passed before she leaned back up to face him.
"Why are you here?" She demanded.
He shrugged, "because I like it here and they have the best fruit smoothie in town."
"That's not what I meant why are you here? Next to me?"
"You seemed upset and I didn't want you to be alone." He said as if it were obvious.
This was as close to their old selves as they had been in months. The last time they had played tit for tat he had wound up dangerously close to a line he wasn't sure he had wanted to cross. Was that why that hadn't played since, for fear of history repeating itself?
"What's it to you, Huckleberry? Why do you care if I sit here all alone or not, if I'm upset or not? Why does it matter to you?"
She wasn't sure why she was lashing out at Lucas. It wasn't his fault that these horrible things were happening or that there was nothing anyone could do to fix it. It wasn't even his fault how he felt or how she felt. He hadn't forced her like him. He hadn't even asked her to. Maybe being angry was the only way she could get past hi with him.
He looked at her with surprise, hurt in his eyes. How could she even ask that question? Didn't she know how much she meant to him? She didn't know. He had never told her...just like he had never told Riley.
"Because you matter to me. I know things have been a little weird between us lately-"
"A little," she snorted.
"Okay, a lot, like really weird, but no matter what's going on with us, whatever we turn out to be, I'm still your friend and I still care about you."
He had no idea what was happening between them or why. He didn't know why he had almost kissed her or whether or not they were dating. All he knew is that she was important to him. He cared about her. He wanted good things for her. The last thing he would ever want to do is hurt her.
Maya sat there in disbelief. He had told Riley over and over again how much he liked her, how important she was to him, how he couldn't have survived New York or ridden the bull, but he had never actually said anything like that to her or about her. She studied his expression, those green eyes begging her to believe him.
"You really mean that, don't you?" Her expression softened, the blue flames dancing her eyes slowly simmering into a glow.
"Yeah, I do. I thought you already knew that."
She should know that. Hadn't he made her his secretary of class to show her he trusted her? Hadn't he assured her of her talent and fought for her right to keep learning? Hadn't he told the entire class that he wanted Maya to be happy with her sitting right there watching him?
He'd always heard that actions spoke louder than words, but neither Riley nor Maya seemed to understand their significance in his life without without hearing the words.
She glanced down feeling guilty for hurting him. She didn't like doing that. Teasing him, sure, but not actually causing him pain.
"I always kind of thought we were friends because of Riley." She admitted regretfully.
She had always looked at him in relation to Riley. He was Riley's crush, Riley's unofficial boyfriend. She had never bothered to ask herself what he was to her. She thought all he saw when he looked at her was Riley's best friend, that he accepted her because of Riley.
She'd never really given him a reason to like her for herself. She acted like she didn't even know his name. She got up in face, which he had never come out and said he hated, but when she had asked him if he wanted to run from her ha-hurr he had wanted to, he'd just been more worried about how that would make him look. She made fun of everything about him even when he begged her to be nice...and yet he cared about her.
Lucas didn't know what to say.
"Why would you think that?" He finally asked.
"I don't know. Why would you like me when I'm not even nice to you?"
He didn't really have an answer for that one. She hadn't ever really gone out of her way to be likable. Maybe that was why? Because she was herself and that's who he accepted her as. Even though she had strange ways of showing it he had always believed that she cared about him too.
"Because I like you for who you are Maya. I wouldn't want you to be anyone but yourself."
Hadn't he made that clear by now? He hadn't wanted Maya as Riley or Farkle or anyone else. Just like he hadn't wanted Riley as Morotia or Maya. He liked each of them for exactly who they were and they accepted him the same way.
"You've never actually said that before."
All this time she had been wishing for a better idea of what he thought or felt about her, but his answer only left her with more questions.
"I guess we've never really talked about it..."
They hadn't talked about a lot of things.
"Talking isn't really our thing lately." She said with a sad smile.
She'd had this realization once before, in Riley's bay window. They weren't good at talking. They were good with teasing. They were good with actions, but they weren't good at talking. This was probably the first time she had ever really listened with the intent of hearing him, instead of being busy coming up with her next response or a way to torture him with whatever he'd just said.
"But you and Riles, you guys talk all the time right?"
She wasn't sure why she kept comparing them. Maya liked Lucas, Riley didn't. Even when she thought she had, deep down he had always been her brother, hadn't he? Isn't that why they had been able to talk so well?
"Well, yeah…at least we used to."
They used to spend hours talking about anything; Texas, Cuddle Bunnies, the color purple. It hadn't mattered what the subject was. They'd just enjoyed one another's company. She was finally acknowledging his presence again, but it still wasn't the same as before. For some reason when she had decided that she didn't like him that way anymore, she had also decided that they couldn't be alone together or have a real conversation anymore either. They'd had exactly three real conversations together and he'd had to corner her in one way or another for each of them to happen. He thought again about his conversations, wondering if they were somehow a betrayal to the girl sitting next to him.
"Hey Maya...this might sound like a weird question but...um...are we dating…like exclusively?"
She wasn't sure if they were or not. She wasn't sure if he wanted to be or not. She wasn't even sure if she wanted to be or not. She ran her hand through her hair a second time.
"I have no idea what we're doing Huckleberry."
He nodded solemnly. "That makes two of us...we should probably figure that out, huh?
She smirked slightly, "probably..."
The sooner they figured out what they were, the sooner things would stop being weird in the group. They were the crack in the foundation that she could see.
"Can we really call it an exclusive relationship if neither of us knows what it is?" he asked, genuinely curious.
She chewed on her bottom lip as she considered the question. "Probably not."
"Hey Lucas," he seemed shocked to hear his actual name come off her lips, "whatever else we are or aren't, I'm glad you're my friend."
He smiled; genuine and warm. "Me too."
She picked up her smoothie again and watched the fear in Lucas's eyes. She had no intention of making him walk out of there wearing it this time, but it was still fun to sit back and watch him squirm. Apparently they had used up their word quotas for the day because now that the anger and accusations had subsided the conversation had lulled into their familiar uncomfortable silence.
"If you're feeling better, I think I'm gonna head out," he said as he gestured to the door. It was driving him crazy to just sit there quietly with nothing to say. The only thing that was worse was sitting there with so much to say to someone and not being able to actually get the words out of your mouth. He'd been doing a lot of both lately.
"That's fine. I'm just gonna finish this and be on my way."
He smiles and begins to rise from the couch.
"Thanks for staying with me."
Very rarely does she say something nice to him, but it's moments like this that make all the teasing and ha-hurring worth it.
"No problem," he says with a wave before exiting the bakery.
Maya's mind begins to wander again; only this time she's not thinking about all the horrible things that are happening in this world to her and her friends. She is thinking about the handful of people she really cares about. Riley is a given. Farkle is too….but somehow Lucas has become one of those people. She can't imagine her life without any of them. She thinks about the handful of people who truly care about her, and realizes one again, Lucas is among the list of names. She isn't sure what it means yet, but she has a feeling that she just stumbled upon something important.
