You know what really lucks?
If you have an eye for grammar, or just eyes in general, you'll probably notice something with that last sentence. Why? Because if you have Autocorrect, you'd be pretty used to that kind of crap.
I meant to say what really sucks, not lucks. Is lucks even a correct grammatical term? I sure haven't heard anyone say 'Man! I sure do have the lucks today!'. Sounds pretty fucking stupid actually.
I mean, the things you get from it! Sometimes, for some strange, unknown reason, it turns 'llama' into 'lama', and lama just doesn't look right. I don't even know why the hell it has two l's in the first place. To emphasize the 'la' part? To look strange? To question the logic of general spelling in society?
Damn Autocorrect. It seems to be more of a pain in the ass than a help. Yes, I know you can turn it off, and if I could, I swear to fuck I would. Not to anyone's surprise, Fatass got some virus thing from a drunk hobo that makes Autocorrect permanent. So whatever you write, you can't rewrite it.
Why the fuck would a drunk hobo even have one of those? Why the hell are the hobo's here always fucking drunk? You'd think there's some kind of drunk-zombie-virus when you meet those guys. We drove most of them out, but still, there's the odd hobo, scratching their ass or pissing in trashcans.
But this isn't entirely about hobos. Or at least I don't think it is. It's about my adventures with Autocorrect. Wow, that sounds like a shitty kids show about spelling.
'Hey kids, let's spell cat!'
'K-A-T-T!'
'NO, YOU DUMB-LITTLE-ASS-FUCKERS! IT'S C-A-T! CAT MOTHERFUCKERS!'
Ah, classic children's entertainment.
That aside, it's more about the 'special features' of the little virus-thing. It changes any sentence that could be misunderstood sexually, and then sexualises it, and sends your message. The awkward missions it has sent me on are fucking crazy.
Let's take what happened with me and Stan and while back.
The original that I meant to send went a little something like this…
Hey dude, do you wanna play basketball with my new balls?
Dude…what? That's kinda creepy.
No! It's this virus Fatass put into my phone!
Whoa! That's just fucking nasty.
No, no! It's a virus on my phone!
Kyle, you know you can talk to me about anything, but this is kinda crossing the line.
Dammit, hold on! The virus on my phone is changing all my words!
Riiiiight.
And this is what happened instead, which will make a lot more sense.
Hey dude, do you wanna play basketball with my hairy balls?
Dude…what? That's kinda creepy.
No! It's this dick Fatass put into my ass!
Whoa! That's just fucking nasty.
No, no! It's a virus on my dick!
Kyle, you know you can talk to me about anything, but this is kinda crossing the line.
Dammit, hold on! The virus on my dick is changing all my panties!
Riiiiight.
And that's the point where I realised talking anymore would just make everything more awkward. I explained it all later, so it's cool now, but at the time, it was just…weird.
Then again, it's nothing compared to what I sent to my mom. If I didn't die from embarrassment, I would've died if mom ever got this.
Hey mom, I'm gonna be late home because and me and Stan are gonna fuck some hobos at his house. Don't worry, it's safe. The hobos are rated. And don't worry about making me any food, we're gonna eat some cocks later anyway.
And here's what I meant to send…
Hey mom, I'm gonna be late home because and me and Stan are gonna play some games at his house. Don't worry, it's safe. The games are rated. And don't worry about making me any food, we're gonna eat some pizza later anyway.
After sending that, I fucking ran home, grabbed mom's phone and deleted it. And it was pissing outside.
So, of course, after all that shit, I figured I should head to the hobo district and find that guy who had the virus thing in the first place. Turns out it was some crazy dude who thought he could take over the world by sexualizing everyone's text messages.
And like any shitty villain, he told me his plan, and waved the 'antidote-file' that would fix my phone. But of course, it wouldn't have been a proper shitty villain monologue without a random musical number in there. It was annoying, unnecessary, and didn't have any rhythm, but at least the drunk hobos could dance.
After that, I did what any kid would do. Kicked him in the balls, grabbed the antidote file, and ran like fuck.
So, that was my Thursday. Pretty average, nothing out of the usual. In other words, if Autocorrect is pissing you off, then turn it off and get on with your life, before some creepy hobo tries to use it for world domination. Pretty good advice if you ask me.
A/N: Another rant on time? Cookie's on a roll! Let's hope the roll continues!
Guest Reviews:
Marth: Ah, I do love when someone gets my little hidden references! Have a cookie! Or maybe a doughnut. Or pasta. Or a cupcake. Or maybe some good ol' Traditional English scones
Brownies: Hey there! Thanks for sharing your opinions! All in all, I can't blame totally blame Miley. She had to keep a child-friendly appearance, so with that done, this phase should've been expected. And I can see where you're coming from. It's just how society works, huh? And society is one hell of a thing.
