Chapter Forty Nine

Bella

I knew the risks but also the benefits and I understood our marriage would not last if we could not be intimate, the problems would tear us apart and I couldn't bear the thought of that happening. Bracing myself I told Carlisle to go ahead then allowed Jasper to kiss my forehead only once Esme had washed it and ensured it was free of sweat, I wouldn't lose him now through a careless act, not so close to success.

He had begged me again to stop now, but I couldn't and I explained why although I knew the consequences of y death for the others. I knew Jasper couldn't go on but I made him swear not to take his rage and anguish out on the others if the worst was to happen. I felt positive, scared but positive and Jasper felt that in me, it gave him the strength to go on with this as I had hoped it would and he sat by watching in silence as we began.

I watched as Carlisle released the drip valve and the colourless liquid made its slow way to the tip of the thin tube and dripped into the shallow stainless steel dish. Then he flushed my cannula through with saline and as the cold ran up my arm he connected the tube. I closed my eyes not sure what to expect but what happened was so terrifying I was convinced I was dying and maybe I was.

Rose

Bella's reaction to the toxin was sudden and devastating, she broke out in a cold sweat and her body began to jerk, her teeth snap together as she experienced a series of seizures. At the same time, her breathing stopped and vomit spewed out between clenched teeth. At a nod from Carlisle, I called Darius and the guys wrestled Jasper outside screaming Bella's name, determined not to go. When they finally disappeared we had Bella hooked up to the respirator, the seizures slowly stopped, but the vomiting was harder to bring under control and she was in danger of drowning in it with the respirator in place. The only thing for it was to perform a tracheotomy and respirate her from there.

Fluids were coming from every orifice and there was no point in trying to clean her up until we got the symptoms under control so we worked in the fluids that could kill us if they found the slightest entry in our gloves or masks.

Carlisle

Rose was beginning to panic,

"We're going to lose her Carlisle, her heart beat is becoming erratic and she's convulsing."

"Test her blood Rose and leave the rest to me."

I knew Bella was still conscious and aware of everything that was happening to her. The puffer fish toxin had that terrible effect on the human body, leaving the victim aware and suffering until the very end.

I held one violently shaking hand and looked into Bella's eyes,

"I'm here Bella and we will keep you alive I promise."

Rose came back in and I could see we had failed,

"The blood is still corrosive to vampire flesh, it's just not strong enough and she can't take any more. We have to stop Carlisle before we kill her."

I felt Bella squeeze my hand rhythmically to tell me she knew and she wanted me to go on. I hesitated and saw her trying to speak through lips that refused to work and a tracheotomy.

"Get the rest of the toxin and mix it with Jasper's venom."

Rose looked at me horrified,

"What? You can't mean to use it Carlisle, it will kill her."

"Just do it, Rose, if not I will and you stay with Bella."

She shook her head and took my place at Bella's side grasping the shaking hand and trying to wipe the vomit from Bella's mouth. The terrible noise of the respirator filled the room along with tiny sounds of distress from Bella, her flailing limbs hitting the bed frame and the drip stand rattling.

I picked up the bottles and tipped the two remaining ones into the drip bag along with Jasper's venom, this was a final desperate attempt that would either work or kill Bella but it was what she wanted, what she made me promise, to keep going until the bitter end.

When the drip was ready Rose begged me not to do this.

"Please Carlisle, don't, she's too weak, look at her. Think of Jasper, what will happen to him if she dies."

I smiled at her a little sadly, did she really think I didn't know all that? That I was disregarding Jasper's fate if this went wrong?

As the drip began to deliver its deadly cargo I stood by Bella, in her line of sight and tried to communicate with her, tell her this was it, the final throw of the dice. I think she understood, she tried to smile but conscious movement of her own body was really beyond her by this point.

As the alarms began to sound I disconnected them, why distress everyone unnecessarily? The machine kept her lungs functioning despite the retching that racked her body at intervals, they were dry heaves, she had nothing left to expel.

The sweat ran down her face to soak the sheets as her lips began to turn blue, we were losing the fight, medicine could do no more, it was down to her body and Jaspers venom to win this war if they could. Her hands lay limp in ours now, the paralysis spreading, even her eyelids could no longer hold open so I couldn't even communicate that way.

Rose stared at me accusingly and I understood why.

"If you want to leave that's fine Rose, I can handle things from here."

"You mean clean up her body when it finally shuts down? How could you put her through this Carlisle? This is torture pure and simple."

"There is nothing pure or simple about this Rose but don't give up on her, Bella hasn't finished fighting yet."

"How can you say that Carlisle? Just look at her."

Bella

I could hear the conversation and wished I could speak to Rose and ask her not to be so hard on Carlisle, he was following through on his promise to me. I just wished I'd had more time with Jasper, to tell him how much I loved him, how grateful I was for his love, for our marriage and how sorry we had never consummated it.

I remembered our wedding day, the happiest day of my life even though it had been cut short by Aro's untimely arrival. My body was on fire but nothing worked for me, my muscles and limbs refused to do what I asked them and dragging in air to breathe was only possible because of the machine attached to me. I could smell my vomit and faeces but I was feeling too ill, in too much pain to feel embarrassed, in fact, to feel much of anything except an unutterable weariness. I just wanted to let go and float away from the suffering to a warm quiet place.

Rosalie's words registered, though, dying? No way, I had too much to live for, I had to survive for Jasper's sake. It was hard, exhausting work but I hauled myself back into the light of the agony and filth.

I have no idea how long I fought, how many hours I had to endure the pain and retching, the fear of the seizures when my body was in the control of some crazy puppeteer who bent and twisted my body into fantastic shapes. I tasted rubber in my mouth and vaguely understood it was there to stop me cracking my teeth or worse still biting my tongue off. The taste made me feel even more nauseous and my stomach muscles were so sore I thought my ribs might crack with the strain of the gyrations and dry heaves.

Carlisle

I wasn't sure Bella's body could take much more, I had hoped Jasper's venom would help her, fight the damage to her organs and skeletal frame but as she subsided into what appeared to be a coma I wondered if I had lost my patient. Would she ever come out from this semi-death state? It might be she would slip away peacefully which would be a relief possibly to her but certainly not to the rest of us and I would bear the most terrible guilt and the grief of everyone else but especially Jasper.

I wondered where the boys had taken him and sent Rosalie out to find him and bring him back, now Bella was peaceful there was nothing to agitate him and sitting beside her he would know if she were still with us or fading away.