Forsaken In My Mind's Past
Chapter 46, "All Around Me" ~ Flyleaf
Bella POV
*A/N: I guess it's a good thing my chapters are long, since it takes me, like, forever to update! My apologies as always. My excuse…life. Again, the long stretches of italics in this one are flashbacks.
My betas are the wind beneath my wings. Yeah…I said it.
I don't own these amazing songs, or the Twilight saga. Do I need to say how much I like effing with the characters' heads? I think not. The insanity you read below, however, is all mine.
Song Link, All Around Me: www . youtube . com/watch?v=Bl1AXYOseuY
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"My hands are searching for you; my arms are outstretched toward you,
I feel you on my fingertips; my tongue dances behind my lips for you,
This fire rising through my being, burning, I'm not used to seeing you,
I'm alive…I'm alive!
I can feel you all around me, thickening the air I'm breathing,
Holding on to what I'm feeling, savoring this heart that's healing,
My hands float up above me, and you whisper you love me,
And I begin to fade into our secret place,
The music makes me sway; the angels singing say we are alone with you,
I am alone and they are too with you…I'm alive…I'm alive!
I can feel you all around me, thickening the air I'm breathing,
Holding on to what I'm feeling, savoring this heart that's healing,
And so I cry…the light is white…and I see you,
I'm alive…I'm alive…I'm alive!
I can feel you all around me, thickening the air I'm breathing,
Holding on to what I'm feeling, savoring this heart that's healing,
Take my hand; I give it to you; now you own me, all I am,
You said you would never leave me; I believe you, I believe,
I can feel you all around me, thickening the air I'm breathing,
Holding on to what I'm feeling, savoring this heart that's healed."
XXXX
"Bella!" Alice called my name from the living room.
I wasn't listening to her. I couldn't. My mind was going a million miles a minute. I was currently blowing up Edward's phone, frantically trying to reach him. It wasn't what he said on the message he left me, but how he said it that worried me.
I was expecting him tonight, much later, after the twins were fast asleep. But I was surprised and delighted when he called saying he could be here much earlier. The twins weren't here anyway, and even though I sensed a bit of irritation in his tone when I mentioned they were staying with Jacob tonight, overall he seemed content with the fact that my mood was…better.
I guess it was better, but I would've described it more as relieved. Not everything was out in the open, however. Jake was still unaware of the divorce papers currently in the works, but the fact of the matter was, I felt – for lack of a better term – terrified to tell him yet. Following my doctor's appointment, after my cast was removed and after the incredible moments I spent with Edward in the supply room – mind-blowing, earth-shattering moments – something changed within me.
At first, I was angry at him for being so upset about what we did in that room. Yes, he did, in essence, "fuck me" like he'd said, but his attitude made me feel like we were wrong…dirty, and I was damned tired of feeling that way. I wanted to be done with it…free to love him the way I wanted, when I wanted and where I wanted. I almost didn't let him take me home because of it.
Home.
Alice's apartment was not my home. It was not my kids' home either and I made a decision right then and there. Jake and I – whether Jake liked it or not – were going to sit the twins down and let them know that mommy and daddy were not going to be together anymore. I remembered Edward's reaction on the way back, when he asked what time 'Captain Douche' as he called him, to which I rolled my eyes, was going to bring the kids back. I assumed it was so that he could avoid a confrontation with Jake. I hesitantly told him he wasn't. That I was going to pick them up. He didn't like it one bit, and he certainly didn't hide it from me.
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"You're not going over there by yourself," he barked. Like the idea was asinine. Like I couldn't handle things on my own. Okay, maybe it was and maybe I couldn't, but it still irked the hell out of me.
"Excuse me, Edward," I hissed. "Do I need to remind you that I'm a grown-ass woman? You don't get to tell me what I will and will not do!" I crossed my arms over my chest and scowled at the windshield with a huff like a petulant child. I heard him grumble and noticed him grip the steering wheel tightly in frustration out of my peripheral.
There it was again…the stabbing pang of guilt. I didn't want to upset him. I hated it. I was beginning to worry that the stress I caused him would give him a damned stroke, or…or a heart attack someday and I couldn't live with myself if that ever happened. But just the same, he was not going to control me like someone else had, or had tried to at least.
"Don't give me that crap, Bella," he growled through clenched teeth. That pissed me off even more.
"What shit, Edward? Don't you tell me what to do!" I spat my words in his direction, and then scowled at the windshield again.
"He's dangerous and you know it!"
"Edward, he's not going to try and hurt me in front of the kids!" I shot back, still annoyed as hell.
"Oh right," he scoffed. I narrowed my eyes to a glare and snapped my head to the left. "I don't think you know what he's capable of, Bella. What's it gonna take, huh? For you to understand that he could…" He shook his head, scowling and exhaling through his nose slowly.
I didn't respond, except for maybe a little frustrated growl of my own. I knew he was right…not right in demanding that I listen to him, or even heed his warning for that matter. He was right that Jake was dangerous. How many times did I need to be reminded of this? Still, it was so hard for me to wrap my head around the fact that Jake had tried to hurt me, I mean really hurt me. It was something I couldn't fathom, but yet it was my terrifying reality all the same. I was forming a plan in my head. One that I thought would possibly pacify Edward a little and at least calm him down. Suddenly I felt his warm hand on my thigh and I gasped inaudibly at the feeling it gave me. The feeling it always gave me.
"I'm…shit, I'm sorry, baby," he said softly. I turned to look at him and, although he wasn't looking at me as his eyes were focused on the dangerous road ahead, I could see the hurt in them. I was still a little angry, however, and stubbornly held myself together, though at this point it was difficult.
"Stop saying you're sorry to me, Edward. I'm tired of hearing it."
"You're right. I'm sorry."
I huffed. "You did it again."
"I know, I'm sorry."
And with that, he officially broke the tension. It was maddening how he could do that, but I loved him even more for it. I giggled quietly and looked over at him. He was glancing at me with that godforsaken crooked grin and I couldn't stop the ridiculous smile that spread over my face.
"No, I'm sorry," I whispered, "for being such a bitch. I'm just…frustrated. This whole thing is…" I trailed off, shaking my head. His hand left my thigh, but the tingling remained. I felt his fingers gently take purchase under my chin and turn my head toward him again.
"First of all, shut your damned mouth." He grinned at me. It went straight to my lady parts. "You're not a bitch. Don't ever call yourself that shit. Secondly, I know this is hard for you, baby, I do. But, I'm just afraid that you don't understand how dangerous he is. He's…" I noticed the muscle in his jaw strain against his cheek as he looked back toward the road. "I know you're a grown woman, and I know you're tough but…" He ran a hand over his beanie, pushing it off, revealing a half matted/half standing mess of hair. After laying the hat on his lap, he ran the same hand through his hair and my breath caught. It was very distracting. He drew in a breath to continue.
"If he hurt you again…if anyone hurt you…if something happened…" he sighed, lowering his voice to a whisper. "I don't think I would survive it." My heart stuttered in my chest at the sound of his pain. I reached my hand up and ran it through his hair before resting my palm on his cheek.
"Hey," I said, desperately trying to keep my voice steady, "it's okay, I'm…I'll be okay, Edward, I promise." I was stroking his hair repeatedly, willing him to calm by my touch and words. He didn't seem to be. He did seem less tense by my touch alone, but, with his jaw still clenched, he shook his head again.
"Don't make me promises you have no control over keeping."
I paused a beat before responding. "Well, maybe I can see if Charlie would go with me tonight. Would that make you feel better?"
He relaxed his jaw and glanced over at me briefly, skeptically, before nodding once.
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"Bella!" Alice called to me again. Her voice was closer. I sighed, a little annoyed by her interrupting my attempts to reach Edward.
"What!" I called out as I dialed Edward's number for the third time in a row. Each time it went to his voicemail, I panicked a little more. His message to me had been quick and to the point, but his tone was rushed…ominous. He didn't sound hurt, but how was I to be sure if I couldn't talk to him? How was I to be sure he hadn't called me, with the last of his strength, before he fucking passed out or something? All I needed was just his voice telling me he was okay..
"Where are you!" she hollered. I could hear her coming down the hallway.
"Hello, you've reached Doctor Edward Cullen. I apologize for being unable to take your call right now…"
I sighed in frustration. "I'm in here, Alice!" I yelled back at her before the beeping indicated the end of Edward's professional spiel. "Hey Edward, it's me again," I sighed into the phone just as I noticed Alice rush past the doorway, skidded and backtracked quickly. She perched herself in the doorway with raised eyebrows and opened her mouth to speak, but I held my finger up to stop her. She rolled her eyes and huffed at me, stomping her foot like my five-year-old twins would. "I just…need you to call me back, okay? Please?" I continued. "I'm so worried about you and, well, it's been a while since you called, and I haven't heard from you, and I want to know you're okay. Please tell me it wasn't you that wrecked," I whispered, and then rolled my eyes at myself for rambling. "I'm rambling, I'm sorry. Just, please call me back. I love you…so much."
When I hung up, I looked at Alice. "What?"
"He's not picking up?" she asked staring at the phone. As if she hadn't heard me just leave a fucking message on his phone. Clueless.
"No, Alice, and I'm freaking out here! I don't know where he is, if he's okay or not and…shit!" I whined, running my hands through my hair and fisting it.
"Well, I've been trying to get your attention, Bella!"
"Well, now you've got it, Alice!"
"I think I might know why he's not picking up," she stated. I just stared at her dumbly, while my heart tried to pound itself out of my chest. The look on her face was not helping at all.
"Well? Why!" I screeched.
"Come in here…you need to see this." She turned on her heel and rushed back toward the living room with me tailing her closely.
The TV was on when I entered the living room behind Alice and she pointed at it. I didn't see anything but Halle Berry talking about Revlon lipstick. I threw my hands in the air and glowered at her.
"What the fuck, Alice?"
"Chill. It's just a commercial. The news story coming up is about a bad accident on Lakeshore Drive. They said multiple people were taken to the hospital." She looked at me with wide eyes.
"Oh my God!" I threw my hand over my mouth and sat next to her on the sofa. She snaked her arm over my shoulder and squeezed lightly.
"Calm down, sis. We don't know anything yet."
But as soon as the news came back on, my panic increased ten-fold. All I heard was 'tragic single vehicle accident'… 'Two confirmed dead'… 'Three transported by ambulance to Chicago General.' They couldn't confirm names, but they stated one was a child; one was a member of the Chicago Fire Department, and the last one…a local doctor. I grabbed my keys, threw on my shoes and coat and was heading to the door before Alice had removed her hands from her mouth to see what I was doing.
"Where are you going? Bella!" she yelled.
"I'm going to the hospital, Alice," I retorted, my voice void of all composure. "Did you hear what they said? A local doctor! It's him, Alice, I know it!"
"Well you're not driving in this weather, and you're not going by yourself! Not in your state of mind."
I turned to look at her quickly. She was flitting around like a fairy on crack and my patience was non-existent.
"Shoes, keys, coat, Alice!" I blurted. "You've got exactly thirty seconds and then I'm out of here without you!"
On the way to the hospital, I couldn't keep my leg from bouncing of its own accord. I was sure my lip was soon to be bleeding from all the gnawing I was doing to it, and my mind was a mess. I couldn't fathom anything happening to my Edward. I wouldn't be able to handle it. My thoughts inadvertently turned to Kellan and my emotion threatened to overtake me. Thoughts of Edward's son made me think of my own kids…what they would go through if something happened to me, or even Jake. It was too much for me.
Hell, what Jake and I were putting them through seemed like too much to me as well, but they surprised me a little when we finally sat them down. Charlie had agreed to go with me to my house on Friday evening, and I discussed with him what I wanted to do once we got there. He reluctantly told me it was probably a good idea – I knew it was hard for him to see me giving up, but in light of what he'd found out during the disaster of Thanksgiving, it was even harder for him to see his little girl unhappy. It had to have been almost as devastating to Charlie to find out what Jake had been up to as it had been for me; Charlie had always thought of Jake as the son he never had.
I knew Edward would have been happy to know that Charlie agreed to accompany me, but had he known the events preceding this agreement he would've been, in a word…mortified.
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As soon as I got home…well, back to Alice's…from my doctor's appointment, I was eager to call my dad to see if he would go with me to the house to pick up the kids tonight. As fate would have it, my phone rang just as I was about to dial. I realized, once I answered, that if there was a god up there in the vast infinity of the universe, or other dimension, or whatever, that he or she had a sick and fucking twisted sense of humor.
"Hey Dad," I greeted cheerfully. "I was just getting ready to call you."
"Is that so?" His normal, gruff but friendly, tone was replaced by one of contemptuous authority, and I hesitated a beat before answering.
"Uh-huh. I was, um, going to see if you could do me a favor this evening."
"Well, maybe you could do one for me," he replied blandly. "Maybe you could explain to me why my normally honest and forthright daughter would blatantly lie to me…right to my face, matter of fact."
"Oh, you know Alice," I giggled nervously. "Who knows why she does anything."
"Not Alice, Bells. And I only have two daughters," he stated pointedly. I began to tremble slightly, unsure of what lie he was referring to, because at this point, there were many. Well, really only one big one, but it broke down into many facets. I was hoping it wasn't the big one – the one where I had committed adultery multiple times – but who knew?
"What on earth are you talking about, Charlie?" I asked with less confidence than I was hoping for. Actually, I felt like Scarlet-fucking-O'Hara saying, 'Whatever do you mean?' I was sure I was just as convincing.
"Don't you 'Charlie' me, Bella Marie! You know I hate that." I did know, and I usually only said it so he'd know he was pissing me off. This time, however, it only served to piss him off more. Not to mention the little detail of him using my middle name. I was obviously in deep shit, which sort of annoyed the hell out of me because I was a grown adult, getting berated for some reason by my father.
"Fine. What are you talking about, Dad," I retorted sarcastically, albeit a bit shaky. He grunted in response and sighed, almost as if he didn't want to talk about it all of a sudden. "Dad," I said impatiently. "I'm not a mind-reader."
"I've been sitting on this for a few days, Bells, trying to make sense of it, but…okay, fine. The car that was in your driveway last weekend, when I stopped by your house…"
Oh fuck. Fuckity, fuck and shit! Suddenly the light bulb flicked on in my brain and began to flash with the words…Cop; Patrol car; Radar; License plate; Edward's license plate; Monster in the closet; The jig is up; Fucked; I'm fucked. I pulled the phone away from my ear and groaned, squeezing my eyes shut and praying he didn't say exactly what he said next.
"Well, I ran the plates…" I determined in that moment that God was, in fact, a female who was PMSing and looking for someone to fuck with. Apparently that someone was me. Why not? "And this probably won't come as a surprise to you, but they did not belong to anyone named Paul. Matter of fact, it's registered to an Edward M. Cullen. Ring any bells to you, Bells?"
"Dad…" I started, but was immediately interrupted.
"Oh come on, Bells! I thought it was all Jake! I felt sorry for you! I mean, I still want to kill the little prick for hurting you, but jeez, Bella, how could you? With that…that punk who broke your heart all those years ago?"
"Dad! I'm not doing this over the phone!" I spat, praying to the vindictive bitch to give me a little confidence. "I'm coming over there right now."
"Like hell you are. Not in this weather," he countered with enough authority to completely obliterate any and all confidence I was pretending to have. "I'll be over there ASAP. Don't go anywhere and don't think you're getting out of this, Bella. We are going to talk about this." And then my own father hung up on me.
Fucking awesome. What the hell was I supposed to say to him? 'Yeah, Dad, I've been screwing Edward's brains out every chance I get because I can't say no to him' was probably a very, very bad idea. Hell hath no fury like a deceived chief of police. He wouldn't shoot his own daughter, would he?
I paced around Alice's apartment, nearly wearing a path into her pristine carpet and when she came home soon after, and I told her what was about to go down, she paced along with me. But as soon as he arrived, that Benedict Arnold was rushing out the door like a bat out of hell.
"Hi Pop! Bye Pop! Gotta go!" she sing-songed as he stomped through the door wrapped in his red flannel coat. A random picture of a lumberjack flashed in my head and I smirked in spite of myself. The smirk didn't last long as the scowl on his face wiped it from my lips almost instantly.
He grumbled something inaudibly in response to the fleeting escape artist, but barked his words to her just as she grabbed the door handle.
"And don't think you're off the hook on this one, either, Mary Alice! I know you know all about this!"
"What?" she squeaked. "I…I…I don't know nothin' 'bout birthin' no babies!" she blurted just before slapping her hand to her mouth with wide eyes. "Toodles!" she spouted quickly before disappearing.
What the fuck was that? Now my sister was quoting Gone With the Wind too? That bitch needed to get the hell out of my head. I knew I shouldn't have watched that with her the other night. Jesus, either that, or she desperately needed to put the crack pipe down herself. Crack is whack, Alice!
"What the hell was that?" Charlie asked, thumbing toward the door. My thoughts exactly. I shrugged and rolled my eyes, scowling…waiting for the verbal ass-beating I was about to endure.
"Your guess is as good as mine, Dad. Maybe we should schedule an intervention for her crack cocaine addiction."
"Not funny," he exclaimed, glaring at me. He mumbled something about screwed up kids and then mentioned Renee before running his hands through his hair. At that point, I just shut up, realizing now was not the time to be joking with my fuming father. "So, you gonna fess up to sleeping with that punk bastard now? And while you're at it, you couldn't have told me that you had Jacob arrested the other night?"
I swallowed thickly, losing all sureness, and opened my mouth a few times like a fish out of water trying to force oxygen into my lungs. "Um…it's not what you think?" It came out as a question because I was truly hoping it wasn't what he thought. If he thought I was doing…whatever…with Edward simply to get back at Jacob, he was sorely mistaken.
"Which part, Bells?" he growled through tight lips.
"Well, Jake deserved to go to jail. I thought…he, um…threatened me…my life." My voice trailed off pathetically. My eyes darted to his when I heard the sharp intake of breath he pulled through his nose.
"He what!"
…and then they darted to his fists, clenching and unclenching repeatedly.
"And it's not what you think…about Edward."
He scoffed. "Right. Try again, Bells. He was here that day, right? Where was he?"
"It doesn't matter," I said quietly, my control slipping. I wasn't prepared for this. Not today. I wasn't prepared to have to defend my relationship with Edward to the one person who would never understand.
"After what he did to you? After everything that little weasel put you through? You just run back to him when things get tough? You had him there at your house…what? Hiding him? And the kids were there! And you were barely…" he cringed. "…dressed! Ah, DAMN, Bella! Come on! I thought you had more self-respect than THAT!" He was yelling now, irate, red-faced, and his words hit me like shrapnel.
Through his ranting, I found myself surprisingly angry, and getting angrier by the second. "I DO! I have enough self-respect to leave Jacob, Dad! To…to stop putting up with his abuse! I didn't lose my self-respect because of Edward; your precious Jacob helped with that more than ANYONE! You have no idea what he's put me through and trust me, Dad, you don't want to."
He just stared at me dumbly for a moment. My chest was heaving and my body was trembling as I stared back at him, determined to get through to him.
"But, Bells, Edward put you through hell. I know. I was there." His voice was a little quieter now, sad. "All those months you just…you just disconnected from your life."
"No." I shook my head. "I put myself through hell, not Edward. I did that to myself. I should've listened to him…not shut him out like I did. I should have told him about the…the baby. He deserved to know. I know that now." I thought I had him for a moment. Just for a moment, I saw a flicker of something, but in a flash it was gone and the anger was back.
"Sure, Bells, and then he would've hurt you again! And you would've been all alone with a kid! You think he would've wanted to take care of a kid? NO! He's going to break your heart again and this time, there's too much at stake for you to LOSE it again!"
"You don't know ANYTHING about him!" I shouted.
"I know his type!" he snapped back at me. "Spoiled little rich brat who's gotten everything he wanted, including you! And when he got what he wanted from you, he moved on to your own cousin!"
"That's bullshit!" I yelled. "All of it!"
"Oh, please. Don't piss on my leg and tell me it's raining, Bella!" He scowled at me with his arms crossed. I scowled back and crossed my own arms, mimicking him. Like father, like daughter, apparently.
"Oh, okay, Judge Judy," I deadpanned. "So, now you're a cop and a judge? Thinking you know everything about everyone? You don't even know him; he worked REALLY hard to get where he is, and you obviously don't know me very well either, do you?"
He growled through his clenched teeth. "I thought I did know you, Bells, but I guess not. Besides, I like that old lady. She can spot a liar and a cheat from a mile away."
I gasped, taken aback by the contempt rolling off of him. I wasn't sure just which one of us he was awarding the titles of 'liar' and 'cheat' to, Edward or me, but the glare currently burning a hole through my head spoke volumes. It was at that moment that I decided not to spare him all the dirty details about his 'precious' Jacob Black. I did spare him the details of Jake's attempt at forcing himself on me. I had enough compassion for the father of my children to not want him to die a horrible death at the hands of my insensitive, stone-cold, cop father. I did, however, inform him of Jake's involvement in setting Edward up the night he cheated on me forever ago. I told how he'd put his hand on me more times than he really wanted to know about, the belittling that Charlie never seemed to notice, and I told him about the twins' teacher at school. I told him about the strippers. Hell, I even told him about my drunken, tequila-hazed smooch. He actually smirked when I told him that, to which I glared daggers, and I proceeded to tell him how his precious son-in-law was having me followed around town by a cop like I was some damned criminal. Was I a criminal? Shit. That wiped the smirk right off his face and he clenched his teeth hard enough for me to see his jaw muscles from across the room.
"That little son-of-a-bitch," he mumbled, running his hands through his graying hair, and then looked at the ceiling and mumbled again, "Sorry, Sue."
On the contrary, I told him how Edward had helped me the night I hurt my hand. (Of course, I left out the part about my speaking with Edward and Jake nearly killing Mike…oh, and Jake and Edward nearly brawling. He still thought I hurt my hand dancing. If I needed to be a little deceitful to get my dad's mind off hating Edward, so be it. Jake's antics over the years were chock full of enough deceit for the fucking both of us.) How he'd taken care of me. I told him about that fuck-stick, James, and how Edward had saved me/protected me from him. I tried to get him to see Edward for the grown-up, compassionate, protective man he was today as opposed to the confused, screw-up of a kid he was back then. I felt like I was walking on a balance beam, the guilt I felt for lying and for cheating pulling on one arm, and the intense, unwavering love I felt for Edward pulling on the other.
"Wait a minute," he said at one point. "Somebody attacked you at the hospital? Damn it, Bella, why didn't you tell me about this?" He started to rant some more, but I held my hand up to stop him.
"Dad, I took care of it. Well, actually Edward took care of it." He raised his eyebrows in anticipation, albeit skeptically. "He beat the shit out of him and then made me go to the police station…to file a restraining order."
"Well, I'll be damned." His eyebrows shot up exceptionally higher and he 'humphed' under his breath. "Not bad. Good for him."
I smiled a little. That was the first step in removing the Edward haterade from Charlie's hand. "He really is a good guy, Dad, and a great friend." I said hopefully. Until…
"So, you're not sleeping with him?" he asked, narrowing his eyes again. Fuck. Really? I opened my mouth to speak, but nothing came out. I did that a few more times – opening and closing it, looking like a fish out of water again. I didn't want to sugar-coat anything anymore for my dad, but did I really want to confirm that particular suspicion. I thought not.
"Um…"
"Ah, da-da-da," he said with a cringe, putting his forefingers in his ears. "Never mind, I don't want to know. Have the twins…I mean, do they know you're…friends with him?" He cringed again. What the hell did he think I was going to say? That I invited him over for a booty call when the kids were home? Jesus Christ.
"No, Dad," I started, noticing his shoulders relax a little. But then I had to go and decide not to sugar coat shit again and be all honest and shit with him. "But, we've made a play-date with the kids…his little boy, Kellan, and the twins on Sunday." His mouth dropped open and, for once through this whole argument, he looked speechless. I braced myself for the return of the verbal ass-beating, but was met with silence. Excruciating silence for what felt like hours. Finally, Charlie cleared his throat.
"So, you've left Jake for good?"
I nodded. "Started the divorce papers this week," I responded weakly, again anticipating a shit-storm of protests coming from my dad, yet there was none. Only more excruciating silence. Finally, he cleared his throat again.
"Does Jacob know you've left him for good?"
"I'm getting to that, Dad."
"Well, I can't say that I'm happy about any of this. And I can't say that I agree with…how you've handled…things. But, you were right to leave that no-good…" he sighed. "You were right to leave Jake and I'm proud of you for that. I guess I can try not to hate that weasel…uh, Edward as much as I have, but I'll tell you right now, Bella Marie Swan. If he so much as breathes on you wrong…if he looks at you cross-eyed…if he hurts you again, or hurts my grandkids, I swear on my life, I will…"
"Yeah, yeah, Dad, I got it!" I squeaked. I could barely talk. I was damn-near giddy. Like he'd just told me he bought me a pony, or something. Although, I'd never wanted a pony, never asked for a pony, so why would I be giddy about a pony. Whatever. I was so fucking happy that he no longer wanted to cut Edward's balls off with a rusty hack-saw that I skipped over to him and threw my arms around him. After an awkward moment of him patting my back and grunting like an embarrassed caveman, he pulled me off of him, and I told him of my plan to make Jake talk to the kids with me tonight.
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"Can't you drive any faster, Alice?" I whined. My leg-bouncing had exceeded to a super-sonic level.
"Bella, breathe. We're almost there." She shook her head at me. "I can't drive any faster unless you want me to wreck too." I sighed and nodded, looking at her apologetically. "So, how'd it go with Pop yesterday?" she asked with a slight giggle. I turned and glared at her.
"Seriously, Alice? Edward could be dead and you're asking me how it went with Dad?" I huffed. "PS…thanks for all your help there, Prissy. Dad thinks you're on crack, by the way."
"What? Oh stop it, Bella! He is not dead! And I had to go…I had a…fashion emergency."
"Blah, blah, blah, fashion emergency, blah. Whatever, Alice. It went fine without you, but if he would've killed me with his police gun, you would've felt bad."
She shook her head and chuckled quietly as we pulled into the hospital parking lot.
After Alice kept me from nearly falling on my ass about fourteen times while cursing at me to hurry the hell up, I barely convinced (but not really convinced – I think she was probably just exhausted) the very butch, very burly-looking nurse at the front desk that I was Edward's sister so she'd let me back to see him in Emergency. I bolted down the hallway, checking each room frantically until I found him.
There he was, sitting on the end of the bed. He looked a little banged up, but very much alive. His hands, which were swathed in gauze, cradled his head. His right pant-leg was rolled up to the knee, and his leg was also bandaged and wrapped in thick gauze. The sight of blood stains on the rolled-up section of his jeans made my heart race, and my eyes scanned the rest of him quickly. He was glorious. And he was okay! At least, he looked okay… His feet seemed fine, still secured in the black Adidas he wore. A thick blanket was draped over his shoulders, but what I could see of his upper body seemed…perfect, strong and whole under his black button-down shirt. The muscles in his forearms seemed tense, though, exposed under sleeves that had been rolled up to his elbows…but he was alive.
I let out the breath I was holding in a loud whoosh, and his head snapped up. Turbulent, conflicted, sea-green eyes met mine, and it forced the breath I'd just drawn in right back out of me.
"Bella," he whispered.
"Oh, Jesus, Edward!" I ran toward him, wanting to launch myself into his arms and wrap all my limbs around him, but I stopped short, just in front of his bent knees…afraid to touch him. "Are you okay?" In an instant, he reached out and circled his arms around my waist, pulling me forcefully between his thighs and holding my body tightly to his. His forehead fell to my shoulder, and my arms instinctively wrapped around his back. The fingers of my right hand, having been neglected for so long, found themselves running lightly through the back of his hair at the nape of his neck. All I could hear was his deep breathing; his head was rolling from side to side on my shoulder.
"You're here," he mumbled distantly. I began to get even more worried that he wasn't directly answering me. He seemed in a daze of sorts.
"Yes, I'm here, baby," I whispered. "I was so worried about you. Are you hurt? I mean, I see your hands and your leg, but…" I sighed. "Please just tell me you're okay." I just needed him to say he was okay. "Did you wreck?" I mentally told my rambling ass to shut the hell up and let the man talk. I needed him to talk.
"No," he replied. "They…wrecked right in front of me. I…got h—her out, but…" he trailed off, squeezing me a little tighter. "They're…gone. Just…gone." His voice was raspy, thick with emotion, and he still seemed far away. I needed him to come back to me. I moved my hands to his jaw, pulling his head up gently to make him look at me again. He cringed a little and let out a soft groan, squinting his eyes against the bright light of the sterile room.
"Edward, what is it? Who's…who's gone? You're scaring me, baby, talk to me," I pleaded.
Finally his eyes focused on mine, searching, and I felt him take hold of my soul again. "Sorry, I just…my head hurts a little…" I removed my hands from his face immediately, afraid I was hurting him, but he grabbed them in his and shook his head. "I was knocked to the ground by a firefighter after the explosion, and…well, I guess I hit my head and blacked out."
Jesus, explosion? What the fuck? He blacked out?
"Oh my God!" I gasped as one of my hands flew to my mouth.
"I'm okay, baby, please don't worry about me. It's just bumps and bruises…and a cut leg from the car window," he continued quickly, his eyes pleading. My eyes cut to his hands, then to his leg, and he must have noticed because he began to explain. He told me everything, from seeing the car lose control to watching it flip repeatedly and land upside down. It had to have been horrifying to witness that and my heart ached for him. I wasn't sure what to say, so I just listened, and then he suddenly began to ramble, his tone taking a frenzied turn.
"I got her out…the little girl…her name is—is Kendyll, and she's so beautiful, Bella, I can't…I can't explain it. I, I saw her at the pier the other morning, she was with her parents…and they were all alive, they were alive and okay, but I couldn't get to them…I c—couldn't get…the door, it wouldn't open and, I tried. I fucking tried so hard to get to them, and then I heard her crying, so I got her out…and I took care of her, but there was…there was smoke, and—and gas, and then I was in the ambulance with her, trying to talk to her, keep her conscious, you know?" He looked at me, an almost panicked, faraway glint in his eyes, and I just nodded, trying to keep up, trying to swallow the lump in my throat. "And then…and then they were yelling… I tried to run to help them, but the car was on fucking fire, and…and the fireman, he was running toward me. He hit me just as…" He cringed and held me tighter to him. "The fucking car exploded, Bella. It exploded and they didn't get out…they didn't get out. Kendyll…that poor little girl has no parents because they're dead…they're dead and she's an orphan. Oh Jesus, we…we couldn't get to them, and I don't even know if she's okay!" He looked at me suddenly, his eyes swimming in unshed tears, and it broke me.
"Shh, it's okay, I'm here," I whispered, stroking his cheeks with my thumbs. He just looked at me, anguish in his eyes, and shook his head.
"No one could get to them, and they're…gone. What's she gonna do? I tried…we all tried…so fucking hard!"
"Oh, baby, I'm so sorry," I choked out my words, my own emotion taking over as tears spilled onto my cheeks. I didn't know what else to say or do, so I just held him. I held him tightly, still afraid I was going to hurt him, but he nearly squeezed the life out of me, burying his face in my neck and just breathing. We stayed that way for several minutes until I heard a throat clear behind me and turned my head to see Carlisle standing there, a pained look on his face. A part of me wanted to jump back, to untangle myself from Edward's grasp, but the majority of me wouldn't allow it. So, I just stared at him. I was sure there was a bit of panic on my own face, but he finally smiled sadly and nodded.
"Edward?" he asked cautiously. "How are you feeling, son?"
Edward snapped his head up and narrowed his eyes in Carlisle's direction. I swear I felt a tremor run through his body and a snarl under his breath that almost frightened me. "How is she? Is she okay?" he demanded, ignoring his father's concern for him.
Carlisle sighed and looked at me almost apologetically. I was perplexed. "She's stable right now…" he began, but was cut off abruptly by Edward.
"Right now? What do you mean right now, Carlisle? I'm asking you if she's going to be okay. Is she going to live, Carlisle? She needs to live!" I stroked his hair to try and calm him, watching Carlisle carefully for his reaction and still feeling awkward as hell that Edward wouldn't let go of me in the presence of his father. Carlisle held his hands up.
"Edward, calm down, please. She's going to be okay, but we need to watch her. I set her arm and she has a couple of bruised ribs, bruised sternum from the seat belt, but her lungs are fine. She…lost a lot of blood, so we had to give her a transfusion. She has a very rare blood type, and…" He hesitated and cut his eyes to me, a strange look adorning his face. Edward interrupted him again before he could continue.
"How rare, Carlisle?"
"It doesn't matter now," Carlisle replied quietly.
A brief, but unfavorable memory flashed in my head of my high school biology class…the day we did blood-typing. The only thing I remembered about that day was passing out cold from seeing and smelling the rancid stench of blood on my finger. Luckily, I'd mostly gotten over my severe aversion to blood – childbirth and being the mother of rambunctious, accident prone twins, as well as my own ability to cut and bruise myself daily helped – but the thought still made me shudder. I shook it off quickly.
"What do you mean it doesn't matter, Carlisle? I have a rare blood type too! If I'm a match, I can help! I can…donate. Do you need me to donate?" He made a move to get up and both Carlisle and I put our hands up to stop him. In my mind, he was in no shape to be doing anything. Carlisle shook his head.
"I mean, we had plenty. It's fine. She's fine, son."
"Well, can I, I mean, is she…can I see her?" He seemed almost desperate to see this little girl, but I understood. He had saved her life, after all. Of course he would want to see for himself that she was okay.
"Edward, she's resting. I think it would be best to let her continue to do so for the night. And you need to rest as well. I'm…" He hesitated again. His expression changed to one of what seemed like remorse or shame even as his eyes shifted from Edward, to me, and back to Edward. Again, I was confused. Maybe it had something to do with my doctor's appointment? I wasn't sure, but I felt the heat creep up my neck and explode onto my face just the same. "I'm very proud of you for doing what you did."
"I'm fine, Carlisle." Edward's tone changed again, cantankerous this time. There was no hiding the fact that he was still quite irritated with his father. "And anyone would've done what I did. No need to be proud of me. I'm sure you'll change your mind once you've slept on it."
Instead of responding to Edward's last statement, Carlisle simply shook his head and turned his attention to me, placing his hand gingerly on my shoulder. I gasped a little when I turned to look at him, seeing more concern than I ever had in his eyes.
"Isa…I mean, Bella…" He smiled sheepishly but warmly. "I just wanted to tell you that I'm glad you're here. Thank you for being here for Edward. He needs you." My mouth fell open, but I couldn't seem to make a sound. "And I want you to know that if there's anything I can do for you…anything at all, please let me know." I still couldn't get myself to speak. I chanced a glance at Edward, hoping for some silent explanation, but only found that his expression mirrored mine…stunned…mouth agape. An awkward silence ensued, until Carlisle cleared his throat. "Anyway, I just wanted to make sure you knew that."
I nodded dumbly. Still not a peep from Edward. My breath caught in my throat when Carlisle slid his hand from my shoulder to my cheek and cupped it gently.
"You're a good person, Isabella," he murmured. "You deserve good things." Then he leaned down, whispering in my ear. "And he's good. He loves you desperately." What he said seemed to be for my ears only, and I couldn't believe them. Tears welled up in my eyes almost instantly and I nearly choked on the lump that was threatening to close my throat completely. He dropped his hand and smiled before turning to Edward. "Well, I better go call your mother back. I told her you were fine, but you know she wants a minute-by-minute report. I, uh, I'll call Rose back as well."
"Uh, th—thanks, Dad," Edward muttered as Carlisle turned to leave. "Oh hey, tell her to tell my boy I'll see him in the morning." Carlisle waved as he exited the room.
Edward pulled me back to him tightly. "Baby, what did he say to you?" His expression was curious, but concerned. I still couldn't speak, but looking into the brightened emeralds staring back at me, the tears forced their way out of my eyes and splashed onto my cheeks.
"He said…h—he said you loved me," I managed finally. Edward cradled my jaw with both hands, swiping my stray tears away with his thumbs, and leaned in to press his lips to mine. My body became electric, a slow humming in my veins as he broke the kiss and rested his forehead on mine.
"For once he's right. God, he's so right," he whispered.
"Listen, about tomorrow," I started. "I know…I know you've been hurt and you might not feel like…you know…the kids…I mean, I would totally understand if you didn't…"
"Bella."
"Hmm?"
"Shut that beautiful mouth of yours." He grinned, the charming crooked one, and it was the first sign of life I'd see from him since I walked in the room. "Of course I want to be with you tomorrow, and I want to meet the twins…officially. I want Kellan to meet you. Don't be silly."
I blew out my exhale and nodded, pulling him in for another kiss.
XXXX
I pulled into the parking lot of the snow-covered park Edward and I decided to meet at. The weather was a bit warmer today…if you could call it warm…a balmy thirty-five degrees. At least it was above freezing. When I told the kids they were going to meet a new friend and asked them what they wanted to do, they nearly blew my eardrums out with, "We want to play in the SNOW, Mommy!" This was followed up by Krissy's very off-key rendition of "Let It Snow" including her discombobulated lyrics of 'Oh the weather outside is fight-ful…and the snow is so despite-ful…'. And then, of course, I had to scold Robby for telling her to shut up and calling her a jerk-head. I seriously wanted to punch whoever had said this was the most wonderful time of the year.
Edward laughed when I told him, and said that Kellan would totally be good with that. Apparently, he'd been bugging his dad to have a 'snow-ball fight of epicness proportions.' He assured me, however, that he had convinced Kellan to save that particular activity for when he was hanging out with his uncle Emmett.
"Hey, Mommy, that car looks just like the one that was at our house that day. Remember? When Grandpa brought us—"
"Oh no," I interrupted quickly, shaking my head. Damn observant kid of mine. "It looks a little like it, but definitely not the same car. That's my friend's car." I continued nonchalantly.
"Whatever," Robby blurted, crossing his little arms over his chest. "Looks the same to me."
"Been spending a little too much time with your father," I grumbled under my breath, inaudibly. I didn't like the attitude influence Jacob was having on our son.
"Is that your boyfriend?" Krissy piped up out of the blue. I noticed in the rearview that she was pointing at the insanely gorgeous man in the silver Volvo we parked next to.
"What?" I spat, turning around to face her. Her face was indifferent…angelic…huge brown eyes looking at me with curiosity. She shrugged.
"Daddy said you have a boyfriend. A boyfriend, boyfriend, BOYFRIEND!" She yelled out her chant, giggling.
"Krissy…" I sighed. "This friend of mine is a boy…but he is not my boyfriend." Oh, Jacob was going to get a piece of my mind for that shit. How dare he tell them anything like that! I hadn't mentioned jack shit about what all he'd been up to…or the fact that little "Boo-boo" happened to be their half-brother. That son-of-a-bitch had an earful coming his way. The irritation in my tone seemed to have no effect, per the usual, on my mouthy daughter as she began to sing.
"Mommy and her boyfriend…sitting in a tree…"
"Kristen!" I barked, abruptly ending her song. "That's quite enough!"
"Yeah! Shut up, stupid face!" Robby added.
"Robert William!" I chided. "We do not say 'shut up' and you'd better stop calling your sister names, or we're leaving immediately! Do you understand me?"
He pushed his bottom lip out into a pout and stared at me for a minute as I stared back. "Okay, Mommy," he finally conceded, grumbling.
I noticed Edward and Kellan had gotten out of the car and were waiting for us just inside the park. My heart thumped in my chest as the twins and I made our way over to them. The last time I'd seen Kellan, he was so little and now he was…well, he was so tall. He was standing next to his father and, as we approached, I got a better look at him. He wore a beanie hat, just like his dad, tufts of hair peeking out from under it – only slightly lighter than Edward's bronze. He was bundled up as well as my two, only his thick snow suit was less juvenile than Robby's bright blue and red (Spider Man colors, of course) and Krissy's pink and purple, with what I could only assume were "skater" logos. Yeah, I'm a genius…the images of skate-boarders all over his jacket didn't give it away or anything.
Butterflies fluttered furiously in my stomach as toffee colored eyes, with little flecks of green looked up at me curiously. Edward visibly stiffened as he saw the twins and I approach, but then his shoulders seemed to relax some as his eyes met mine and his lips lifted into that magnificent crooked grin.
"Who's that?" Krissy asked a little too loudly, her index finger extended, pointing at the man in front of us. Robby instinctively…almost protectively…grabbed my hand and squeezed it slightly.
"That's my friend and his son," I responded quickly just as we walked up to them. I was unable to tear my eyes away from Edward's hypnotic gaze. It soothed me. The crunching of the snow beneath our boots came to an abrupt halt as we finally stood awkwardly in front of them. Before we even had a chance to make introductions, Krissy walked right up to Kellan and tilted her head back, looking up to him with curious but confident brown eyes.
"Hello, boy," she started. "I'm Kristen Renee Black, but you can call me Krissy. This is my brother; his name is Robby Will-e-um Black. We're twins. Oh, this is my mommy, her name is Izzy-Bella Marie Black, but everyone calls her Bella, I think. Right, Mommy?" She looked up at me and I nodded, glancing at Edward, who I could tell was trying to hold back a chuckle at Krissy's motor-mouth. "What's your name, little boy?"
Kellan looked at her for a moment as if she was an alien from another planet, then he looked up at Edward, no doubt wondering if he should attempt to speak to this strange creature who looked like a little girl. His dad nodded with a warm smile and Kellan looked back at her.
"I'm Kellan," he replied simply but assertively, straightening his stance, I figured, to look like a big kid. He was at least a head taller than her three and a half feet, but my little mini-Alice was intimidated by no one. Krissy, being unsatisfied with the simplicity of his answer, put her little mittened hands on her hips and sighed.
"Kellan what?"
"Kellan Cullen," he answered. Krissy giggled a little and then looked at me. I eyed her warily, wondering what was so funny…until she spoke again.
"Why is your one name the same as your other name, Kellan Kellan?" she asked with another giggle.
"Kristen," I groaned, thinking my daughter was already making fun of his name. This was not going to go well at all.
"S'not," Kellan snapped. Edward chuckled under his breath. "It's C-u-l-l-e-n," the little boy continued, obviously annoyed with my irritating spawn.
"Oh," Krissy retorted, unfazed by his tone. "Well, what's you're other name?" Once again, little Kellan just stared at her, nonplussed. My daughter sighed again. "You hafta have another name…you know…in the middle!" She gaped at him momentarily, like he was the biggest idiot in the world and her cryptic, five-year-old language should be understood by all.
"Uh, Kel…" Edward swooped in to the rescue by leaning down closer to his boy's ear. "I think she's wanting to know your middle name."
"Why?" Kellan blurted, furrowing his little brow and looking almost identical to his dad, which made me smile like an idiot.
"I don't know," Edward chuckled quietly. "Just curious? Maybe she likes you."
"Ew, Dad!" He looked at Krissy with a scrunched up nose, then shook his head. "Girls are so weird."
"Kellan Anthony Cullen!" Edward chided. I covered my mouth with my palm to stifle my own giggles.
"Oh yeah? Well, you're weird, Kellan-Kellan Anthony! And you got a big head!" Krissy taunted, hand still on her hips.
"Okay, that's enough, young lady." I spun Krissy around by her hand and leaned down to her. "We do not speak that way to our friends, especially ones we just met. Now, you be nice."
"But…he said…he said girls was weird, and…" she whined, her voice flying up a couple decibel levels.
"I . Said. Be. Nice. And you apologize to Kellan…right now."
Krissy pouted and grumbled a little bit before finally turning around to face the boy she had insulted. Placing her hands behind her back, she shuffled her boot-clad feet in the snow before looking at him with sad, melodramatic brown eyes. I rolled mine because, oh, she was good.
"I'm sorry, Kellan." Her sweet voice swirled in the air. "We're friends and you're head isn't that big."
Edward nudged his son and gave him a stern look. Kellan shrugged his shoulders with a sigh.
"S'okay," he said simply before turning his attention to Robby, who had been mute through the whole exchange. "Hey, s'up?" He lifted his chin in acknowledgment of my son, and it was only then I noticed that his glove-covered hand was still tightly clenched in mine. As if he was also realizing this fact, he wriggled his hand out of mine quickly and dropped it to his side.
"Hey," Robby replied, obviously unsure of what to make of this older boy.
"You like skateboarding?" Kellan asked. Robby shrugged. "You ever ride one?"
"Mm-mm." Robby shook his head. "You know any karate moves?" he countered. Kellan looked at Edward quickly, who had quirked an eyebrow at his son.
"No, but my dad knows a lot of Kung-Fu stuff."
Robby gasped and looked up at Edward like he was a god among men. I could relate. "He does?" he said, his voice full of awe.
"Yup," Kellan replied, popping the 'P.' Edward squatted down to my son's level with a cocky grin on his face. I rolled my eyes but couldn't help the stupid grin that spread across mine.
"Hi Robby." He stuck his huge hand out to Robby. Robby took it, still wide-eyed. "You got a good grip there, little man. Do you know what Jiu-Jitsu is?" Robby nodded quickly. Edward smirked. "Well, I'm pretty good at it. Maybe I can show you some moves sometime?"
"Yeah!" Robby blurted finally after staring at Edward like he was a celebrity. Then he shifted his dazzled gaze up to me. "Mom! He knows karate stuff…like Kung-Fu!"
"Yes, I know, baby." I smiled at him.
"Awesome!" he whispered.
Kellan was looking a little morose by the connection between Edward and Robby, so I smiled and nudged Edward's son gently as a thought popped into my head.
"Hey Kellan, you've gotten so big. It's been a very long time since I saw you last. I'm Bella." And I'm your idiot mom's cousin…oh, and I'm madly in love with your dad. That cool? Too much? I think so. He nodded at me and smiled shyly. But the expression on his face suddenly changed and he said my name out loud before looking at his dad and then back at me. I glanced at Edward, whose expression was unreadable, but slightly tense. I shrugged it off and addressed Kellan again.
"Uh-huh. So, you like skater stuff, huh?"
He nodded. "Yeah, I'm like super awesome at it. If it wasn't so snowy, I'd probably have my board out here. I could totally jump that rail over there." He pointed to a set of shallow stairs with a handrail attached.
"I think not," Edward grumbled under his breath, catching a menacing glare from his boy.
"Wow," I said. "Hey, do you know what one of my favorite shows is?" He shook his head. "Rob and Big. Do you ever watch that?" His eyes widened and I mentally patted myself on the back.
"Dude, Rob Dyrdek is so cool! That show is sick!"
I laughed and nodded my head. "I know, totally! I watch it all the time. Maybe you could show me how to ride a skateboard sometime when it gets warmer." I instantly knew I was going to regret that lovely idea. Visions of hospital ER's and more casts entered my mind, but Kellan was beaming, so I shoved those horrifying thoughts aside.
"Yeah, for sure!" He grinned at me before turning to Robby. "Dude, let's go make a skater snowman."
Robby trailed after him. "Okay, and then we can make a karate snowman!"
Edward and I laughed as we watched our boys get to work in the snow. I gasped when I felt his warm breath in my ear and heated tingles spread throughout my frozen body. I didn't even have to look at him to know he was sporting a cocky smirk on his flawless face.
"You…on a skateboard. I would pay good money to see that," he murmured. I turned to him and our lips were inches apart. He licked his lips, his eyes focused on my waiting mouth, but we both grimaced, knowing that any form of kissing was completely out of the question today. Instead of diving into him like I wanted to, I smirked myself and pressed my palms together as if in prayer.
"And I can't wait to see your mad karate skills, Kung-Fu master," I said and I bowed to him, mockingly. He responded by wrapping his arm around my shoulders and nuzzling my ear with his nose. I shivered , but definitely not from the cold.
"It's Jiu-Jitsu, grasshoppah, not karate."
And I was rendered speechless. I lost my breath for a moment. For a moment, I was lost in him, his scent, his presence. All around me, the air was suddenly thickened in the sweetest way. Well, up until a little somebody tugged at my coat and I realized that Krissy was still standing next to me, taking in the scene between Edward and me. I stiffened. Edward stiffened, and I looked down into my daughter's curious eyes, hoping like hell she didn't ask what that little display was all about.
Fucking moron, I berated myself. Get yourself together!
"Mommy," she said as quietly as she knew how…which wasn't really quiet at all.
"What, baby?" I bent down to her. She reached her arms up to me and I smiled, scooping her up – a little awkward with our thick coats, but I missed being able to hold my babies because of that stupid-ass cast I sported for weeks.
"His name is Edward?" she asked, her voice a loud whisper in my ear.
"Yes it is," I replied. "Did you want to say hi to my friend Edward?" I would soon regret that I offered such interaction between my daughter and the man I loved.
"Hello, Edwarrrrrrrd," she drawled. Edward chuckled before responding with an amused "Hello, Krissy." She stared at him for a couple minutes, inquisitive…almost studying him, and then suddenly her eyes widened and her mouth formed a little 'O.' I looked at her miffed for a moment, until a memory hit me like a sledge hammer.
Oh…shit.
"Who's Edward?"Krissy had asked after hearing me screaming that I loved Edward, thanks to my manipulative sister from hell, who quickly tried to cover for me.
"Oh, Edward is just a character in a movie…" Alice had responded.
"Can I watch it? I want to love Edward too!"
"Edwarrrrrrd?"she addressed him, her tone raising in excitement. "Are you in the movies?"
"Uh…um…" he stammered, cutting his eyes to me quickly in question. I was struck stupid, just staring at him like an idiot until I giggled nervously. Yep, that was about all I could do at the moment. All of a sudden Krissy squealed, making us both jump.
"My mommy loooooooooves you! Can I watch your movie? Mommy and Auntie Alice said I couldn't, but I still want to. Hey, you got hairs on your face. Can I touch your face? Hey Edwarrrrrrrd, did you know I'm gonna be a princess when I grow up? Just like Ariel on The Little Mermaid! Have you seen that movie? It's my favorite! Do you know Ariel and Prince Eric? I'm gonna marry a prince too!"
Edward was still stammering, looking from her to me and back to her, clearly in uncharted territory and unable to keep up. It was adorable. He needed a good rescuing…even though I wanted to give him a good…something else.
"Krissy, honey, why don't you go and play with the boys for a while? They're making a snowman!" She had the attention span of a gnat, so she agreed whole-heartedly, still motor-mouthing as I sat her down.
"Okay! Bye Edwarrrrrrrrrd! Hey you guys!" she called out as she ran toward the boys. "Let's make a princess snowman-girl!"
"Uh, bye Princess Krissy!" Edward called to her under his laughter. Then he turned to me and smirked, quirking an eyebrow. "You mind telling me how I've become a movie star all of a sudden…who you apparently love? Who is this other Edward, actor? I will destroy him."
I groaned in response. "It's a long story…"
"I'm sure I can keep up," he countered. I groaned again and he leaned into me. "Stop doing that. You're wearing entirely too many clothes to be making those noises in my presence." I whimpered that time, right before he surreptitiously reached behind me and squeezed one of my ass cheeks. I jumped and pointed a gloved finger at him with a sly smile.
"You're gonna need to stop that, Mister! Or else our kids will be getting a show neither one of us are prepared to explain."
"Promise?"
"You're incorrigible!" I swatted at him as he reached for me again, playfully.
"When it comes to you, baby, I'm insatiable," he whispered, all playfulness replaced by the crackling electric current between us.
"Me too," I breathed, getting lost in his tempting, burning emerald gaze. He limped a little as he stepped toward me and the night before flashed back to me in an instant. "Oh God, your leg. How are you feeling?"
"I'm good," he nodded.
"How's…the little girl doing? Is she…did you get to see her?"
"Kendyll?" His eyes lit up. "No, not yet, but Carlisle tells me she's doing much better. She was even asking for me this morning." He smiled. "Although, Carlisle wouldn't answer all my questions. He's being very elusive about her condition which annoys the shit out of me. Like I couldn't handle it or something. Pisses me off. I'm a doctor for Christ's sake…I've seen pretty much everything. I dunno. He thinks I'm gonna crack up from too much stress or something." He was rambling and clenching his teeth as he spoke of his dad. I wanted to wrap my arms around him. I wanted to ask him what Carlisle had said to make him so angry…still angry. I wondered if it had something to do with me, but I was afraid to ask anything. Afraid to burst this little bubble we had going today. It was nice to see him happy and smiling for once. "I'm going to see her later today, though. Man, Bella, I wish you could come with me and meet her. She's amazing, I'm telling you. It's like I want to…to protect her from the world now. It's weird, I mean, I don't even know her, you know?"
"Yeah," I nodded, realizing he had saved her life and obviously they would have that connection now. I verbalized that to him, and he nodded in response, but I could tell there was something more in his eyes. "But, does she…I mean, does she know about…about her parents?" I cringed. It was horrifying just to think about that. His face fell into a painful frown and I felt like a jerk and a half for even asking.
He shook his head. "Not yet. Because she's been asking for me, Carlisle thinks I should be the one to tell her…like she'll take it better coming from me, but I just…I just don't know…" He trailed off, lost in his thoughts until he blinked them away and looked back at me again. "Anyway, maybe you can meet her sometime soon. I really want you to, baby."
"Of course," I nodded, wanting to reach out and caress his face, kiss his sad eyes and make him smile.
"So, you don't have to tell me or anything, but I was just wondering how it went with, you know, you and Captain Douche telling the kids about…" He raised his eyebrows, obviously unsure of how to word it. I looked away from him over to where the kids were playing harmoniously and let out a breath.
"Surprisingly good. Charlie was there, though, so Jake was on his best behavior. Although, my daughter informed me today that he informed them I have a boyfriend. Can you believe that?" I looked at Edward and noticed his jaw muscles clench and unclench. Anger rolled off of him.
"What an asshole," he muttered.
"Yeah. The twins seemed a little confused at first, and asked if we were still going to live in the same house, among other things, but I answered them as honestly as I could. They held their little hands together and nodded and stuff. I mean, it breaks my heart for them. It…kills me, but they seem okay. They didn't cry, but they looked so sad. Is it bad for me to want to just distract them for a while? I mean, I don't really know what I'm doing here."
He reached his hand out and ran it down my arm lovingly. "You're doing good, baby. They seem okay to me. Besides, there's nothing wrong with meeting new…friends."
"Yeah," I smiled tightly. What I didn't tell him was how nasty Jake had been to me when Charlie and I went to leave with the kids. He pulled me aside and snarled in my ear that I would be coming home to him. How Edward would never have me. I gave him some venom right back, saying that yeah, I'd be back there, but only with the kids. The house was where they belonged and he needed to be man enough to leave. He laughed. In my face, he laughed and said that would never happen. 'This is my goddamned house,' he'd growled, 'And if you're in it and they're in it…so am I.' I knew what I had to do then. I would request the PFA order and that son-of-a-bitch wouldn't have a choice.
"Mommy!" Krissy tore me from my thoughts as she ran up to me, tears pooled in her big brown eyes. My heart stuttered. The plague of a mother, fearing that something had happened to Robby, my eyes darted to where I'd seen them playing. He was there, standing with Kellan; both of them staring at me.
"What's the matter, Krissy?"
"Those boys are being mean to me!" she wailed, pointing to them. "They won't let me make a princess snowman-girl, and they said I'm a weirdo and no girls allowed!"
I sighed and looked at Edward. His mouth was in a hard line and he grumbled under his breath.
"I'm about to teach that boy of mine a lesson in manners."
"No, Edward, really, it's okay. Krissy, you stay right here." I shot Robby a glare and his eyes widened as I turned to Edward to whisper quietly. "Look, don't get on him. Listen, she's annoying as hell and extremely overbearing, especially to an older kid like Kellan. I'll just make her stay with us." He sighed and glared at his own son before a smile slowly crept across his face.
"Hey Krissy?" He spoke so smoothly, his voice like velvet…irresistible. She peered around me and looked up at him. "I know you're a princess and all, but would you like to be a snow angel?" She paused a beat, looked at me, then looked at him and nodded sadly. "Com'ere." He reached his hand out to her and she took it. The moment I saw that man sit down in the snow with her, my heart swelled to the point of bursting in my chest. I laughed out loud as I watched Edward lie back and begin to move his arms and legs in and out. Krissy squealed in delight and followed his lead. I wanted to cry, I was so happy. Seeing my daughter happy and carefree making snow angels, for the love of God, with the man that could possibly be in her life for a very long time was life-changing for me. I knew, in that moment, I was making the right decision.
Before I realized it, Robby and Kellan had come to each side of me and grabbed my hands. "Come on, Mom!" Robby hollered as they dragged me out into the open area next to Edward and my little girl. The five of us made snow angels as we smiled and laughed and drenched ourselves in the frozen white powder.
Afterward, Edward and I huddled together, watching the kids briefly before we launched into conversations about nothing and everything. We drank each other in through our eyes and tried desperately not to touch each other in ways that could be construed as inappropriate for 'friends.' After what felt like only minutes, I looked back at the kids to take inventory. The two boys were sword fighting with skinny branches, but my daughter was not with them. I scanned the park quickly, but she was nowhere in sight.
Panic.
Sudden and immediate panic set in as my lungs felt like they were going to collapse. Where was she? Where was my baby girl? Edward stopped mid-sentence as I walked away from him and approached Robby quickly.
"Robby, where's your sister?" I asked, somewhat subdued. He shrugged and looked around him.
"She was just right here," he mumbled.
"What?" I shrieked. "Robert! Where is your sister?" He just stared at me, fearful. "WHERE?" I turned back to see Edward rushing toward me. "Oh my God…" I grabbed my chest. "Oh my…KRISSY!" I began to run. "KRISTEN! WHERE ARE YOU?" Edward caught up to me and wrapped his arms around me from behind just as my knees gave out. I turned to him, my voice and my body quaking. "Did you see which way she went?"
"No, baby," he whispered, his voice straining. "But she's here. She has to be."
"Oh God, oh my God. Kristen!" I screamed, breaking away from him and running toward some trees in the distance. A sob ripped through my body and exploded through my lips; a wave of nausea had me doubling over. "Krissy! Please, please!" Edward caught up to me quickly.
"Bella, breathe!" He was looking at me with panic on his face. His hands gripped my upper arms possessively, but they were noticeably trembling. "Look at me." His voice cracked slightly through the command, but I did as he asked. "Breathe…slowly…in and out…like this." I took ragged breaths. "Listen to me. She's here, okay. We will find her, but you need to calm the fuck down." I nodded and, just as I looked over his shoulder, I saw my little girl skipping toward us having just appeared from behind a tree. She had a large Santa Claus sucker in her mittened hand and a grin on her face.
"Oh my God!" I screeched as I dropped to my knees like a sack of potatoes. "Thank God!"
Edward turned around and saw her approaching. He marched up to her, scooped her up into his arms and hugged her tightly to his chest. His eyes squeezed shut. "Jesus Christ," he breathed, his hand on the back of her head.
"Edwarrrrrrrd? Why are you praying to Jesus?" she asked. He remained mute, eyes still closed, breathing steadily through his nose. I lost all semblance of composure as I jumped to my feet.
"Kristen Renee! Where have you been?" She snapped her head to me and pulled the sucker from her lips. Her mouth turned down into a sad pout and I felt dizzy. Edward put her down slowly, but kept his hand on her tiny shoulder, his face sober…stoic. I was shaking; my heart was trying to hammer its way out of my chest. I was torn between wanting to hug her and wanting to beat her little ass. Rage and pure unadulterated terror flirted within the walls of my chest. "And where did you get that?" I pointed to the massive red and white blob of candy.
"I was over there." She pointed to the line of trees nearby. "Your friend gave me this. He was nice." She smiled sweetly. I almost fainted. My fr—friend? Who the fuck?
"Who? Who's friend? What …it was a boy…or a man?" I choked out the words.
"He said he was your friend and Daddy's friend. He was a man." She was looking at me as if I was crazy. Oh God, who was this person? "He said he was 'posed to come see me today, so we could play together. He was gonna take me to see Daddy. He said you told him to. Don't you 'member, Mommy?"
Oh God…oh Jesus, somebody had tried to take my baby. I felt sick. I looked at Edward and his eyes were blazing. His brow furrowed so tightly I thought his skin might crack, and his mouth was a hard, straight line.
"Oh my God," I squeaked. My throat felt like it was closing. "Krissy, listen to me. That man was NOT my friend. Do you hear me? He was bad…he was bad." And then, I snapped. I didn't even recognize my own voice and, as I walked toward my daughter, she cowered. "What have we talked about? You don't EVER talk to people you don't KNOW, KRISTEN! Don't you ever, EVER DO THAT TO ME AGAIN, DO YOU HEAR ME? DO YOU UNDERSTAND?"
Edward jumped in front of her and caught me just as I had made my way to her. She was crying, I was crying and the boys were silent. I had absolutely lost my mind. I wanted to find this man, whoever he was, and gut him. Slice him from neck to cock and rip out his insides…but I was taking it out on my little girl. Edward wrapped his arms around me and held me tightly, talking low and steady in my ear.
"Bella, Bella, stop. It's okay; you have to calm down. Please. You're scaring her to death, and you're scaring me. Baby, it's okay. I'm right here. She's right here. She's fine."
I took a deep breath and that was when the tears started. A waterfall that I couldn't turn off to save my life. "I'm so sorry. I'm so sorry," I sobbed. Edward held on tighter. "He's still here, Edward, we have to go…we have to go! He t—tried to take her, my baby, he tr— oh my God, I'm so sorry, Krissy, come here, baby." Edward let me go and I knelt down. She walked to me slowly and I gripped her like she was my life raft in the middle of an endless ocean. I picked her up and looked at Edward. He had already waved the boys over and had a protective hand on each of their shoulders. His eyes were fixed on Krissy and me…concerned, angry, resolute. "We need to go," I stated mechanically, numbly. "It's not safe here. We…please." I felt panic rising again, bubbling up to my throat. Edward nodded quickly.
"Okay, let's go." He walked the boys toward the cars and I followed behind him, still holding Krissy tightly to my body. When we reached the cars, I buckled the kids in and scanned the trees once more. A feeling of dread raked over me and threatened to consume me. Edward appeared in front of me and placed his hands just under my ears, cradling my head.
"Follow me to the Starbucks in Lincoln Park…kids need hot cocoa…" He smiled a little before his expression changed to serious, authoritative. "Do not lose me, okay? It's gonna be okay, baby, I promise you." And then he kissed me. It was just a short, peck on the lips, but there was a power behind it that made me believe what he said. He would protect me…and my kids. He wasn't walking away. He was a part of their lives now, no matter that they just met, he wasn't going to let anything, or anyone, hurt us.
I trusted him, but I was still afraid. It was a deep-seeded fear that I just couldn't shake and the minute he let me go and I sat behind the wheel of my car, my insides fell to pieces again.
XXXX
*Chapter End Notes: Alright, I know I said Open Mic Night was starting in this chapter, but we just didn't get there. It is happening, well starting to happen next chapter, for sure. Guess who was in the park. No brainer? There's a little button I want you to press, down there. See it? *wink* you know what to do.
