Hey guys, here is the next chapter of this fic. Hope you have been enjoying the read so far.
Enjoy this one.
Chapter Cover: A butterfly within a jar.
Chapter Fifty-Three
Madness
Levi placed his cup upon the table with a light frown upon his features. The diary was upon my lap as I was staring at the words that were written upon it. There was no way that this was possible, what I have just read and yet, the words on the paper didn't change at all…what I was seeing written right in front of me in Elza Ashler's handwriting.
Seeing my name along with "Mikasa" written upon a paper long before either of us were even born was quite…surreal. I glanced up toward the group in front of me. Erwin had a frown upon his features as he was seemingly thinking and Hange had an astonished look upon her face as her eyes were wide behind the glasses she wore.
"I knew we were going to stumble upon it eventually but to actually see it written there," she said, "I can't even understand how something like that is even possible. How could Elza have known your names long before you were even born it makes no sense."
"I find myself puzzled about this fact as well," Erwin said, "With everything we know about Eren and his Titan ability, the few memories he had were of his father as far as he know and whatever he was involved in when he encountered the Reiss family…"
"It could be the Titan ability," I suggested looking at them.
Hange glanced at me.
"Even as a Titan ability that is stretching it," she said, "You don't know how to use it currently and yet, as we are reading through Elza's journal, it could be that it was the Irma who was using it somehow…but even so, you were not even born yet…there is no way that she could have had access to your memories…"
"Over a fifty years time gap?" Levi asked raising his eyebrows.
"There is still too little we know about the situation at it is," Erwin spoke out, "The only connection I am seeing between Sarah and this Irma is that they are both Carrier of the Titan…Let's reserve our judgment for later once we have finished reading Elza's journal."
Levi nodded giving me a glance.
"So where did we left of?" he asked.
I glanced down at the diary once more.
February 10,
I didn't mention Sarah's reappearance to Irma. I don't like to keep secrets from her but this is one that I am going to keep to myself. Irma was somehow convinced that Sarah was somehow important but I didn't have that same feeling within me as she spent hours researching about the family history.
I don't like seeing her like that…so obsessed about this Sarah…
It made me wish for simpler time again when I first met her.
March 4,
Irma was starting to act strange again. I can hear the servants whispering about it. The butler, Don, said that he found her in the living room seemingly talking to herself. I didn't want to believe him but I found Irma in her room looking out toward the window and she was humming a song to herself.
When I asked her what song it was, she said that it was a song that she heard in a dream she had.
She doesn't act differently with me but I decided to keep an close eye upon her. I don't want her to start acting like step-father did.
March 21,
Irma woke up screaming from a nightmare a few days ago. I don't think I have ever seen her so frightened before. She was shaking as I held her and she was mumbling about "Titans destroying the Walls" and other things. I told her that it was only a dream and that the Titan will never be able to do something like that.
God I wish I could take away all her worries.
I just wish I could help in some way.
April 5,
Mom said that she wants me to marry. I was about to turn nineteen and already she wanted to talk to me about marrying someone. I think she is starting to get lonely since step-father died…or eaten by Irma. I don't want to think about it and it makes me wonder if she knew what she was getting into when she married Lesly Ashler.
I don't want to marry anyone after all, I already have my lover at my side.
May 2,
The last few days have been a complete disaster.
Irma had suddenly wanted to travel to Shingashina. I don't know why but I decided to indulge her since it would give me an escape from mother's many suitors. Don drove the carriage to the town of Shingashina which was the heart of the Walled cities. She didn't say what we were going to do there but it was nice to visit one of the Walled cities even if it was one of the poorer District. We visited many shops during the day and even brought some new clothing but then when we got in view of the Outer Gate, Irma simply stopped dead looking straight at the Wall an odd look upon her face.
I wanted to ask her what was wrong but she simply smiled to herself and then said to me.
"This is where it will happen…This is where it will stick out his head and look down on us, A Colossal Type Titan and it will bring down the wall. So many people will die and there will be so many of them getting eaten…"
I asked her how she knew and she said that Sarah was the one who showed it to her.
I hated this Sarah person whoever she was for doing this so I told her that there was no Sarah, and that what she was having were delusion same as her father…Looking back at it now…I was such an heartless bitch to her and I never thought I'd see her so crushed.
God I hate myself for doing this to her…
September 4,
Wow, I haven't written in this in a while…
I don't really know what to write to be honest…still doesn't even know why I am still writing in this thing. Mom gave it to me as a gift when I was a young girl and now, I'm twenty year old this year…marriageable age, mother would say…
Irma and I…we're not living together anymore. Mother suggested that I came to stay with her for a while at her home in Trost so I decided to go and stay for a while. Despite all of that…I found myself thinking about her sometimes.
I miss her and it hurts…
January 13, X796
I received a letter today…from Irma. She said that she wanted to meet with me to talk about something. I want to meet with her and apologize but…I don't know how. It probably sound easy on paper but to stand in front of her and apologize…it's much harder.
I still remember how broken she was back during that trip to Shingashina and the cruel words I said that day…I talked to Mom about it, saying that Irma and I were having a fight…never giving the specifics as to why we were fighting but she revealed something to me.
Something she had been keeping a secret…she told me that Irma had fired her entire staff at the mansion a few months ago and that she was going mad…
I didn't want to believe it…I didn't want to believe it and yet looking at the letter in my hand and those four words written upon it. She was asking me if I still love her?
Fuck it…I'm going to see her…
I hope she is still herself.
January 16,
The house is completely empty. There is no one walking the halls, no servants in the kitchens. Even the lights were off in the hallways. It gives it a creepy vibe around the place. Irma is still there as is Don but everyone else is just gone…
Irma received me at the entrance today. She was dressed well and her smile was warm…she didn't look any different than the las
That was the last word written as a large black line suddenly shoot from the s of the word almost like Elza was startled by something as she was writing about it. The rest of the page was ominously blank making me wonder exactly what had happened in that moment.
I turned the page over as a new entry was there but the handwriting was different, more elegant than Ezla's.
Hey Elza, I read your dairy while you were sleeping.
I never knew you cared so much for me…and seeing you again was like being reborn again. I missed you all this time you know. I am trying so hard to understand why Sarah keep giving me these memories. Sometimes I feel like I should be screaming out loud about what is happening to me.
Why did father decided I should be the one to inherit this power and not Jura? When I asked him why that day, I was to inherit the power, he told me that "the path must connect". I didn't understand it then and I still don't understand it now. Everyone is acting worried about me but didn't want them to worry so I fired them. They can't understand what I have…the power I possess. I could have crushed them to bits but I can't do that…I can't at least not yet…
The writing was becoming more and more erratic as it continued losing the elegant script.
I AM NOT CRAZY…No one is. My father wasn't crazy….people always said madness follow my family but if they knew about the outside world…about the expense of lands we abandoned…about the people that were left behind when Fritz built the Walls…if they knew about our history as sinners…THEY SHOULD ALL JUST UP AND DIE….No, no, I can't die yet…I am close…I can feel it with you here maybe I can see Sarah again. Will she come? I don't know…but my power is mine…MAKE ME UNDERSTAND DAMN IT…what is it that you're not telling me Sarah…WHY ARE YOU KEEPING IT A SECRET…TELL ME…TELL ME…TELL ME….
The rest was eligible and yet, I can't help but feel a chill running through my back at the words that were aimed at me. I swallowed knowing who it was that had written this.
Irma Ashler, the girl that Elza had been mostly writing about…thought I found it strange that she was writing in this diary considering it was Elza…maybe she was the one who surprised Elza when she was writing earlier and since she mentioned Elza being asleep then I can attest that the girl was still alive at least and from the writing, Irma seems to be descending into madness from what I can see.
I turned the page again finding another entry there.
January 22,
I can't believe she would write in my own diary. Irma seems to think the entire thing to be hilarious but I am not laughing. I am worried about her now, and seeing what she was written made me feel really afraid for her. Is madness the only thing that the Ashler family can have between themselves?
I can still feel the pain from that night upon my body…she didn't really need to bite down that hard…
I guess…she really did miss me.
July 23,
Jura is back. I didn't know he would return since Irma never mentioned him and the two talked to each other in the dining room and Irma wanted me to be there. She told him about the strange vision she had of Shingashina and the wall falling and Jura gave us more news that the Fritz Titan was changed into the newest host…He said that the one before had ended his term.
Seems that a young man named Olivar Reiss is the one that inherited the power and he was a good friend of Jura. He wants to convince him to destroy the Titan and prepare for the day when the Colossal arrives…
I don't know why they seem to believe it to be truth but I'll be there to help them.
October 21,
Jura say that the Reiss family isn't budging on his proposition. He said that Olivar had changed…that he wasn't the same friend that he remembered. Irma suggested they steal the power of the Titan for themselves….
If Reiss isn't going to act, then they are going to act for the sake of humanity.
I'm really scared right now…Reiss is the Royal family if what Irma said to me before was truth…then, if they do this, they'll be rebelling against the King. If we do this…then could there really be a future for us?
They said that they were going to kidnap Olivar and bring him here. Since Jura is always with him, he is going to pay some people to help him do it. I hope he knows what he is doing…
November 3,
The plan failed…The King's Shields the Ackerman clan got wind of what we were planning…it was a disaster and Jura is missing…
I'm really scared right now…oh…someone's knocking at the door…
November 13,
Irma had gotten summons from the King yesterday. A man showed up at the mansion and handed her an envelop with the King's seal. Irma's face was completely blank of emotions but I can't help but feel fear…
The Royal government was unto us…Irma is the in the room right now with me and I can't help but feel this is the last night we'll spent together and I want to make love to her.
I don't care what tomorrow will bring…I just care about right now….
November 14,
Irma told me to leave the mansion and go back to Trost…I don't want to leave her but she was firm about me. She told me that everything would be fine.
I wished I could believe that.
November 16,
Jura showed up last night at my home. He looked like he didn't get a shave for days and he said that we were betrayed. Someone in the group he hired was a spy of the King. They were part of the MPs and they betrayed us. I told him about Irma going to see the King and he told me he'll get to her before anything happen.
But I won't let him do this alone.
I love Irma and I don't want her to die because I didn't believe her. Irma fell into madness because I abandoned her when she needed me the most. That madness of her lead us down this path and I swear I am never going to abandon her again…
I love her too much for that…
I turned the page to read the next one but the page was blank. Frowning, I continued to turn but all the rest of the pages were completely blank. I frowned lightly to myself as I continued to turn hoping to find something else that was written but there was nothing at all.
"That's the last entry," I said looking up at the people within the room.
"Then it's safe to assume that they managed to save Irma," Erwin said, looking at me, "Considering that you're here with the power of the Titan."
"They knew about the Colossal Titan destroying the Gate in Shingashina," Hange said not keeping the shock out of her voice, "She described exactly what would happen when the Gate was destroyed almost like she was there herself but…that can't be possible, Sarah was the one who witnessed the event and that was when everyone written about this was long dead, even Irma herself by then."
I frowned.
"Could it be there is a way that something could happen?" I asked, "The only thing that connect us is the Titan…what if there was a way for my Titan ability to connect people across centuries."
"That's crazy talk," Levi said, "There is no way something like that could be possible."
"And yet, the evidence is right in front of us," Commander Erwin spoke out, "A woman who died over fifty years ago has written about an event that took place five years ago."
"They are things known as coincidences," Levi said.
"Maybe," Hange said, "But we can't know for sure unless we tried it ourselves."
I blinked at her.
"What are you talking about?"
"We continue to experiment with you Sarah," Hange said, "I don't know if it will work however, what this diary show us that something like that may be possible and there is a way to discover what your Titan ability can be and if you can access memories from Irma…then there is a chance that you could access the memory of the world beyond the Walls."
"You want me to try and able to communicate with people long dead?" I asked her incredulous.
Hange's eyes were upon my own.
"From what we've just read," she said, "Seems that you'll succeed."
I stared at the diary in front of me. This was insane. There was no way something like that could be even possible but Irma did witness the fall of Shingashina in a dream from what Elza wrote about it. Something like that shouldn't even be possible in the first place but there was a lot of thing that wasn't possible that were nowadays.
I raised a hand to my forehead as if to appease the nursing headache I had.
"I'll…I'll try," I told her, "If something like that is really possible then there is a chance that I might be able to figure out my Titan power and how I managed to connect with that woman…"
Hange smiled.
"Good, I already have something in mind for you," she said, "But first, it's getting quite late right now and it will be probably best if we retire right now…and don't forget Sarah, we'll meet up in two days. I still have some work to be done with our other project…"
I nodded at her, still reeling about what we've just learned in the diary.
"Do you mind if I keep this?" Erwin asked, indicating the diary.
I shook my head.
"Not at all sir," I answered.
"Well Hange got the right idea," Levi said, "It is quite late into the night right now. How about you return to your barrack and get some sleep. From what I see, you're going to have a busy schedule in the coming days."
I nodded at him and stood up from where I was seating. I placed the dairy upon the Commander's desk and gave them all a salute before turning around and leaving the office. Everything was quiet now considering that it was late at night, and I could hear a conversation going on behind the door I just left behind but I didn't stay to listen at all. I walked through the building in a daze at what was just uncovered for me by Elza.
The barracks were dark when I entered it but I have been there enough to know my way around them, heading toward my own bed and seating upon it. I can hear the soft snore going on around me meaning that most of the people were basically asleep at this time.
Suddenly a lamp was turned on drawing my gaze toward it. Mikasa was still awake as she was dressed in her sleep clothing as she seated up from her bed.
"You've made it back," she said, "You've been talking to the Commanders long?"
"Yeah, ever since we came back," I answered her, "Why are you still awake?"
"Was waiting for you to come back," Mikasa answered approaching me before taking a seat beside me on the bed, "You look tired."
"I'm exhausted to be honest," I told her, honestly.
The girl nodded.
"Then I'll let you get some rest," she said.
I caught her arm before she could stand up, drawing her gaze back toward me. There was some confusion within those dark eyes as they met my own.
"Stay with me?"
The look in her eyes softened lightly.
"Of course."
Hope you have enjoyed that one.
Next Time: Discovery
Jacques0 out.
R&R
