These characters are under copyright by Hajime Isayama and/or Kodansha Comics or others. This is a work of fanfiction, for no monetary gain.
A/N:
I'm back! Thanks for your patience. Here is the complete chapter, with a different title.
Chapter 53 – Unapologetic and Unforgiving
Levi awoke slowly, sluggishly, fighting against either illness or drugs, or maybe both. He felt like the shit somebody forgot to warm over, as if people baked shit in their ovens, like it was bread. The thought had him struggling onto his side and heaving, or maybe it was an aftereffect of being either on his deathbed or drugged out of his mind.
"Damn it, Hange, do something!" Erwin demanded.
"There's not much I can do, other than hold his hair away from his face so he doesn't throw up on it. He's working the last of the sedative out of his system. I warned you on the way out that keeping him unconscious for days would have its drawbacks, but we didn't have any choice this time," Hange stated with infuriating calm.
"I hate you both," Levi rasped.
"Levi! Are you alright? No, I mean fully aware? Cognizant of who and where we are?" Erwin asked.
Levi shifted his gaze from the disgusting pool of vomit on the oddly curved wooden floor to… "Fuck!" he yelled, wrenching himself into a stiff, seated position. He glared at his lover and one of his supposed best friends. "I'm going to fucking kill you both." The threat made him feel more human.
"We'll be approaching Sigma Gate soon. We made good time – we calculate it's been between two and three days. We stopped dosing you a while after we passed Ro Gate, to make sure you'd be able to function before we got to Sigma, to the exit," Erwin assured him, but sounding more cajoling than smug, which meant the bastard was expecting to have the shit kicked out of him.
Levi planned to do just that, as soon as his head stopped spinning and he was back on solid ground. He was dizzy as fuck. "You got the dosage wrong, Shitty Glasses," Levi snapped.
"I gave you as little as I could and still have it be effective, the way you fight against drugs. It's not my fault that you're malnourished and injured," she argued, not sounding concerned, either because he'd used her nickname or because she honestly didn't give a shit, because she'd done what she thought was best for him.
"Yeah, well I wouldn't be malnourished if you hadn't drugged me unconscious so I couldn't eat," he bitched, knowing it was a lie. He could never have eaten down here, knowing he was trapped, that they'd blocked what might have been the only exit. He started to breathe more quickly just thinking about it, until he felt strong arms wrap around him, but from behind him, not in front. Not Erwin.
"Calm down you little idiot," Hange said into his ear. "There's plenty of air, and we're only a few hours away from Sigma at the most. There's no insects left in the passageway, the bat colony's eaten them all, and they're roosted partway down the other end of the canal, near Nu Gate, nowhere near here. We've got plenty of light, and you're surrounded by your friends and your men. You're safe, Levi, I promise."
It was astonishing how calming it was, hearing her voice, feeling her arms. For a moment he actually allowed himself to lean back into her embrace, breathing deeply, purposefully, until he pulled away.
"I'll pretend I didn't just hear you call me 'little'. Thanks, Zoe," he acknowledged. He looked past Lenz and then Hange, at the other two boats, and past them, towards Nu Gate, the way they'd come. "No sign of Eren, Mikasa and the others?" Damn it.
"No. But there's no way they could catch us on foot. The only way they can possibly beat us to Sina would be if they got hold of some horses and rode them to death," Erwin assured him.
"There were plenty of horses left behind when Wall Maria fell," Levi reminded him.
"They'd have to catch them and Eren and Mikasa at least aren't used to riding bareback – they'd need to find tack for them," Erwin said.
"If they're still alive," Levi muttered.
"Levi, you know we didn't have a choice. I potentially sacrificed two men to save twelve, but more importantly, to save the books and the radio," Erwin said tiredly.
From his tone, Levi could tell it hadn't been as easy for Erwin to do as he'd made it sound.
"I'm sorry. I'm being an ass. You did the right thing, both sealing the tunnel, and drugging me. I could have gotten you all killed down here, like I nearly did on the way to Shiganshina," Levi admitted, as he flexed and stretched his arms, his fingers, testing his dexterity. His legs would be stiff, he was thirsty as fuck and he needed to piss.
"Stop the fucking boat so I can piss," Levi ordered.
He glared at Lenz as she smiled. "What the fuck are you smiling about?" he snapped.
"You sounded just like Ymir, sir, completely crass and unapologetic," she explained bluntly.
He looked at her speculatively. "You don't sound at all concerned about her. Aren't you worried she's dead?"
Lenz laughed in his face. "Ymir? Please! After a hundred years fighting Titans outside the Walls?"
"She was going to be fighting an army of them, led by the Female Titan," Levi pointed out.
"Ice Queen? First of all, Ymir would only fight Ice Queen if she forced the issue, she owes Annie Leonhart her life, and secondly, Ymir would win. I don't care what kind of crystal armor Ice Queen has. Ymir's smarter, faster and a better fighter. She'll kick her ass," she crowed.
"So the meek little good girl act was just that, an act?" Levi challenged.
"Damned straight. In real life, I don't take shit from anyone, just like you, sir," Lenz assured him.
"Yet you're calling me 'sir'," he goaded.
"Only because you've earned my respect," she countered.
"So, did that fucker who sent you after Erwin do some bullshit to earn your respect?" Levi challenged.
"Hell no. I called him 'sir' because Ymir did, and I've dealt with people like him all my life, cruel, strong men who think they have power over me," she replied simply.
"Don't kid yourself. You've never dealt with anyone like him. But you're still alive, so he didn't immediately see through your bullshit, which where he's concerned is the best anyone can do," Levi admitted begrudgingly.
"So what did that fucker say about me?" Levi prodded.
"He told us to feel free to kill Erwin, but that we weren't supposed to touch you, that… that you were his to punish," she said, after a brief hesitation.
"Tch. No surprise there. He always was a delusional bastard," Levi scoffed, but even as he said it, he consciously lowered his voice, and darted a glance up and down the tunnel. Because that fucker could be right there, listening, and then he'd be dead, or just wish he was. He more than half expected to hear his voice, to feel his hand, his feet, as he checked the walls and ceiling, to be sure, because he could be using his maneuver gear, hanging in wait like a spider from a web.
0 0 0
Armin felt like crying, like screaming, like punching someone, but instead, he sat impassively, the way he'd been doing for days, dutifully taking his turn at the oars to keep the boat headed straight down the canal, but not even trying to keep up a polite veneer of chatter with Jean and Connie and Sasha.
Jean shot him another worried glance. He'd been doing that a lot the past couple of days. Armin hadn't even bothered trying to reassure him that he was fine. He wasn't fine. Eren and Mikasa should have broken through the cave in by now, or come through one of the other Gates, if they were going to come at all. Which meant maybe they weren't coming, ever. They could both be long dead.
Armin should have stopped the Commander, Hange, all of them. He was never going to forgive any of them. He was never going to forgive himself, even if Eren and Mikasa lived. He'd betrayed them, his two closest friends in the world, his brother and sister in all but blood.
Blood. Titan blood. They were both Titans now, shifters. And he was… nothing. He'd always been nothing, held them back, messed them up, endangered them, as a bullied little kid in Shiganshina, as a starving refugee, giving them a third mouth to scavenge for, as the weakest of the cadets of the 104th, in Trost when he let Eren get eaten to save him, where he let a grieving Mikasa nearly lead them all to their deaths, when he didn't speak fast enough or eloquently enough to keep the military from firing their cannons at them, then later when he wasn't on base to keep Eren from transforming and rampaging, when he was too shy to stand proper watch and those robbers and rapists nearly killed them on the way to Sina, and in so many ways since.
"Armin? Are you OK?" Jean asked cautiously, stupidly.
Armin turned his head and looked wordlessly at him, watching dispassionately as Jean swallowed, as if he was afraid of him. He should care that Jean looked like he was afraid, it should matter whether he was afraid for him, or of him, but it didn't.
"Armin, stop freaking Jean out like that," Sasha scolded. "I know you're worried about Eren and Mikasa, so are we, but this isn't helping anything. We're getting pretty near Sigma Gate. You don't want to do anything divisive right now."
He hated that she was right, but also that she hadn't used that same persuasive logic to argue against blowing up the tunnel between them and Eren and Mikasa, against trapping them Outside.
0 0 0
Tensions continued to mount as they approached Sigma Gate. They half expected someone to be waiting inside the tunnel for them, to ambush them, either Annie or Kenny Ackerman, or some of the people angry with the Corps, or the MPs. But the door was sealed, looking exactly as they had left it.
Armin noted that, just like the last time, Levi was the first to leap onto the dock. "I'll take the lead when we exit. Just like last time I did this, if something's fucked up outside, I yell 'son of a bitch' and the rest of you come out fighting. But if it's really fucked, like the Female Titan, or something worse, I yell 'blow it', and you fucking do, you seal the damned entrance with dynamite and blow your way out through one of the other sealed Gates," Levi ordered.
"Levi, no," Erwin scolded.
"Yes. Because if it's her, that means she defeated Eren and Mikasa. At best it means she defeated Ymir, the two Brauns, and Hoover too. At worst, it means they joined forces against us again," Levi argued.
"I'm not disputing that. What I am refusing to allow is this idiocy of believing you are expendable. I told you before, damn it, you will never be in my acceptable losses column," Erwin argued.
"It's too bad Eren and Mikasa were," Armin snapped insubordinately, as he ignored both his superiors and strode up to the Gate, intent on pushing the damned owl. He didn't care about the radio or the journals anymore. He just wanted Eren and Mikasa back. He knew he'd probably blow himself up if he tried to blast one of the Gates open, so that meant he'd just have to go over Wall Rose. Or maybe Pixis would have a better plan. Maybe he'd even let him borrow some of his men.
Levi intercepted him, grabbing him by the arm. He tried to yank away and was infuriated that he couldn't. Even weakened like he was now, Levi was stronger than he'd ever be.
"Armin, stop. Hange has to set the charges around the door, in case this is a trap, in case there are enemies waiting for us outside. I know you think I'm being paranoid, and that you're afraid Eren and Mikasa are dead, but they're not dead. And the two Brauns and Hoover aren't going to turn against them, against us, whether Leonhart was their superior officer or not. As for Ymir, I've no idea. She's loyal to all of them, they're all like family, and she owes Leonhart her life," Levi stated grimly.
"She wouldn't," Krista stated confidently. "Ymir would never act against Marcel. She'll be on his side, and he'd never side with Annie. He was horrified by what the others did to Shiganshina, because of him. Devastated. He'll protect Eren and Mikasa from Annie, and Reiner and Bertolt will protect the three of them.
"Remember, they didn't even try to rescue Annie before. They didn't want to. They know she's insane. The Commander knew that too. That's why he was able to issue the order he did, to leave Eren and Mikasa behind. So please, Armin, listen to Levi. Don't do anything that could jeopardize the rest of us. Because if they don't come back on their own, we're the ones who are going to help you go rescue them. Because they're not just comrades, they're family. Right Eddie?" Krista asked boldly.
Armin was impressed that she'd use her family ties to Erwin against him, to manipulate him into agreeing. He half expected the Commander to chew her out for saying his name aloud again. Instead, Erwin looked at her with both the tenderness and pain previously reserved only for Levi. But he didn't say anything.
"Just in case it wasn't clear to you, Ymir's my Levi, Eddie, and I'll rescue her by myself if I have to. But it won't come to that, will it?" she pressed, when he stayed silent.
Erwin sighed. "I thought you'd have learned by now, Hista. Family betrays. Or at best, they die and leave you to face things on your own. Yeager and Ackerman disobeyed a direct order, so I felt no remorse in sacrificing them for the greater good. I would have done it anyway, but it would have weighed on my conscience.
"The future of humanity, or of our slice of it at least, rests with reestablishing our lost contact with the outside world, the other Sanctuaries, and of knowing what's been happening the past hundred years. We needed to preserve the books and radio for that. If she's gone, losing Ackerman is going to make it more difficult, but we have the Japanese books, and Levi and Hange have both proven adept in learning other languages," Erwin said bluntly.
"I hate you," Armin said just as coldly. After all they'd done for the Corps, Eren and Mikasa meant nothing to him. None of them did, except for Levi.
"I don't care. I'm not in this to be liked. Just don't betray me, because I will see you court-martialed and executed if it comes to that," Erwin said glacially. "Hange, set up the charges along the door. Hold back enough so we can blow our way out of one of the other Gates, if it becomes necessary."
"Aye aye, Captain Bligh," Hange said with a mock salute, her voice thick with disapproval.
0 0 0
Levi knew what Erwin was doing, pissing off Armin intentionally to keep him angry and functional, instead of paralyzed by his fears for his friends. He didn't approve, but he understood. He was pretty sure Hange did too, that the Bligh reference was more a warning that Erwin might be pushing Armin and Lenz too far, past desertion to outright mutiny.
As a devout student of military history, Erwin would get the reference, but likely none of the rest of the men would. Levi doubted any of them had ever even heard of the ocean, or would believe there was such a thing if they did, that ships could sail for weeks without even seeing the shore. But Levi knew about the ocean, the sea. His mother used to tell him stories about the Mediterranean Sea that embraced her Greek homeland, ones taught her by her father and grandfather.
He felt a pang of poignant longing and another of guilt. He'd deserted Erwin in the middle of the battle, run off after Armin instead of staying by Erwin's side. It wasn't mutiny, but it wasn't the loyalty the man deserved, either. The problem was, Armin deserved his loyalty as well. And then he'd betrayed Armin just as cruelly, by siding with Erwin and caving in the tunnel with Eren and Mikasa trapped in the Outside.
Levi was climbing out of his skin thinking about all the ways he'd failed his friends and comrades, the lives lost because of his mistakes, as Hange set the charges, until finally she was done. He pressed the belly of the owl that triggered the Gate mechanism and waited impatiently for the door to grind its way open.
He walked through the gateway, immediately tensing on the other side, not at what he saw, but at what he didn't see.
Where the fuck is the guard? There should be someone from the Garrison here, or one of Hypatia's men.
Even as he thought it, he was scanning for ambush, for signs of a trap. He'd feel it if something was wrong, he'd know there was an ambush ready to be sprung, he was certain of it, but he didn't drop his guard just because he didn't feel it. Instead, he shot out his grapples and swung onto the nearest rooftop, and began searching.
