Hey guys! So organic chemistry was kicking my ass for the first half of this month and now I'm home and relaxing. This story is approaching 300 follows and I'm so excited about it. I spent an hour writing this because I got struck with inspiration. So a lot happens in this chapter. Natsu experiences some really intense emotions in this chapter and there are some paragraphs describing self harm so I'll mark them so you can skip if you want but there are things that happen in that that are relevant to the plot. There's also a surprise for the Nalu shippers. I feel terrible for saying that I had a lot of fun writing this chapter. Your reviews give me life! See you all later!

Saying that Natsu was having a terrible time was an understatement. The day when they were all frolicking in the ocean on the way to Alvarez seemed like an eternity ago. As soon as the yacht had docked and they had been escorted to a car that drove them to Zeref's house his good mood was gone. As soon as he laid eyes on his brother, Natsu wanted to commit homicide. Invel's knowing smiles and Zeref's arrogant smirks and clever words made Natsu furious.

When he and Zeref had spoken to each other when they had just arrived, their three-minute private conversation had been nothing short of mocking. Zeref was holding that damn promise over his head and for obvious reasons, Natsu hated it. His bastard of a brother knew that Natsu hated speaking in the language of Alvarez if only because it reminded him of his ties to the country and Zeref loved reminding him of the power that he had. Natsu had tried so hard to hide everything about who he was and where he had come from. His cousins didn't know, nobody at Fairy Tail knew, and Evelyn certainly didn't know. The fact that Zeref somehow had found out about her made his stomach hurt. Zeref would keep his promise that he had made, but he also knew that there would be retribution in other forms as well. Zeref would have no hesitation hurting any of his friends or family to get Natsu to do what he wanted and that was what terrified him more than anything. He could handle if the pain was aimed at him, but if his friends got hurt because of him Natsu didn't know what he would do with himself. Then he saw Zeref talking with Lucy.

She had physically seemed unharmed, maybe a little bit shaken, but nothing more serious than that. When he had asked Zeref what he had been saying to Lucy, Zeref cryptically dropped hints about offering Lucy a deal that she would be crazy to refuse. Then Lucy admitted that Zeref had told her about Natsu's history, including the deal that Zeref had given him that he had had to accept. Lucy would be the one he would target. All of them would push hard to find answers, but somehow Zeref knew that Lucy was the one he wanted to hide his past from the most. Which was why he was currently following his older brother through his mansion to what he supposed was his office.

No matter how many times Natsu visited, he was always surprised when he entered Zeref's office. Not because it was menacing, but because it was so similar to how Fairy Tail's meeting rooms were laid out. Smart walls were all around them and there was a large but low table surrounded by black sofas. Zeref sat down and Natsu sat down opposite him.

"Are your friends enjoying their stay?" Zeref asked and Natsu stayed silent. "Lucy is fascinating to talk to. I can see why you like her so much," Zeref said with a smirk.

"I know why you singled her out," Natsu ground out.

"Oh?" The urge to rip his brother's throat open had never been stronger than in that moment.

"But you didn't find her as impressionable as you thought," Natsu said. "You wanted her to take your offer regarding her father but she didn't so you went with something that would rattle her more easily. So you told her, and her alone, about my past."

"She didn't tell your other friends," Zeref noted. "If she had they would be hounding you and would most likely try to plot killing me in my sleep. However," Zeref pressed on, "It's eating away at her mind that if you carry through with whatever half-baked plan you had, your humanity will essentially disappear. She won't risk it, but why do you think she didn't tell your other friends? I think it might be because they'd push for you to do something stupid." Natsu felt his blood pressure rising as the words were said and he knew that Zeref was right. He was always right. It disgusted Natsu that he remembered when he looked up to his brother, idolized him even, for being so smart and how he seemed to know everything. In some ways there was still a grudging respect, if only because of his intelligence. It certainly had nothing to do with Zeref being his brother.

"So you wanted her to talk me into leaving and letting you go," Natsu concluded after he took a measured breath. He wished he had his flamethrower with him, it would be so satisfying to see Zeref burn alive. It was nothing less than he deserved.

"Don't you want to leave so you can be with poor Evelyn?" Natsu's fists clenched and he tightened his jaw.

"How the fuck do you know about her?" Natsu growled. "I tried so hard to keep her a secret. How did you fucking find out?" He was yelling by that point. Zeref regarded him with cool black eyes.

"Language," Zeref said. "It wasn't that difficult to find out. Aside from the fact that Jude Heartfilia was flaunting capturing Natsu Dragneel's little sister, a fact I found most intriguing since you don't have a little sister, I hacked into the Era Knights' security database. Has she recovered? Lucy didn't tell me."

"If you ever go near her," Natsu warned, "I will kill you in the most grotesque way possible."

"Maybe if you became an Etherious you wouldn't change all that much," Zeref mused. "You seem to keep your more violent thoughts hidden away from everyone, but I can tell." Natsu wished he could shoot back another retort but he couldn't think of one because Zeref was fucking right, as always. Natsu stared past his brother at the wall and he zoned out. His attention was snagged again by Zeref when he cleared his throat and stood up. "Well this has been illuminating. You have a lot to think about, I wonder if I could talk to some of your friends in the meantime." Natsu lunged and went to wrap his hands around his brother's throat. Zeref grabbed both of his wrists. "Careful, don't do something you regret." Zeref started to bend his wrists at an impossible angle but released him before the bone snapped. Zeref slipped out the door and Natsu slid down the wall.

He was trapped in his head. He thought back to how violent his thoughts were when it came to the Era Knights and Tartaros. And there had been times when he almost relished in the pain that he brought to those he felt deserved it. But he wouldn't destroy just for the thrill of it…right? He enjoyed setting things on fire, but that was different. He wouldn't torch the entire world after all. Only the parts that deserved burning. No. He put his head in his hands while he felt himself trembling. From what, he had no idea but he was shaking. Zeref got inside his head in a way that nobody else did. And it terrified him because it brought every terrible thing he had done and every ugly thought that had crossed his mind. Suddenly he stood up and bolted for his bathroom. He blew by anyone he saw and when he reached the bathroom, he slammed the door and locked it.

~~~~~~~~You can skip this part~~~~~~~~~~

He hated the fact that Zeref had kept his bathroom stocked with everything that he used whenever he visited. Natsu supposed it was because he was the brother of the ruler of Alvarez. With jerky hands he yanked a drawer open and dug through everything looking for a razor blade. His hands fumbled to rip the package open and when he did, he sighed in relief. With unsteady hands he dragged the razor blade over his skin. The sharp pain made him gasp and watching the rivulets of blood drip into the sink was almost hypnotic. He moved the blade a little bit higher and sliced his skin open. More blood welled up and spilled over onto the sink. So he did it again. And again. And again. He didn't know how long it had been, but his wrists were drenched in blood and red was staining the sink and counter.

The pain had cleared his head and he noticed that he physically felt better, at least. Aside from the stinging pain on his wrists but that was expected, wanted, and needed. There was a persistent knocking on the door, and he was startled by the noise. Lucy's smell wafted over the metallic tang of blood. "I'm fine Lucy," he said with a strained voice.

"Natsu, open this door." He bit his lip and hit a button on the wall and then he sank down to the floor again, wrists facing up. Blood rolled to the side of his wrist and it dripped onto the floor. Lucy came in and slapped her hand over her mouth. "Natsu," she whispered. She closed the door and looked down at him. "What happened when you talked to Zeref?" Her voice was soft as she sat down next to him. Natsu just started shaking his head and he was clutching the sides of his head. He started breathing heavily again, his heart pounding in his chest and he practically tripped over his feet in a rush to the razor blade again. Before he could make another cut Lucy laid a hand on his shoulder and gently took the razor blade out of his hand. There was blood on her hands and he felt his stomach wrench at the sight.

~~~~~~~~You can start reading again~~~~~~~~~~

He was vigorously shaking his head and he looked in the mirror and saw that his eyes were large and terrified. He could smell Lucy's fear and anxiety and that didn't help matters in the least. He had no idea what she was about to do. She went in front of him grabbed his cheeks and kissed him. His mind was stunned into being quiet. It only lasted for a few seconds and when she pulled away there were tears in her eyes. Natsu was staring at her like he had never seen her before.

"I'm sorry—" she started to say before he grabbed her shoulders, ignoring the blood that was dripping onto her shirt, and kissed her again. He felt her inhale sharply before she wrapped her arms around his neck and kissed him back. The world stopped spinning. Or maybe it was spinning way too fast. Her lips were soft and she was so warm. All Natsu knew was that he desperately needed this and he never wanted this to end. His head was spinning and he didn't know if it was from lack of oxygen or blood loss. Lucy must have had the same thought because she reluctantly pulled back. They stared at each other for what felt like an eternity. He noticed with smug satisfaction that her face was flushed and that she was out of breath. Lucy gave a small smile and ran a hand towel under warm water, put some soap on it, and began cleaning up the blood on his arms. The stinging made him wince but he let her work in silence. When she was done Lucy rummaged through the drawers and found bandages.

Once the bandages were done and the blood was cleaned up Lucy turned her back to the counter so she was facing Natsu. "What happened?" she asked again. Natsu swallowed and pressed himself close to her. His arms were encasing her against the counter and he let his head drop into her neck. Her hand came up and her fingers ran through his hair. So Natsu told her. He told her everything that had been said and when he finished he was in tears. Lucy didn't say anything but instead took his hand and led him to the adjacent bedroom. Natsu collapsed on the sofa and he wrapped his arm around Lucy's waist and held her close so she was laying on his chest, their noses brushing. Natsu pressed his lips to her forehead and she responded by taking his wrists and kissed his bandages. He buried his nose in her hair that smelled like vanilla. Her warmth and the softness of her breathing made him calm down and it was the best sleep he had had out of all the times he had been back to Alvarez.

Self-harm is serious and I'm not trying to romanticize it. If you or someone you know is having these thoughts please reach out and get help.