The Name Game


"I wanna name our baby Squiffie."

It's a testament to how far Squall has come, really, that he does not turn around and ask Yuffie if she's stupid. Instead, he calmly sits the sharp pointy object he had just been cleaning down, turns carefully, and says "what?"

"Squiffie." She repeats, as if that makes it better. "You know, it's part you, part me. Like the baby." The worst offense is the fact that she looks proud about this.

"Squiffie?"

"Or Leffie, if you prefer. You did go by that for a while." Yuffie pats at the little bulge that is her stomach thoughtfully. "I suppose it depends on if it's a girl or boy."

It takes some extremely long minutes for Squall's brain to catch up with this whole naming system she's concocted and part of him instantly wants to blame it on pregnancy brain. Which isn't fair in the least, he remembers when Zack and Aerith were expecting and she wasn't nearly this crazy when she was pregnant. "Where exactly did you come up with this?"

She shrugs, waddling across the kitchen to paw for whatever she's currently craving at the moment. Squall has learned not to try to assist in this endeavor, she once started out wanting apples only to decide she wanted yogurt only to decide she wanted fish sticks and custard, so he just moves carefully out of her way while she does her thing and waits for her to answer.

"It was in a book or something, I didn't actually read it but it was hella popular, kinda gross too with all the pining and weeping and moping that happened. Long books. Anyway, the girl combined two names to get her baby's name." Yuffie pauses, staring hard at the box of instant potatoes. "Granted, she combined her mom's name and her mother-in-law's name, but my mom died before I knew her as anything other than Mommy and you're still kind of in the dark about who birthed you so," she shrugs again as if that settles everything.

"Squiffie." Once more, just for clarification, because really, Squall loves her but really.

"Yup. Or Leffie. I'm not settled on which one sounds more like a boy name yet."

The truly great thing about living in a house with most of your closest friends is the fact that one never has to look far to find backup. "You're not naming our child Squiffie." He says, perfectly calm and perfectly serious. Then Squall turns, manages to catch Aerith as she's coming down the stairs and repeats, "she's not naming our child Squiffie."

"Leffie it is then!" Yuffie walks by, carrying a bowl that appears to have mashed potatoes, a whole dinner role, and the left over spaghetti sauce from last night.

Aerith stares at her with a fond little smile. "Tifa went through this phase too," she explains.

"There's a phase to this madness?"

She nods, "tried to name her little girl Cloti. Don't worry; we'll talk her out of it." She gives Squall a sympathetic pat on the hand, as if he's a kid or something, and then she's gone. Hopefully to convince Yuffie what a terrible, terrible idea this is.

Squall stares down at the little silver ring adorning his left hand and reminds himself that yes, marrying her is still the best thing he's done and he always knew what he was getting himself in for. Honest.

Then he hears her crying from the other room, about how he doesn't love the names she picked out because he doesn't really love her and he decides the best idea for the moment is to hide out at Merlin's for a while.


End Note: This...piece of ridiculous was originally written for the kh_drabble challenge sobriquet, and tops out at 606 words.