Fifty Three
A procrastinator at heart, Harry postponed talking to Severus for as long as he was able. Finally, he could avoid it no longer. Three days before Christmas, the night before he was due to leave for the Burrow, Harry gave himself a pep talk in the mirror and forced himself through the Floo like a warrior being sent to battle, a list of all the reasons Severus ought to go with him running through his head.
His plans were for naught however, because as soon as Harry stepped through the fireplace, Severus had him pinned against the wall, clothes banished and was balls deep inside of him within two minutes of Harry leaving his office.
Afterwards, in the languid afterglow that one only achieved with truly great sex, Harry couldn't help but ask –
"What bought that on?"
"I won't see you for three days," Severus responded softly. "I thought we ought to make the most of the time we have."
"Then come with me," Harry responded spontaneously, rashly, all his carefully formed plans turning to dust. "Molly and Arthur won't mind. The Burrow's crazy at Christmas time, people everywhere, coming and going the whole time. You'd hardly be noticed in the chaos."
"I rather doubt..."
"Then I'll stay at Hogwarts," Harry promised, his tongue running away without his brain, exposing his desperation, laying him bare. "The castle's great at Christmas, and everyone will understand if I don't go to the Burrow. Ask me Severus, ask me to stay and I will."
Silence reigned, Harry could not tear his eyes from Severus, beseeching, begging him to say yes. Severus's gaze was fixed somewhere beyond Harry's left shoulder and it was this that let Harry know, with a certainty that sank to the bottom of his stomach like a lead weight, that he would not be seeing his lover for Christmas.
"Go to your friends Harry," Severus eventually said gently. "I'll be here, where I belong."
"Severus...come with me, please."
"It is not possible!" Severus asserted with more heat. "What would I come as? Your colleague, your friend, your lover?
"Any of the above!" Harry exclaimed. "I don't care what we tell people, as long as you come."
"I cannot! I will not!" Severus responded fiercely.
"Then I'll stay at Hogwarts. We can spend all Christmas day in bed..."
"You ask too much Harry!" Severus interrupted with a shout. "You went in to this knowing all I have to offer and still you ask too much!"
Shocked, hurt, Harry fell silent.
"I have only so much I am able to offer you," Severus spoke more quietly now. "If you need... more, you will need to find it elsewhere."
"I see," Harry clenched his jaw, his hands curling into fists. Truthfully, he had never expected Severus to agree to spend the holiday with him, but to be rebuffed so firmly and completely! "Well, there truly isn't anything left to say is there? Merry Christmas Severus."
Within moments, and before Severus could protest should he want to, Harry had stepped through the fireplace and found himself, cold and lonely, in his own, very empty rooms.
