Chapter 53: June 7th
Katniss
"You look guilty."
Katniss glanced up at the voice speaking to her, internally wincing as she realized who it was. Johanna slid her breakfast tray down to rest even with Katniss' across the table. The mess hall was quiet for breakfast the next morning – just the way Katniss preferred it. She was still spinning from the night before and her talk with Peeta. She was in no mood to hash it out with Johanna, who she knew would badger her for mindless details about the entire thing. She decided to play dumb to see if that would deter her nosy breakfast companion.
"What?"
"You. Look. Guilty," her friend repeated, her dark eyebrows knitting together. Johanna's eyes scanned her, making her feel raw and exposed. She didn't like feeling that way – she normally only allowed herself to feel that way when she was with Peeta. Nerves twisted her stomach. Johanna was good at getting the information she wanted. The words from the night before still belonged to Katniss and Peeta, no one else. It was as if talking about it out in the open would jinx the hopeful feeling that had settled over her that morning. Katniss' head was still too full of thoughts of their talk and their sorrys and what happened after to put on her normal front.
"I heard you come in last night. Take a little walk after lights out did we?"
Katniss feigned a confused look before turning her attention back to her corn flakes. Her mood was still completely befuddled from Peeta's welcomed assault on her mouth from the night before, but she was satisfied all the same. The feeling of Peeta's lips on hers had been familiar and new at the same time. She would really just enjoy being able to bask in the feeling of miniscule hope that things between them could be mended, but she knew she wouldn't be so lucky.
The mess hall was quiet that morning. Sae was in the back, clanking around some pots and pans, but most of the counselors were spread out across the long tables eating in relative quiet. No one was used to being up that early yet, and the muggy heat hanging in the room already promised a sweltering day. Effie had already posted a list of things she wanted to see accomplished before the campers arrived in a few short days and none of them were particularly easy tasks. But while Katniss wanted to eat her breakfast and drink her coffee in peace, Johanna had different ideas entirely.
Johanna had clearly given up on any form of subtlety.
"So you and Peeta talked, eh?"
Katniss sipped her coffee. "We spoke, yes."
Johanna huffed in frustration, slamming her plastic tray on the table. A few people turned to scowl over their shoulders, but no one really paid much attention to them that early in the morning.
Katniss hissed at her to be quiet.
"We spoke, and….and that's it, Jo. We talked about things like we needed to. Like we should have a long time ago."
Katniss let her eyes flick upwards at the exact moment Peeta chose to stride into the mess hall. He had a way of walking into a room that just made him seem so attractive, Katniss thought to herself. Peeta always managed to look somehow strong and confident with his squared jaw and wide shoulders, yet one look at his kind blue eyes and approachable smile and people were inevitably drawn to him. She was lucky to have had him, she realized.
And stupid to have lost him, a tiny part of her brain added.
But that didn't matter now. They had talked a few things out, become friends again, and there was zero awkwardness between them. Katniss looked down at her cereal, ignoring the scowls from Johanna. That wasn't entirely true. She wasn't sure how to react to him now after their kiss the night before. What was he thinking? They'd talked things out, everything was getting better and then….then he'd kissed her and bolted. Not just any kiss, either. A hot, needy, pulsing kiss like the ones they'd shared after not seeing each other for a few weeks. A kiss that always wanted her leaving more.
She smiled to herself. Peeta, you sneaky devil in sheep's clothing….
"Something funny?"
"What?" she snapped out of her little reverie quickly as Johanna stared at her expectantly from across the table. "No," she sniffed, taking a large gulp of her coffee. She downed the rest, grabbed her tray, and gave her friend a quick smile before making her way to the trash bins. She could feel Peeta's eyes on her as she rushed out of the mess hall, but she tried to not let it bother her or make her do something embarrassing like trip and fall on her face.
Things were looking up – she just hoped they stayed that way.
She gripped the phone outside of the administrative offices. Normally she'd just go into Haymitch's office and use his, but his door was shut and she guessed he was probably in there still sleeping off his hangover. It was a stern and highly enforced rule at Camp Panem that everyone – counselors, junior counselors and campers all had to turn over their cell phones for the summer. Last summer it wasn't an issue for her as she didn't even own one, but this year it was much harder. It would have beem a nice way to secretly communicate with Peeta (if she had the need to) and to check on her grades from the last semester. She was still hoping that she'd managed to pull through to get the grades she should have gotten the semester before to qualify her for the money she needed.
Her mother sighed in exasperation on the other end of the phone.
"Nothing yet. I just see blank spaces where your classes are listed. So you're…still hoping to get the grades this time?"
Katniss sighed into the receiver. "Yes. I really want to transfer mom."
"Is this just for the boy?"
"No," she mumbled. "It's a good school. They do their clinicals at Capitol Hospital….it's the best school of Nursing and clinical program in the state. I need to go there for me. Peeta would just be….and added bonus."
"Or distraction."
"Mom….we dated an entire semester last year and I got practically straight A's. I think he would be a motivation, if anything."
"Fine, fine. Call me back in a few days….I'll keep checking."
"Will you call Haymitch's office if they get here? He'll get me a message to call you."
She hung up after getting her mother to grudgingly agree to call Haymitch if her grades were somehow posted within the next few days. Katniss supposed this was one of those cases where no news could possibly be considered good news.
With a sigh, she leaned against the wall outside Haymitch's office, slumping down as she twisted the ancient phone cord around her fingers. This may as well be purgatory, she thought. It seemed useless to continue to mend things the way she wanted with Peeta if she was only going to fail again and put them through another semester of misery. She'd worked so hard all year – failure a second time didn't seem like much of an option. The one thing Peeta had wanted was for her to transfer schools so that they could be together. How could she fail him a second time? One look into those charming, hopeful boyish blue eyes and she'd be a goner.
A few feet down, Effie's door came flying open with a bang, making Katniss jump. The blonde camp coordinator gave her a surprised look, but quickly replaced it with a uniform Effie Trinket smile. Katniss watched her straighten her Camp Panem polo shirt and flatten down the sides of her hair. The back of her blonde waves were sticking up suspiciously, and her normally pristine shirt was slightly wrinkled. Effie's face was clear of any sort of makeup and she didn't reek of her normal perfume.
"Katniss! Good morning to you! What are you doing over here so…early dear?"
Katniss stammered as she tried to piece together the mystery of Effie's bedraggled appearance and still somehow be polite to her supervisor.
"Uhm….I was just…calling my mom. To check on my grades from this semester," she finally managed to blurt out.
"How nice," Effie trilled, gracefully navigating down the hall towards her. "Are you ready to start the day? Come, we'll walk down to the meeting point together."
Not accepting no for an answer, Effie grabbed Katniss's arm and firmly pulled her down the hall. Katniss glanced over her shoulder, eyes widening as she caught Haymitch slink out of Effie's office when he thought the coast was clear. She quickly smirked at the older man over her shoulder before following along behind Effie. She had to cover her mouth to surprises the giggles as she realized that the back of Effie's hair was indeed matted and sticking straight up…as if she'd just spent some time on her back, pressed up against something.
"Now," Effie continued, completely oblivious. "I'm going to have you girls work on whitewashing the fences this morning, followed by an afternoon of helping me plant some flowers around the main buildings…we need to spruce this place up for the campers!"
Katniss cleared her throat and nodded as they walked down the path towards the flagpole where they would all gather to hear the morning announcements and get their assignments for the day.
"We'll get this place cleaned up in no time! I can't even tell you how miserable it is to spend a drab, freezing cold winter up here with no one to keep me company but that grumpy old fool Haymitch. But, we'll get it done and ready for the campers. The schedule is a bit of a bear, but I think we'll manage," Effie rattled on as they walked.
Katniss could only smirk.
A few hours later, she gripped the paintbrush in her hand as she tried her best to focus. She was supposed to be whitewashing the fence around the pool with Annie, but that was proving a difficult task. Not the whitewashing itself,– rather, focusing on whitewashing the damn fence and not glancing over her shoulder every few minutes to watch as Peeta struggled to get the weed whacker started. He was at least twenty yards away from where they were working for the morning, but she swore she could see every muscle in his arms and back ripple as he yanked on the starter cord every few minutes. The nearly ancient piece of equipment would sputter and choke a few times before inevitably dying, but if anyone had the knowhow and patience to fix it, it was Peeta.
Katniss swallowed the dryness in her throat as she dipped her brush into the whitewash again. Peeta was wearing a pair of thin athletic shorts that clung to his shapely behind every time he bent over to inspect the machine. His shirt didn't leave much to the imagination either – he wore an old t-shirt with the arms and most of the sides cut out. Normally she's scoff at the thing, wondering why someone would even bother to wear a shirt if that much of it was cut out, however…Peeta made her alright with it. Every time he would bend and twist she could sneak a peek at the pale muscles of his side and arms. He was pale now, but she knew his skin would grow slowly bronzed like hers as the summer went on. She could remember the hint of sunburn on his shoulders and the way his blonde hair had grown even paler in the summer sunlight last year.
She turned her attention to back to the fence. Up and down her brush went, flicking small droplets of the whitewash every which way. Beside her, Annie's smooth brush strokes looked about a hundred times more even and tidy. She just couldn't focus. Not with Peeta so nearby, looking so tempting and familiar in an entirely new and exciting way. A few more minutes went by of her painting in a comfortable silence with Annie. Finnick's kind, quiet girlfriend was a peaceful companion on her frazzled nerves.
"Not a bad job for the day," Annie said finally, offering her a soft smile.
"Nope," she agreed shortly.
Katniss glanced over her shoulder as Peeta's patience finally won the battle with the rickety old weed whacker. It came gurgling to a start, the smell of fumes and gasoline filling the hot air. She watched him smirk to himself as he began carefully edging the freshly mown grass around trees and buildings nearby where she was working. His arms worked their magic, bending and flexing as he worked. Katniss let out a sigh before she could stop herself.
"I thought you were on a break?" Annie's voice cut through her thoughts.
Katniss' head snapped around. "What?"
"You heard me. You were on a break. Is that still the case?"
Katniss brushed some sweat off her brow, effectively smearing a glob of white paint across her forehead.
"Shit…erm, no. I mean…I'm not sure."
Annie didn't pry. She merely turned her attention back to their work, smoothly brushing on another coat of whitewash. Katniss frowned and glanced over her shoulder at Peeta again. If she was going to talk to anyone about her situation with Peeta it would be Prim, but Prim was busy helping Sae and Rue get the kitchens cleaned and sanitized. Annie was quiet – not a gossipy thing like some of the other counselors she shared a cabin with.
"We talked about things. I'm not sure either one of us wants to stay on this break or whatever it is," she finally muttered.
Annie kept working, but nodded to show she was listening. Katniss wasn't sure how she could date someone as goofy and talkative as Finnick and get a word in edgewise, but the two of them seemed to make it work.
"It was my idea to do it. I panicked after I found out I couldn't transfer and I just…I don't want to be on a break anymore. It's so stupid…how did I ever think that would work?"
"People make mistakes," Annie mused quietly, dipping her brush into the bucket.
"I made the end all of mistakes. I fucked it up so huge…" she groaned, shaking her head. "I didn't want this. I didn't want any of this. All I wanted was to be at the same place as Peeta and not disappoint him. And now…now we're broken up and both miserable."
Annie glanced over at her, her green eyes wide with concern. "Was he still upset about it?"
Katniss shrugged. "He….he knows I make hasty decisions. And not usually well. But he didn't seem mad. Especially not after we talked. Just hurt, and confused I guess….which I can't blame him."
"How did you end things then? When you said goodnight?"
Katniss couldn't control the tiny smile that appeared on her lips. Annie caught it – and smiled herself.
"He kissed me," she admitted slowly.
Annie's smile broke into a large grin. "Then I'd definitely say there's hope. Don't be stupid, Katniss. Just follow you heart and I'm almost positive it will lead you back to Peeta. I would bet on it."
Okay, so who is still reeling from Mockingjay? Saw it twice this weekend and ohmigod...the Peetafeels were insane. I will completely admit to crying once or twice during that movie...gah! emotions.
Anyway, thank you for reading and happy early Thanksgiving to my readers who celebrate it - have a fantastic rest of the week!
