Ch. 52

"You think I'm being ridiculous, don't you?" asked Val as she peered over the glass in her hand at Dante. The scotch she had ordered at Volvér, a restaurant not far from the Kimmel Center, was going a long way toward calming her fraying nerves. She nodded her head for emphasis and took another sip of her drink while waiting for his reply.

"Of course not, Val. Listen, when Lulu first told me that Sonny was my father, I prayed that I was dreaming or having a bad reaction to the drugs they had me on in the hospital. I wanted it to be a lie. I wanted to crawl under the nearest rock and hide. I was so disgusted—the last thing I wanted to be was connected to Sonny Corinthos, the biggest crime boss on the Eastern Seaboard. You don't know this guy or how he's gonna react to you so it makes sense that you're feeling some fear. I don't blame you one bit but you came this far because you wanted to know him. This is your chance."

"It is. I know it is. And I don't intend to back away from it. I don't know why I'm so scared, though. I faced a known criminal across a desk in his own territory and I wasn't this scared. I don't get it."

"You're afraid he'll reject you, I'm thinking."

"I think you nailed it. Deep down, I'm afraid that he already knows about me and doesn't care. Or that he didn't know but he won't want to be bothered. If it's either of those scenarios, I don't know what I'll do, Dante, I really don't."

"You'll handle it, Angel. It'll hurt like hell and even leave an emotional scar. You're strong, though, and I know you'll handle it. I'll be here to help you—don't forget that. He might be glad to meet you, as well. Don't anticipate or jump ahead of things. Let's find him and talk to him first. Go from there."

Val finished the last of her drink and rose from the table with an audible sigh. "Let's go, then." Dante took a quick, regretful glance around the restaurant before wondering, "Aren't you hungry? Don't you want to get something to eat first?" Her eyes widening, Val rapidly shook her head and asserted, "No way. I'm too keyed up to eat right now. If I'm gonna do this, I need to go now, get it over with. Unless you want something?" His dreams of a hearty lunch dwindling, he answered, "No, we can go now. I won't die of starvation—we can always eat later." The dryness of his tone thoroughly went over Val's head as she agreed with him and began walking toward the exit.

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Valerie's heart felt as though it would jump out of her chest. She and Dante were standing outside one of the classrooms on the tenth floor of Anderson Hall at Temple University. Val knew that destiny was waiting for her on the other side of the door, if she could only convince herself to walk through it. "I feel sick," she abruptly said, pressing her hand against her stomach and giving Dante a look that was edging near panic. "Do you want me to go in with you?" "Yes. No. No. I'll go alone. I can do this." Plastering a falsely bright smile on her face, she turned with determination and reached for the door handle. She paused to take a deep breath and he reached out and gently rubbed her back, telling her, "Yeah, you can do this. I'll be waiting out here for you, no matter how long it takes, ok?" "Ok."

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She measured her breaths—in, out, in, out—and slowly made her way down to the front of the lectern. At the podium appearing utterly preoccupied by whatever he was reading was an older version of the man in her mother's pictures. Her heart was hammering madly and she could feel perspiration breaking out on her body but she forced herself to keep moving forward. She was almost upon the stage when the man finally looked up, realizing he was no longer alone. He gave her a distracted smile, saying in a smooth, modulated tone, "Oh, hello there. I didn't hear you come in. May I help you?"

"I—I"

"Yes?"

"I—was wondering if I could get some information about auditing one of your classes," she finally blurted out, mentally kicking herself for her cowardice.

"Ah. I can help you with that. In which class were you interested? There is a bit of paperwork involved and you'll need the dean to sign off on it, but I'm sure that won't be an issue…" He broke off and frowned when he saw her slowly back away from him. Feeling as though she were in the middle of a full-blown panic attack, she gasped out, "I'm sorry. Sorry to have wasted your time. I shouldn't have come here." As she turned to run out of the room, he called after her, "It's really not a problem. If you change your mind, come back." He frowned even further over the strange encounter with the young woman and then shook his head as he resumed his work.

Flying out of the room as if the hounds of Hell were pursuing her, Val slammed herself against the wall outside the lecture hall, trying desperately to catch her breath. Dante rushed over to her with a look of concerned alarm, asking, "Whoa, Val, what's wrong? What happened in there? What did he say?" "I couldn't do it, Dante. I froze. What's wrong with me? This is crazy! I made up some stupid lie and ran away like a coward! I feel like such an idiot-"

"Stop. Listen to me. Whatever you decide to do, I'm here for you. I'm here with you. If you want to drop it and leave, we'll do that. You've obviously got a lot riding on this, baby, maybe more than you realized. You're not a coward. That's the last thing you are. I KNOW you can do this—I have ultimate faith in you. I need you to have that same faith. You're not afraid to go through a door, Val. You already went through this one. Take a deep breath, calm down, and tell me what you want to do. I won't mock you, I won't hold it against you—this is your show. Your FATHER is on the other side of that door. Don't you want to know him? Don't you want him to know you? This is your shot, Angel. Tell me what you want to do."

Tears formed in her eyes as she returned his focused stare. "I've never been this scared in my life, Dante. I don't know why I can't stop shaking. But I also know that I can't walk away. I didn't let fear stop me with Joey Robbs—I can't let it stop me here. It means too much. I've just got to find the key to getting out of my own way."

"Try this: 'The anticipation of death is worse than death itself.'"

"Meaning?" "Meaning that no matter how bad you think it is, you're most likely over exaggerating the situation. Meaning that you'll most likely look back at this very moment and realize there wasn't a reason to be so scared. Whatever it is, whatever happens, you won't be facing it alone. Know that. Take strength from that."

Val listened to Dante's words and the conviction behind them. Straightening her spine, she took another deep breath and confirmed, "You'll be here?" "I'm not moving an inch." "Ok. I'm going back in. No matter what he says or does, I know I can face it if you're here waiting for me." He leaned forward and gently kissed away the single tear that was sliding down her cheek before pulling her into his arms for a hug. "You can do this. And no matter what happens next, you're still Valerie Spencer, the woman I love. Nobody's taking that from you, ok?" "Ok. Here goes nothing."

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"Ah. You've come back, I see. Have you changed your mind about auditing one of my classes, after all?"

"No I haven't. I'm sorry about my behavior earlier. I'm also sorry for lying to you."

"Lying to me? About?"

"I didn't come here to talk to you about auditing a class."

"Indeed. Then what, may I ask, brought you here?"

"These did." Val reached into her purse and pulled out the pictures she had been carrying and placed them on the podium. Holding her breath, she waited for his reaction. His eyes widened as he gazed at the pictures and he softly uttered, "Ohh, my" unknowingly. "Patty P," he whispered, gently smoothing his finger over Patricia's image. Virgil looked at Val in astonishment, querying, "This is a blast from the past. How did you happen to come by these pictures?"

"They were my mother's. I recently found them among her things after she passed away. Patricia—she's my mom."

"Passed away? Oh, no," he said, his head briefly dropping, his eyes tightly closing. He added, "I can't tell you how sorry I am to hear that. For a time, she and I—but you said she was your mother? If you don't mind an indelicate question, when were you born? How old are you?"

"In 1987—September. I'm twenty-eight."

"Yes, yes. That fits. That fits our time frame exactly. And if Patricia is your mother, most likely, I'm your father. Wow. I—wow. I speak words for a living and yet I'm speechless. I don't even know your name."

"I'm sorry—my mind is a mess today! I'm Valerie. Valerie Spencer." At the last minute Val remembered to extend her hand toward him.

"Spencer, of course. I'm honored to meet you, Valerie Spencer. I'm Virgil Mc Collum. How thoroughly surreal this is, to be introduced to my own child as though she were a stranger!"

I'm not here to make any claims or demands on you, Professor. I just-" her voice trailed to a stop.

"No, of course not, though any claims or demands you could make I would rightfully answer. I'm amazed that of all the scenarios I've dreamed up over the years involving your mother, this one never occurred to me. I'm assuming that would be because she never told me about you." Virgil suddenly stared into Val's face, as if searching for something. "I see her in you. My Patty P. And perhaps, a bit of myself, as well. This is incredible."

"She never told you about me?"

"No, I'm afraid not, but I understand why she withheld that truth from me. She knew knowing would change the course of my life, and that wasn't her aim or intention. She was protecting me until the very end, it seems. So like her. You must be full of questions, as am I."

"I am, but I don't want to infringe on your time. I'm not sure how I expected this conversation to go, honestly. I wanted to know you. I wanted to know if you knew about me. I don't want to disrupt your life, though-"

"If you have the time, let's do this—there's a Starbucks in the Tech Center not far from here. We can sit down, enjoy some coffee and talk. Is that agreeable to you?"

"I would love that," she smilingly replied. With a nod of assent, Virgil began leading the way out of the lecture hall.

When he heard the door opening after what had seemed like forever, Dante rose from the bench outside the room with the idea of offering whatever support Val needed. He relaxed after seeing the two emerge with smiles on their faces and he walked toward them feeling a profound sense of relief. Val turned to Virgil and sheepishly told him, "I forgot to tell you that I didn't come alone."

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Virgil waited with a polite smile for Val to make the introductions. "Dante, this is Professor Virgil Mc Cullom. Virgil, this is Dante Falconeri, my—oh-" suddenly taken off guard, Val looked around in puzzlement for the right description, her gaze finally landing on Dante for assistance. "'Boyfriend' works, I guess, though it seems like such an inadequate way to describe who I am to her," he told Virgil, adding, "I'd more accurately say I'm her man—that would about cover it." "Titles can be unimportant sometimes, can't they? It took me years to finally understand that. You make one another happy; I can see that and that's what matters. It appears that I'm Val's father, though we've had no official tests of any kind. I'm basing my conviction on my knowledge of Patty P's character. At the moment, Val and I were heading over to Starbucks. Would you care to join us?"

"I don't have a problem with coming along, but wouldn't you feel more comfortable talking one on one? I don't want to interfere with you two getting to know each other…" The protest was out of Val's mouth before Virgil could answer and she replied, "I want you to be there, Dante. I did the hard part alone—I approached him. I want you there for the rest, ok?"

"So it's settled, then?" Virgil asked, going on, "Shall we?" He led them out of the building and guided them to the Tech Center.

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"The night I met Patty P, I was on the run," Virgil began, chuckling faintly at the memory. Val and Dante exchanged a brief glance before she wondered, "On the run? Really? From who, the police?"

"No, nothing like that. On that night, I was listening to a fiancée I hadn't officially asked to marry me and her mother discussing tuxedos and place settings; flowers, cake flavors—the venue for the wedding itself. Sitting there with them, I experienced a moment of sheer terror. I was uncertain. 'Was I doing the right thing by going forward with a marriage I wasn't sure I wanted, solely to further my career?' Lydia's father was a dean at Temple University so marrying her, thereby making him a part of my family, would be a boost to my career. I was torn but that night in particular, I longed for an escape. I made some excuse and took to the hills. Somehow, I ended up on Broad Street at the Clef Club.

The place was packed—mostly African American patrons, though there were other nationalities sprinkled in here and there. I mention that because sitting at the bar with her back to me was a woman wearing a red dress, her blond hair cascading down her back. The bartender, whose name I later learned was Smokey, was saying something to her that she found humorous and she was laughing and shaking her head at him. I was a new face in the crowd so when he glanced up and made eye contact with me, something about how he was looking made her turn around. It may have been the way I was standing in the doorway, hesitant and unsure, that caused her to smile that smile at me or to gesture for me to come in. The crowd was lively, the music was loud and she was smiling that smile at me. It all made for the perfect distraction and I badly wanted to be distracted, so I went in." Virgil paused in the middle of reminiscing to take another sip of his coffee before going on, "Ah, Val, your mother was—VIBRANT, that's the best way to describe her. I was immediately drawn to the light I could see in her. She was making everyone sitting at the bar laugh with her witticisms and quips and as she talked and laughed with them, she continued to include me, the bewildered stranger, in the conversation. I was grateful, so I bought her a drink. And that's where we started."

"For some reason when I saw the pictures my mom had, I was surprised by how much younger you were than her. You seem like such an unlikely match…" murmured Val into the sudden silence.

"We were, in many ways. What brought us and held us together was the music. That night at the club was what I suppose you might call 'Retro Night'. The jazz being played wasn't the popular music of the day but instead was from the 1950s and 60s. John Coltrane, Thelonious Monk, Miles Davis. Sultry, sensuous, smooth music. When the crowd began thinning out, we were finally able to sit at a table. We talked together about what it would have been like to have been able to hear those artists live and to have been a part of that scene. One place Patty P said she wished she could have gone to was Pep's Musical Bar to hear the great ones play. She was young when she left home and arrived in Philadelphia but by then, Pep's had closed down. She always regretted that, she said. One night a week at the Clef, however, could be counted on to take a break from the jazz of the day and revisit the jazz of old. That became our night each week—our night at 'Pep's'."

"We were wondering why this picture in particular said 'Prince Valiant and I at Pep's' but I guess that explains it," Dante said with a smile.

"We were a way of escape for one another back then. In retrospect, I realize that I should have just ended things with Lydia but I was young and unwise then. Somewhere in the back of my mind I wondered if I could have a future with a woman who was seventeen years my senior and not of my race. I allowed fear and ambition to keep me from taking that chance."

Unable to stop herself, Val reached out and rubbed her father's arm in sympathy, a gesture he accepted with a grateful smile. "Things would've really been different if you'd have taken that leap but we'll never know for sure if they would have been better. I would have loved knowing you while I was growing up, though, and having you be a part of my life. I wonder why she didn't tell you about me—why did she keep us apart the way she did?"

"Because she knew of my ambition, my plans, and she didn't want to get in the way of that. She knew when we met that I was engaged to Lydia. My plan was to become a tenured English professor by the time I was forty. Having a dean in the English department who just happened to be my father-in-law would go a long way in helping me achieve my goal. Shamefully, I can't say it was because of some great love I had for Lydia that spurred me on. I cared for her in my own way and I believe I may someday have even come to care for her in the manner she deserved. Until I met your mother. Lydia was the key to my future but Patty P was the key to my heart. I didn't understand this until after I had gotten married, though, and I felt it would be unfair to undo the marriage and seek out your mother again. Our separation was painful enough; I didn't want to cause any more damage to her heart."

"Was it worth it? Giving up the chance on a life with my mom just to become a professor?"

"I can hear in your voice that you don't believe it should have been and you're partially correct. In some ways it has been. I achieved my goal of tenure. No matter what else, for my own parents' sake, I'm glad I was able to keep a childhood promise to them. I became a successful professor. As to the rest of it… Lydia and I shouldn't have married. In our own ways, we were both attempting to curry favor from her father. Our marriage pleased him. Eventually we discovered that we had nothing in common beyond the superficial. Perhaps having children of our own would have made a difference but they never came. Though the issue wasn't with me, she began to resent that our family wasn't expanding the way the families of the women in her circle were expanding. That seems to have driven a permanent wedge between us. She has her committees and charities where she can casually mention her husband the professor. I have my work at Temple and every so often, Retro Night at the Clef where I go and remember being Patty P's Prince Valiant, memories that often serve to soothe a troubled heart."

"Why did she call you 'Prince Valiant' though? Dante and I were thinking that might be where I got my name from. 'Valerie' is close to 'Valiant'."

"Did your mother tell you much about her childhood?"

"I know it wasn't the best but she didn't tell me a lot, no."

"Her family life was chaotic. Her father was a raging alcoholic, an abusive bully. Most of her memories of her home life were negative. She found that she was able to escape through the written word, though, something else we had in common. Something about Prince Valiant, this upright knight who fought for justice and loved his family passionately resonated with her. She used to say sometimes that she wondered if that comic hadn't saved her. He was her weekly escape from the miseries of home until she finally ran after her parents were killed. Did you know about that—the way she lost her parents?"

"I found out about it, yes. Horrible."

"Yes it was horrible and a scar that remained for a long time in her heart. She longed for her own Prince Valiant, someone who would love and protect her. For a brief time, I was that knight. I wasn't mature enough or unselfish enough to maintain it, though, and I let her slip away. Was it for the best? I'll never truly know. And now you tell me she's gone from this world. I am a fool." Virgil sighed a deep sigh of regret before asking, "Are you positive that you want to get to know this fool who is your father?"

Spontaneously, Val reached out for his and Dante's hands at the same time, linking them together as they sat at the table. With a somewhat teary smile she told him, "Dante and I wouldn't have gone through what we did to find you if I didn't want to know you. We can't change what happened in the past but we can decide what happens going forward. I know you have to talk to your wife about some things and figure out how this news will affect your marriage but if you're willing to have me as a daughter, I want very much to get to know my father. Even if he does think he's a fool." Gripping her hand tightly, Virgil included Dante in the nod he gave his daughter, saying, "So be it, then. So be it. Our combined futures start today."

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