A/N: Hello, girls, I have lots of things to say and can remember none of them. First off, I'll apologize for . . . well, to be frank, the half-assness of this chapter. Not the writing itself, which I'm happy with, but the fact that it hasn't been proofread. I'm just too tired and I won't have the time tomorrow. I really hope you enjoy it anyway, and I'll try to go back and proof it later.

Happy Thanksgiving to y'all! Also, to my Muslims, Mabrook Eid! Friday is the Muslim holiday in which we sacrifice a sheep to commemorate when the Prophet Abraham was told to sacrifice his son for God, but because of his willingness to do it, was sent a sheep to sacrifice instead. Don't worry, it's done very humanely - that's a huge part of it.

Anyway, a happy holidays to you all and I'll see you soon. I'm going to bed.

Ah, so much to say and none of it said. Love you, girls. Thoughts are always appreciated.

Disclaimer: I don't own. Bah. Even my disclaimer's half-ass. Also, sorry reviewers if your replies were short or error-filled. I'm really out of it.


So. Fucking. Soft.


i got a roof over my head
the woman i love laying in my bed
and it's alright

- darius rucker, alright

-

I don't remember ever sleeping like that. So deep and dreamless and perfect. The past few months, my sleep was light and unpredictable and riddled with nightmares. But this sleep . . . I don't remember anything about it, that's how good it was.

Maybe never having been so happy in my entire fucking life had something to do with it. I knew bad shit was coming, but it wasn't coming tonight and tonight I was naked in bed with my wife and she was curled up against me and it was all right.

I knew exactly when I started to come up out of it too. I felt a . . . loss. Nothing devastating, just like something that was supposed to be there wasn't. It didn't jerk me awake, but it made me . . . aware. Just a little, because I definitely hadn't been before.

I realized I suddenly wasn't perfectly comfortable anymore, and kicked the covers off. What the hell was I doing with covers anyway? They were hot.

Then I felt a touch, soft and perfect, sliding down my back. It felt really good, until I felt go down further, over my ass. Which fucking tickled.

I moved again to get away from it and managed to float off again for a little bit more, but it wasn't that good sleep like before. Shit. I fought with it for awhile - I wasn't ready to give that rest up - it was damn good. But eventually, I couldn't fight with it anymore.

I rolled over onto my back and opened my eyes. I blinked, looking around my room - why the hell was I in my room? Then my stomach rumbled and I smelled food - good food - and heard . . . a heartbeat. A little faster than normal, the sound I knew better than any sound in the world.

And it all came crashing back.

I was fucking married.

Last night came rushing back, in detail, and I wanted Nessie so bad then I could taste it. Just to see her, at least, and know it was all real. I definitely wasn't sleepy anymore.

But I was naked and that probably wasn't appropriate just yet. I rolled out of bed and yanked my nearest drawer open, grabbing the first pair of shorts I could find and snatching them on. Werewolf skills apparently weren't much help when you got your feet tangled in blankets and I about tripped before I steadied myself. I threw the covers back onto the bed - why the hell were they on the floor anyway? - when something caught my eye.

My heart immediately jammed in my throat as I bent over to check it out. And sure enough - fuck. In the very middle of the sheets, right where Nessie laid last night, there was a dark red stain. Blood.

I gripped my fingers into my hair and had to hold myself back from kicking the bedframe. What the fuck, Jake? How the hell had I made her bleed without knowing it? Had she been hiding her pain from me?

No, I couldn't believe it. I had known, down in my bones, that Nessie was okay. I wouldn't have kept on if I hadn't. God.

I felt the anger and self-hate rise up in me and took a second to try and deal with it logically.

It had hurt - at first, right? That was, like a part of it. I wasn't an expert, but I knew something had to . . . pretty much like break. And I had felt it - or I thought I had - that part that hurt Nessie the worst. When her body had given around me. So . . . that could have been it.

Nessie was up now - and cooking, by the smell of it. So she was okay, right? No need to freak out now if Nessie was fine. Maybe . . . maybe this was normal.

I took a couple of deep breaths, pushing the horrible thoughts back, and went to go find my girl. My wife.

I froze at the doorway. Because I had a clear shot of Nessie in the kitchen, over the stove. She was cooking but that was about all I made out besides her - looking happy and content and not horribly injured. Completely mine.

I leaned against the door, crossed my arms, and just watched her for a few seconds, but she didn't notice me. It was like she was in her own little world. I waited until I couldn't anymore, and cleared my throat.

Nessie's eyes shot to mine like a bullet. Then they softened in that beautiful way they did and she skated her eyes over me. I liked the way her eyes changed. See - she was fine. Thank God.

"Morning," I finally said when Nessie didn't say anything, walking towards her since I couldn't be this far away for one more second. I walked up to where Nessie was at the stove and pressed my body gently against hers, wrapping her in my arms and finally understanding why the perfect sleep had faded. "Have you been up long?"

"Only about half an hour." That made perfect sense then. Nessie twisted a little in my arms and tilted her face up towards mine. I knew what that meant. "Did you sleep well?"

"Like a baby." I leaned down and kissed Nessie, nice and soft, since I knew now was definitely the time to be soft. "I was about to ask you the same thing."

I was a little sad that Nessie couldn't have possible have slept any better than I had. It just didn't seem possible.

"I always sleep good with you."

And here come the pink cheeks. Beautiful. Last night, she'd been naked under me and she was blushing about sleeping together in the literal sense.

Nessie flipped a piece of bread and I noticed she was cooking french toast. Score. I hadn't eaten Nessie's food in so long.

"That smells so good." My stomach agreed with me and Nessie laughed, the best sound. "Is it almost done?"

After last night, she couldn't blame me for being hungry. She should be too.

"Sure is." Thank God. Any longer and I'd have to start picking at the pan and Nessie never liked it when I did that. "You can grab the eggs and hash-browns out of the microwave and set them on the table and get down the syrup. It's on the very top shelf of the last cabinet, so I was waiting for you."

I groaned out loud. I couldn't help it. It was either that or do a little dance around the kitchen and I was too hungry for that, and besides, I didn't want Nessie thinking I was insane just yet.

Not only was there french toast, which I would have been completely cool with - but there was eggs and hash-browns too. Hash browns. God, Nessie knew me so good - and I was starving.

Good thing she'd told me where the syrup was too, because I'd had no clue. I'd better get that first, because once I got my hands on that food . . .

I smiled as I left Nessie's soft body to do what she told me - she was too small to reach the top shelf. I decided to mess with her.

"I know your angle, Nessie. I see where you're working from." I took a second to just rake my eyes over her in my clothes again before I could take the extra step back to the cabinet. Maybe it was just because I knew it was there now, but I was pretty sure I could see the dark green panties Nessie had on under my shirt. "I know the only reason you married me is because I can reach the tall stuff."

Nessie laughed, looking over her shoulder at me as I grabbed the syrup. Now for the food - which I wasted no time grabbing from the microwave and carrying to the table.

"You caught me, Jake," Nessie teased back as I sat down and grabbed a fingerful of hashbrowns. They were as good as they smelled. "I do still hope you'll be my ladder, though."

"You can climb me anyday, Ness," I said before I could bring it back.

Was that too much? Nessie didn't say anything, so I just put my head down and kept eating. I was hungry.

"Okay, what do you want to drink?" Ness asked from the fridge. "You have - "

"We."

Not me, Ness. Nothing is just me anymore - it never was. Not since you.

"Hmm?" Nessie looked back at me, not even really paying attention. She hadn't realized what she'd said.

"You said 'you have', but it's we." Everything I am and have is yours. "This is our house, Nessie."

Nessie's face flushed pink, but I could tell from her eyes she wasn't shy. She was . . . happy? Did making my house hers too make her happy?

"Okay, well, we have," Nessie corrected, shooting me the most gorgeous smile. "Coke, water, orange juice - "

"Is there tea?" I could do with some of Nessie's tea right about now.

"No." I saw Nessie's face drop, disappointed with herself. Damn. I shouldn't have asked. She'd have got to it if there was. "But I can make some, it'll only take a minute - "

"Na-uh, I was just asking." You already made breakfast, honey. Which is great, by the way. "Is there milk?"

"There is milk."

I watched as Nessie grabbed the gallon from the fridge and turned to walk back to the sink. But she didn't walk. She . . . limped, skipping lightly part of the way, wincing. And I realized this was the first time I'd seen Nessie walk this morning.

My heart was back in my throat. What the fuck had I done? And why hadn't she told me?

"Nessie." I heard the Alpha in my voice. "Why are you walking like that?"

And don't you lie to me.

"Like what?"

Wrong answer.

I sat up, the food forgotten. I wouldn't let Nessie trick her way out of this for my benefit.

"Nessie," I said firmly, watching her, making sure she knew I wasn't bullshitting. "Walk to me."

Nessie just stood there for a few seconds, like she wasn't sure what she wanted to do. Then she stepped towards me, and I could tell by the tight way she held her face that she was holding back. Holding back pain.

She walked almost normally, but very lightly, never resting her weight on one foot for long. When she was finally in front of me, I wrapped my arm around her tiny waist and pulled her gently into my lap.

I watched in horror as Nessie's face screwed up and she let out a little mewl of pain.

What in the fuck had I done to her? She couldn't walk - she couldn't sit. How - how had I not - ? How could I have . . . ?

"How bad did I hurt you, Nessie?"

Nessie was quick to lean in closer, rub her soft hand across my chest, but it didn't do anything for my disgust.

"You didn't hurt me, Jacob." Why are you still lying to me, baby? "I'm fine, it's normal - I swear it is." Your are not fine, not if you can't sit down without crying out. "I think it should be gone by today even, if I just take it easy. A hot shower and I should be fine."

I wanted to let that make me feel better, but I knew that wasn't how it worked. Nessie was hurt, and I . . . I had hurt her. All because of my lust, my need to have her - she couldn't walk, and she was comforting me?

If she was in that much pain, something had to be wrong - Nessie had never been injured before. And I had . . . she needed to be seen to. I had no idea what kind of damage I had done.

"I'm taking you to Carlisle."

And I'll let Edward fucking skin me alive because I deserve it - I'd been all up on a high-horse way back when at the idea of Bella sleeping with that bloodsucker, carrying on about how he could hurt her . . . but he hadn't. I had. I had hurt my Nessie and she was a lot less fragile than some human - and I hadn't even considered it. Not past the normal pain. I hadn't considered . . . injuring her.

Nessie's jaw actually gaped a little. What, was she surprised? Was I supposed to just tell her to deal with it?

"No, you're not, Jacob." She sounded serious, her pretty eyes focused hard on mine. "We were married yesterday, and that means I'm grown up, okay? Of course I would let you take me to Grandpa if something was wrong, but nothing is."

Nothing? Nothing is?

"You can't walk, Nessie!" Like an idiot, my body shook when I threw my hands out, jostling Nessie too. They jumped back to steady her, so I wouldn't hurt her any worse. "I hurt you so bad you can't walk!"

"I can walk, Jacob. I'm just sore." So sore you're fucking limping. "Last night was amazing." I thought so too, but . . . "Even - even now, I can't wait to do it again." Seriously? Still? "It's hard even for normal human girls, and like you said last night, my skin resists change. I wouldn't lie to you, Jake."

I let those words sink in. I wouldn't lie to you, Jake. I never thought Nessie would, but I also was pretty sure Nessie would say whatever to save me from my own guilt - she was just that sweet.

Was it possible that she was just sore? That this was somehow normal? Something that was supposed to happen? I didn't want to think Nessie would lie to me, even for this.

"You swear this is normal?" I checked, and Nessie bobbed her head up and down quickly. "If - if I find out you're lying, Nessie, or downplaying it because of me, I'm - "

"I wouldn't do that, Jacob." I believed her. But I wasn't sure if that was just because I wanted to. "Even though the thought would probably cross my mind because I don't want you to worry like you do. I would never do that."

Okay, so I believed her now. I couldn't not, when she looked me in the eye and said it like that. But . . . it still didn't make sense. I still had a pit of self-loathing balled in my stomach.

"You say you just need a shower?" I knew the perks of a good shower after a long patrol, but this was worlds different. "And to relax a little and you'll be fine?"

"Some food wouldn't hurt either," Nessie said, like she was trying to joke. I still felt like shit, but I smiled a little anyway, because I knew Nessie wanted me to. "You're not the only person who worked up an appetite last night."

My smile should have been more real at that - Nessie talking about last night happily - but . . . I couldn't. All I could think about was what my pleasure had cost her. I remembered what I saw on the bed.

"There's blood on the sheets."

I wasn't sure why I said it, but I did.

"That's - that's normal too, Jacob." I had talked myself into thinking that, but . . . "Without getting too - too technical on you, that's . . . that's kind of something that has to happen."

That made me feel the littlest bit better. I still felt like I should have been able to prevent it somehow. I should've sucked up my fucking pride and asked Carlisle. God.

But there was nothing I could do about that now. What was done was done and Nessie wasn't dwelling on it, perfect, sweet amazing woman that she was. She just needed to relax, which I would make sure she did, and a hot shower, which I would make sure she got.

But first - food. My Nessie was hungry.

"I'll finish fixing breakfast," I told her. "You sit."

"Seriously, I'm fine, Jacob." I ignored her, standing up and setting Nessie as gently as I could back down. She still winced a little, and I felt her pain like it was mine. "I can finish putting the stuff on the table."

"I believe you about this sucky girly crap being somewhat normal, Ness," I admitted, grabbing what all Nessie hadn't put on the table yet. "But if you think I'm letting you do any damn thing while you're hurting, you've got another thing coming."

Nessie just gave me that 'Jake's an idiot, but I still love him' look that I liked. At least she wasn't angry. I got all the stuff and pulled up a chair right up next to Nessie's. I poured her milk for her, and she rolled her eyes, but she would get over it.

Nessie didn't eat, but just pushed our plate towards me. She wanted me to try it, which I had no problem with. I had to pour syrup over everything first, because that was how you ate french toast, but then I was ready to take a monster bite.

It was impossibly better than I remembered. My Mom used to always carry on about putting love in her cooking and that being what made it taste so good. Maybe that was what Nessie did, because even when she was first learning and I had to gulp down plate after plate of burnt eggs, it still tasted better than most. It must've been the love.

"Damn, Nessie." I took another bite. It had been months since I'd had Nessie's food. "I missed you cooking for me."

"I was going to make pancakes," Nessie said as I stuffed the rest of the toast into my mouth. "Since they're your favoritem but there wasn't enough flour."

"Anything you make is my favorite." Even that pile of coconut and cottage cheese with the green gumball in it that you made for me when you were four. "Especially if it taste slike this."

Nessie wasn't eating, so I nodded her towards the plate and she picked up her fork. Fancy. I saw absolutely no reason to use a fork when I could get the food into my mouth just as well with my hands.

"I'm glad you like it." Her grin made me feel that much less horrible about myself - at least my Nessie seemed happy. "I'd be a pretty bad wife if I made my husband eat pizza and chinese for the rest of his life."

That simple sentence knocked all the horribleness out of my head. Her husband. Nessie, my wife, cooked breakfast for her husband this morning.

"My wife cooked me breakfast," I said, grinning, to just try it out. I liked the way it tasted in my mouth.

"It was the least I could do." Then I felt Nessie's foot, tiny and soft, reach out to rest on top of mine. "My husband cooked me supper last night."

I smiled even more and moved my foot under Nessie's so I could feel our skin brush. I watched Nessie take a small bite and look like she was pleased with herself. I ate quick since I was a wolf and hungry as hell, and Nessie ate too. We didn't talk much and soon we were done.

Since I had eaten twice as much as Nessie, I left a little of everything for her, but she swore she was full. Blacks didn't waste food, so I finished it off, along with the rest of Nessie's milk.

I put the jug back in the fridge and the dishes in the sink - they could be washed later. Last I heard, my Nessie wanted a shower. Now that we were married, I could take care of Nessie on every level, and I would. I had done the damage and now I would see the comfort through.

I walked back to where Nessie was sitting and reached down to twirl my fingers around a curl.

"You said you wanted a shower?"

"A hot one." I almost wanted to smile, before I remembered the reason she needed it in the first place. "Long too."

Nessie smiled then though, and I felt a little bit better.

"All right." I could tell Nessie was confused when I kneeled in front of her, but she couldn't think I was gonna let her walk? I wrapped one arm around the small of Nessie's back and the other around her thighs and lifted her as smoothly as I could. She didn't wince. "To the shower it is."

I walked slowly, so I wouldn't jolt Nessie at all, turning sideways so we could fit through the door. I set her down gently in front of the tub. I went ahead and turned on the water since our pipes were old as hell, telling Nessie, "It takes a minute to heat up."

Then I walked the two steps to the door and shut it.

I realized the second I did it what I had done. Made it clear that I intended to stay. But . . . I was Nessie's husband and she was my wife, I had already seen nearly every part of her. I knew that now in a brightly lit bathroom was different from last night in a bed in the dark, but I still didn't want to leave.

I wanted to see it through that my girl was alright.

I walked back to Nessie slowly and tilted her face up towards mine. She was so beautiful, I had to kiss her. It had been entirely too long since I had. Nearly an hour.

Nessie accepted my kisses, her lips molding against mine like always, but I could feel the stiffness in her body, the nerves.

"Are you - " She took my lips again when I brought them back against hers. "Aer you going to stay with me?"

There it was.

"If you want me to." I rubbed her shoulder soothingly, and prayed that she wanted. "I - I'll leave if you want, but . . . I was just wanting to take care of you a little more."

Nessie didn't say anything, letting me kiss her again but staying silent. I finally pulled back, keeping our lips brushing.

"Am I staying, Ness?"

"Mmm." Yes. Nessie's arms lifted to wrap around my shoulders, but she gave a small hiss and stiffened amd my gut twisted. "You're always staying, Jacob."

Always. Good, because I never wanted to leave.

I caught Nessie's arms and brought them back down to her sides, not wanting her to hurt herself. Kissing Nessie was always amazing, but standing wasn't the easiest way for us, especially when Nessie couldn't grip my neck for support. I was just too damn tall, so I sat down on the closet toilet so it would be easier. Even like this, we were the same height.

I wrapped my hands firmly but gently around Nessie's waist and lifted her, setting her between my legs so she wasn't jostled at all.

Then I kissed my wife. Slow and soft, reaching up to the top button of Nessie's shirt. I felt like I should move slower, but we were in the bathroom and the shower was already running. I could feel the steam coming off of it now, even though it wasn't hot to me. There was only one thing that was anymore, but I wouldn't think about that now.

Soon, Nessie's shirt was completely open. I ran my hand down her collarbone and over her breasts, biting back a groan when I realized she had no bra. I kept going, down to Nessie's stomach and she shivered, making me smile a little into our kiss. I was just beginning to smell her.

I knew about the panties before I felt them, having seen them this morning, and I hooked my thumbs on each side like before and tugged them down. I made sure I was gentle since Nessie was probably . . . tender.

She parted her legs the smallest bit so I could slide them down. When I couldn't reach anymore, I just let them go instead of having to let go of Nessie's lips. Nessie shifted a little, stepping out of them and I slipped my tongue into her sweet mouth as I pushed my shirt gently from her shoulders.

Then Nessie was naked in front of me, and I wanted to look so bad. I wanted to see her in the bright light of the bathroom, every curve and angle of her, but I knew Nessie needed a second.

There was one thing I couldn't resist though - something I hadn't gotten the chance to do last night. I ran my palm flat down Nessie's back, and then finally, over her ass.

So. Fucking. Soft.

Nessie shivered hard against me and I knew I had to let go now or I wouldn't. And now was not the time for things to get out of hand like that. I pulled back from Nessie's lips, and the quiet sound our lips made when they separated was hot as hell.

"I think the water should be hot now," I said quietly, my eyes locked on Nessie's, and she nodded.

When I moved to stand up, Nessie stepped back on her own, wincing. Like a total tool, this didn't fuck with me as much as it should have because . . . I could see her now. Every inch of her, naked before me.

Nessie's arm twitched up like she wanted to cover herself, but she tried to act like she was scratching her shoulder. I knew it was probably just her instinct reaction, but I still didn't like it. I wanted Nessie's instinct to be not to shy away from me at all.

I reached down and took her wrists in my hands, bringing them back down to her sides. Opening her for me.

Unable to stop myself, I reached down and took one of her soft breasts in my hand, massaging it gently and watching it as I did. I saw, from the corner of my eye, Nessie was watching too. Did she like the sight as much as I did?

I don't know if it was the sight or the touch, but her scent was definitely saying that she liked it.

After a few seconds though, I slid my hand back up Nessie's neck and dipped down to kiss her.

"Let's get you in the shower, Ness," I told her, then I swept her up in my arms again.

But now Nessie was naked, and this was different. Her body laid out before me in my arms, her soft ass brushing my forearm. I had to force myself to set her down into the shower.

I felt a little self-conscious too as I stepped back to slide my shorts down, especially when I had to pull them over the tent I was pitching. Not even mentioning the way Nessie's eyes raked over my body, but I kinda liked that.

Nessie moved back into the water as I stepped in, pulling the stupid dolphin shower curtain that Rachel picked out for her "aquatic themed" bullshit shut. It felt more private. Me and Nessie, closed off from the world. I'd spent so many showers - in this very bathroom - imagining Nessie was here with me and now she finally was.

I watched Nessie's hair turn dark like I'd thought about a hundred times, some of the water running forward into her eyes, but she didn't shut them or take them off me.

I took a step closer but that was all I could go without pressing myself dead up against Nessie and that wouldn't be very comfortable for her now, especially in my body's current state. I pushed some of Nessie's curls back over her shoulders so they would get wet too.

She was so beautiful like this, my dream, my fantasy, brought to reality. I must have been a saint in a past life. Did Quileutes believe in past lives? Who the hell knew, but I'd live a thousand lives over if I knew I'd get Nessie again.

I had the sudden urge to tell her about it.


Coming up:

"Look at me, my Jacob." I was shocked by the . . . demand in her voice. The Alpha. "Open your eyes."

I obeyed, and then I was seeing her. Her hair and body soaking wet, her breasts pushed up between her arms. Her hands on my body. Her eyes locked on mine.

Then, still keeping our gazes locked, still keeping up her precious torture on my body, Nessie leaned forward and gave my nipple one slow lick. She pulled back a little, but not by much, and I felt the near-exploding feeling. The one that had nothing to do with the phase.

"I love you, baby."

I exploded.