Author's note: heeey everyone! Thanks for being patient and not killing us for being off on our schedule lately. But we worked hard and we got the next one up in a reasonable amount of time! Enjoy!
Hope Chapter 52- You Are Family
MACK'S POV
"Mack? Baby?" I heard the soft voice that I had been longing for in the distance. I flew around in an instant. My eyes searched the blurry room, trying to focus, trying to find her. Slowly, my vision focused onto a shape.
"Katie...?" I whispered, my voice filling with desperation and hope. The shape that my eyes had been trying to focus on moved closer to me. It started to morph into a different shape. A person? Katie?
"I'm right here, silly," she said, her tone happy. Her voice made my breath catch. It was her. A smile crept over my face, the longing inside of me growing. She was here. My Katie.
I stepped forward toward the blurry shape, my eyes squinting to try to see her beautiful face. I could feel the excitement and adrenaline pumping through my body.
"I miss you so much," I whispered to her, stepping so that I was just in front of her. But why couldn't I see her face? Why couldn't I see her?!
"But I'm right here, Mack. I'm always here watching you," she told me, her voice making all the angry, depressed, and broken thoughts disappear out of my mind.
I took a breath, smelling the sweet smell that she had always had. It had always reminded me of a flower shop; so floral. It drove me crazy. Anytime I couldn't smell it, I longed for it. It was my addiction.... Well it had been before; before all of the new addictions...
"I can't see you, though. I can't hear you or touch you. I miss being with you. I feel so...empty without you, baby," I said brokenly to her, reaching my hand up to touch her soft skin. But my fingers slipped through her, like she was a ghost or something.
My hand started to shake a bit with longing; my need for her was so immense. I tried again, but my hand did the same thing, going right through her.
My breath caught in my throat as I stared. Why couldn't I touch her?! She didn't even seem to notice, though. She just started to speak again.
"Honey... I know it's hard, but you're strong. I know you are. You are the strongest man I've ever met," she sang sweetly to me. She had always known the perfect words to say. She had always known exactly what I was feeling.I felt a faint smile on my face. Even though I couldn't touch her or see her clearly, all I needed were her words to keep me strong.
Even though she was wrong... I wasn't strong. I wasn't strong at all. I was so weak. I had to be stoned out of my mind just to not want to die. I had to turn to a violent, brutal gang for comfort. I hurt innocent people, just like Katie had been... I was so weak...
"Mack, baby, please. Listen to me. You are so strong. You can't give up on yourself like that. Be the man that I love, Mack. Don't give up," she pleaded with me softly.I ducked my head in shame. She was so sure of me all the time. She had so much more faith in me than I would ever have in myself. Even after I let those terrible things happen to her, she still thought I was so strong...
I froze in shock when I felt her fingers touch my chin, coaxing it up softly. Her touches were so light, like a feather brushing against my face. I lifted my head to her and felt the softest, sweetest kiss on my cheek. My whole body melted at the touch that I had missed so much. A tear trailed down my cheek.
"Katie," I whimpered as her lips left my cheek. But then I felt her wipe the tear away, sending electric shocks through my body.
"I love you, Mack. Don't forget who you really are. Be strong," she whispered softly into my ear. But I also knew what that sounded like; it was a goodbye. My hands flew forward in desperation, trying to grab her, but she was gone. She had vanished. My love was gone again. I was alone....forever.
I woke up, my heart feeling like it was breaking. I bolted upright on the couch. I was lying in one of the rooms in the gang's cabin.
I wiped my face quickly, trying to get rid of the stray tears that were covering my cheeks. My left hand stayed on my cheek. I could feel a small, hot part of it burning up where she had kissed me. My fingers tingled at the touch. Katie...
Greg had been right about those new drugs. I could hear her again. I heard her. Her voice was as perfect as before, still making my heart stop. But why couldn't I see her clearly? Or touch her? Why didn't it work?! Should I have taken more of the drugs that he got me?
I took a long sip of my beer, trying to shake off the pounding headache and lurching stomachache. I could feel my heart pounding in my chest. And even after I stopped touching my cheek, I could still feel her kiss burning on my face.
I slowly got up off of the couch, gripping the armrest tightly as I stumbled. I didn't know which was causing my instability more: the drugs or the dream. I hadn't heard her in so long... I needed to hear her again. I needed to feel okay again.
I stumbled over to the table and grabbed the little baggy that held my new drugs. I popped one of the pills in my mouth and washed it down with the beer. Then I shook two more pills into my palm, needing more. I longed to be captivated by her smell again. It made the rest of this horrible world melt away. I needed her!
"Mack!" Greg shouted up the stairs before I could swallow the two pills. I sighed hopelessly, my anxiety already taking over me. I needed it now! My hands shook as I took a deep breath, putting the pills back onto the table. Then her words flew through my mind.
Don't forget who you really are. Be strong.
Her words from the dream... she wanted me to be strong. Would she want me to take these drugs...? She would be so disappointed... she thought I was so inhumanly strong.
My head ducked in shame as it always did. I had so much to be ashamed of....
I left the pills on the table, knowing I could come back to them in a few minutes if I was desperate. The room was spinning and I could feel the blood pumping in my ears as I made my way down the hall, leaning against the wall for support, finding my way to the basement stairs.
I was in a daze as I turned a chair around and plopped into it, next to Greg. I focused my blurring vision and tried to smile at Alice. Jasper was lucky... she was just as beautiful as my Katie. I saw Katie's face flash briefly when I looked at her, and then I heard Nick and Jasper growl at me.
The smile disappeared and I looked away from her. I didn't deserve to look at her. They were right to be angry... I had brought Alice here. I had led her here... it was all my fault that she was here. She had that mark on her face because of me. Because I had brought her here. If I had been stronger, I wouldn't have tricked her here, like Greg had told me to...
I breathed raggedly, a hot rush shooting through my body. The mark of Katie's kiss on my cheek was still burning, but now the heat of it was almost painful. I had tricked Alice here, just like those guys had tricked Katie and me into that alley. I was just like them.
I swallowed painfully. How could I ever be the person that Katie wanted me to be? I had turned into a monster... how could I ever be me again...?
JPOV
Leaving that basement was definitely harder than anything I had ever done in my life. How could I know for certain that she would be okay? She had already been hurt.... But what choice did I really have if I wanted to get her back?
Nick and I couldn't fight off the whole gang, even if we tried. They had guns and knives... all we had were our hands. And they had triple the amount of people, if not more, on their side.
They just barely had an advantage, though. After seeing Alice harmed earlier, looking so hurt and vulnerable, crying in my arms, I had almost lost it. Everything in me wanted to kill every single one of them. Especially Greg, because I knew that he was the one who had touched her.
But I had to be smart about this. I was fighting for her life. My heart suddenly stopped, frozen.
The thought of losing her poured over me, causing my knees to almost give out. My whole life would be over... everything would be over...
"Tick tock, Jasper," Greg taunted me, chuckling deviously. I realized that I was still in the cabin, just outside the basement door. I seemed to have frozen there. My body, unlike my reasonable mind, was unwilling to leave her here.
"Shut up Greg," Nick growled, touching my back to lead me out of the room. My hands clenched into fists as anger started to pump through me. He was doing all of this just because we left the stupid gang!?! Was that really what this was all about!?
Nick pushed me forward, trying to get me out before I lost it again.
"Jasper, don't risk it," Nick mumbled under his breath to me. I let him lead me out of the cabin and into the woods, knowing he was right. To save her, I had to leave her alone for just a while longer...
When we were far enough away, he let me go.
"Three hundred thousand dollars," Nick breathed, his voice a bit shaky.
I nodded in agreement. How could we ever get that much money? I had money saved up, but... not even close to that. Not even close enough to pay for just Alice's life.
"We could...steal some..." Nick suggested hesitantly, his eyes unsure.
I sighed deeply. I knew that Alice would be extremely upset if we did that. But it was for her life...
I knew that I would commit any crime I had to in order to save her, but that we needed to think this through first.
"Alice wouldn't like that very much..." I whispered, sitting down on a fallen tree, running my hands stressfully through my hair, "but I don't know how else we could get it...." I sighed, defeated.
Nick nodded, understanding, contemplating the situation.
I sat silent for a moment as Nick paced back and forth.
"We would have to go out of town. People would recognize us here, especially me, since my face is plastered on every sign post," Nick grumbled in annoyance, kicking some stray leaves.
I nodded and took that into consideration, trying to work out a plan. There must be some way to get it, but if it were easy, everyone would have thousands of dollars, I supposed.
"Maybe... we could call Spencer? He would give the money in a heartbeat if it had to do with Alice's safety," Nick suggested, shrugging a bit. He looked down at me questioningly.
I frowned and shook my head in refusal. "We can't do that. If we told him what was happening, he would probably lose it. He would most likely come here and do something risky and ruin everything, hurting himself and Alice. We can't tell him."
Nick nodded slowly, understanding. He knew that I was right about Spencer. Spencer would act too quickly, do something stupid, and then we'd all be screwed. We could not afford to risk anything.
"If we can think of nothing else, and it comes down to it, he'll be our last backup plan, I guess..." I whispered, trying to think.
Nick agreed with me, but said nothing for a long time. Then, he spoke.
"I really don't have anything to lose, though, Jasper, when you think about it.... I'm already wanted for murder and an escaped convict... what if I went alone and risked trying to steal the money from somewhere? Worse case scenario; I get caught and get sent back to jail. Best case scenario; we get the money."
"No," I said sharply. "No. You're not going back to jail and you're not risking your life. You were in jail once and it was slowly sucking the life out of you. Once was enough." I could tell that Nick understood by my tone that there would be no negotiation about it.
"Maybe I could borrow some from Carlisle..." I said in a quiet voice, not sure if it was a good idea. He had already done so much for me already, how could I ask for more...? But it was for Alice. It was more important than my pride. It was more important than anything.
"I think that's our first good idea. You go there and see how much you can get and then I'll go scout out a good place to ... borrow money from. We'll meet back in an hour at the diner. Okay?" Nick started to plan out, agreeing to my idea.
"Umm..." I started, feeling the pain of leaving her there.
"Maybe you could do me a favor and stay around here for a while? You know, just to make sure she is all right and that they don't move her... I could meet you back here and then we'll scout the places out together," I suggested weakly, not able to make myself leave her without someone close by. Even if I wasn't here, at least Nick would be.
Nick smiled faintly and understandingly. "If that's what you want to do, I think that would work out fine," he agreed, nodding his head in confirmation.
I smiled gratefully, as best as I could, thanking him for understanding.
"What do I do if I see the backstabbing, worthless piece of..." Nick grumbled off angrily, obviously referring to Mack.
My nostrils flared involuntarily. I knew exactly how he was feeling. Yes, Mack was totally brainwashed and entirely messed up on drugs, but how could he really betray Alice like that? Who could ever do that to someone so innocent? Other than Greg, of course, who was just a maniac who couldn't feel any human emotion?
I didn't know details, but I knew that Mack had went through something tough in his life. But was it so important that Alice helped him? Why couldn't she just let him be?
I didn't want to say anything to her about it though, not wanting to fight with her. I had to learn to trust her, even if it didn't make sense to me sometimes. If Alice thought that she could help without being reckless or getting herself hurt, then it would be fine.
I had been trying as hard as I could not to lose it in front of her. We hadn't fully trusted each other before, when we had been keeping little things from each other. This could have been prevented if we had been honest.
"Keep low, Nick. They aren't supposed to know that you are hanging around here," I ordered him, giving him a hard look for him to understand me.
I knew that it had been hard for him not to lose his temper when he was still loyal to Greg, sometimes. They had worked together so closely that Nick was used to being the type of person who could snap whenever he wanted or needed to and there would be no consequences.
But there would be major consequences now. He needed to stay calm. And with the extra stress of Greg keeping Alice there, Nick was slowly losing that calmness.
He glared at the forest floor, crunching leaves under his shoe. I noticed his hand lingering over his back pocket. I knew what was there; I had seen the shape earlier. He had his knife. I was surprised that Greg hadn't taken it from him. Was Greg that sure of himself?
"They won't even know I'm here. I'll do it quietly," Nick hissed, still glaring at the ground so that I couldn't see his eyes blazing wildly with fury.
I contemplated his tempting offer, waiting a moment, which encouraged him to continue.
"Come on, Jasper. Seriously, you know what he deserves. It is your girlfriend locked up in there! Alice is trapped in there and it's all his fault. They wouldn't have been able to get her without him. She trusted him...he was the only way to get her close enough. Do you think that he should get away with that? Don't tell me it's because of Greg... any of us could've said no to him if we wanted to! Mack has his own mind... he agreed to this! Just think about why he did it. He probably did it just for a single joint. He doesn't care about anyone but himself, that's all that he would want. He doesn't deserve to live!" Nick ranted with rage, his jaw muscles clenched, his hand now in his back pocket.
I stood up and walked over to Nick, placing my hands on his shoulders. "Are you going to face Alice's broken eyes after she finds out what happened? She is too innocent, Nick, you know that. Do you really want her to experience that? Do you want to be the one to tell her that you killed someone that she thinks, for some reason, is her friend?" I shook my head sadly.
"She knows that we've killed people, but I don't think it's that real to her... this would be very very real. It would scare her and it would hurt her and that's why I don't think killing him is a good idea, as much as I want to. This is all about her. We have to be smart. Think this through, Nick," I told him seriously.
His eyes seemed to have a battle fighting in them.
"I know that you want to kill him," I started, softly, "but we need to trust Alice right now and focus on getting her out. He isn't important at this moment and if he actually hurts Alice, with his own hands, then we will both take pleasure in ripping him to shreds. But he's done nothing but helped her since she got there and right now, I just want to get my love out of there. Okay?" I offered gently, trying to change his mind.
His hand moved away from his pocket and he nodded silently, turning away from me. He was trying to calm down and think straight.
"I hate that she's in there," he admitted, "I knew that my life couldn't get that good without some consequences," Nick grumbled to himself as I sat back down on the fallen tree.
We both ran our hands through our hair. I knew exactly what he meant. It is what I had been thinking ever since I had met Alice. I would wonder how everything could be so perfect...and then something horrible would happen. Between the earlier Spencer conflict, and Steve, and our on and off fights, and her visions scaring her... could life ever just be okay for once?
"It will be good soon," I said hopefully, "Once we are all out of here, we can live our lives out normally. We'll put Greg and this whole town in our pasts," I told him, but also myself, trying to believe the words. Would everything ever be okay? Was it possible that I could just live happily with Alice?
"Yeah... I guess... maybe," Nick mumbled, turning away from me again. His eyes were fighting against his emotions.
I frowned deeply. At this time, Alice would usually walk up and hug us and help us believe that everything would really be okay, even if it wasn't. She made us so...human. But we didn't have her right now.
Both of us remained silent, listening to the blowing leaves and silence, trying to think straight. After a little while, I realized how much time I was wasting and stood up. It was time to face Carlisle...
I stood up slowly and hesitantly, looking at the faintly lit cabin in the distance with a sigh.
I'll be back for you, darling. I vowed to her silently, hoping she knew how hard I would fight for her.
"Call if you need anything. Good luck," Nick called to me as I started to jog through the forest. My world seemed to become a blur, working against time. I had until the morning to save her.
I pumped my legs as fast as they could go as I ran through the forest. Then I darted through the school field and to the diner. I jumped into my car and flipped the ignition on with the key, then quickly slammed down on the gas pedal, wheels squealing as I flew out of the diner parking lot.
Carlisle would probably lend me some money. Not three hundred thousand dollars, but some at least. He was the kind of guy who would do those kinds of things, right? He had always seemed really generous. If I told him it was important or an emergency, he would definitely help me out.
I raced down the slippery streets of Forks, speeding toward the Cullens' house. I felt my palms sweating and my stomach was tight with worry, images of Alice racing through my mind. I kept seeing the mark on her cheek and the image of her being hurt any more than that haunted my mind. Greg could do that again at any time, or do something even worse, and I wasn't there to protect her.
What a boyfriend I was. I was supposed to protect her, not get her kidnapped and then leave her there, trusting a total psychopath on his word. What was wrong with me?! How could I have ever brought her down into my messed up life with me?!
I took a deep, calming breath, trying to focus positively. Think like Alice. She was always so positive. But how could I ever think like her? She had the most unique thought patterns I had ever heard of. Quite an interesting mind that she had. I didn't think that I could ever comprehend what was so great about fashion, though, if I tried to adopt her thinking.
I smirked in amusement as I thought of her complete obsession with clothes. She would make one great designer. I couldn't wait to see what she would do when she got to New York. She would be unstoppable!
Pride started to push away all of my unpleasant emotions as I drove into the Cullens' long driveway. But once I was there, I was reminded of what was happening.
I jumped out of my car and ran up the porch stairs, taking them two at a time. I hurriedly opened the door, almost knocking Esme over as I flew into the room.
"Oh!" she gasped, as she caught my arm to steady herself. I pulled her up and smiled apologetically at her, but I noticed my hands shaking involuntarily.
"Sorry Esme," I apologized, leaning forward and kissing her lightly on the cheek, causing her to smile lovingly back at me.
"It's fine, dear. Did you ever find Alice?" she asked concernedly, moving a curl of hair off of my forehead in a motherly way.
I swallowed hard, pushing away my emotions, keeping control.
"Yes I did, thanks. She decided to sleepover at Bella's house tonight," I lied quietly, ducking my head a bit, trying not to lie directly into Esme's face. I respected her way too much.
Esme frowned and patted my cheek encouraging. "I know that you two will work everything out. Give her time," she murmured softly, her voice full of care.
Time. Something I did not have.
I nodded weakly, hoping we could work everything out that was going on right now.
"Thank you, Esme," I whispered sincerely. "I was actually wondering if Carlisle was home yet, though. I kind of need a favor from you and him," I informed her, my voice becoming a bit hesitant and far off.
"Oh, yes, he is home. He just came in a moment ago. Come on, he's in his study," Esme encouraged me, obviously seeing how unsure I was becoming. She slipped her hand in the crook my elbow and began to lead me up the stairs and then toward his study.
Esme knocked lightly on the door.
"Come in," Carlisle called from inside.
Esme slowly entered the door, still pulling me. Carlisle was sitting at his desk, a pair of glasses resting half way down his nose as he read the newspaper. He put the paper down as we neared him and he straightened up in his seat.
He smiled warmly at us, standing up and coming around the desk. He pecked his wife softly on the cheek and turned to me, resting his hand on my shoulder.
"How are you doing today, son?" he asked kindly, perching on the edge of his desk. "I hear you and Alice have been having a few disagreements," he said, frowning deeply, concern obvious in his eyes. He knew as well as anyone that we didn't fight often.
"It's a bit better today, but Alice decided to stay at Bella's for the night. I managed to convince her to let me take her out to dinner, though, before they start their night," I lied smoothly, guilt racking my body.
"I wanted to take her somewhere special to try and apologize, but I am a bit short of cash...because of camping and all. I was just wondering if..." I trailed off suggestively, not be able to ask fully.
Carlisle smiled at me and nodded his head.
"You want to know if we'll give you some cash," Carlisle said straight out, a bit of amusement in his eyes.
I shrugged sheepishly and nodded.
"Of course. We totally forgot to give you a Cullen credit card. Alice was always buying things for you, so we both must have forgotten," Esme said nonchalantly, but was a little disappointed in herself for not remembering.
"We'll have to pick one up for you," Carlisle agreed, nodding to his wife in confirmation, "you're part of the family."
A cloud of relief started to cover me as I saw how easy they were making this. I couldn't help but feel extremely bad for manipulating them, though.
"And it's far past time to give you the vault key, too. All of the kids know the code, just in case they needed something and we weren't around to help out. You can just pick some money up from in there for now, since it is an emergency make up dinner, right dear?" Esme offered hopefully, hoping to make it up for not giving me a credit card.
An emergency make up dinner... something like that. I looked at her, a bit stunned, but then nodded to say it was okay.
"Do you remember in the library where there is a painting of those snowy mountains?" Carlisle questioned me, walking back around his desk to sit down. Esme followed, standing behind him.
"Yeah," I told him, my breathing a bit uneven. They were showing me their vault? Did they remember who I was?
"If you remove that painting, there is a vault. Push the keys 1, 6, 4, and 3 and it will open. Take as much as you need and don't worry about how much, either, Jasper. I have no doubt that you will only take as much as you feel is acceptable. You are part of the family, now, son. And as far as we're concerned, it's your money as much as it is ours. We're happy that we're able to share it with you," Carlisle said to me very seriously, trying to point out that I could take as much as was needed. If he only knew how much I needed right now, though...
But I smiled widely and gratefully at both of them, trying to look as happy as I should be. "Thank you so much," I said shortly, the need to hurry nagging at me. I walked forward and again kissed Esme softly on the cheek and smiled at Carlisle.
"It's no problem, dear. We love you and just want you to be happy. We trust that you won't clean us out," Esme said with a wink, "Make everything good with Alice," she finished sweetly. They trusted that I wouldn't clean them out. Didn't they know that I was not a good person to trust?
But all of the words seemed to have blurred and faded out shortly after the "We love you," part of the conversation.
I felt my eyes soften to liquid as I looked at Esme and Carlisle. They were truly like the parents that I wished I had always had. I couldn't even move my feet to go get the money. I just stared, blinking. I most likely looked like an idiot, but I couldn't help it. They loved me. Even though they knew who I was, what I was, what I had done... even after all of the drama that I had dragged with me into their lives. They still loved me.
They stared at me, their eyes filled with love and affection.
Then, Carlisle stood up and without warning, wrapped his arms tightly around me, patting my back.
"We do love you, and we are so glad that you decided to live with us," he told me, his eyes meeting mine to assure me that the words were true.
I nodded silently against his shoulder, hugging him back. I took a breath, the words that were about to leave my mouth were ones that I had said to no one but Alice.
"I love you guys too," I breathed out, my insides feeling a bit softer at the confession.
Alice had assured me that they all loved me like family, but hearing them say it for themselves was a totally different thing. Every doubt was erased from my mind.
"Now you go have fun with Alice. Make things right with her," Esme sniffed, emotion hitting her as well. Her eyes turned a bit red with pride.
Her reaction instantly made guilt hit me. After all of that, I was going to run them out of money. I was going to steal from them. I was going to take all that they had trusted me with. And when they found out, they would probably think that everything I had said was a lie.
"I will," I half lied to them, smiling politely. It wouldn't be fun, but I would make things right or I'd die trying.
I slowly left the room as they watched me depart. After everything that they had done for me, and how much they trusted me, I was about to steal all that they were worth away from them. I needed Alice. I needed her to tell me it was okay... that they would understand...
Could they ever forgive me for what I was about to do? Would I ever be accepted here again, the only place where I had ever been fully accepted?
Author's Note: Jasper is going
to steal from the Cullen's?! Well technically no, because they said
he could as much as he wanted, so... its their own fault really :P.
So, I have some fantastic news, the whole process to finish Hope
is going extremely smooth, we have give or take 3 chapters left in
the story, then we will move onto the sequel, which we now have the
summary done, and a few chapters here and there started, ideas are
flying. So that is some good news!
Also, thank you to everyone
who wished me a good vacation, it was awesome, sea-dooing was
great!
Umm, I also have a new picture for a character up on my
profile, no one to important or sexy, its Mr. Wright (Spencer's
dad) and I am working on a wallpaper for Mr. Nicholas Graham.
Yeahyeah, keep the fan girl screaming quiet :P. *cough* my beta
*cough*
so, we will try and get you another chapter up during the
week, now that I am back from vacation its easier!
Man, I think
my author's notes are like as long as the chapters, so I was just
going to let you know that everyone who review will get to see the
summary of the sequel! So leave a nice long review and have a great
day!
