James Potter was up with the sun and for the first time in a long time, it had nothing to do with Quidditch or a masterfully planned prank. He'd forgotten to draw the curtains tightly closed the night before and a rogue beam of light had intruded earlier than expected. Under normal circumstances he would've been irritated – he glanced around at his three sleeping friends – he might have even woken them just to share his misery. But not today. It was fitting the sun had woken him really. It was, after all Sunday and a rather extraordinary Sunday at that. He pondered going downstairs for a moment, but decided instead to prop up his pillows and recline again. Reaching back and grabbing his wand from under the mound of fluff, he began idly tracing the grooves in the stone overhead.
Boring. He sat up instead, staring at the door again. Last night, he smiled, had been anything but boring. Sirius would have ridiculed him, claiming that a few kisses and scattering to either side of the portrait hole as another couple came out to enjoy a bit of privacy didn't qualify as proper snogging. Moreover he'd likely be incensed, considering the mere idea fundamentally wrong.
James closed his eyes and inhaled deeply. He beamed. To hell with Sirius. He had kissed Lily Evans – three times even – and how right it was. Maybe it was just a memory, but he could swear he could smell her, feel her again. Sweet. Soft.
His eyes jerked open, tracing back to a thought that had nearly gone by. Had he really…another couple? It presumed something that in truth, they hadn't actually discussed. The moment they'd gone back inside each of them was dragged in a different direction, Lily to see some piece of jewelry a fourth-year girl had got in the post and him to engage in a ridiculous discussion about which side was going to offer him a contract first. Still, surely…it wasn't as if he'd just snogged her. She'd definitely snogged right back. And she'd smiled at him – an actual full smile – when she finally climbed the stairs. They'd locked eyes for the briefest of moments and then she was gone.
No matter. They'd talk today. He quietly slid off the bed and opened his wardrobe, stealthily seeking the right shirt for a fine autumn day with a couple outstretched fingers. He looked in the mirror, pleased that with the cut he'd gotten recently the mess looked deliberate while in fact being effortless. He remembered one of Lily's years old grumbles and used a hand to press down more of the middle and back. Perhaps it had been a little much. Reaching down to the pile of clothes next to his bed, he grabbed the t-shirt on top and a pair of not-too-dingy khakis and tugged them on.
Behind him he heard a loud groan. Sirius. "Why the hell are you already dressed?"
His voice sounded loud enough to wake the dead and it did the trick with Peter if not Remus, who was still laying in a strange, almost mangled position, head as well as body covered by his sheets.
Peter sniffed. "You woke me up, Sirius."
"I needed a witness," the long-haired boy shrugged.
"To what?"
Sirius merely pointed. Peter rubbed his eyes and turned his head toward James.
"James? Why are you awake? And dressed?"
"Woke up. Felt hungry." So he was dressed. What was odd about that?
The shorter boy fished a watch from off the top of his last night's trousers. "It's bloody seven fifteen."
James rolled his eyes. "I forgot to pull the curtain. Besides, this way I can have my fill before even the firsties wake up."
"I'm for it," Sirius said, flinging a pillow on top of Remus's sleeping form. "As long as it doesn't become a matter of policy anyway."
Remus groaned. "Who did that?"
Sirius ruffled the other boy's hair as it slowly emerged from the blankets. "I knew you were awake. Prat. Get up already and let's go."
Two hours later, Lily Evans was still inside her four poster trying not to move.
"Come on, Lily!" said Alana. "We always get up for you!"
"Always?"
"Most of the time…" Alana chirped back. "Honestly, why are you still in there?"
"I've got a headache," Lily lied. "I'll catch up with you."
"Bollocks," said Marlene, yanking open the curtains and pulling away pillows until her friend's red hair finally emerged.
Lily rolled over slowly. "What?"
"Get up!" both other girls shouted in unison.
"I'm hungry!" Alana added.
"That's bollocks," Lily replied as she drug herself out from under the covers. "You eat the least of any of us. Except for–"
"It's pancakes!"
Lily laughed. "Fine then. Give me a moment to dress. I'll meet you in the common room."
As her two friends walked away, Lily looked at herself in the mirror. Couldn't she stay in bed forever? She sighed. Why had she said it was just a headache? Couldn't she have been more creative? A late catch of the stomach bug that had been going around – even sinuses from her allergies acting up would've been smarter.
Truth be told, it was the events of the night before that were eating at her. She'd done nothing as James Potter kissed her. No. That was a lie as well. She'd kissed back. Casting aside her nightdress, she fastened the second to last button of her blouse. And it wasn't the snogging. Merlin. That's what they'd done, if only for a bit, and she was honest, it couldn't have been the snogging.
Wiggling into her favorite pair of jeans, Lily reached for her brush, giving her hair several strokes on all sides until it had recaptured some of yesterday's shine. She frowned. It was nerves. She was actually nervous. But…she didn't get nervous. Damnit. If they'd just talked – not that she had any idea how either of them would've handled it – but it would've made a lot of difference.
Marlene's yell and the subsequent groans of classmates still trying to sleep derailed her. Smiling briefly, she tucked a strand of hair behind her ear before turning away from the mirror. For now, number one on her mental to-do list was friends enjoyed with pancakes.
"You're lucky I don't have my bat!" Sirius growled as he rammed his shoulder into James.
James laughed, pressing himself to hit a higher speed and tossing the red ball over Remus's head to where Peter was waiting. The sandy-haired wizard recovered well though, positioning himself nicely to deny the stockier one the easiest angles of attack. Sirius immediately left James in an attempt to double Peter off. They'd try to strike on the counter.
Instead of trying to provide an outlet, James peeled back. There weren't going to fool a Quidditch Captain with a fast break. He just hoped Peter kept his eye on the prize. Though the other boy was merely an average flier, what few at Hogwarts recognized was his ability to thread the needle with passes or hit the center of a hoop from distance in small-side matches. As Peter's grip tightened, James knew they were on the same page. "C'mon Pete…" he muttered as the smaller wizard pumped once, rolled left, and let the Quaffle fly.
Sirius checked him hard – a foul the four waived when playing alone – and Remus bolted, desperate to see if he could make the interception. There was precious little time of course. It wasn't allowed inside the scoring area, since that was normally the Keeper's zone. Remus jerked up sharply, stretching his hand out high. It was a hell of a stop-and-lift. Precisely on the edge of the area. But his fingers came up empty and with a heavy clang the shot banked in off the inside of the far hoop.
"Damn!" shouted Sirius. "Damn. How do you even manage shots like that?"
Peter shrugged. "James does it."
"I bloody well know James does it, but honestly. How far do you think we are Remus?"
Panting hard, he turned to look over his shoulder, squinting. "I don't know. Game measure or…"
"The real thing."
James cleaned off his glasses while he waited.
"Fifty…maybe fifty-five yards?"
Sirius whistled. "If only you two had come flying with us more often…"
"Yes, well, we can't take every spot on the team now can we?" Remus chuckled.
"Nobody said anything about you. You're dead awful."
James shook his head as Sirius suddenly got rammed.
"Cut it out," Peter yelled. "Quit trying to put off the forfeits."
"No way!" Sirius flashed a grin at James. "For our dignity mate! I'll take another challenge if winning means we change the bet."
"It is tempting. The idea of watching you lose…again…but I think Hogwarts could really benefit from both of you showcasing your feminine side."
Remus rolled his eyes. "I can't believe I agreed to this."
"It's just one meal…"
"Dinner! You could've at least given us breakfast. Had half a heart."
"But dinner's when a witch is supposed to look her best."
"Yeah. Give it up," said Peter.
Sirius frowned, casting a theatrical shrug in the others' as he stepped off his broom. "Your turns are coming. Besides, people have always enjoyed my well-toned calves."
After a short pause, all four broke down into a mass of guffaws before flopping to the ground in exhaustion. James turned his head slightly to gaze up at the castle. If only every day could still be like this. Though he still thought of Hogwarts happily – it was unquestionably his second home – but it was impossible not to think of it differently most of the time. Before the fact they enjoyed school in a castle made it a fantastical escape. Now it felt more and more like the fortress that castles were meant to be.
He felt something nudge him in the ribs. Looking back the others were standing up around him. "Let's go," said Sirius, prodding him again with his foot. "We've got to shower off. Pete's already on about lunch."
James dug out his watch. "It's barely ten."
Sirius shrugged. "Don't blame me. You're the one that woke with the owls."
Half an hour later, he was waiting in the common room. Leaning over the table in front of the fireplace, quill between his teeth, he stared at the practice exam in front of him. X's and O's danced across the parchment again before pausing. He looked upward. It had to be "A" – have the Chasers play an obstructionist game by dropping deep to engage three-on-three and urge the Beaters to advance so they'd have clear lines on the opposing Seeker. He circled the answer and rolled the scroll up, tying it off and sealing it. His father had been right in the letter. He'd come this far, saved almost all of each monthly stipend his parents had given him since he'd come of age and paid for the course in advance. He could sit for his A Badge over the holiday.
He tapped his foot. For someone so hungry, Peter was certainly taking his sweet time. James walked briskly toward the stairwell. "Oi! Are we leaving?"
"Sirius is writing poet–"
Peter's voice was instantly cut off. James chuckled, hearing the sounds of a scrap beginning. Remus, as usual, could be made out trying to intercede.
"Right," he called up. "I'm going to mail something. Tell Grace hello…"
"Arse!" Sirius barked. "I'll see to you later!"
James crossed the common room and exited into the corridor. Whipping around to set off toward the owlery he nearly bowled over Alana Hooper.
"Whoa there, Potter," Marlene said. "Off somewhere in a hurry?"
Matching her smirk, he waggled the bound parchment in front of her. "Just mail. My deepest apologies, Alana…truly."
The blonde rolled her eyes. "I'm fine. You don't have to be so dramatic on my account."
His eyes tracked to the side, catching a flash of red rounding the corner. As he moved to peek around Marlene, she stepped out of the way, quickly flashing him a knowing glare before she turned her attention back the other way.
"Oh, Lily! Would you look who we found?"
James raised a hand. "Hey," he added belatedly. He took a deep breath and then smiled to fill the silence. Merlin, he was acting like an idiot.
"Cute," Marlene whispered. "I'll just leave you two alone," she called out, her voice rising as a loud group of younger students clambered out of the portrait hole.
James saw Lily glaring at her friends as they strode past him swiftly. Well then…that put him off to a great start. He ran a hand through his hair, scratching the back of his head as he looked down briefly. Upon lifting his head he discovered that nothing much had changed. Lily seemed to be a bit closer now, but she looked less welcoming and more stony. Close…but not the right word. Stoic maybe? He snorted a smile tugging at one edge of his mouth. She was right there and he was playing wordsmith in his head. It had been a lot easier the night before. No real prelude. And she'd started.
"Hi," she said evenly.
"Hey," he answered, repeating his earlier greeting. For a moment he thought there was a flicker of mirth in her eyes, but it passed. He gave his head an exaggerated shake and reminded himself to smile broadly. "I already said that didn't I?"
"Yeah."
"Alright. Well…fancy a walk?"
"A walk?"
"A walk."
"Where?"
Anywhere? No. He stopped himself. That would've made him look like an idiot. "I was going to the owlery."
She bit her lip slightly, eyes angling upward. "I suppose Frederick's due a visit." Before he could respond, she turned around and started walking. "What are you sending?"
James rushed to catch up. "Practice exam."
"They have N.E.W.T. prac–"
"Not N.E.W.T.s. It's for my A Badge."
"Oh. I thought you were thinking about something else."
Excellent. She now seemed disappointed.
"I am," he insisted, "But I bought the course in advance. And it's not that I don't still want to do it someday so I figured it'd be a shame to waste it."
"How much is a thing like that?"
"British A? Five hundred galleons."
"Five hundred galleons?"
"Yeah. I had to work a lot at the market a couple of summers ago to pay for it."
"What did you do at a market that got you that many galleons?"
"Mostly transport jobs. Loading. I did do some auctions for this dodgy rich muggle at the end of season…apparently he swindled some of the local farmers the year before so he needed a front man."
A few moments later, James noticed Lily's footfalls stop. Turning around he saw her waiting a few paces back, the same even expression she'd just been starting to shed firmly back on her face. "You forget something?" James asked.
She looked away. "Why are we going to the owlery?"
"I'm going to mail something?"
"Neither of us is thinking about the post…"
He stole a peek at the floor before meeting her gaze. "Obviously."
She turned her attention to the view out of one of the windows that lined the corridor, sun streaming in on her face. James simply watched as she seemed to bask in the light, her soft, pale skin standing out in even sharper relief than usual against the varying hues of her fiery hair. The strands closest to the window seemed as if they'd been infused with gold before giving way to burnished copper behind them. He stepped back toward her while she seemed lost outside. He expected her to stop him sooner, or at least to turn, but they were only feet apart by the time she did.
"You know, I don't understand myself," she said. "Last night I thought…I don't know what I thought, but I felt…"
James remained unflinching. What was about to come he'd heard before. The speeches, both long and short. The reasons. The assumptions that followed that he'd simply allowed to be entertained. Of course, those occasions, despite the perception they'd eventually led to, had ultimately meant nothing. But this…the mere fact that James had to remind himself not to react.
"…but when I woke up this morning I felt…nervous."
"What?"
"What happened in the corridor, what almost happened before…I've never…and the fact that now…" James followed her eyes back outside, the green orbs tracking slightly upward before stopping over the hills near Hogsmeade. "It's not me."
"Not before. But maybe now. People change, Lily. Merlin…" he sucked in air. "You've seen it. And what's so wrong in it? There's a lot of other changes that could happen to somebody that are a whole lot worse."
She looked around them. "I don't do that, James. Not wi–"
"Not with me?"
She tilted her head to the side and shook it. "No. I mean, no that's not what I meant. Not with…not with someone I'm not…with."
James looked away pacing in a small circle for a moment before stopping and scratching idly at the top of his neck. "Yeah, well…for the moment nobody knows. So if that's what you're worrying over then forget it. I won't tell anyone."
By the time he looked back her eyes were gone again, wandering the hillsides he imagined, or perhaps the thicker forest below. She was impossible. But now they'd done it – actually snogged – she was impossible to ignore. Impossible to forget. He'd felt something, a hope that was almost a physical force in his chest when he'd seen her hair come round the corner. Of course he'd known immediately it was her, but where before he might have merely acknowledged it, he'd actively wanted it to be her. Been glad of the fact. Every other time before it had been easy. Standard. Ease borne of the obvious mutuality of intent. She – Lily – was destabilizing. She had always kept him off balance in some measure, whether it was her effortless superiority over him in Charms and Potions or her stubborn resistance to him no matter how many people disagreed with her. Those however, were merely irritations and often even still sources of amusement. This…
"Do you regret it?" he asked abruptly, shattering the silence that hung between them.
He felt her eyes snap to, staring a hole in the side of his head. "What?"
James squared to face her. "I'll ask it like this. Which do you regret? Not kissing me last week? Or snogging me in the corridor?"
She looked down, touching her lips with the skin between the middle two knuckles of her index finger. "I don't know."
James frowned. "Yes you do. I don't know. And I need to."
She stepped toward him, away from the window. "I don't…"
"So I know whether I should keep standing here or just walk away."
"Look, I…I'd rather it had all gone differently. Something…or nothing…but all at once so I could've sorted it. Then and there."
"Well I'm sorry that the way it happened was inconvenient for you. But we can't very well change that."
"I know that, but–"
"Merlin, Lily…just…what do you want?"
"I know I've said it a thousand times. I don't know. I…I just can't do this, James…not if it isn't serious."
"If I wasn't serious I'd never have kissed you."
"How can I know?"
"Do you trust me?"
"With all our history…your history…"
"You either trust me or you don't. And if you don't, going even a word further is a waste of both our time."
She took a deep breath and looked away toward the ceiling.
He waited, counting the time according to his heartbeat, until her eyes returned. "Do you trust me?"
Lily nodded. "Yes."
James held out his hand. Lily locked eyes with him for a moment before taking it, wrapping her fingers in his. "To the owlery then?"
In his periphery he saw her roll her eyes slightly, a small smile creeping onto her lips. Focusing his gaze down the corridor ahead, a much broader one broke out on his as he and Lily set off down the empty hall together.
A/N: Well, I promised a few people in review responses that this chapter would be up "shortly" and failed miserably to deliver on that. I will say that the chief reason for the discrepancy between my words and reality in this case was down to this final scene, the conversation between James and Lily. I had the earlier portions done within a week of posting the previous chapter, but obviously I felt this conversation was crucial and I'm not certain that I'm entirely happy as to content or length, even now, after three total and dozens of partial re-writes, but I think it is as close as I am going to get without detailed feedback and before potential edits to earlier parts of the story. Tonight though, I wanted to bite the bullet however it turned out and so hopefully I'll return to quicker turnarounds and the story can really get off and going again now that James and Lily are officially together.
Thanks for all of your continued support!
