"Randal, I expect you to be on your best behavior today. Keep hold of that composure, understood?"
Randy rolled his eyes as he walked over to the refrigerator and pulled out a drink. "I am always on my best behavior, Mom. You should be giving John that lecture, not me. He's the one who took off his ring. Mine's still on."
Carol Cena took a deep breath and nodded. "I know that, Randy. Trust me; he has already received numerous lectures from me. I just want this to be a peaceful family lunch with all my children and grandchildren. If anyone is gonna get anything out of John, it's gonna be me!"
Randy sighed and leaned on the counter, sipping his soda calmly. "Well, I won't give you any problems. I've managed to be perfectly calm whenever John and I see each other the past few weeks."
Carol shook her head, disappointment on her face and walked into the dining room holding a large platter. Randy watched her go before lowering his body into a chair near the counter. He knew his and John's separation was killing her. It was killing all of them.
It has been almost two months since the night he and John had imploded in that hotel room. The last thing Randy remembered was collapsing on the floor of his children's' bedroom in tears. The next thing he knew, both kids were standing over him hours later in the morning, wondering why he was there. By the time they all exited the room, John had been gone along with his luggage. The ring had remained, though, exactly where he left it. As tempted as Randy had been to discard it into the nearest river, he'd taken it before the children could see it and made an excuse for John's whereabouts. They had flown home and Randy was sure John would be there, having blown off some steam. He had been wrong, though. A text message on his phone from John told him he had gone down to their home in Tampa for a few days and he would contact him to arrange a visitation agreement for their children. It had been the final blow for Randy. He had resigned himself to the fact that the older man was serious about their separation and intended to take it further. It made Randy physically ill to think of his relationship with John crumbling apart…especially about something so stupid yet so serious. He knew John was sick; how sick was the question. He wanted to help him more than anything but if John wouldn't accept the help, what could he do?
Randy sighed and stood, throwing his empty bottle away and walking towards the backyard. He smiled when he saw Angel and Alanna running around the grass with the other Cena grandchildren. The yard was scattered with John's brothers and wives talking and laughing amongst them. As much as Randy wanted to go out and join them, he just couldn't. He had become a shell, doing things robotically but keeping up a good front around his family and friends. The word had already spread around the WWE. It had been obvious by John's attitude and lack of ring on his finger. Neither he nor Randy discussed it, however. Both men's tempers were legendary and people knew better than to ask what had gone wrong. They instead chose to try and figure it out for themselves thereby filling the locker rooms with ridiculous gossip.
"Ran, come here!"
Randy took a deep breath and ventured out from the safety of the kitchen, headed for Matt Cena. He smiled at the man he considered a brother. "Hey, what's up?"
"I don't know; you tell me. You've been hiding out in the kitchen all day." Matt frowned and watched Randy carefully, his intense stare so much like his brother's.
Randy shook his head. "Nothing's up. I was helping Car and then I got a drink."
"You're just trying to avoid seeing John, aren't you? You know he'll be here in like 5 minutes, though, right?" Matt laughed and shook his head. "Maybe then we can all gang up on you and get the story of what really happened…"
Randy smiled and shook his head. "Well, I'll leave that mission to you. You can have fun attempting it."
Matt's smile dropped and a concerned frown took its place. "Come on, Ran. Don't you think we all deserve to know what the hell is going on here? I mean, one day you and John are happy as can be and then I get a call from him telling me he's staying in Florida because you guys separated? What is that? What the hell happened?"
"Look, Matt, I don't want to talk about it, OK. Just let it go because I can't deal with this, especially not today." Randy turned away and sighed. "I had enough of a hard time telling the kids. I really don't want to have to explain it to all of you, too."
Matt sighed but remained silent besides him. Randy turned his attention to his children, happily playing with their cousins. As he watched them he smiled, happy to see the split between him and John wasn't affecting them that intensely. He knew it did affect them at some level but for the meanwhile he chose to believe they were fine; confused but fine. They didn't understand why John was no longer in their St. Louis home or why they men rarely spoke on the occasions John picked them up or returned them home. Randy had told them the men had busy schedules and needed to spend some time in the different states. He hadn't mentioned anything more and if they'd noticed, they hadn't mentioned it to him. What did they did or speak about with John, though, was unknown to him. The only thing the older man had told him was to keep his mouth shut about his worsening condition. Despite his anger towards John, Randy had promised he wouldn't say anything to anyone, including their children, about his health. He hoped one day John would do it all on his own; get some help and tell everyone what was going on with him.
"Hey, Dad, I'm hungry! When can we eat?" Randy looked down at Angel as he tugged on his shirt. He shrugged and looked at his watch. "I don't know, kid. Why don't you go ask Grandma Car?"
Angel nodded and started to run off but Alanna quickly stopped him. "She said we're waiting for Daddy John. He called and said he's 5 minutes away."
"Good, because I'm starving!" responded Angel, sighing loudly. Randy smiled slowly and shook his head. "Don't say that. You're not starving. Children in poor countries are starving. You're just really hungry."
Angel smiled and nodded. "OK, sorry."
Randy returned the smiled and bent to place a kiss on his head, jerking up seconds later when Alanna yelled across the yard. "Daddy John's here!"
She took off towards him, quickly followed by Angel and Randy reluctantly raised his gaze towards where they ran, his eyes landing on John walking into the yard. He couldn't deny that despite his anger for John, the love still remained and his stomach immediately began to flip flop as his heart raced in his chest. The sight of John always made Randy take a pause and marvel at how strikingly handsome he was and this time was no different. However, this time another feeling took precedence in him; nervousness. Randy stood up straight and crossed his arms over his chest, shuffling from one foot to the other. He watched as John's face was brightened by a smile as their kids ran into his arms. The laughter from their voices carried over to him as John gave them kiss after kiss and hugged them tightly.
John pulled away from his children, his eyes scanning the yard and stopping as they locked with Randy's. The man looked calm as can be to anyone who didn't know any better but John could see the tension in his body and the mixture of emotion in his eyes. He sighed inwardly and looked away, turning his attention back to the children as he bent down to their level.
"I missed you guys so much."
"When is your work gonna be finished?" asked Angel, burying himself in John's embrace. Alanna squeezed in next to him and mumbled, "We miss you, Daddy,"
John sighed and hugged them tightly. "I don't know, guys; maybe soon. How about you come down to Tampa with me this week?"
"And Daddy, too?"
John shook his head. "No, just us 3 this time."
Alanna pouted. "Why can't we all go together? We're never together anymore!"
"Yeah! Why can't Daddy come?" asked Angel, his forehead creased in a frown.
John sighed and slowly stood up, taking each child by the hand. "He just can't, OK. We'll have fun without him and you can come with me to Raw on Monday." He quickly tugged each child forward and changed the conversation to some of their planned summer activities.
Randy's eyes widened slightly with each step John took closer and closer to him. He inadvertently took one back as he approached but forced himself to not run away for the kids' sake. John locked eyes with him once more as he listened to the kids chatter away at his side and finally stopped only a few feet before him.
"Hey,"
Randy took a deep breath and replied, "Hey, back." He let his hands fall from his chest and shoved them in his pocket. "How are you feeling?"
John shrugged, the action making Randy roll his eyes. The older man immediately noticed and reluctantly smiled. "Much better,"
Randy nodded. "Good. I'm glad to hear that,"
John nodded in response and sighed, an awkward silence filling the space between the men.
"Daddy," Both Randy and John looked down at Alanna when she spoke. She looked up at them expectantly and frowned. "You two didn't hug hello."
John frowned. "What?"
"You guys didn't hug." repeated Alanna, her eyebrow raised. She turned to Angel and he nodded. "What's wrong?"
Randy swore to himself and shook his head, hating at that moment that his kids noticed everything around them. He took a step forward and smiled. "Daddy John just got off a plane and he's all stinky. Do you really think I wanna hug him?"
Both kids giggled and John looked over at Randy gratefully, receiving only a cold glare in return. Randy turned his attention back to the children and pushed them away gently. "Go wash up now. We're gonna go inside to eat."
Angel and Alanna nodded and quickly ran off. John sighed and shook his head. "Thanks for that, though I know you didn't do it for me."
"Damn right I didn't." responded Randy, anger in his voice. "Try to stay away from me for the rest of the day, please." He turned to walk away but was quickly stopped by John. "Don't be like that. We can't do this here in front of everyone, Randy."
Randy pulled his hand away and smirked. "I don't plan on doing anything in front of anyone, John but I also can't pretend everything is A-OK with us like you want me to. Grow a set, be honest with your parents and stop expecting me to play this game with you. You walked away now deal with what that brings."
John sighed as he watched Randy walk away and disappear into the house. He had known this lunch with his entire family would be hell but the thought of his mother's wrath if he didn't show was worse. There was no way he ready to explain to his family what he was doing…especially since he didn't even know himself. He had called himself every name in the book for the past 6 weeks since leaving after that argument with Randy. The look on the younger man's face when he'd slid off his wedding band was something that was forever engraved in John's memory and what he saw every time he closed his eyes. It had been something he'd done in the heat of the argument and something he regretted ever since. He loved Randy more than life itself but that night he forgot it all. The intense pain he'd been dealing with at the time made him forget everything and he'd made the biggest mistake of his life. It was something he didn't know how to fix and was scared to even attempt. He was driving everyone crazy, no one more than Randy, but he knew that to fix his problems with Randy he would have to do what the younger man wanted and it scared the life out of him. Having to submit himself to more tests and medication and then having to wait for results was a nightmare. John just couldn't bring himself to do it again and he knew Randy wouldn't accept that.
"All right, everybody inside! It's lunch time!"
Carol Cena's voice carried out to everyone outside and they all slowly filtered inside. John stopped to hug his mother but quickly followed his brothers inside. His goal was to avoid all her questions but he knew the wish was futile and prepared himself for her barrage of questions. By the time he entered the dining room everyone was settled and trays of food were being passed around. His eyes landed on Randy, who busied himself preparing plates of food for his children. The only remaining empty chair was besides him, leaving John no choice but to go slide into it. Randy ignored his presence and lowered into his chair after placing the plates of food in front of the children. Conversations began to take place around the table but John tuned them all out, hating the tension filling his body. He served himself a small portion of food and dared a glance at Randy. The younger man was smiling at the children and his brother's as he joined in the conversation and it took John's breath away. He wanted nothing more than to have that smile turned towards him.
"So, Johnny,"
John turned away from Randy and sighed when he saw the look on his mother's face. "Yes, Mom,"
Carol smiled at him and rested her folded hands on the table. "What's new in your life, dear? Any changes or decisions you want to talk to us about?"
John rolled his eyes at his mother and shook his head. "Mom, don't start. I know what you want to talk about but it's not gonna happen. I don't wanna talk about this here."
Carol shrugged innocently and looked around the table. "Honey, you're among family! You should be able to tell us anything. I get the feeling you need to tell us something, John."
John shook his head and turned away. "I don't have anything to say, Mom. Please change the subject."
Carol sighed and looked at Randy, the younger man shaking his head at her. John frowned when he saw the exchange and reached forward, clamping his hand around Randy's wrist. Randy turned towards him and locked eyes with his husband.
John glared at him angrily. "What's that look? What the hell did you tell her?"
Randy glared back at him. "I didn't tell her anything." He pulled his hand away from John's grip but maintained locked on John's face.
"You're lying," responded John, his heart racing at the thought Randy had told his parents how sick he'd been.
Randy's face remained the same. "No, I'm not but it's nice to know you think so much of me, John. Instead of blaming me, why don't you just realize your parents aren't stupid?"
John clenched his teeth as the men stared at each other wordlessly, neither one wanting to break first. John knew he had no chance, though. Randy's glare was legendary. He turned away and shook his head as he threw his napkin on the table. "I can't fucking believe this."
He turned and walked away, his footsteps echoing through the house as he stomped upstairs. Randy kept his gaze forward, jumping slightly when a door slammed shut upstairs. The table had fallen into silence and he felt his face flush with embarrassment. "Sorry about that, everyone."
"Don't apologize, darling. You did nothing wrong." soothed Carol. John Sr. frowned from his seat and pushed his plate away. "I lost my appetite with all this damn drama. What the hell is going on here, Randy?"
Randy shook his head and pushed his own food away. "I don't know." He looked over at the kids, whose heads had lowered. "I really don't know."
The silence remained at the table, Carol's lunch effectively ruined.
The next day quickly came, much to Randy's relief. He wanted to get out of Massachusetts as fast as possible. John had not only ruined his lunch with the Cena family but had now ruined the affection he had for the state.
"Daddy, can I take Elly on the plane?"
Randy looked over at Alanna and the doll she held in her hand. He smiled and nodded. "Yeah, but you have to carry her."
Alanna nodded and walked back into her room, her mood quiet and subdued. Randy sighed as he watched her go. Both his children had been greatly confused by the incident at the Cena house and no amount of reassurance from Randy could bring their moods back to normal.
"Hey, babe, can you tell Angel to pick something to take on the plane, too?"
Alanna threw him a nod over her shoulder and disappeared into her and Angel's bedroom. Randy turned away and continued packing the suitcases, anxious for the time to come when he could depart. Just being in the same state as John was making him anxious. He longed for the time when things related to John wouldn't make him anxious and everything was normal but the chances of that happening again seemed damn near impossible.
A knock on the hotel room door distracted Randy's attention from the luggage. He frowned as he looked down at his watch. All the goodbyes had been said the day before and the car to the airport was still a couple of hours away. He walked to the door and pulled it open, his eyes widening in shock.
"What the hell are you doing here?"
John pulled his sunglasses off his face and raised an eyebrow. "Uh, the kids..."
Randy returned John's sarcasm and raised his own eyebrow. "Uh, what about them?" He rolled his eyes and stood in the doorway, blocking John's entrance. The older man rolled his eyes. "Cut the shit. I told them they were going to Tampa with me this week."
Randy frowned and shook his head. "Well, you didn't tell me."
"I didn't know I had to ask you permission to take my kids," responded John. "Are you gonna let me in or what?"
"Not sure yet. I don't know what kind of scene you're gonna make in here and the kids have been through enough, you know." Randy remained in the doorway, pulling the door close to his body.
John sighed and shook his head. "Look, I explained it to them before they left yesterday. They're fine. They understand I'm just stressed."
"No they're not fine, John. They're kids; they don't understand what's happening between us." Randy ran his hands over his head in frustration. "Hell, I don't understand what's happening between us."
John held his hand up. "I don't have time to explain myself to you, Randy. I also don't have to. I'm here for the kids, not to argue with you."
Randy narrowed his eyes at John's dismissal and lifted his head defiantly. "Like I said before, you didn't tell me you were taking them so I made plans. You're gonna have to wait till next week to take them."
"You can't deny me my kids, Randy..." began John but was quickly cut off by Randy "There is no discussion about this. Alanna is going home to Sam and Angel and I have plans for the week. You can come in, see them and explain to them that you'll take them next week instead of this one."
John shook his head and glared disbelievingly at Randy as he moved aside. "You can be such an asshole."
Randy laughed behind him and nodded. "Yeah, OK, I'm the asshole in this situation."
"You are! You're standing here telling me when I can and can't see my kids after that horrifying fucking lunch yesterday! You're just enjoying making me more miserable than I already am, aren't you?" John walked halfway into the room but was quickly pulled back by a tug from Randy's hand. He looked down at his wrist encased in Randy's grip as the man growled in front of him.
"Your life is miserable because of your own choosing! Don't you fucking blame me for all your problems when you're the one causing them. All I wanted to do was help you and you chose not to accept it. You want to believe I'm an asshole keeping you from the kids and betraying your trust with everyone; fine, go right ahead. I know the truth."
"What truth?" replied John, desperately trying to pull his arm back.
"That you're scared shitless of what's really going on inside that head so you would rather not know and just let what happens happen. I don't know how you can live like that but I sure can't." Randy released John's grip, the older man stumbling backwards.
John rubbed the area where Randy held, now an angry red on his skin and looked up at him. "Well, no one is asking you to live like that. I'm doing just fine on my own." He dropped his hands and raised his head. "Now, if you don't mind, I would like to go see my kids before you take them."
Randy frowned, the anger disappearing from his face as he stared at John in concern. John looked at him in confusion but turned to walk away only to be stopped once more by Randy's hand. He sighed exasperatedly but it quickly turned into a yelp of surprise when Randy pulled him in close, crashing into his body. "Oh my God, what are you doing, Randy?"
Randy lifted his hand to John's face and brushed down his nose, stopping under a nostril and pulling back his finger covered in blood. His eyes widened with fear as John stared at the finger in disbelief before stumbling backwards away from Randy's body, his own hands reaching up to touch his nose.
Randy's mouth opened and closed as he tried to find his voice. "Johnny, what…"
"It's nothing!" John stopped Randy before he could say anything else and covered his face with his hand. "It's OK,"
Randy watched as John looked around frantically until he found the bathroom then practically fled inside, slamming the door behind him. Randy's heart was racing and he quickly walked over to the bedside table to grab a tissue to wipe the blood off his finger.
"Is Daddy John here? I thought I heard him,"
Randy turned at the sound of Angel's voice and rushed over to him, pushing him back towards his room. "Yeah, he is. He's in the bathroom. He'll be right in to see you guys. Just stay in the room for now because we need to talk first. Grown up stuff, OK."
Angel stared at him, a small frown on his face. He shrugged and nodded. "All right,"
Randy smiled at him and watched as he walked over to his bed and sat besides Alanna. "Just watch some TV or something,"
Both kids nodded and Randy closed the door securely behind them. He looked over at the closed bathroom door and debated whether he should check on John for only seconds before his feet began carrying him in that direction. Raising his hand slowly, he knocked on the door softly. "John, are you OK? Do you need my help?"
Silence was his only answer and Randy sighed loudly. His hand wrapped around the doorknob and turned it, surprised to see it turn freely and the door open seconds later. John stood in front of the sink, a tissue under his nose and his head tilted back. Randy walked into the bathroom, shutting the door behind him and watching the older man nervously.
"You shouldn't tilt your head back. It's not the way to stop a nosebleed. You have to pinch the bridge of your nose."
John turned over to look at Randy through pained eyes. "The what?"
Randy took a step forward and placed his hands on John's hips, moving him back gently and standing in front of him. He removed John's hand with the bloody tissue and took a clean one from the counter, wetting it with cool water and quickly wiping the area around John's nose. He locked eyes with John and smiled tentatively. "Just let me do it, OK,"
Randy reached one hand forward and pinched the bridge of John's nose tightly, the other hand holding the tissue under the nostrils. "It should stop soon. Just take a deep breath through your mouth and relax,"
John nodded and closed his eyes, forcing his body to loosen up against the warmth of Randy's body. His hands gripped Randy's hips loosely and he nodded. "OK,"
Minutes later and after a number of tries, Randy was able to remove the tissue from John's nose and release it from his grip, certain the bleeding had stopped. He turned around and washed his hands after disposing of all the bloody tissues then stepped aside so John could do the same. The older man stared at himself in the mirror before turning his attention to Randy's reflection.
"Thank you for helping me,"
Randy shrugged dismissively and leaned on the wall. "It's OK. The last thing we needed is for the kids to come out of their room and find you gushing blood."
"So, you just did it for the kids?" responded John, turning over to face the younger man. Randy rolled his eyes before shaking his head. "Partly, yes but I also did it for you, John. Do you honestly think I wouldn't help you if you needed it?"
John lowered his eyes and shrugged. Randy sighed loudly, a smile breaking through. "I fucking hate it when you do that."
John lifted his gaze, smiling once he saw Randy's expression. "I know you do." He pushed away from the sink and took a step closer to the younger man. "I'm sorry, Ran. I'm so sorry for…."
Randy nodded and interrupted the apology. "I know you are. So am I,"
John frowned. "Why? You didn't do anything, Ran." He took a couple more steps until he was standing only inches away from Randy, the younger man remaining still. "All you've done is try to help me and be the most amazing husband."
Randy forced himself to remain calm, though every fiber of him wanted to pull John into his arms. "I'm sorry because I know where you're going with this and I can't respond the way you want me to."
John frowned and took a step back. "What?"
Randy lowered his gaze down and slowly lifted his left hand. He stared at his wedding ring and ran his finger over the smooth metal before pulling it off. He held it in between his fingers and twirled it. John looked down at him, his stomach beginning to turn. "No, Randy, please don't do that. I'm sorry! Look, I was a moron when I left. I didn't mean it; I was just mad and reacted. I'm sorry, baby! I love you…please don't do this!"
Randy shook his head and placed his ring on the side of the sink. "I can't, John. I love you, too but I can't do this. We're not working and it's hurting too many people..."
John closed his eyes tightly and shook his head, gripping the edge of the counter. "I'll do whatever you want, Randy, I swear! I love you; I don't want out of our marriage, baby."
Randy smiled sadly and turned towards the door, grabbing the handle and pulling it open. "What marriage? There is no more marriage."
