Author: GrapeSmshr
Rated: PG-13
Updated on: March 14, 2007
Disclaimer: As much as I wish it were so, these charas don't belong to me.
A/N: Woohoo, another update! Two years later, yes, but I updated nonetheless! I told you I wouldn't forget about this fic... I'm happy to let you know that I have found my muse again! Exciting, ne? I thought so too. So I'm gonna bypass all the apologies and just get right to it. Read on and enjoy!
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Chapter 48: Coward
Five gargantuan mechas loomed over her in all their glory. Sandrock. Deathscythe Hell. Altron. Heavyarms. Wing Zero. She recognized them from news programs during the War. They were impressive back then, but seeing them in person? Nothing compared. Apparently the news had been wrong when they reported that the Gundams had been destroyed. These machines were definitely in top form. Judging from the way the guys were working diligently on them, Usagi surmised that they had had several upgrades since then.
Her eyes passed over each pilot until they landed on Hiiro, who was discussing something with Duo and gesturing with some kind of large metal tool. She stifled a laugh as Duo tried grabbing the tool but ended up with a gun in his face. Funny how she wasn't scared of guns even after being shot.
As she glanced around some more, her eyes landed on Quatre, who was now staring in her direction. Startled, she jumped and began to slowly back out the door.
"Wait, Usagi!" he called out. The other guys turned sharply toward the door.
She paused as he approached, a guilty expression adorning her face. "I'm so sorry," she apologized instantly, hands splayed out in front of her. "I found the secret door and was curious, and no one was around. I'm sorry."
"Usagi, it's fine," Quatre reassured her, grabbing her shoulders gently. When he felt her start to calm down a bit, he took her hand and led her back into the underground hangar and over to the guys, who had abandoned their work and were now warily watching the two approach.
"Uh, hey, guys," Usagi murmured weakly, bracing herself for their inevitable anger. When all she received were placid greetings, she blanched.
"Impressive, ne?" Duo asked proudly when her jaw dropped in shock.
"No. Yes! I mean, you're not angry at me?"
The guys exchanged glances. "It's only fair," Wufei spoke up, moving around the group to stand next to her. "After all, you showed us your fighting form."
Usagi was quite flattered. She knew they all had issues with their pasts as pilots, and she more than readily accepted their wanting to keep it in the past. So to have them allow her to see the Gundams was a major trust issue on their parts.
Her musings were interrupted by a hand on her arm. "Want to get an up-close view?" Trowa asked with a hint of a smile. Before should could say anything, he was pulling her toward one of the gigantic mechas. "Usagi, this is Heavyarms."
"Wow." In all her years and training of proper language, that was the only word she could utter. Of course, that was the most appropriate word she could have uttered.
Throwing an arm tightly around her waist and pulling her body close, Trowa grabbed onto a steel cable suspended from the ceiling and stepped into an attached stirrup. The cable promptly began to ascend.
Usagi yelped in surprise as they rose higher and higher into the air and closer to the top of the Gundam. Her hands clutched tightly at the back of Trowa's shirt, causing him to chuckle under his breath. She only glared at him with wide eyes.
The cable stopped, and in one fluid motion Trowa had jumped onto the Gundam. He gently pried Usagi's fingers off of his shirt and told her, "Go on. Go inside."
She glanced hesitantly at him before climbing into the cockpit. Rows and rows of buttons. Control panels. Switches and levers. How did they figure out how to maneuver these things? The least she had to worry about in battle was that she aimed her moon rod in the right direction! "I can't believe you guys piloted these," she breathed, hand ghosting over one of the control panels.
He just shrugged. "We did what we had to do." It wasn't something he had ever really thought about. He piloted Heavyarms because he was asked to, end of story.
"Well, I think you guys are really amazing for it." Launching herself at Trowa, she practically knocked them both off the mecha and sent them downward toward a certain death.
"Careful, Usagi!" he chastised her halfheartedly as he returned the enthusiastic embrace.
"Oi! Are you two coming down now, or would you like to be left alone?" Duo's voice echoed in the hangar as he shouted up at them.
Blushing, Usagi retorted, "We'll be down in a minute! But you'd better start running now!"
At her words, Duo promptly took off. When she and Trowa reached the ground, Usagi followed suit. The others just watched on, amused.
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A good hour and several mercy pleas later, Usagi finally gave up on the chase. She collapsed on the couch next to Quatre, panting heavily and giggling. She had chased Duo outside and up a tree, which he refused to descend from even after she had called a truce.
"Have fun?" Quatre asked, playfully ruffling her hair.
She only giggled that much more. "More fun than Duo, that's for sure." Honestly! Who would've thought that a Gundam pilot would be scared of a girl?
Pushing away from the wall and sitting next to her, Hiiro questioned, "Why did you have to talk to your friends so urgently? What happened?"
The question was asked in his usual monotone, but she was extremely talented in reading people. Abnormally talented. So she knew right away that he was worried. Unable to help herself, she raised an eyebrow at him and grinned prettily, to which he scowled.
Turning to the group, she said with a sheepish chuckle, "You're going to think this is silly..."
"Try us," Wufei prompted, eyes narrowed suspiciously. Any imbecile could tell that she had left the house upset. Now she was trying to trivialize her actions?
"Yes, Usagi, please tell us," Quatre said encouragingly.
"Well..." Usagi paused. She didn't want to lie to them, but she couldn't tell them the truth, either. Not now. Not yet. Feverishly wracking her brain, she answered slowly, "I just... I was really upset after last night. I took some time alone to think, which may not have been a good idea. I was going to talk to the senshi, but... I don't want to endanger them." She laughed mirthlessly. "I feel horrible for putting you all in harm's way. Everyone wants to protect me, and I always get them hurt," she finished dejectedly, frowning with the concentration of someone who was trying not to cry.
"Usagi, we don't see it that way," Trowa said gently as he knelt down in front of her. "You think this is the most danger we've ever been in?" he joked. But even as he said it, he didn't quite believe it. At least when they were pilots they knew their enemies' identities, or at least had a general idea. A quick glance around the room told him the others were thinking the same way.
Usagi knew his words were shared amongst the rest of them, but they didn't alleviate the deep-rooted guilt she felt over what had taken place. It all boiled down to the fact that she had put them in danger. They may not blame her, but she blamed herself.
Shaking her head, Usagi gave Trowa a sad smile. "Thank you for the reassurance, but I don't believe you." She leaned forward and murmured so only he could hear, "You hesitated a moment too long." Not waiting for a reply, she stood and bypassed his frozen form, going up the stairs without a backwards glance. Once safely in her room, she collapsed on the bed and moaned in frustration. She never once regretted being a reincarnated Lunarian princess, but sometimes it was such a hassle! This was definitely one of those times.
A knock at the door made her sigh. "Come in, Hiiro."
He entered the room, frowning at her morose expression. Without waiting for an invitation, he sat down and stared hard at her. "Usagi." When she didn't answer he said, "Usagi, look at me."
But still she didn't. She couldn't. It was all too much. Way too much. And the last thing she wanted to do was cause any more pain to the guys she had grown to love like a family.
The guilt must have shown on her face because Hiiro said firmly, "This is not your fault. We don't blame you. We never did."
Finally she glanced at him, and she was blown away by the emotion aimed at her. There was no accusation, no anger. That alone was enough to make her almost sob in relief. She knew that Hiiro would never lie to her or hurt her. And in that moment, everything that she had been so confused about finally became clear. Grasping his hands, she told him, "Hiiro, I love you."
Usagi didn't know what she was expecting, but the reaction she received made her heart stop. All the color drained from Hiiro's face, and his eyes glazed over. His hands went slack in her grip. A shiver of dread ran up her spine at his now hardened features. "Hiiro?" she asked hesitantly.
He stood abruptly, breaking her hold. His shoulders began to tremble, only for a moment before he realized this and promptly got the action under control.
Usagi watched him with a horrified fascination. All it took were three small words to make Hiiro resort back to the stoic, closed-off man he was when they first met. If she didn't currently feel like her heart was being ripped out of her chest with rusty spoons, she probably would have laughed. "Hiiro?" she prompted again.
When he turned back to her, his face showed only one emotion: remorse. "I can't," he said evenly, calmly. As she made to question him, he said, "I can't love you."
The words felt like a sucker-punch to the gut. Why was he saying such a thing? She thought they were getting closer, that she had been able to pierce through the wall of ice around his heart. "Hiiro... but.. I don't understand--"
"I just can't, all right?" he shouted, making her recoil. "It's too dangerous to love you," he said quietly, a note of finality in his tone.
Usagi couldn't believe her ears. It was too dangerous? For her or for him? Either way the declaration angered her. Of course it was dangerous! Everything up this point had been dangerous! To think otherwise would have been foolish! And she was going to let him know that. "What a sorry thing to say!" she hissed, standing up and advancing on him, gaining a bit of satisfaction as his eyes darted around the room nervously. "I don't know if you're just afraid or what, but just say so! Pushing me away will do you no favors because I know you return my feelings. So just stop fighting it!"
With that, she shoved past him, running down a back stairway as to avoid the others. The last thing she needed right now was an entourage. The guys meant well, but there really was nothing to say at this point. The one person who should be calming her down was the one person upsetting her more.
Sneaking out the back door, she turned in the direction of the garden but paused. She was instinctually going to the gazebo, but perhaps that wasn't the best choice since that was where she had received her visions of her true past. No need to bring up even more thoughts to make herself bitter. Instead she turned the opposite way and walked around the house to the dirt road.
Slowly making her way down the quiet road, Usagi took the time to go over her previous conversation. "It's too dangerous to love me? Ha!" she muttered to herself as she kicked at an imaginary rock. "Coward! He should at least own up to it."
She mulled over this as she continued on, paying no attention as it seemingly got darker around her. The air was calm, silent--too silent. She finally noticed that there was no background noise. None at all. "Oh, hell."
Usagi began to jog her way back up the road, keeping an eye on the surrounding area for any disturbances. The hair on the back of her neck stood on end, and she knew that she was being watched. Stopping in the middle of the road, she shouted into the empty expanse, "Show yourself!"
While this probably wasn't her smartest decision, she was just completely fed up with everything. Maybe if she confronted this person, she could finally get some answers as to what he or she wanted.
But she wouldn't be given that option, as something struck her on the side of her neck. She reached up and pulled out a dart, dazedly staring at it before crashing to the ground.
What was happening to her? She couldn't move, couldn't even blink. Her vision was muddled, as were her thoughts. No, this wasn't the way this was supposed to happen. She was supposed to be in control. She had to get back to the guys to warn them. She had to move.
A moment later someone turned her over onto her back. She stared blearily up at the figure, trying to see who it was. The only thing she could make out was long blonde hair... and then her vision dimmed as she fell into unconsciousness.
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Hahaha! Isn't it great to see that my (not-so-short) hiatus didn't squelch my love for cliffies? Hahaha!! So how many of you want to shoot me at the moment? Keep in mind that I write better when I'm not in pain...
I also took to changing the spelling of Hiiro's name. You may recall that in the previous chapters I spelled it Heero. In all the one-shots I've written in the past couple of years I've written it as Hiiro and have grown comfortable using it, so that's what it'll be from now on. If that bothers you, well.. ::shrugs::
Well, these next few chapters are the ones that I've been wanting to get to write for (literally) years now, so I'm soooo excited about that! As long as I can keep up my momentum, I'm doing good! Hopefully my next update won't be TOO horribly long, but I make no promises, as I'm once again back in school and have tons to do.
So... to all my loyal fans, thanks for sticking around so long! And to all my new readers, thanks for taking the time out to read this little (big) ditty. I know it took at least a couple of hours to wade through... I love you all!
Until next chapter, then. Peace out!
