Disclaimer: In case there was any sort of confusion, though I don't know why there would be, I do not own The Walking Dead. No copyright intended.
Warning: Rated M for language, violence, gore, and occasional smut.
"Love is that condition in which the happiness of another person is essential to your own."
―Robert A. Heinlein
All's Well
The sound of a startled yelp had Jenna snapping up in her sleeping bag, fully awake and alert in one pounding heartbeat, gun drawn and ready to fire. She regained control of her breathing when she realized that Thao was whimpering next to her, eyes pinched shut as he tossed and turned in the confines of his own sleeping bag. He hadn't had nightmares in a while, and she wondered, riddled with guilt, if her absence the day before was to blame.
She switched the safety on and set the gun down before reaching over to gently nudge the child. "Thao…wake up, sweetheart," she urged in a calm voice.
His velvety black eyes blinked open, and he looked around the tent quickly, his breath moving in and out in quick, irregular gasps.
"Shhh…" she soothed, brushing his hair back softly. "It's okay, sweetheart. You're alright."
"It was just a dream?" he asked hopefully, his eyes still wide with traces of whatever horrors he'd been imagining in his sleep.
She nodded. "Just a dream," she confirmed, keeping her voice low and gentle.
He rubbed his hands over his eyes as he calmed down, and then peered up at her again. "In my dream I was running through the trees, and there were a lot of big dogs chasing me, but they weren't normal dogs, they were walker dogs," he explained. "I was running as fast as I could, but I kept falling down over rocks and sticks and stuff, and they were getting closer, and then you woke me up."
"That does sound scary," she agreed honestly, and leaned down to kiss his forehead. "But there aren't any walker dogs, buddy. That's one thing you don't have to worry about."
He tilted his head in consideration. "Are you sure?"
She nodded, and recalled several occasions in which she'd come across the remains of the meal some walkers had made of a canine; the dog's body missing massive chunks out of its middle, human teeth marks all along the raw edges of flesh. She'd seen quite a few animals in such a state in her travels, a good number of them dogs. All of them were just dead, and it was clear that they wouldn't be getting up again to join the human corpses that roamed the earth.
"I'm sure," she vowed. "Dogs don't turn into walkers. And you don't have to worry, because if anyone or anything ever tried to hurt you, I'd kick their butt," she promised him with a small smile, tapping the tip of his nose with her finger lightly.
Thao giggled, and crawled out of his sleeping bag to climb into her lap. She wrapped her arms around his little form and rested her cheek on his hair while he nestled his head into the crook of her shoulder. They sat that way for a while, letting the lingering fear from his nightmare fade in the light of day.
He leaned back a little to peer up at her, his big eyes pensive. "Mama…sometimes I think about my other mama, and my daddy. Sometimes I miss them…is that okay?"
"Sweetheart, of course that's okay," she assured him immediately, brushing his shaggy hair back. "They're your mom and dad, and they loved you very much. You can think about them and miss them as much as you want to, buddy. Okay? Don't ever think you can't."
"You won't be sad if I miss them sometimes?" he asked, wanting to be absolutely sure, she could tell.
She shook her head. "No, buddy, I won't," she promised. "They're your family, and family is very important."
He nodded after he'd considered that a moment. "My other mama said people go to Heaven when they die. Is Heaven for real?"
"I'd like to think so," she replied truthfully. And then, deciding not to voice any doubts she had to the young child, she continued. "I'm sure it must be, and I'm sure that one day, when you've lived your life to the fullest, you'll be able to see your family in Heaven. And they'll be so proud of you for living such a good long life."
"And your family's in Heaven, like mine?" he wondered eventually.
They'd had similar conversations a few times in all the time they'd spent together. In the beginning, it was actually Thao who'd determined that his parents must've been in Heaven if they didn't come back for him.
She nodded to answer his question. "Yep, they're all up there. Who knows? They might be visiting with your mom and dad. Maybe they're friends now."
He smiled, seeming pleased with that idea. "I think so too, mama."
She gave him a little squeeze of a hug, and then laughed under her breath when she heard his stomach rumble loudly. "Come on, buddy. Let's go see what we can find for breakfast," she said, setting him down beside her so she could free her legs of her sleeping bag.
"Should we wake up Dusty?" he asked while she was in the middle of lacing up her boots.
She glanced up at Dusty's sleeping figure, lying on her stomach in her own sleeping bag, her head of dark curls in a tangled heap that covered her face and shoulders. "Go for it," she said with a slight smirk.
Thao plopped himself into a seated position on Dusty's back, earning a muffled oof from the woman, and Jenna couldn't hold back a snort of laughter.
"Dusty, time for breakfast," Thao told her cheerfully.
Dusty shifted her shoulders and tried and failed to move the hair out of her face. "Alright, big guy, I'm up," she told him in a sleep-laden voice. "Gotta get off me so I can actually get up, though, squirt," she added.
He giggled triumphantly from his spot on the middle of her back.
"Oh, you're laughin now, bucko," Dusty teased, her voice amused now, "but you won't be laughin when I pick ya up by your feet an' tie ya to the fence upside-down, let the cows lick your face."
"Eww!" he cried with a laugh, and scrambled off of her quickly. "Mama told me to wake you up, so I did," he defended from his safe spot behind Jenna.
"Did she, now?" said Dusty, narrowing her sleepy eyes at Jenna as she turned and sat up, tossing her heap of curls over her shoulder finally. "Guess it's her I should tie to the fence then, huh?" she said to Thao conspiratorially.
Jenna sniggered at that mental image. "Good luck with that," she said, picking up her gun and stowing it into her belt. "Just consider it payback, for stealing my books and giving them to Daryl," she joked. "Still haven't gotten them back, by the way."
"You're the one who stole 'em from Jenner," she pointed out, looking around the tent searchingly. "Where in the hell are my shoes?" she grumbled under her breath.
"Technically, I saved them from a fiery death," Jenna corrected in a dignified voice.
"Thank you, big guy," Dusty said when Thao retrieved her shoes from under her sleeping bag. "An' technically, there better be somethin other than beans for breakfast, or I'm gonna break down an' blubber like a baby," she said with a sigh.
Jenna smirked and pulled a hooded sweatshirt over her head. She zipped Thao into a little fleece jacket, and followed Dusty out of the tent.
"C'mon, let's go get some grub," she said as she pushed the flap out of the way.
Jenna zipped the flap closed behind her and they walked the short distance from their tent to the fire pit, where Carol was up and bustling about, getting a quick breakfast prepared for everyone. It looked like they were in for oatmeal this time, and Jenna smirked at Dusty's expression of relief.
When Carol assured them that she didn't need any help, Jenna and Dusty took a seat on one of the log-converted-benches near the fire, Thao sitting snugly between them. Jenna scanned her eyes around the area habitually, and noted that only a few of the others were awake and out of their respective tents. It must've been relatively early, then. Hmm. She'd expected to sleep in later, or at least still be tired when she woke up, but she felt fine, for the most part. There was a lot to be said for a good night's sleep. She hadn't slept soundly in a long while.
Her thoughts wandered back to the events of the previous night, and she contained a small smile. She wasn't sure what exactly was going on between her and Shane, but she didn't think putting a label on it was all that important. All she knew was that for the first time in a long time, she was more than just content—she was...happy.
Thao shifted beside her, bringing his legs up and wrapping his arms around his knees after he'd pulled his hands into the sleeves of his jacket. "It's cold," he observed, a touch of surprise in his voice.
Now that he'd mentioned it, Jenna noticed that the morning air had more of a bite to it than usual, even for such an early hour. Maybe the weather was turning, since August had come and gone…hadn't it? She wasn't completely sure, to be honest. She'd stopped keeping track of the days for a while now.
"It'll probably warm up in a couple of hours," she assured him, rubbing her hand up and down his back gently. "Here, come here, buddy. Let's keep warm, okay?"
She pulled him into her lap and wrapped her arms around him again, and he snuggled into her without complaint, for which she was glad. She felt like she needed to catch up on some bonding time with her boy, and truthfully, she wanted to avoid him catching a cold. Quality of health was more vital than ever in these crazy days.
She made a mental note to see about getting him a warmer jacket. He'd need it when the weather really started to turn.
"Thao," Jenna chided, holding the door of the chicken coop in place while Maggie set to work at repairing the hinges. Her boy looked up at her with wide, innocent eyes from where he stood several yards away, playing with the chickens—or scaring them, to be more accurate. "Do not chase them anymore, understand? If I have to tell you one more time, you get a timeout."
He heaved a great sigh, settling down. "Okay, mama," he said with reluctant acceptance of those terms. "Can I pick one up and hold it?" he asked hopefully.
"No, buddy, they won't like that very much," Jenna answered patiently.
Maggie laughed under her breath a little, and finished with the hinge. "Tell ya what, kiddo," she said, wiping her hands on her jeans, "you can go ahead an' feed 'em now. I bet they're hungry."
Thao jumped up and shot a triumphant fist in the air. "Yes!"
Jenna smirked and moved the door of the coop back and forth, glad to see that it was now swinging smoothly. Maggie retrieved the bucket of feed for him while Jenna picked up the rusted old hinge and the brittle, broken screws they'd discarded on the ground while they'd worked.
She and Dusty had gotten an early start on chores after their quick breakfast, and Jenna had volunteered to help Maggie with the repair of the coop; Thao would be entertained by the chickens, which were conveniently located on the opposite side of the expansive yard from the shed that housed their prisoner. Thao probably would've enjoyed watching Dusty and Patricia feed and brush the horses, but the stables were much closer to Randall. Jenna's priority was to keep Thao away from that shed at all costs.
Jenna rolled up the sleeves of her sweatshirt for Thao—she'd given it to him when the cool morning breeze had picked up to a more constant wind—and soon he was free to toss handfuls of feed around for the poor animals he'd been pestering off and on for the past half-hour.
"Thanks," she said to Maggie when she stepped back to be out of firing distance of the flying bits of feed.
Maggie chuckled, watching the little boy with an amused look on her face. "No problem. Shawn was a lot worse when he was a kid," she recalled fondly. "Little punk used to throw pieces of gravel at 'em, before dad set him straight."
Jenna smiled a little sadly. She remembered what it was like to grow up with a little brother, and she knew that for all the times that Josh had pissed her off or driven her up the wall, she would've given anything for him to be right there with her. Now she, like Maggie, had nothing but fond memories to cling to.
"Doesn't he have a jacket that fits him a little better?" Maggie asked, bringing Jenna out of her thoughts.
"Not a very good one for colder weather," she replied.
"Might have somethin in the house he can have," Maggie mused after a beat. "I'll go see what we've got," she offered.
"Thank you," said Jenna, a surge of gratitude flooding through her. If the Greenes had anything to keep Thao warm, it would take a load off her mind, that was a certainty.
Maggie nodded and headed off across the lawn toward the house, and Jenna leaned back against the side of the coop, watching Thao toss feed around diligently, a look of concentration on his little face. He was determined to make sure that every last chicken and chick got their fair share.
She smirked fondly, and looked over to her right at the sound of approaching footsteps to see Shane heading in their direction.
"Hey," she greeted when he reached her, smiling.
He settled back to lean against the side of the coop next to her. "Hey," he responded, and leaned in to give her a quick peck on the lips. "Was wonderin where I'd find ya."
She looked back at Thao, who had yet to notice Shane's appearance, he was so focused. "I'm trying to keep him on this side of the property," she said, and knew she didn't have to elaborate for Shane to understand. "Who's on watch?" she wondered then. Someone had to have relieved Daryl by now.
"Glenn," Shane answered. "Jus' give it a few days, girl. He'll be gone soon, then he won't be our problem anymore," he added in a quieter tone.
She blew out a frustrated sigh of resignation and dragged a hand through her tangled hair. "Soon couldn't be soon enough for me."
"Yeah, I know," Shane said, sounding as resigned as she was. "I don't want him here anymore 'n you do, but Rick's right. We can jus' send him on his way in a few days, problem solved. I think he's more trouble 'n he's worth, to be honest, but since he's already here, might as well go along with Rick on this one."
She smirked a bit. "Wow, I've never seen you so calm," she teased.
He rolled his eyes and snorted a laugh. "Yeah, well, turns out flyin off the handle don't always work out too well," he said, sliding his hands in his pockets. "Don't want you bitin my head off or takin off again on my account," he added, both joking and serious.
She cringed internally, remembering her harsh words a couple days ago. "Listen, I'm sorry about that," she admitted, studying the hem of the sweater she'd borrowed from Dusty rather than meeting his gaze. "You're not the only hothead between the two of us, in any case."
"Yeah, I know it," he said, and she smirked ruefully. "But you don't gotta apologize for callin me out on my temper, darlin. Shouldn'ta brought your boy into it."
She shook her head. "No, that's exactly what you should've done," she disagreed, meeting his eyes that time. At his puzzled frown, she continued. "You had a point, Shane. Why do you think I got so mad?"
Unable to argue, he just nodded. "Guess you're right, but I 's still bein an ass, wasn't I," he said.
She gave a nonchalant shrug, in a manner that suggested she was used to it by now, and struggled to keep a straight face. He rolled his eyes, smirking now.
"Tell ya what," he told her, "next time I'm bein an ass, jus' smack me upside the head, alright?" he offered amusedly.
"You better just remember you're the one who gave me permission."
"Oh, I will," he assured her, and put an arm around her waist, drawing her into him.
She let her head rest back on his shoulder while she watched Thao, thoroughly engrossed in his own little world full of carefree play and fun little animals. Thankfully, he seemed to have taken her final reprimand to heart, and refrained from chasing the poor chickens, though it was clear by his eager movements that he was tempted. Watching her boy play, she was never more glad for Hershel's decision to let them stay on his land. Thao wouldn't have little luxuries such as these otherwise.
Her body had absorbed some much appreciated warmth from Shane's, and she found herself wondering when a person's proximity had become so comforting to her—let alone a man's proximity. Not that it really mattered, she supposed. Better to just enjoy it.
She shifted her shoulders and got a little more comfortable, enjoying the newly familiar pressure of Shane's form. It was interesting how it felt to be near him now. It wasn't different from before, exactly. Things between them were still the same as ever, but just…freer. There were no pretenses, and no walls. No secrets.
"How long you been up?" Shane asked quietly, pulling her from her musings.
She gave a small shrug. "A few hours or so. Before Carol had breakfast ready, however long ago that was." She didn't keep track of time much these days. There was no point, really. Their lives were no longer measured by working hours or schedules. There was daylight, and night. The increments of time in between the two were inconsequential.
"Yeah?" he said, a faint note of surprise in his voice. "Didn't think you'd be up so early."
She didn't have to look to know he was smirking.
"Don't let it bruise your ego, sheriff," she joked, keeping her voice just low enough that it wouldn't carry to Thao, and smirked a little herself at the likelihood of that. "I slept like a baby," she assured him.
"Mmm. Good to know," he replied amusedly, and pressed his lips to her hair for a moment. "So did I," he added slyly.
She chuckled under her breath. "I'll bet you did. When did you get to sleep, anyway?"
"Jus' before dawn," he said. "Andrea took over for me. Finally got some shuteye then. Thank God. Would'a been nice sleepin next to you, though," he added suggestively, squeezing her a little closer to him.
"Oh, I've already got a man to keep me warm at night," she reminded him with a nod in Thao's direction, curbing any scandalous thoughts that might've been running through Shane's head.
He laughed lightly at that and kissed the top of her head again. "Speakin'a which…" he said, and wordlessly indicated the little boy who stood several yards away, and was now watching the two of them like a hawk, his little arms crossed.
"Uh-oh," she said quietly, successfully keeping her face straight. "I think you got me in trouble."
"Looks like it," Shane agreed, and released her from his hold under Thao's watchful gaze.
"You better let me talk to him alone," she advised, looking over her shoulder as she stepped in her boy's direction. "I'll see you in a bit."
Shane nodded, understanding, and heading back in the direction of camp to give the two of them some privacy.
Thao stood stubbornly still, his arms still crossed in front of him, his face a mask of absolute seriousness, and watched her approach him. She'd been wondering what she'd say to Thao, and hadn't exactly had much success at coming up with any words that would help the young child understand something she could hardly explain in the first place. But, there was no way to put it off any longer. She just hoped she'd be able to get him to understand.
"What was he doing?" Thao demanded as soon as she was in front of him.
She lowered down on her haunches to be at eye-level with him. "Well, buddy, he was…giving me a hug," she decided. That was accurate enough, and easy for a five-year-old to grasp.
"Why?" he asked without missing a beat.
She almost laughed at how defensive her boy had suddenly become, but managed to keep her expression calm and gentle. It couldn't have been easy for Thao to see someone else moving in on his little realm of security and comfort. For months it had just been the two of them against the world, and then they'd joined the others, and he'd adjusted to that remarkably well. This was different. He seemed to be worried that there was now the risk of someone taking her away from him, and that was what she needed to address; she needed to assure him that that wasn't going to happen—ever.
"Because, he…he likes me," she said. "He cares about me."
"He likes you like a girlfriend?" he wondered, his voice heavily suspicious.
She nodded. "Yeah, it's like that," she answered.
"Do you like him like a boyfriend?" he asked not a moment later, clearly intent on getting answers from her.
Again, she nodded. "Yeah, buddy, I do."
He considered that for a second, and she could almost see the wheels turning in his head while his young mind worked through this information. "How come?" he questioned eventually.
Hmm. That was a little trickier. "Well, he's a good person," she decided. "And we get along really well. Understand?"
He shuffled his feet reluctantly, looking a little pouty. "Do you have to like him?" he asked beseechingly. "Can you not like him anymore?"
"No, buddy, it doesn't work like that," she told him gently. "It's not something you can help." She took both of his hands in hers and got him to meet her eyes again. "What's bothering you, sweetheart? Can you tell me?" He shrugged, in manner that told her he knew the answer, but was unwilling to share it. "It's okay, buddy, you can tell me," she cajoled.
It took a moment, but eventually he expressed his concerns. "What if he doesn't like me?"
"Sweetheart, of course he likes you," she assured him.
His big black eyes peered up at her in uncertainty. "But what if he doesn't? What if he just likes you and wants you to not like me too?"
She shook her head gently. "Baby boy, that's not gonna happen, I promise," she vowed, squeezing as much sincerity into her tone as she could so he would understand that she was being honest. "And I promise if he did, I wouldn't like him at all, and I'd tell him to take a hike."
His lips quirked up at the corners then, and he tried to hold in a giggle. She smiled slightly, knowing things were on the mend now, and give his ribs a little poke, earning a true laugh that time. Before he could get away, she wrapped one arm around his back, preventing his escape, and proceeded to tickle him until he laughed hard enough to send the chickens scurrying away in fright.
When he'd calmed down from his fit of laughter, she pulled him into a hug and kissed his cheek. "I love you, baby boy. I always will."
"I love you too, mama."
Note:
I'm not sure if I'm doing very well at capturing the vernacular of a young child, so tell me if I'm off the mark. I'm mostly mimicking the way my five-year-old cousin speaks. She uses a lot of run-on sentences and a lot of "ands" but other than that, she speaks pretty clearly.
Anyway, thank you to those who've favorited and followed, and of course thank you to those who've reviewed!
Also, it might take a little longer between updates, because I'm currently out of prewritten material, and my school workload is getting heavier. Just a heads-up, but I'll do my best to keep updates regular.
Lastly, all you Shane fans out there should definitely take a look at a story by Xbamex, called To Rebuild Meaning. It's action-packed and full of interesting twists and turns. Give it a shot!
