Chapter 43
The rain was pouring buckets outside causing the earth to appear flooded. The grim, gray clouds clump together, blocking out the sun. The castle was in mourning for the loss of a great leader and the weather replicated those feelings.
I sit in my chair glancing out the window, watching the rain patter and slide down the glass. I place down my book that I'm too distracted to read. I rest my cheek against my palm and sigh. The morning consisted of the burial of the king and Alyn had asked to spend time alone. I had hidden myself away in my room while I waited for him to return.
I sub consciously run my hand over my growing belly. "I hope he's okay," I say aloud. I sigh once again and force myself out the chair. "I'm no use to him sitting here." I open my door and take a step out into the hall. I follow the carpet down the corridor and walk out into the courtyard containing Alyn's old room.
"Are you looking for Alyn, Aria?"
I turn around and find Elias walking out of the training hall. Our eyes meet briefly before he looks away with sadness. "He's taking this pretty hard."
"Do you know where he is?"
He jabs a finger behind him and I can hear the faint sounds of a sword clashing against wood. "He's been in there all afternoon."
"Thank you," I say quietly and step past him into the hall. My eyes rest on Alyn's figure slicing away at one of the dummies. My eyes widen at the row of headless dummies. Is this how he takes out his frustration?
I step further inside until I'm a few feet away. Alyn raises his arm and slams his sword deep into the neck of the dummy until the head flies off and rolls onto the floor to my feet. He turns around surprised to see me. "What are you doing here?"
"I came to find you; I was worried. You've been gone for a few hours now," I say reaching down and grabbing the decapitated, wooden head.
He reaches over and grabs the head and tosses it into a pile with others. "You should head back; you shouldn't be out here in this weather."
"This isn't about me, Alyn," I take a step closer and rest a hand on his shoulder. He shrugs it off and takes another swing at the dummy. "Alyn," I say sternly.
"Go," he growls and jabs his sword throw the dummy's middle.
"No!" I retort. My voice comes out calm and clear and I'm amazed I'm able to control it so well despite how nervous I felt. "Look at what you're doing."
"I'm fine," he barks and pulls the sword out of the wood.
"Someone who is 'fine' doesn't decapitate every dummy in their training hall." I wave my hand at the giant pile of wooden heads. He ignores me and swings his sword at the next dummy in line.
"Alyn," I say and reach for his hand. "Don't," he says shoving me away and I stumble onto the floor. His eyes widen and he stares at me while I look back at him surprised. "I-I'm sorry," he says. Tears well in my eyes and I feel useless trying to understand.
He offers his hand and helps me get to my feet. Our eyes lock and I can see the brightly colored red has faded and have been replaced with a pained and dark maroon. He releases my hand and holds his sword steady at his side.
"Talk to me, Alyn. This isn't like you," I mutter. "I want to help."
His eyes glance at the rows of dummies. "I couldn't do anything," he murmurs. He closes his eyes and his brows narrow and his face becomes angry. "I couldn't save him," he growls and throws his sword at a nearby dummy. It lands in the middle and I jump back at the impact.
Alyn lowers himself to the floor and places a hand over his face while the other dangles over his knee. I lower myself and rest beside him. I place a hand on his shoulder and he doesn't shrug it away. His body trembles and I realize he's crying.
Instinctively, I wrap my arms around him and pull him to my chest. I feel him tense up at my actions. "It's okay to cry," I whisper.
He remains quiet enveloped in my arms and I stroke the back of his head while he lets everything out. "He was like a father to you, wasn't he?" I ask.
He doesn't reply but I know he wants to say yes. After quite a few minutes, Alyn finally pulls away with a reddened race and swollen eyes. I give a soft smile and he pulls me in for a strong kiss. His rough hands caress the sides of my face. He pulls away and his eyes linger on mine for a moment.
"I didn't want you to see me like that," he says quietly. "I never want to look weak in front of you."
"I don't care," I reply. "I love you whether you're weak or strong. It's okay to mourn the loss of someone you cared about. You shouldn't care how you look in front of others."
He remains quiet but a small smile tugs at his lips. "I don't deserve you," he mumbles. His eyes connect with mine once again and my heart skips a beat at how gentle and sincere he appears. He lifts my chin and presses his lips to mine.
"You're stuck with me," I say with a smile. "I may drive you crazy but I'll never abandon you."
He rises to his feet and helps me to mine. Without warning, he pulls me into his arms and holds me. "Thank you," he whispers into my ear.
The sound of rain ceases and I glance out the window behind us to see the sun slowly come out of hiding. Taking it as a sign the worst is over, I let myself be embraced as long as need with a silent smile upon my face.
