Title: Always The Last To Know
Author: rekkidbraka
Rating: T
Pairings: Tony D. and Ziva D.
Category: Romance
Disclaimer: No infringement intended.
Spoilers: None
Summary: Ziva won't let Tony sneak snacks at the grocery store and Baby Sarah smuggles in McFlea. Uh-oh.

-------------------- Always The Last To Know ---------------------

"Sweet melons," Tony said huskily, running his tongue along his teeth as he eyeballed Ziva, who pushed the grocery cart slowly through the produce section. Baby Sarah sat in the top basket area, fiercely cuddling Tony The Tiger who was, today, all bundled up against the cold outside. He was so fully covered that neither Tony nor Ziva had seen his orange, stripey face peep out from Baby Sarah's pink blanket.

"Tony..." Ziva replied, cutting her husband a sharp look. Normally she enjoyed his teasing double-entendres but with Sarah picking up new words every minute of the day, Ziva wanted Tony to choose his words with more caution.

"What?" Tony asked, his green eyes wide. Turning towards Ziva, he held two small cantaloupes in his hands. He nodded down at them. "Sweet melons." He looked innocently into Ziva's dark brown eyes. "On sale, too." Ziva smirked back at him.

"Put them in," Ziva sighed, rolling her eyes. Tony was such a prankster, which she loved, and being in the grocery store always seemed to bring out his silliest side. She watched him like a hawk in this store, especially since they'd been asked to leave only a couple of months before when Tony had called out to her "Hey Sweet Cheeks, lookit this!" and then, riding the shopping cart like a small child would, crashed into a tall, intricately-stacked display of evaporated milk cans. To make matters worse, Tony, lying under the overturned cart with cans piled on him, had joked "Cleanup on aisle nine!" when the manager and stockboys stood over the ruined display. Ziva had personally returned just a week ago to ask the manager if they could again shop there provided that Tony never touched the shopping cart. And so the DiNozzo family was allowed to return on a probational basis.

"Probational basis," Tony had scoffed when Ziva told him of the agreement. "There's grocery stores all over D.C., honey! Who needs those highbrows at Fed Foods and their bright, shiny 'Aisles of Smiles'? Nobody was smiling last time we were there." He sniffed dismissively.

"That is because you destroyed the milk display," Ziva replied. "Also, you were taking free samples of everything in the store."

"Hey, they offered 'em!" Tony shot back.

"You were circling around to get thirds, Tony!" Ziva snapped. "I think they were well within their rights to tell you that a fourth sampling of the deli cheese tray was a bit beyond the pile!"

"Pale, my angel," Tony corrected. "And... I was hungry. If they don't want shoppers to snack, they shouldn't hand out little tempting morsels of cheese and bread and brownies and..." He smacked his lips. "When are we goin' shopping again?"

So now the family was back at Fed Foods with Ziva in control of the shopping cart and Tony on the short leash as they gathered what was on her list of essentials. Tony had been warned against his usual practice of slipping snacks into the basket when he thought Ziva wasn't looking. He'd tried recruiting Sarah to help him but she'd told him "NO, Daddy! BAD!" and put back all his sneaky snacks on the shelves. Tony snarled, realizing he was flying solo in his quest for treats.

As Tony schemed about how to get a box of King Kong Kakes into the cart while Ziva's back was turned, he noticed a small black snoot peek out of Sarah's pink blanket. It snuffed at the air. Next, it panted, its tongue hanging out the side of its mouth. Tony's eyes popped wide. No! Not him! Not here! Not now! Tony thought, panicking. Baby Sarah giggled, patting the little sniffing nose. McFlea popped his black head out of the blanket, ears pricked up. Tony immediately pulled the blanket back down over McFlea's head, looking around to make sure nobody else in the store had seen the dog. He knew if Ziva found out McFlea was in the blanket, she'd go ballistic.

"SHHHHH! Sarah!" Tony admonished in a stage whisper, putting his index finger to his lips. "No telling about McFlea! Mommy will get MAD! We'll be in trouble with the STORE!" Baby Sarah's smile vanished. She nodded. Peeping into the blanket, she told McFlea in a whisper, "Shhh! McFee!" McFlea's tail wagged out from under the pink blanket. Tony rushed to cover it.

"Do we have everything we need?" Ziva asked brightly, turning back to the cart.

"And more," Tony laughed nervously. Sarah clutched her pink blanketed bundle to her. Its black snoot poked out, sniffing again, but Ziva didn't notice. Tony hurriedly placed a box of Puppy Puffs in front of it, flashing Ziva a toothy grin. Baby Sarah laughed, too, mimicking her daddy. Ziva eyed them both suspiciously.

At checkout, Ziva and Tony piled the groceries onto the conveyor belt. Tony waited until the last possible minute to remove the Puppy Puffs from in front of where Sarah sat. When he did, he was relieved to see only a pink bundle -- no black snoot sniffing around. Ziva paid the checker for the groceries and Tony quickly said "I'll get the groceries out to the car, Sweet Cheeks, while you finish up here" and rushed out the door with Sarah, the pink bundle, the bags and the cart. After placing the bags in the trunk, Tony loaded Sarah and the stowaway McFlea into the baby seat and let out a huge sigh. McFlea once again popped his black head out of the blanket, his tongue hanging out the side of his mouth. Baby Sarah giggled with joy. McFlea howled, obviously happy.

"Listen, Snugglemuffin," Tony said, fastening his daughter into the baby seat as he set McFlea next to her, "Daddy knows you love McFlea and Daddy does too. Daddy wishes he could go everywhere with us all the time. But dogs can't go to the grocery store. The grocery store is just for people; it's not for dogs, OK?" Sarah frowned. "Hey, I don't make the rules. I just follow them... sometimes." Tony made sure Sarah was secure in the seat and turned his attention to McFlea. "And YOU," he said. "I bet Sarah didn't think this up all by herself." McFlea cocked his head to one side, looking quizzically at Tony. "Don't gimme that look. Every time we come home from the grocery store, you drool like a McFool tryin' to sneak into the food bags. Guess today you thought you'd just skip the middleman and eat off the shelves, huh? Well, nice try, McFlea J. DiNozzo, but you got McSCHOOLED! Ha HAH!"

"And YOU do not think YOU are in trouble, Tony?" Ziva's voice, coming from behind Tony, made him jump. He bonked his head on the top of the car door opening. Baby Sarah hid her face with her little hands and McFlea whimpered, diving for safety under the pink blanket. "We could have been banned from the store AGAIN!"

Tony turned to face her, rubbing the fresh knot on his head.

"I didn't know McFlea was hidin' in Sarah's blanket!" Tony argued.

"Answer ONE question for me, then, Tony!" Ziva demanded, pointing her finger into his chest. "Just ONE question!"

"Fine! Let's have it!" Tony snapped back, narrowing his eyes.

"What does the "J" in McFlea J. DiNozzo stand for?" Ziva crossed her arms, raising an eyebrow at her husband, awaiting her answer.

Tony glared at her defiantly for a minute before replying.

"That, my ninja," he said in a half-whisper, "is for you to figure out... and to tell me when you come up with something."

Striding around to the driver's side of the car after letting Ziva into the passenger's seat, Tony got inside, started the engine and looked over at Ziva.

"And my King Kong Kakes had better be in one of those bags," he sniffed.

"They are not," she replied. "I told you no extra snacks."

"Well, then," Tony whispered bitterly. He snapped the radio on to an Ohio State game. "I still have the Buckeyes." When the score came on and Ohio State lost, Tony turned off the radio. Ziva patted his thigh tenderly.