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Chapter Forty Two

I am feeding Amelia when Spencer calls and it's amusing. I guess Morgan gave his number to the press and they're blowing his phone up. We've been invited to get another dinner party. I guess Rossi caught wind that I was on good terms with Emily and JJ he thought we needed to celebrate. We're supposed to go tomorrow if they're back.

...

I'm having fun at Rossi's. I didn't think I would, but watching JJ squirm and play nice has been fun.

"You're so lucky, I wish I had been able to breastfeed Henry. But I just couldn't with the job."

"Yeah. I'm just thankful that Spencer made it possible for me to stay home. Don't know what I'd do without him." I gaze up at him and he wraps an arm around me. He knows damn well what I'm doing but he's presenting a united front. I step outside for a few minutes and I'm followed by Hotch.

"Hey, what are you doing out here?"

"Pretending to get some air."

"Pretending."

"Yep."

"But in reality you're waiting for JJ to slip up and think you're gone."

"Yep."

"And this is worth fighting with Reid over that cigarette in your hand?"

"It's not lit," I hold it up to him. "Besides, Spencer has a nose like a blood hound. He would have been out here the second you opened the door."

"You aren't wrong."

"I've been meaning to sit down and talk with you for a while."

"Well, were sitting now. Let's talk." I stare ahead into the darkness.

"I know we've made amends. But I want to know, why did you not get nearly as angry at me? You shunned JJ and Emily for three months. But you talked to me a week later."

"I guess I wasn't angry with you. I was more disappointed than anything."

"Oh yeah, whys that?"

"Because I guess I've seen you as kind of a father figure to Spencer. Someone who he can count on. I guess watching him get hurt for the third time by the same man, in a sense at least,"

"Three times by a father figure?"

"Yeah. First his real dad. Then Gideon abandoned him. And then you betrayed him. Yeah, I was pissed. But moreso I was disappointed in you because you knew, you knew Spencer's worst fears, you knew that you were a very important person in his eyes. You knew that he looked up to you. But you did it anyways."

"I am so sorry Ashleigh. I can see now. I do hope we can all move on."

"Well, it's hard not to be resentful towards those that caused his pain. Hotch, I can't tell you everything out of respect for my husband. What I can tell you is that for a while there, I was afraid for his life."

"I know about the dilaudid. I know what he tried."

"How could you possibly know?"

"Spencer told me. During his mandatory psychological evaluation a month after she came back. He was so angry that he let it slip."

"Did you report it?"

"Absolutely not. After I calmed him down we talked it out. And he told me that you took it from him. That's when I realized that as long as he's with you, he won't slip."

"Thank you."

"No. Thank you. You saved his life."

...