A/N: Hey there! I know it's been forever since I have updated this story, but life has been seriously busy. The last few months in particular have been spent traveling around Europe and finishing up online classes so that I can teach English abroad. It has been quite the adventure, and I'm so glad to have gotten to do it all with the love of my life!
Anyways, this chapter is from the POV of Haineko and Senbonzakura. I hope that you all enjoy it, as always leave a review and tell me if you liked it! I'll be working on a new chapter asap, after some interviews tomorrow. Happy reading!
She'd been with her master for more years than she could count, providing support, encouragement, and comfort when the situation called for it. In all that time she had never seen the woman happier than she'd been for the last few years. The inner world where she existed looked better than she could ever remember, full of lush greens, flowing rivers and beautiful wild flowers. She knew it was because her master had fallen in love, but she was still in awe at the transformation.
Before Byakuya Kuchiki had come in, sweeping her off her feet like a white knight, things had become completely desolate, almost barren and desert like. The death of Gin Ichimaru causing tumultuous storms which ravaged the land, pulling up the vegetation and throwing it around in disarray. While the devastation hadn't come as a surprise, it was certainly worse than expected. She had tried desperately several times to reach out to her master, to comfort her and stop it from getting that bad. Unfortunately, the woman was so consumed in her grief that she didn't notice the other soul within herself was suffering as well.
Weeks, maybe even months for all she knew, had gone by without Rangiku entering Jinzen, which in no way made anything better. When she finally did however, she collapsed into the arms of the cat-like woman and cried her heart out. Her world had been crushed and she was flailing to find something to hold onto. She was depressed and lonely, far more so than ever before. Her grief so strong she'd said she felt like giving up on her own life, like it didn't matter anymore without him.
She understood how the blonde felt about that man. And though she never liked him herself, she never tried to intervene in her masters love life. Even when she wanted to gut him and his Shinso for the way he treated her. There were several times she had considered finding a way to kill him herself, so she definitely didn't feel the loss like Rangiku did. In fact, as bad as it sounded, part of her was glad that the creep was gone. Now maybe her master could find someone better. In time, of course.
After listening to the woman cry and find ways to blame herself for awhile, she found herself aggravated and couldn't stop herself from saying exactly how she felt about the whole situation.
"Alright, that's enough. Listen up you old hag! It wasn't your fault and there was nothing you could have done to change it! You are not to blame for his death, that was his own fault. Stop trying to carry his burdens around still…you've got plenty of your own."
"You're stronger than this! You've experienced pain like this many times before, Hell you've been through worse as far as I'm concerned. So how can you let this turn you into such a sniveling, snot nosed, crybaby whimp? " She shouted out, pulling her master to her feet.
"Straighten up! That guy treated you like crap more often than he showed you he cared, so I for one am glad he can't torture you anymore. And that you can't torture yourself with waiting around on him to suddenly be the man you wanted him to be! Even if he'd lived, he was never going to give you the life you wanted from him, he wasn't that kind of guy deep down!" The look on the blondes face was suddenly full of hurt and anger.
"I'm not saying he didn't love you…he did in his own way…I'm sure he did. But you deserve much better, and you better start acting like it! Take care of yourself for once, and quit trying to take care of everyone else! Stop pretending you're ok when you're not, only to fall apart when you're alone!" Taking a deep breath mid tirade, she held up a finger to keep the other woman from responding.
"And another thing, look around you! Do you see what's happened here? This place used to be beautiful! I used to have a comfortable place to sleep, one that was safe and warm. But thanks to you ignoring it, and feeling sorry for yourself there's almost nothing left!...I'm scared…if you keep going this way we'll lose our connection to each other. I'm afraid that soon, no matter how hard you or I try, we won't be able to hear each one another. As hard as this is to say…if you don't pull yourself together it'll be the end of us both. If you die I die too!" Tears finally spilling over and down her face.
Rangiku was silent for some time, dropping to her knees and taking in the damage and desolation all around them with sad, tired eyes. Her master had never looked so defeated before, that look of mischief and adventure was no longer reflected in her gaze, and she didn't have the usual smart ass smirk on her mouth. She truly looked as though her hope was gone. Hopefully she had gotten through to the other woman, even if she was a bit harsh on her.
"I don't really know what to say Haineko." She said quietly, looking down at her hands and picking at her nails to avoid eye contact.
"You're right of course. You know me, sometimes better than I know myself...but that doesn't mean that I can just get over this. I can't turn off what I feel and just decide to be alright. No matter how much I might wish it were that easy." Finally meeting her gaze.
"You know I don't like talking to others about my problems. It makes me feel weak. And where I'm from weakness is dangerous…deadly even. That's why I come to you…you're the one person I can show my weakness to without fear. I know you won't reject me, or make me feel like I'm less because of it."
"But there's only so much I can do to help…you have to at least try to let someone else help you…please?"
"I can't promise you anything, but I'll do my best. I'm sorry that I have let your world get this bad, it was never my intention. You're caught in the crossfire of my heartbreak…and for that I am truly sorry. I don't know what else I can say besides that. Just know that I'll never let our connection fail us, no matter what. Trust me…I'll get back to normal one day…with time of course. You just have to hang in there with me. "
"Do what you need to do. I just hate to see you suffering like this." She replied to the woman.
He still remembered that day as if it was yesterday. His world had seen a storm unlike anything he could recall, at least until more recently. The day his masters wife passed away was not one he would ever forget. The moment the light in her eyes faded out, there was thunder and lightning everywhere. Hail the size of golf balls fell from the skies, damaging everything in it's path and heavy winds shook what was left standing. And when it was over the large sakura tree that had been standing tall and proud for as many years as he could remember, was torn from the ground and damaged almost beyond recognition.
It hadn't been anything that he wasn't already expecting, with the woman having been sick for quite sometime, but it had still been overwhelming. Byakuya had lost his parents not too many years before that, so Hisanas death had been the proverbial nail in the coffin. He'd never known his master to be so emotionally distraught and inconsolable before. But he'd done his best to provide support and comfort, even though the man always pretended he didn't need either.
The inner world where he existed had seen better days, but by all means could have sustained far worse damage than what had happened. Luckily, his master was good at pulling back and controlling his emotions. Although, while such a thing prevented the total destruction of his world, it meant that things never fully recovered to the way they once had been. It was still habitable, but the large sakura tree had never grown back and the cherry blossoms on the remaining ones no longer bloomed in the spring. The rains no longer quenched the parched earth, and the wildlife that had once flourished could no longer thrive in the environment. It was as if time had stopped there, and everything was frozen unable to move forward. Just as his master was unable to move forward.
It took more than fifty years before he started to see signs of change, signs of life again. Rangiku Matsumoto had suddenly come bursting into his masters life out of nowhere, and there was almost an immediate response in his inner world. At first, she angered and confused Byakuya, frustrating him and getting under his skin at every turn. She even managed to make him feel shame and humiliation in the beginning. And while he was good at hiding it on the outside, his inner world was affected. It was as if time had suddenly begun to move again. Things slowly began to go forward.
He was aware of the mans developing feelings for the woman long before his master was. Every time she was close to him, there was a response from the nature in his world. Sometimes is was a simple as a warm breeze rustling the tree branches, or as complex as new grass sprouting from the ground seemingly overnight. But the one thing that told him his master was finally ready to move on from the death of his wife, was when he saw that a new sapling had broken through the soil where the Sakura tree had once stood. He wanted to point it out and tell the man to do something about it, but it was not his place to get involved in his masters personal affairs.
He still remembered how he could almost taste the fear that had radiated through his master when he'd found Rangiku, nearly drowned in her bathtub. The hurt and anger that accompanied it had taken his own breath away, making his chest ache. Byakuya had never reacted so strongly to something that happened to another person, with the exception of Hisanas death of course. It was the first time in decades that the man was allowing himself to feel something other than pain and numbness. And he blamed himself for not seeing it coming, for not realizing it sooner, for not stopping her. He didn't want to lose another person he cared for and the turmoil that arose in his inner world reflected that.
By the time his master realized that his strong reaction was because he loved her and decided to do something about it, she told him she'd started seeing someone else. So unfortunately, it was back to the way things had been before her, everything freezing and wildlife beginning to fade away again. Depression took control of things once more as Rangiku started to see less and less of his master, and he became worried for the man. Was this it? Was he giving up on her and everything else that was starting to go good in his life? Just when he was starting to really feel things again? He had even started to become distant with Rukia once more, after working so hard to establish a normal sibling-like relationship with her.
It was bad enough that Byakuya actually entered Jinzen just to talk to him. Retreating into himself was something that had stopped in the year or so that Rangiku had been around, so he took his masters unexpected visit as a bad sign.
"What brings you here this evening master?" He asked with a bow.
"Senbonzakura, I know I don't come here for this very often, but may I speak with you about a personal matter?"
"Of course. I am honored that you wish to confide in me." Gesturing for the man to have a seat wherever he'd like.
"I do not really know where to begin..."Byakuya said quietly, making himself comfortable.
"If I may, it would seem to me that you are here to talk about Lieutenant Matsumoto, are you not?" He knew it was a bold move, but he wasn't about to let the man chicken out about it. Since he was there, he was going to do everything he could to get the other to admit what he wanted and what he was feeling.
"You are correct...I...I am feeling as though I am losing her, which is ridiculous because she was never mine to begin with. I do not know what to do about it, or if there even is anything I can do." Frustration coloring his tone.
"Well, do you wish for her to be yours? Do you truly understand what these feelings mean? What they really are?"
"Believe me, I am well aware of what I am feeling, and what that means. But suddenly having feelings for a woman again after so long, it is disorienting. I simply cannot believe it. It has been decades since I last felt like this, and I am unsure how to handle it." Looking out over the new patches of green grass.
"She does something to me...something I cannot explain. One minute I am frustrated and annoyed, as if I want nothing more than to be free of her. Then the next minute, I feel like I am in a free fall and she is the only thing that can save me from crashing to the ground. She makes me feel like a completely different person when I am with her, as though I have no cares in the world other than being with her. And with each day that passes I find myself feeling more and more, that there is nowhere I would rather be…than wherever she is."
"It sounds to me like you are in love with her. If that really is the case, what do you wish to do about it?"
"What can I do? She is seeing someone, and she seems happy. How could I possibly interfere with that, with her happiness? It would be selfish of me."
"Maybe. But if you do not tell her how you feel, she will never know and you may never get the chance again. If she stays with the man she is seeing now, you will feel the way you do for the next fifty years, or more even. I for one, do not wish to endure that...no offense of course." He said, bowing in a show of respect.
"None taken. I appreciate your candor. But I cannot just tell her out of the blue...I'm not even sure I would know what to say. How do you tell a woman who's already happy in a relationship that you're in love with her?"
She'd never been so hurt, or more pissed off. After saying she would get herself back on track the stupid hag had almost killed them both! And she didn't even have the decency to enter Jinzen and apologize. Getting drunk was one thing, but letting it get completely out of control and almost drowning herself was just plain idiotic!
She hadn't realized what was happening at first, thinking that she was just feeling tired. But as her strength began to fade, it quickly dawned on her that there was something wrong with her master. Her vision started to become hazy and she suddenly felt like the air was getting thinner. The feeling was somewhat familiar, but not exactly. Her master had been close to death more than once over the years, but this was different, this was definitely not caused by an injury. She hadn't been summoned to fight alongside the woman, so there was no way it was a battle.
Feeling helpless was something she was not accustomed to, and she didn't know what to do. The tears came non-stop as she feared the worst was about to happen, while she could do nothing to stop it. She had screamed her lungs out until there was no more sound that could escape her, her throat raw and dry. How could she do this to herself? To them? Why couldn't her cries reach her masters ears, was she unconscious, or was it worse than that? Would she end up fading into oblivion soon?
Thankfully, Byakuya had shown up just in time to save the blonde from her untimely death. When he finally managed to get the woman breathing again, she felt a weight lift from her own chest. Nearly dying was always scary, but this time it had been way too close for comfort. Not to mention that suffocation was probably one of the worst ways to go. She would be eternally grateful to the captain for sticking around that night, even if she could never tell him herself. Though she did eventually get the chance.
The following few days were filled with sickness, fever and sweating. It was one of those times that she wished she was not so closely connected with her master. Dealing with the woman's emotions and delusions when she was running a high fever was horrific. She knew that Rangiku was damaged by Gin Ichimaru, and his death had made it even worse, but she had no idea just how deep it actually ran until her master was for once completely vulnerable.
During a particular moment of high fever, she had gone delusional, thinking that Kuchiki was Ichimaru. And she'd spent the better part of an hour holding him close, kissing him and telling him just how much she loved him. She told him why she'd loved him for so long, even after all the horrible things he'd said and done. That quickly turned into asking why…why had he kept her in the dark? Why had he left her without a word? Why didn't he come back for her like he always had? It was finally obvious to her just how deeply he'd hurt her master.
Byakuya was kind enough not tell her about it once it was all over, pretending that it hadn't been a big deal and she wondered if she should say something about it herself. In the end she decided she would only tell her master what was said if she asked her about it directly. But it seemed Rangiku was content in not knowing because she never brought it up.
She did however enter Jinzen once she recovered, and they finally talked it all through.
"Oh, so you've finally come huh?! I hope it's to apologize, or you can just turn around and leave!"
"Of course that's why I'm here. But I'm also here to try and repair things between us. I know that I've put you through a lot...so much. It wasn't fair, and I know it will never be enough, but I am sorry. I'm so sorry Haineko. I lost sight of myself for a while there. And in the process I lost sight of you." Her master responded, kneeling before her in a bow of respect.
"It's gonna take more than that to make it up to me...but it's a start." She griped reluctantly.
"I want you to know that what you said to me last time, it did get through to me. I knew you were right, but I didn't know how to move on. I never meant to fall asleep in that tub...please know that I wasn't trying to kill myself...or you. It was an accident, and a wake up call. People tried to tell me I had a problem, but I was so lost in it, that I really, honestly thought I was fine. I see now though, that I was far from it." She said, her gaze steady even as tears sprung up at the corners of her eyes.
"You scared the living shit out of me, ya know that? You were unconscious, but I wasn't. I felt the burn in my lungs from your lack of air...felt my energy draining out and my vision going black. You made me feel helpless! You know I hate that as much as you do, but you put me in that position anyways. And that's what really hurts about it all." Her own eyes filling with tears.
"I should have come here much sooner...I realize that-" Rangiku started.
"You're damn right you should have!" Cutting the blonde off.
"Look, you and I are supposed to be one. In order to truly work together, to our full potential, we have to share everything with one another. The good and the bad. You can't shut me out, even when you feel ashamed of yourself. I need to know who you are, who you really are deep down inside. And until I can learn that, we're not unleashing our true power. It'll take time of course…but we have that." Kneeling across from the woman.
"You're right, we do have plenty of time. Especially since I'm not going to be drinking anymore, for a long time."
"Good, you can always come see me when you feel like drinking. I'll keep you straight."
"I'll keep that in mind." She replied with a smile.
"Now all you have to do is figure out how to thank Kuchiki for saving your life. And for helping you get better." She said, winking at the other woman.
"Trust me, I'm trying! But I really don't think there's a gift of any kind that says 'Hey, thanks for keeping me alive to see another day'." She said with a laugh.
Looking back she should have encouraged her master to realize her developing feelings for Byakuya, right then and there. But she hadn't, and the pain and anguish that ended up following her recovery almost broke her for a second time. Once again though, and thankfully, her night in shining armor had come to the rescue.
He thought he'd seen his master as angry as he could ever be, but he had been wrong, so very wrong. When Byakuya had found Rangikus boyfriend laying his hands on her, almost choking her to death, he'd taken being livid to the next level. The anger was so great that even though he'd left his zanpaktou at home, he could still feel it coming from his master. There was no fear, no hurt, just pure hatred and a rage so strong that his own vision had gone white. He could hear nothing but a dull roar in his ears as his master proceeded to fly off the deep end.
Worrying was all he could do since he was not close enough to Byakuya to call out for him, to try and stop him before he did something he would regret. So he clung to the hope that Rangiku would be able to stop and calm him. For if she was unable, he was sure that his master would be in very grave trouble when it was all over.
Luckily, she'd apparently been successful, as his masters rage dropped off suddenly, turning to worry and great concern. He didn't know what she'd said or done, but he was amazed at how quickly Byakuyas emotions had changed. It almost made his head spin. He wouldn't have minded if it had though, it was nice to know his master cared about someone that much again.
He'd brought her home with him that night, holding and comforting her as best he could, and once she was sleeping he entered Jinzen to talk.
"Master…how is she doing?"
"She's alright…physically at least. It will probably be awhile before she recovers mentally." He said with a heavy sigh.
"You were so angry...I felt it even from here. I've never felt your emotions so strongly before…what happened? If I may ask?"
"I…Daisuke…she…" He tried to start. It was obvious that he was still upset about it, whatever it was. Taking a deep breath to calm his nerves he finally collected his thoughts.
"Daisuke raised his hands to her this evening…I interrupted just in time to keep him from choking her to death...I do not know how or why it came to that, only that it did and I cannot stand for that kind of thing."
"No wonder you were so upset…I am even more glad to hear that she is going to be alright."
"Thank you…I am simply glad that she was able to bring me back to my senses…I might have actually killed the man if she hadn't…it's also good that I did not have you at my side, or she may not have been able to stop me in time…And now I worry that she is afraid of me as well."
"Maybe…but I'm sure if she is that it's just temporary, shock if you will. You may not realize it, but what you did tonight revealed just how much you care for her. She may not have expected that."
"I hope that you are right. I have made a promise to myself this evening…when she is recovered from this I am not going to waste anymore time. I will tell her how I feel…that I want her in my life as more than a friend."
"I think that sounds like a good idea. I am sure that you can give her the happiness that she deserves…and I already know that she will make you happier than you might realize." He stated honestly.
"That is only if she returns my feelings though…" Glancing at the recovering Sakura tree.
"I personally believe that she will."
And of course he'd been right. She said she felt the same when his master had blurted out that he wanted to be with her. It wasn't the smoothest or most well thought out confession the man had ever made, but it ended up being one that had the most positive impact on his life.
After their first date, he knew that everything was going to work out fine, as the cherry blossoms began to bloom in his world once more. Everything, the landscape, the flora and the fauna recovered fully and quite quickly after that. Yes, everything was finally as it should be in his world once again. And as the years passed, he realized that his master had never been happier before, not even with Hisana.
Rangiku had healed all the hurt that he'd drown in for so long, she nourished his soul and showed him how to look forward instead of back. If he ever got the chance, he would be sure to let her know just how much he appreciated everything she'd done for his master. Life was truly better for both of them thanks to her love.
She had cheered loudly the moment that Rangiku had realized she had feelings for Byakuya. While the woman refused to say anything to him, that didn't mean she wasn't going to badger her about it every chance she got. And when he was finally the one to say something, she remembered the absolute joy and sense of peace that came over her masters heart. It was the most wonderful thing she'd felt to that point in her long life. Ichimaru had never been able to elate such emotions in the woman, and she was glad to see her finally forgetting all about her feelings for him.
As more and more years passed, her master only continued to be happier, and the two of them were able to work together better than ever. In fact, thanks to his love, help and guidance they were finally able to achieve and perfect Bankai. Proud couldn't even begin to describe how she felt about all the changes that had taken place in her life, all of them for the better of course.
She'd always known that Byakuya was going to be good for Rangiku, but she had never fathomed just how good. And when their first child was born, all of her masters dreams had finally come true. She had to admit that the feeling of completeness and contentment was the best thing she ever got to share with the woman, and she couldn't wait to see what the future would hold from there.
