Hello and Happy New Year everybody. Here is the first chapter of 2018.

Thanks to GleeJunkie007 for reviewing.

I have updated the full cast list, added the years of which the celebrity look alike's looks like the characters. Deleted the names of people never taking a part in the story and stuff.

Bradon POV

I have got an idea for this week's theme. And it's amazing. Meet me in the choir room after last class today. I'm so excited.
-Mr. Blaine

"Isn't it weird that every Monday, Mr. Blaine asks us to come to the choir room to know what the week's theme is, and every week he seem to think it's great, but then when we are here the only one who isn't here is Mr. Blaine himself?"

Keagan grumpily pouted and slumped back in his chair. And that he did just as the door to the choir room opened and in came Mr. Blaine and after him- Rachel and her Theo and little Finn. Rachel slowed down coming into the room. Turning her head to look at the plaque at the wall.

Theo walked over to her and laid her arm around her shoulders, stroke her arm and said something I couldn't hear. Rachel nodded and they came to sit down with the rest of us. Little Finn smiled brightly up at Mady who sat next to him. I bet he was having his life's first crush. If one could have that at one year and three months old will be. I couldn't help to smile down at the little boy, then looked up and at Mr. Blaine who stood with his hands put together and seemed to have something very important to say.

"Hello everybody. It is time for a new week. Months ago we had a theme for Breast cancer awareness month. During it we all sang Pink's songs and competed in how much of the color pink you could wear. Then at the end of the week I brought this huge box of different pink-band things and you all got to choose each price. And that week probably ends up in the top three of this whole year because I really did love that week and I think you guys did too. Then at the end…" Mr. Blaine's expression turned more serious. "…Someone asked me if I was going to go grey in May for brain tumors. And I didn't know what that meant. I guess I forgot about it though. Until in the beginning of this month. Months after I was told- I remembered. And we are now at the last full week of May. Next week will be kind of half May half June so then it'll be too late. So last week, I finally checked up what it means to go grey in May. And I've decided that that is what this week will be about. Go grey in May."

Mr. Blaine made a pause and I searched in my memory. I had some faint memory that it was Lea-Marie who had said something about grey in May. But I wasn't so sure. And it was usually clear whatever Lea-Marie meant with whatever she said. Well as long as she didn't speak Italian. And I for my life couldn't understand what this was about.

Well I did understand. Except I just had a weird feeling I had missed something.

"Grey is for brain cancer. Now, brain cancer is one of the most terrible, unpredictable, fatal types of terrible, unpredictable and fatal diseases. It changes people's personalities before they just drift off. It gives shine off the most painful headaches and seizures. For all kinds of people, young, old, girls, boys and everything in between. It kills people every single day. Some people get it, they have all kinds of chemo and radiation and all there is. They are in remission but then it comes back and the nightmare stars right over from the beginning again. Other kinds… Some kinds if you get it- then you're done. And the brainstem…" Mr. Blaine laid his hand on the back of his head and neck. "It is one of the worse. As well as if you get tumors in other parts in the brain your whole personality might change. You just zone away piece by piece until you can't talk, can't walk, can't eat."

I had never really thought about before how everything went pink in October. Or how much went blue for prostate Cancer in November. Maybe a tiny little bit of gold in September for pediatric cancer. But I had never thought about that that was it. While still so many types of cancer and other diseases. So many things with the human body could go wrong and much of it had awareness days, weeks or months. Why was breast cancer and pink the only one people ever seemed to care about?

"And unless you want to you won't dress in grey. And it will be no competition. This whole thing just seemed way to serious and important to have some silly competition about who can wear the most grey. And there will be no fifty shades of grey theme. Instead- like I said. This kind of disease it can hit anyone. It can hit the ones we love the most. It has. Many times. But humans have a way with not telling people how they feel. So this week is all for songs to sing to the ones you love the most. Whoever you love. Whether it's your mum, dad, brother, sister, a boy or girlfriend or your stupid, fat cat. It is for all of them. And I really think that if one could say any of these themes matter- it is this one."

I did notice how long Mr. Blaine's speech was all of a sudden. Then realized who hadn't said anything about it. Well nobody had. But the one who would usually protest about long speeches was Lea-Marie. And yet she hadn't said a word right now. Maybe that had something to do with the fact that she had been the one wanting to do a week like this.

"Anyway. I can't wait to see what you have all got. And we'll see more of it on rehearsals as usual on Tuesday and Thursday. But already today I have Rachel, Theo and little Finn here. And Theo will do a song to demonstrate what songs could be done. So. Mr. Theodor Bailey, the floor is yours." Mr. Blaine went to sit down and Theo grabbed a chair and went to sit down in front of us with a guitar on his lap and a sort of nervous look in his eyes.

"There are always people we love more than anything in the world. People we would walk to hell and earth for. I have my parents and siblings back in England. Seven of those siblings, Nolan, Nathan, Charlotte, Lucas, Austin, August and Aurora. I'm the oldest. Then of course, Finn." Theo smiled at his son. "And Rachel. But of course… if it hadn't been for some circumstances I and Rachel had never met. And Finn wouldn't be here. Maybe I would have gone back to London." Theo turned and looked to the plaque on the wall with a picture of Finn. "And of course, every day I will know that I love my wife very much. But I will also know there was someone that she loved very much. And every day I do my best to show that no matter what happens. If I go the same destiny to meet as Finn Hudson. Then I love her more than anything else in the whole wide world."

I glanced slightly passed Theo and the plaque on the wall with Finn's picture on it. I wasn't so close I could see his face clearly but I wouldn't need that. I knew the way he looked, standing so proud when the camera shot that picture. And I knew I would think once again that when he had stood for that photo to be shot nobody had had no idea where it would end up in here. A room that had meant so much to Finn and so many others.

Then I suddenly realized that Theo's accent had changed. His accent was still Brittish, English to be more exact. But that whole cockney-deal with deleting t's and d's and H's was gone. And maybe that had a part in why he took every word slowly. And had made a pause before he finished what he was saying before he started the song.

"And the thing is. We can never be promised a tomorrow. I could step in front of a car leaving this place and meet the exact same destiny as Finn Hudson. And I have hesitated a lot about doing this song. But I have decided to do it. I love these lyrics. And I figured it said what I wanted to say." Theo steadied the guitar on his lap. "And it's made by Ronan Keating."

Theo started taking a few tabs. And from the very few seconds. Even before those beautiful lyrics started I felt shivers going up my arms. Which wasn't exactly made any less by the fact that even though I had barely noticed it tears had been rising in my eyes and were rolling down my cheeks.

"Are you okay?" Keagan had leaned to me and whispered. "Is it about Finn?" I just shrugged and couldn't even help to laugh quietly- sometimes one just broke and the tears that I tried to wipe with the back of my hand just kept on coming. Keagan rose again, but kept his palm towards my back which only made it worse and by the time Theo had finished his song I was in pieces.

"Are you okay Bradon?" I sat leaned forward with my hair wrapped in my fingers to hide my tears. But nodded as well as I could. But I could still hear it was Mr. Blaine's voice and felt Keagan's hand still patting my shoulder. "Is… this about Finn?" I nodded again, then looked up when I saw something in the corner of my eye moving towards me.

"Thanks." Rachel reached me a tissue. "Guess you have to carry around a bunch of those with small children. Do you?"

Who was I trying to fool with joking? My humor was terrible and nobody laughed anyway.

"Talk if you want to." Mr. Blaine said calmly. "But you don't have to feel pressured into anything. I have an idea this isn't the only time someone will cry in here this week." Mr. Blaine sighed and stood up. Before he had the time to say anything else I drew a deep breath and started talking.

"I was just thinking about…" I tried to keep my voice steady (not successfully) "…How much Finn…" Little Finn suddenly came and embraced my legs from where he reached. I couldn't help but smile and ruffled his hair. "… Finn Hudson meant to all of this. Most of the people in here never knew him but for you…" I gestured to Rachel. "And you'd never have met… If it wasn't for all that had ever happened…" I looked up on Theo. "And little Finn. And Finn… Hudson was the one to you know… he taught me to play the guitar and the drums and the first times I ever sang it was with him and… Oh my God. I'm sorry."

"Don't say you're sorry Bradon." Mr. Blaine came over and I did notice Rachel and Theo getting up, saying something I couldn't hear. "Come here now Finn. You have to go. I have a feeling this isn't the only time this week there'll be load of… different feelings. And whatever you feel… all of you. There is nothing wrong with either laughing or crying or anything in between. And if you need someone to talk to you know where I am." I wiped the (hopefully) last of the tears and sat up, shaking Keagan's hand off me. "Now, Rachel and Theo are leaving us for today."

"We have to catch a flight back to New York." Little Finn finally let go of my legs and ran up to his dad who lifted him onto his hip. "But we'll meet again in Hawaii for nationals. Looking forward to see you then. And if I don't get the chance to talk to you before the competitions then good luck. You'll do great. Goodbye."

"Wait a minute." Mr. Blaine jumped onto his feet just as Rachel, Theo and Finn were about to leave. "Now I can hear what's going on. Where have your stupid British accent gone?"

"Oh where, oh where, oh where. I'm so sure I had it here yesterday. Well. I thought that… I though' tha' people woul' ge' wha' I'm sayin' if ah talk slowe' and ya knoo." He shrugged slight. "I wa'e' 'o prioro'ize people ge' wha' ahm sayin'"

"Now that's a funny joke." Keagan leaned over to me again. I only grimaced back at him. "This whole accent deal gave me an idea. I know a song. But… Hey Jazz." He caught Jasper's attention too. "I have an idea for a song. Now. You two can protest if you want to. But I think it will sound the best if we're three who does it. And acapella. Can you come to mine later today? After dinner when I have been at the stables. And I'll tell you more about it?"

"Hello soldiers. Who's got something today?"

When Mr. Blaine came into the room on Tuesday afternoon he asked that one question. And I, Keagan and Jasper all raised our hands. As well as Christie and Sharon and for a second we all looked to each other.

"We're doing ours together." Jasper said at last. "Ladies first." Sharon looked to Christie. "m'lady."

"You call me a lady again and I will barf."

Christie shook her head so her brown hair flew around her giving such and attitude in every move that only Christie seemed to be able to. Then stepped down onto the floor, handed the musicians some sheet music and turned to us.

"I think this week's song will probably be all, oh I love my family or my sister or my brother or my boyfriend or my friends or whoever SO MUCH." I had to bite my lip not to laugh, this was just so much like Christie. "But my point is. There's nobody who can hurt us as much as the ones we really love. And there's no one we hate so much as the ones we love. So I decided to do this song. And it's made by Pink." She looked towards Kayla, then Mr. Dom, Mr. Jonas and Wil. "Well come on then."

Christie was a good singer. There had never been any doubt that. But with this song. How much it suited Pink's own attitude and how much it suited Christie's- all along I had to bite my lip not to start laughing and I couldn't help but feel bad for it.

"This is just so Christie!" I whispered to Keagan and Jasper and they nodded agreeing. "Wow."

Something told me Christie knew about this. She walked back and forth in just that self- confident way. Turned directly to Mr. Blaine (who I then remembered she lived together with) and made every single gesture to show all the attitude that filled up her, 4 feet, ten inches and scrawny figure. How much attitude could there be in that actually?

Well. Just as much as the rest of us together.

"Wow Chris." We clapped our hands for her when she was finished. "That was really good and you're most certainly right. Nobody else hurts us like the ones we love, and there is no one we just sometimes hate so much as them. And I think this is the only song I've ever heard of someone who is brave enough to state fact. Well, Sharon. Your turn. Or should the boys go first."

"Ladies first."

"You should have known not to say that as Christie's comment." I couldn't help but laugh at Sharon's comment and Jasper went bright red as Sharon got down to the middle of the room and started talking. "Well. Mr. Blaine said just yesterday that there is going to be more crying and whatever during this week so I might just as well get on." Sharon stood up and turned to us. "I was thinking a bit what song I wanted to and for who. But then I thought this week was about singing to the ones we love the very most…" Sharon jumped up to sit on the piano. And I noticed how this crouched, weak-looking figure in front of us was different from what had been only a few months ago. "…And I never knew how much I could love before I saw that picture of this… one new little person on a sonogram screen in black and white… And I never knew how much I could hurt before I lost him again."

I could feel shivers on my arms and up towards my neck. Everybody knew that for a mother to lose her child was the worst thing to ever happen to a human being. And for it to happen to one of us.

"This song was made for a baby who died. One named Audrey. That's about what I know of her. And yet, it felt a bit… It felt very wrong to do somebody else's song. Yet… I wouldn't wish this for my worst enemy. But one thing about music is it makes you feel like… like you're not alone. And I don't feel as alone when listening to this song." Sharon turned her head and looked down on Kayla by the piano.

And then the song started.

If what Sharon had meant with that thing about crying about herself she was wrong. Because I was pretty sure that the only one in the room that wasn't crying. And out came her voice filling the room making me tear up again, and I could hear spread snivels and see in the corners of my eyes how people lifted their hands and wiped away tears.

And this was nothing else than real and pure beauty

"Wow." Once Sharon was done and had gotten down from the piano Mr. Blaine got onto his feet. "That was… beautiful." He shot forward and embraced the red-haired girl. Who still wasn't shedding a tear. "If there is anything I can do for you. Anything at all."

Sharon didn't say anything. Only smiled slightly back at Mr. Blaine and came to sit down right by her best friend in the bottom line of chairs. Right in front of me.

"Then… hrm." Mr. Blaine had to clear his throat before he was able to go on. Nobody else seemed to have any idea about what to say and were silent as a group of mice."Boys. It's your turn. If I know you right- you always seem to come up with the best. So then what will it be like with all of you three together? Go ahead." He gestured out to the floor and I, Keagan and Jasper walked down one after the other and then stopped facing the others.

"I thought of this song when I heard Theo's stupid British accent." Keagan said. "And I thought of how… How the ones who love us the most doesn't even have to say it. Then I thought of my horse, Domino. And the horse I used to have- Alma. But I didn't want to do it on my own so then I thought about Bradon's dog Lucy and Jasper's dog Bertie. So we came up with this. And we've decided to do it acapella. So this is it." Keagan looked to me, and then to his other side and Jasper. "To the memory of Alma. Here we go… And three, two, one."

Keagan started the song on his own. He had the first verse and bridge to himself. Then all three joined into the refrain. I and Jasper did the main lyrics on the second verse and Keagan did the back-up lyrics. Before all three of us joined into the refrain again. Except for the second last line that I and Jasper did, while Keagan did the back-up. And then Keagan did the very last line on his own.

The song originally continued with the refrain again. But we had decided to just do two verses with refrains. And as Keagan sang the very last line I felt, with the shivers in all of me that it was perfect. Just perfect.

"Wow." Mr. Blaine clapped his hands with the others once we were done. And Keagan held up both of his hands so I and Jasper could high-five each of them. "You guys make such an amazing team. And that was just fantastic, so beautiful. Does anyone else have anything to show the others? Well then that is the perfect way to end one rehearsal. See you guys on Thursday and remember- the door to my office is always open if someone needs me."

When the others started gathering their things and leaving I pretended to be searching for something in my backpack not to have to walk away and be left alone in the choir room. I heard Keagan say something that he had to go to the stable and Domino before anything.

I could hear the others leaving one after one. Talking about other songs that could be done, what to do this afternoon or TV shows to watch tonight. Nobody else seemed to mind me or worry (thank God!) and soon I was left alone in the room.

And nothing would have worried me really. It was only that Lea-Marie was only a few spots away from me. And just after the last song I, Jasper and Keagan had done as I went to get my bag I thought I heard her snivel.

Then before I had even remembered she had stood up and left the room before anyone else. And nobody else had seemed to notice.

When the door had closed behind Christie who was last I closed the backpack and threw it over one shoulder as to leave. But before I did I walked over to the plaque on the wall and thought back to the promise I had made just as I signed up for the glee club. To Finn, or maybe to myself more.

I could have started crying again but didn't. Only leaned my head a bit to the side before I turned and walked away and realized that whether it was my prayers then or just me and my friends that had worked. I wouldn't have to break my promise before this year was over at least.

And I couldn't help but smile

Charlotte POV

"But then, if your full name is Seth Love Anderson- Philips…" I was walking home with Seth by my side. "...I mean. I haven't exactly loved my name at all times. But I do know my mum loved it. She loved everything French, including names which is my sister's name is Frances and mine is Charlotte. But, one thought that always makes me… I guess happy that I've got just my name out of all names there is. Is thinking about my mum and how she loved it. Do you get what I mean?"

Talking to Seth had been easier since he had asked me out. It wasn't like we had gotten to know each other really well only the last few days. But something had just clicked and I wasn't quite as afraid in front of him anymore. Shy, like with everyone else. But he was a bit easier to talk to than everyone else. And maybe there was hope that I could open up to people. Maybe…

Well. I could pretend, couldn't I?

"Yes but. If they picked a name for me I just wished they wouldn't have chosen such a… Well. Swedish one. Why not choose one which would work in the rest of the world too? Even though pronounced a bit differently. Maybe even Seth. Or Charlie."

Seth laughed. And for a second I just longed for the day when I would be able to think about my mum and smile. Just the way Seth could think about both of his biological parents and joke like he did right now.

"Well this is my house." I had felt a lump rising in my throat thinking about mum and stopped by my driveway. Of course he knew, he had been here loads of times. "Well. Dad's home… Kirsten is not." I could see which car was in the driveway and figure. "See you tomorrow. Bye."

While forcing the lump down my throat I walked up the driveway to my door. Got inside, and then stopped inside the door. Taking deep breaths until I had gained control over that darn lump in my throat again.

"Charlie?" I heard dad's voice from inside the kitchen. "Can you come in here for a while? There's something I have to tell you about."

In an instant I felt worry filling me. Had I done something wrong? Had something happened? To dad himself, to Frances or Liam?

"There's nothing to fear." I swore sometimes dad could read my thoughts. "I just have to tell you two about something." I walked into the kitchen, dad and Frances were already by the table and Frances seemed to be waiting for something. "You have done nothing wrong. You can grab a snack if you want Charl. Or just come and sit down."

Grab a snack? After the huge lunch I had had today? And it was almost dinner time too. No. I didn't really feel like a snack so I dropped my backpack on the floor by a chair and sat down. Looking up at my dad and waiting for him to start.

"As you know. When you, Frances came back to live here, I and Kirsten had a big fight about that I, without a doubt of course welcomed you back into this house as if nothing had happened. Which is what you're supposed to do as a parent. And what I wanted to do, although Kirsten wasn't so happy with it and it made me realize some things. And during these last couple of weeks when Kirsten have been some nights here and some nights at friends'. We have talked and come to the conclusion that it is for the best that we will get a divorce. And Kirsten and Liam will move out of here."

Silence fell around the table. What was there to say?

"I'm sorry dad." Frances was the first one to say anything. "I should have come up with anything else that coming back here. Or I should have… I should have… I didn't mean for this to happen."

"Fran." Tenderly dad laid his palm towards Frances's cheek. "This isn't your fault. It's entirely mine. When your mum died… and yours…" He lowered his hands and took mine and Frances's hands in his. "…I was heartbroken and rushed straight into a new relationship with the first woman I could find. And I saw how she treated you and what you thought about each other but I kept telling myself it would get better if I just waited it out. Spent as much time at work as possible and let you get used to each other. I told myself anything but the truth. But enough is enough. And I've realized what I've been doing. And that wasn't fair on you. I'm the one who should say I'm sorry."

I could see Frances where stroking her hands towards each other, as if she was nervous for something. And several times she opened her mouth as if to say something but closed it again and seemed to hesitate.

"Frances?" Dad sounded distressed. "Was there something you wanted to say?" He waited for a moment, Frances looked more or less as if she wanted to throw up. "You look like you want to say something. You know you can tell me anything right?" He leaned over and laid his palm towards her back. "I won't get mad."

A memory flashed by in my head. Of that day when I had wanted revenge, picked up her diary and read. What I had read. About Frances having a crush on Lucy- her very best friend. Another girl. Maybe that had something to do with why Frances and Lucy had a fight and Frances had come back here.

Seeing the look on Frances's face it would have to be something like that. I had seen her with the cheerleading squad before big games. I had seen her before a date with the most popular guy at school, then another date, then another.

Although maybe she had never been too nervous before those because she never had feelings for Avery Benson anyway. Because she simply couldn't feel for the guy so many of the cheerleaders more or less stalked to get him to notice them.

"Dad…" Something seemed to have changed in Frances's expression when she started talking again. "There's something I need to tell you but… No, maybe I shouldn't. I'm just making it about me as usual but I just…"

"No you don't." Dad interrupted calmly. "But I can see there's something."

Frances was still hesitating. And was shaking where she sat, then took a deep breath and if I wasn't wrong- forced herself to start talking and then talk without stopping before she was done.

"You see… That fight I told you I and Lucy had. The one that made me come back here. It wasn't just a normal fight like any other. Earlier this school year there were loads of letters being left in lockers of people who are you know… gay or bi or- I know someone left one in Keagan Spencer's locker about him actually being a girl and you know that kind of junk. The letters were always signed with 'just a catholic girl' then they suddenly stopped. And then… that night. Lucy was angry because one freshman who would help her and hand these letters out simply refused to do it anymore. I swear to God, I didn't know it was Lucy until that day. But then, when she told me. I was angry at her for leaving those letters. I told her I don't think something like that is fair or even right. And she wondered why. So suddenly I just heard myself when I told her…"

Frances made a pause. She seemed to hesitate whether she wanted to get up and run away, throw up or keep on going. Dad still held her palm towards her back and rubbed it slightly.

"It's okay Fran. In your own time."

Frances took a deep, shaky breath. Wiped more tears with the back of her hand and at last spoke and confirmed what I already knew.

"I told her that I was in love with her. Because I am… I am you know. A Lesbian."

And the Amato's kitchen fell as quiet as in the grave. Nobody said a word and there wasn't a sound as what seemed the whole world.

"Dad… Please say something."

Dad didn't say anything. Instead he stood up and stepped over to Frances's chair. Then gestured for her to stand up before he embraced her tightly. She broke down crying worse than ever. Dad only rubbed her back. Still without a word and that same thoughtful look on his face.

"I don't have anything against you know. Homo or bi or Trans or anything like that. You've got to know that because I never have either. What made you hesitate? What made you date that darn idiot for a football player?"

"I just wanted to pretend for a bit. Maybe I could become straight if I dated the most popular guy at school it would make me straight and make me popular. Then about you I thought that maybe…. Maybe if it was me. Your own daughter then…"

"Then I would love her just as much. And tell her that for me it changes nothing. You're still my kid and that is perfectly enough to have me love you more than life itself. Just like I love the both of you." Dad held Frances in his arms while she cried for another couple of minutes. "Although you can no longer share room with your sister…"

Frances hissed and looked up at dad. I was about to start protesting. As if I had something more against Frances now than five minutes ago. I had known about this for months anyway. And this wouldn't change anything.

"I just mean that now Liam and Kirsten are moving out you can have your old room again. God knows you two needs to have each room, after all of these fights. Then you can both have each room and won't annoy each other as you have to this point. You'll have your own space and then if we need a room for a guest or someone we can sort that out then."

"Not funny dad." Frances punched dad in the chest, weakly and shakily. "Not funny."

"I know. I'm sorry." Dad hugged Frances again and stroke her hair. "It's okay. Come, sit down again." Dad gestured to the chair Frances had been sitting on earlier. "So the plans are I'll be working extra tomorrow. Kirsten, Liam and a couple of her friends will be coming to pick up their stuff. And let's just say that I think Kirsten doesn't want to see me and the whole thing will be easier if I am not here. And you guys will be meeting Liam at school so you won't have to worry about saying goodbye to him just yet at least. Now… If there was only work enough for me back there so I won't have to be so bored for like hours until they're finished here."

"Maybe you can come with me to Glee Club tomorrow then. I mean… We're doing this week to, go grey in May for Brain cancer awareness. So the theme is to sing songs to the ones we love the very most. And I've been thinking about doing a song I found. So maybe you can come with me and I can sing a song to you, and to Seth. To all of the ones I love. Mum too."

Only when I heard the words I realized I had spoken them myself. Never in a million years would I have wished for my dad and sister to come with me to watch in the glee club. Not anyone actually.

But… If the others still let me be a part of the glee club after all of this time. And even after my fiasco for an audition.

"Great idea Charlie." Frances said with one of the biggest smiles I had seen on her in a long, long, long time. "And maybe then we could go and eat something afterwards. And eat as slowly as possible. Go to the grave and those kinds of small things and suddenly the whole afternoon will have passed and we can go back home."

"And we can meet this Seth. Well, I met him before but then it seemed like you two might not be much else than friends." I felt my cheeks going bright red. "Now when that have changed I need to see him again, to make sure he knows what rules I have for someone dating my daughter. And if you get yourself a girlfriend then the exact same goes for her."

Dad smiled, first towards Frances. Then towards me. I wasn't so sure what to say and it didn't seem Frances had any ideas neither. So for a while it was all quiet except for breathing and snivels from Frances.

"Do you know what?" Dad suddenly looked mischievous. "I have an idea for something I could do. Something to show you guys something. I'll be right back." He let go of Frances and we then heard his footsteps down the hallway and up the stairs. Then up more to the attic while I and Frances sat in silence not even looking at each other.

I couldn't even look at my sister. What I had read that day when I had picked up her diary. Seeing Frances's expression while she told dad about that now made me feel worse than ever.

"Frances I have to tell you something." I suddenly heard myself say. "That day…" Where my own tears came from I barely knew. "I wanted some kind of revenge but I just… I just picked up your diary and started reading. Please don't be angry with me." Tears had started rolling down my cheeks. "I don't think I could live with myself if I knew you were always going to be angry with me."

"It's okay." Frances almost whispered. "I know you did. And I was angry at first but then. It felt good when I checked the page you'd been reading on. It felt good that after everything I wasn't the only one who knew about… it all. And it felt even better when I noticed you didn't go out and tell everybody or you didn't hate me for it."

"I don't hate you. Why would I ever hate you Fran?" She shrugged. "I was… I don't remember where or who. But I was told ages ago that humans do have a way with hating themselves for anything and everything. Then when it comes to others they like… They don't even remember what one suddenly hated oneself for."

Silence, apart from Frances sniveling fell around the table and the kitchen. Only barely could we still hear dad up in the attic. Making noises as obviously he was lifting and pushing away things to find something. And then his footsteps coming down the stairs and towards the kitchen.

"Please tell me he's not doing what I thi… NO." Frances shouted when dad came back into the room with a great, big smile on his lips. "No, not that old guitar." He held up the old guitar that was usually collecting dust in the attic. "NOOOO." Frances laughed through the tears and put her hands over her ears. "CHARLIE. RUN FOR YOUR LIFE WHILE YOU STILL CAN." Dad grabbed my arm gently when he sat down. "NOOOOO. HE'S GOT US."

Dad just smiled at my sister's dramatic kind of shouting and took a chord on his guitar.

Out of tune would be an understatement.

"GIVE ME SOME EARPLUGS."

She's gotta do what she's gotta do and I've gotta like it or not

"GIVE ME A BUCKET."

She's got dreams too big for this town and she needs to give them a shot

"NOOOOO"

Whatever they are

Well just because our dad was a terrible singer didn't mean I was one. Or Frances for that matter. Although it would have sounded like that when we both started singing along on the top of our lungs, as falsely as we could make it.

For a moment I just let go, without a care if the neighbours heard. Without a care if anybody did or what anyone would think if they actually did. Without a care that tears were still rolling down our cheeks while we sang through them and I glanced for a second to the photo of us, with mum dad had hung back on the wall.

It had been gone all the while Kirsten lived here. Now she wasn't, dad had put it back.

And I couldn't help but smile.

Belle POV

At the beginning of this year I had actually had a very best friend for the first time in my life.

Then when I had tricked Seth that Charlotte and Liam were a couple (My God. How could I have been so stupid?) and we had had that fight… Well. It had been long since we made up but we hadn't reached the kind of friendship we had had before. And maybe that was good for all parts. Now Seth and Charlotte were obviously becoming closer and closer. And I and Daniel.

I had thought I was in love with Seth at the time. But every new day with Daniel had me understanding that I hadn't ever felt like this before. And in everything he did he showed it to me again.

In glee club on Thursday we had made up a song to do. With everything it meant to me and why I wanted to do had me so nervous I would probably have thrown up if it wasn't for Daniel's arm around me and my head leant back towards his chest while we watched the other did their songs at first.

Charlotte was the first one out on the floor. She had taken her sister and dad with her to do her song. And for the first time I noticed Charlotte was different than what I had seen her before. She seemed confident, taking place and giving everything she had with the song she had chosen.

If it was the high notes, her beautiful voice, or the lyrics being about that we wanted to give more than what we actually had for the ones we loved. Or even the fact that it was really sweet of her to bring her sister and her dad I didn't know. But it all together gave me chills and I felt like crying only then and there.

"That was amazing." Mr. Blaine seemed really happy when Charlotte was finished and we had clapped for her. "Really Charlie. That song was just perfect, you were perfect for that song and just… wow. I haven't heard that song before. It was really good too."

"Seth showed it to me." Charlotte said, having gone back to her quite shy self. "It's made by some Swedish girl in that Eurovision-competition. I liked it. And it was fun to sing."

Charlotte gave a slight smile, then went back to sit between Seth and her dad. I could see Mr. Amato weirdly looking at Seth. I guess I couldn't blame him though. He was a dad. A dad who cared for his daughter like he should.

"Can I and Esme go next?" Martina turned to me and Daniel, I felt Daniel move when he looked down on me and only nodded. Our song coming closer and closer made me so nervous and I'd need the time and pause of Martina and Esme's song to put myself together.

"It's so easy to say you know- I love you." Martina said once she and Esme had jumped up to sit on the piano in front of us and started telling us about the song. "And I'm always going to be there for you no matter what. It's easy to say I'll be here always and then when things gets hard. Some people just disappear. And even with the ones you love the most there are fights. You hurt them and they hurt you. There are always things going wrong. Yet you always try to show them that you're going to be there for them- always. Because that's what you're going to be no matter what happens. And sometimes your friends don't even believe you when you say you'll be there. And that is what this song is about. Things going wrong and, proving that you love them and will be there for them anyway. So… are you ready?"

"I was born ready."

And I wished it could have been so simple for me too.

"Are you okay?"

"Yes. I'm fine"

While Esme and Martina did their song I sat up and watched them, listened to them and the song they did. It was beautiful- not exactly like some other songs that had been done this week like Sharon's or Charlotte's. And I couldn't have turned away if I had tried.

Only, my answer to Daniel's question had only been on automat. I wasn't fine. And if what we did today didn't work like I hoped it would, I wasn't so sure anything else would neither.

"That was great girls."

I flinched awake from my thoughts when people were clapping for Esme and Martina. And looking around in confusion it took me a while to realize that it was mine and Daniel's turn now.

"Here Kayla. Here Mr. Jonas. think piano and harmonica will last for this one."

While Daniel had handed the sheet music out to the two Ashton-Cooper's and Mr. Dom pouted jokingly for not getting to be a part of it I made my way out in front of the others. Rubbing my hands together I realized there was not a chance my shaky legs would carry all the way to the performance so I stood on the piano stool and then sat down on the piano.

"Are you ready?" Daniel stayed standing and put his arm around me. "You don't look so well." I drew a deep breath and nodded. Then drew another one in and started explaining to the others what I and Daniel were about to do.

"There is this place right outside town. Where soldiers that have been at places I barely know the names of come. Many of the people who come there are hurt. Some of them traumatized. And it has special staff to help them with it. When my brother came back from the hospital he went there, to Milton Center which is called. Now, in the beginning of the year I and Seth went there a few shows. Sang a few songs, played a few games. Then when we… had a fight we sort of didn't go there anymore. But I've talked to them a bit, and have been there a few times since Lenny came there. And I and Daniel were thinking about going there soon. We'll be going today actually. And do a song. To talk to my brother and you guys are up for telling if the song is good or not."

I looked up on Daniel. I didn't have to say anything. Neither did he, before he looked towards Mr. Jonas and I on Kayla and they started playing.

My voice was annoyingly shaky when I started singing. But holding tightly onto Daniel's shirt where I had it wrapped up behind his back so nobody else would see. The word after the other came out from my mouth and by the refrain, I had forced my voice steady when Daniel joined to sing.

I wouldn't think I had ever seen the soldiers of Finn's army as still, almost troll bound while I and Daniel sang our song. Not even Lea-Marie had said anything I realized. She hadn't said anything at all during the whole week. And realizing this almost had me lost track of the lyrics and I had to close my eyes and concentrate only on the music for a bit before I had found my way back- hopefully nobody had noticed.

During the last part of the song, after the last refrain there was only, I guess some kind of bridge. Between the last refrain and the very end of the song. I and Daniel did that together, then until the very last few words where I sang on my own.

And then, just like that it was finished. And the school seemed to have gone strangely silent and still before the others started clapping to give me and Daniel a round of applause. I tried to smile slightly at Daniel, but it must have ended up more of a halfhearted grimace. Daniel only patted my back and we stayed while Mr. Blaine had stood up and came over to us.

"If it's good or not. If it's good or not? Guys. That was amazing. I have chills…" Daniel stood with his arm around my shoulders but Mr. Blaine gave me a slight smile. "Good luck today. That was beautiful. You're going to do amazing. Say hi to your brother from me."

"I will." I promised Mr. Blaine and then turned to the girl to the Ashton-Cooper's before they had the time to leave. "Mr. Jonas Kayla. We were wondering if you could come with us to Milton Center too. We could just play the intro and instrumental on a phone but… if you want to and can. Maybe you would like to come with us and play there… they have a piano. But of course you don't have to if you don't want to."

"Sure."

"Yeah. Why not?" Mr. Jonas smiled. "We can take our car. Can you walk home Dom? Or should we give you a ride?"

"It's fine, I can walk." Mr. Dom patted his stomach. "I should try and get rid of some of this anyway."

Mr. Jonas and Kayla only sighed and rolled their eyes at their brother. I turned to get my bag and my jacket before I followed them. Daniel still kept his arm around my shoulders. While I tried to find something else to think about than Milton Center. Only until we got there.

"Haven't Lea-Marie been unusually quiet this week?" I asked Daniel while we were on our way out of the school. "I just thought about it all of a sudden. She's always moaning when someone's has a too long speech before their song. And she's always on you trying to catch your attention. But I haven't heard her say a word all week."

"Hmmm." Daniel seemed thoughtful while he went through what I had just said. "Now you say it. I think you're right. There has been long speeches for all songs this week but she hasn't said a word. And she didn't say a word about the theme Mr. Blaine had chosen.

"Maybe even Lea-Marie gets this theme is just too important to be moaning about. Or maybe… she said something about grey in May when we did that pink week. Out of all awareness months… Maybe it means something to her."

Daniel hesitated and held the car door open for me to get in when Kayla and Mr. Jonas got into the front seat. I could see the thoughtful look on his face.

"I'm sure we'll find out if there's something. Lea-Marie is Lea-Marie after all." Daniel got into the car and put his arm back around me. "She makes a lot of noise."

I nodded towards Daniel's shoulder. But I couldn't fight the feeling away that this was something else- something more.

Then, when I suddenly noticed we were one block away from Milton Center all thoughts about Lea-Marie and this week's theme was blown away and the nervousity for the song we were doing returned.

"Are you okay?" Daniel asked again when we were let into the building. "You only have to say if you don't want to do this."

"Hey Megan."

I changed the subject not to have to answer Daniel. Luckily seeing a woman I knew at the place so I ignored Daniel and turned to her. Megan had been here the very first time I and Seth were. I had started talking to her. She hadn't responded- by then she hadn't said a word to anyone. But slowly, but steadily- Megan had at last started answering questions and greeting. Even though she still wouldn't have long conversations with anyone. There was no bigger smile from anyone when her husband and son came and visited. And she wasn't afraid to arm wrestle people who were twice her size and show them who was the strongest.

"Hello Belle."

"Hey Elizabeth." A woman who worked here came up. "This is Jonas and Kayla from the glee club band…" I gestured to them and Elizabeth shook hands with them. "…And this is my boyfriend Daniel who will be singing with me too." They shook hands too. Daniel's voice only when he said his name and still held one hand on my back comforting if so just a tiny little bit.

"So…" Elizabeth clapped her hands together and looked over our little group. "Do you need some time to get ready or do you want your instruments you two and then you can start? The piano is here in the main room so if you want to, and if you play the piano…" Kayla nodded and Jonas waved with his harmonica. "Well. You can just do it here then. LISTEN GUYS." She started shouting to catch everybody's attention

Most of the people in the room turned to see who was shouting and she continued. Well. Everybody turned except for my brother. That I had spotted as soon as I came in. And who sat in his wheelchair (someone had probably pushed him out here, forced him so at least he wouldn't stay in bed all day) by the window and stared outside. If I didn't know better I would have thought that he didn't hear what was being said, but he was my brother and he heard.

"Belle." I woke up from my thoughts when I heard Daniel's voice close to my voice. "Are you okay? You seemed so far away."

"I'm fine." I flinched and nodded. "Let's do this."

This song was about being there for someone even when things were at their very hardest. To stay by their side even when everybody else would have left. To keep to your promise you always had said you'd be there. Because a promise who wouldn't be kept are only words. And people get far from enough of that.

If the song was hard to do sitting on the piano in the choir room on McKinley for the glee club. Then it was nothing compared to how it felt sitting in front of the whole Milton Center, including my brother singing with a big lump in my throat, threatening to burst.

I had to press my voice out with every little cell of my body not to just break down crying or lose my voice in the middle of a line. And by the beginning of the song it just seemed endlessly long. And worst of all was the last part, after the last refrain when first we sang together. Until I sang the very last few words on my own.

I kept an eye on Lenny all through the song. He was still staring out the window without a single move. Without making any intention to show that he actually heard us. And with that, I just kept on pressing every sound through my thick throat until the song was over.

And, there. And the song was over for the second time. At first the room seemed all silent. Then people started clapping.

Lenny still sat in his wheelchair, not minding about what anybody did or had done around him. And seeing him like that broke my heart all over again.

"You can leave if you want to." I turned to Daniel, Mr. Jonas and Kayla. "I have to go talk to my brother."

Without waiting for a response from the three I turned and hurried over to Lenny. Where I sat down right in front of him. He was still only staring out the window, if he had heard or seen anything he wasn't showing it.

"Mr. Blaine says hi." I said at last. "You know, the glee club coach who kept calling you and Shauna Sean and Penny?" Still no reaction. "Mum sends all her love. Shauna says the baby's doing great- she's not feeling as nauseas all the time now. And dad says- word by word. I'm so proud of you son."

For what must have been five minutes I and Lenny only sat there. I stared at him as if I could stare out a reaction that wasn't there. Lenny only watched out the window. And the rest of the people in the room were leaving us alone.

"Nationals is in a month now." I said, Lenny still sat turned away from me without saying a word. "Mum will be coming to watch. It would be fun if you could come too. It could be hard for you to come all the way to Hawaii but someone was going to film and main stream it. So you'll still be able to see all of it on the Internet."

Lenny didn't make any intention of showing me he had heard a word of what I was saying. I raised my chin a little and looked out the window to see what he was staring at- a brick wall it turned out.

"You know. I really did mean what I sang." I said still looking out the window. "I will be there for you no matter. And so will mum and Shauna. And your little baby. And no matter what he says then dad will be there too. But you know what dad is like."

Dad would be another story if it had been me. He only cared for Lenny anyway.

"Well then." Still no reaction from Lenny's. Now I was watching out the window and could only see him in the corner of my eye. "If you need anything you know where we are. You know you only have to give me a call… Anything."

I turned again. Now towards my brother while memories flashed by in my head. That photo I had in my locker at school, holding on tight around his neck and riding piggy back on him while he ran around, seeming like he wanted to get me off but still holding onto me tight behind his back. Flowers he had picked himself on his way from school for me and mum, then for Shauna. The look in his eyes when he looked down on the sonogram picture with his baby. Him riffling through my drawings, and standing to watch me leave when I went for my first day of high school.

Lenny had still been there for me to see him when I'd gone up and reached for the door, then turned to see if he was still there.

Because I had known that with him by my side I could do nothing. He was my rock, he was the one who'd been there since I was little. The one who could make me laugh even when I didn't feel like smiling. The one who would sit with me watching terribly boring movies and made them funny with his jokes. Lenny had been the one that had been there through every single second of my life.

And even when he went to Afghanistan I had still known that he was he. I kept that picture of the both of us in my locker at school. Seeing him and his bright smile every time I had to get or leave something in my locker had given me strength all through the days from the day he had left, to the day he'd come back. Then again when he left.

And now Lenny was here. Although he wasn't. The person who sat there in the wheelchair staring callously out of a window wasn't my brother even though he still looked like him. And I was afraid there there would be nowhere to find him this time around.

"I've got to go home." I stood up and slightly patted Lenny's shoulder. "Is there something I should tell mum or dad or Shauna when I get there?" Lenny only stared ahead of him, not seeming like he heard me at all. "Is there something you need that I can get for you?"

Still he only stared right ahead of him.

"Bye then. See you."

I fought the tears away when I stood and turned. Daniel had been sitting right by playing go fish with one of the elder. When he saw me get up he looked up.

"You stayed."

"I stayed…" Daniel turned to the man he'd been playing cards with. "You win." He told the elder man and threw his cards in the pile on the table. The man started shouting and protesting. "Well I would have won otherwise so you should be happy." He silent again, Daniel came over and embraced me tight. "You know I wouldn't just leave you like that. What are words, right? Now, are we leaving?"

"What time and day did you say it was?"

I didn't get a second to answer Daniel. At least not before I heard that voice behind me. So clear and strong. Nothing like I had heard it before. Yet not like it had sounded whenever he said just something, anything before he came back home.

I span around. Barely daring to hope that it really was him talking. Then had to fight the tears back again when I saw Lenny had turned the wheelchair and sat turned to me.

Lenny's eyes hadn't quite lost that callous look he had had earlier. They weren't close to what they had looked like before. When he really was the brother I had grown up with and loved oh so very much.

"Again, what day and time did you say it was?"

Slowly, so slowly the life started turning up in Lenny's eyes again. For the first time since he had left the last time. I wasn't so sure if anybody else would have noticed it. But I knew Lenny better than anybody else. I could see it.

And I couldn't help but smile

Lea-Marie POV

Hey. There is a song I'd like to do this week. Can we meet up in the auditorium after last class tomorrow and I can do it?

Trying not to think about how embarrassing it was that I hadn't done any song this week and now I had found one. And why on top of that- I just hadn't been feeling like doing a song. But now I did. I needed to do something.

I pushed the phone on my bedside table. I couldn't see why I would get a reply at all- all of these people hated me anyway. Not that I could care any less. Glee club were all losers and I just couldn't understand why I had signed up at all.

Well at least it had given me a chance to shine and show people I could sing and dance better than the others. Not that I expected someone coming to the auditorium tomorrow though. They all hated me anyway so why would they care if I wanted to do something? I didn't when someone wanted to do something on a Friday afternoon- I would usually come anyway. But it would prove to be useless because it would just be another song anyway.

Not that I cared. Neither did I when I had put away my phone, then looked out in surprise when I heard my phone buzz towards the bedside table.

I was just on my way to ask the same. I have a song to show you too. I think you're all going to like it. But then you have to be there to see it. I hope to see you there.
-Mr. Blaine

Well if Mr. Blaine was coming too…

It was probably more for him than for me. But the next day all of the glee club was in the auditorium after last class to see what I and Mr. Blaine had to show. I was more nervous than I would have liked to admit and wasn't even so sure I wanted to do this song anymore. And show myself as emotional as it would probably make me.

"Now that everybody's here." Mr. Blaine stood up when Mady and Benjamin came walking in from behind the curtains and sat down. "Do you want to go first Lea-Marie?" he held out a hand in a gesture for me to go. But I shook my head. "No?"

"You can go first." I told Mr. Blaine. He didn't move at first and didn't seem sure about what I wanted him to do even though I had told him clearly. "Didn't you hear me? I think you should go first. Go first."

Mr. Blaine nodded a thanks. Then turned away from me and walked down the stairs towards the stage before he walked out on the stage grabbing the guitar that laid on the side before he started talking to us.

Oh no- not another one of these speeches!

"Of course we love people. We love our parents, our sisters, brothers and friends. There are people we hate too. Of course we learn to love, or hate the people we spend a lot of time with. But now, there is one single person- one single person for all of us that we spend all of our time with. Now who is that?" Mr. Blaine looked around. "Who is that?" Nobody said a word. "Well that's ourselves isn't it?"

Mr. Blaine sat down on one of the speakers towards the side of the stage and through the projector at the top of the room suddenly we could see the screen of a phone and a music video. Mr. Blaine smiled and then kept talking.

"The song I'm about to do isn't exactly about loving oneself. But it's about believing in oneself no matter what. And just like I've said before. I do know the teenage years there is a lot of changes and a lot happening as you go from children to young adults. And maybe that's why it's so hard for you to believe in yourselves. Now I know that that can be hard all through a life but especially in the teenage years. So… if we learn to love the people we spend the most time with. Why is it so hard to love or even believe in oneself?"

"Because…" After several seconds in silence Christie said something at last. "…Seeing whatever we do ourselves. We do know every stupid decision we've ever made. We do know every secret that would make people hate us. We do know about feelings we're not supposed to feel."

"Like jealousy…" Sharon continued. "…Jealousy is just one of those feelings you learn that you should be ashamed of feeling." Mr. Blaine nodded agreeing. "So you don't tell anyone. Or when we hurt and kind of want others to hurt too so we hurt them on purpose. We do know all those stupid things we've done and then… then we just hate that we've done them and end up hating yourself."

Mr. Blaine nodded agreeing again. And made a pause before he continued to wait to see if anybody else had something to say.

"We also hate ourselves for the things we didn't do too…" Seth started and I moaned- for how long would this go on? "Things we could have said, things we could have done. To help people and to let them know what we thought. That we loved them. Or stepping back when someone would have needed help. Then we go back there afterwards and regret we didn't step forward when we could have. Wish we could go back to change things and make them better this time around."

"You are all right." Mr. Blaine said before anybody else had the time to say anything. "Now. This is a just simply awesome song. And it won the big Eurovision song contest so it has to be. Now, last Sunday it was exactly ten years ago since it won. I saw something about it on the Internet. I hadn't heard the song before. But I watched the music video. And I figured I'd do this song but I wanted to show you the music video too because it's got a beautiful story in it. So at the top of the room." Mr. Blaine gestured towards the table put in the middle of the room with the hoses and chords that could show through a projector on the back of the stage. "So we've got Jude Vincent and Pete Oswald here today to help me a little. And behind me there'll be a music video playing as well as the song's instrumental. While I sit a bit here… to the side. And I've got my singing voice and a guitar to add to the instrumental. I think you're all going to like it."

Mr. Blaine took his guitar and signed to Jude to start of the video. During the first verse of the song he was only singing to the instrumental. Then in the short bridge towards the refrain he started playing the guitar as well.

I tried to concentrate on the video that was playing in the background behind Mr. Blaine. A story about a sick little boy and the singer, a violinist and one man figure skating holding a concert to raise money for the life-saving surgery the little boy needed.

While watching it I suddenly thought of a video I and dad had put on YouTube a couple of months after mum died. I guess it wasn't the most typical thing to make after someone had just like that. But we had. Not that it mattered much though. It had only like a hundred and fifty views- and all of them were mine. Except for like one who was my dad's, and one more who was also my dad's when he showed Marion.

While Mr. Blaine was doing the third verse of his song I pulled up my phone and quickly got on YouTube and looked into the account. I had another, newer account with more followers by now. So it had been years since I watched the video or even thought about it. Not that it mattered. I had watched it so many times I knew every single pictures and which order they came in.

But by only seeing the thumbnail picture, of mum and dad at a beach in Italy. With the evening sun behind them. It had been shot by the very end of the pregnancy when they were having me. And seeing her baby bump that I knew she had done just about everything she could to show. Well, it somehow just made me want to cry. Now here we were years later and she just wasn't.

I sniveled, shook my head and stood up. No way was I letting the people in this room seeing me cry. No way would I be that weak. And with long, fast steps I walked out into the stairs and upwards just as Mr. Blaine finished his song.

"Hey. Jude." When at the table at the back where the projector was managed I reached my phone to Daniel's cousin. "Can you make this show on the screen when I do my song?" Jude checked something on my phone, then nodded and turned to unplug Mr. Blaine's phone and replace it with mine.

I could hear the others clapping and given their comments and compliments to the song he had done. But I couldn't sort out the words or who had said it. My concentration was to the screen on the back to the stage where the projector in the back end showed it pictures, and I didn't turn my vision away from it for a second while I walked down the stairs towards the stage.

I waited for a moment, stopped in the stairs to see if the picture was put up. Then there it was. Bigger than what I had ever seen before. Mum in a hospital bed, with a bright smile and dad kissing on her head- bald after chemotherapy. I was also laying across her lap with an as big smile on my lips and I and mum both held up V- signs with both of our hands. I had been eight years old at the moment the photo was shot.

Half my life had passed since then. And it felt like a million years ago.

I drew a deep breath and stepped up on the stage. Then another step, then another one. Until I stood by the microphone turning towards the others. And like some other times during this week I noticed how unbelievably silent it was in the room.

Not that I didn't know though. When I was turned to them I could see that the only reason they were like this was that they wanted to be somewhere else. Who'd know where but anywhere where I wasn't anyway.

Then the silence was replaced when music started playing. I remembered that when we had made this video- I and dad we had figured it would be prettier if we used only instrumental. Seem more tragic or whatever plan we had had.

Every night in my dreams…

I noticed the pictures changing on the lights, but of course couldn't see the pictures since I was turned to the audience. It didn't matter anyway- I knew all the pictures.

I knew the one where mum was holding my hands stretched up over my head taking my very first steps, I knew the one with the bright pink backpack for my first day in school. Then for my first day in the second year at school with a more fashionable black and white-stripy backpack. I knew the one from different Christmas's. From my first one playing with the wrapping paper more than the presents, to the last one she had been alive having had my (second) own laptop.

And then at last, one picture of me leaned against dad standing by her coffin on the funeral. Dad's arm around my shoulders and his hand on my shoulders. Both of ours' eyes and cheeks dry and swollen after crying- but no tears left. And of course- it was behind his back so one couldn't see it in the picture, but my hand was wrapped tight in the fabric of dad's blazer holding on for dear life. Whatever happened, after everything I couldn't lose my dad too.

And there it was, the last tone of the instrumental and my voice rang out and echoed in the auditorium. I could see everybody turned to me. For once nobody said a word while I had a pressure over my chest so bad I probably couldn't have said anything if I had tried.

Then, without thinking and before anyone had the time to say or do anything. Before I had the chance to break down and show the others what I felt and make a fool out of myself I span around and ran away from the stage. Out of the auditorium, down the hallway and out the doors. I always had my car keys in the pocket of my shorts to have them close. But I barely noticed when I pulled them up, got into my car and sped out of the parking lot and down the road.

Maybe I should have stopped. A bit too often I had to take my hand from the steering wheel and wipe my eyes not to be blinded by tears. The road home seemed endless long, until I at last pulled over in front of my house and ran up the porch stairs and inside.

"Lea. Come here and…"

I ignored whatever dad was trying to say to me. Ran past him in the hallway outside the kitchen and ran up the stairs, first to the second floor, then turned and through the next door and up the stairs to my room.

At last I just threw myself on my neatly made bed, covered my face in the sheets and broke down. My tears streaming from my eyes and down towards the sheets and my whole body shaking with sobs. Real ones this time. For the first time in God would know how long.

"Lea?" I hadn't heard him coming. But suddenly dad was there too and I heard his steps up the last few up the stairs and then over my bedroom floor. "Cara mia?" I felt the mattress move when dad sat down and then reached down and stroke away a tress of hair that laid between my face and the sheets. "What's wrong?"

I hesitated, then drew a deep breath to try and calm down and sat up. Shakily and stroking away the tear after the other with the back of my hands in front of dad who was frowning deeply and took my hand.

"Cara mia." He said again- my dear in Italian. "You know you can tell me anything." He stroke my hand with his thumb. "Anything… even if you've done something wrong." I grimaced again and new tears rolled from my eyes. "Come here." Dad embraced me and I leaned close and buried my face in his shirt. While the thought stroke by that I might want to find the right words to tell him what was going on.

But what was I supposed to say when I barely even knew myself?

"I want my mum."

I felt dad's embrace around me change somehow. He sort of froze for a second. I sniveled again, then sat up shakily and leaned over to the desk. In the bottom drawer I did have a photo album with all of the printed photos of mum. Including some of the pictures that had been put in the video I had showed the glee club earlier.

"I miss her." I made a pause and put the album on my legs. "Every day… and I… This week in glee club. It was for brain cancer awareness. And we were supposed to sing something to the people we love the most. Because one day they might not be there anymore and then we cannot tell them anymore. So I showed them that video we made and sang." I looked down on the photo album and opened it to a big picture of mum, dad and myself when I was a newborn. "It was harder than what I thought it would be."

I sniveled, dad didn't say anything. Not that I was sure I wanted him too. But I just wished dad- or anybody could say anything that could bring my mum back. Or at least make all the pain go away. But dad just kept his arm around my shoulders and kept me close. Then when I turned the page in the album he pointed down on the photo that had shown to the glee club earlier, from the hospital with dad kissing the top of her head and I and mum smiling brightly.

"Do you remember what happened right after that photo was taken?"

"She started feeling sick and threw up right on the covers?" Dad nodded and smiled slightly. Then I realized that tears had been rising in his eyes too. I wasn't sure what I even could do for comfort so I put the photo album on his lap and leaned my head to the side, onto his shoulder to watch the pictures. "Then a nurse came in. He was the one who would have to clean it up he said and shouted at her for it. He was very rude. It's not like she could help it anyway."

"Do you remember what happened then?"

"He leaned over and was moving away the covers, you were getting a basin but didn't quite have the time before she threw up again, right on that nurse's shirt."

"I am not sure whether that was an accident or not. Now that was something your mum did."

"Puke on people?"

"No." Dad chuckled and stroke away a tear from his own cheek. "But coming up with something to laugh about when things were at their very worst. And I know that she found that time really funny. Of course they weren't as hilarious then, but when she'd stopped throwing up and slept for a bit I remember she woke up laughing. I just couldn't help but laugh with her. And giving payback. She did to me too when I didn't give her what she want, why do you think I never told her no? Why do you think I can never tell you no? You're so much like your mum."

Dad turned the page in the photo album again. Now to photos of me and mum dressed up as different Disney princesses. Sure if I would dress up she'd do it too. And even in the last picture, where her head was bald after all of the meds that had made her hair fall off, her smile was as bright and as big as always.

"You and Christian should totally do these kinds of pictures." I told dad. "But maybe not as princesses… as princes or… No. Do it as princesses. Those are a lot more fun and who says guys can't wear dresses? Just wear dressed with Christian so people will have something to talk about. And to just show people you're not afraid to be different."

"We'll see about that." Dad smiled slightly and turned the page again. "I'm not sure what they'd say at work if pictures started showing up on my Facebook with me in a princess dress." I couldn't help but laugh through the tears when I imagined it. "Otherwise I wouldn't mind it." He smiled too. "Now look at this."

The picture he was pointing to were the one from my first school day with that huge, bright pink backpack. I suddenly remembered how I and mum had searched through store after store to find the right backpack, dad had mostly been bored a bit away from us while I tried them on. Then at last we decided on the one I had tried out first. Of course mum didn't mind it. Going shopping had been one of our favorite things to do together- dad wasn't too pleased though. Even though he tried not to show it and paid like he always would.

The pictures then reminded me of something. I tried to think back and remember to what would be the last time I and dad had done something together (shopping, and he'd pay). Then remembered that that would have been to shop for my first day of High school- almost two years ago.

"Dad?" I lifted my head from his shoulder and looked up on him. "Can we do something someday? Just you and I?"

"Is there something you want?" Dad raised an eyebrow at me. "You usually do when you're looking at me that way?"

"Only some time alone with you." I pouted and laid my head to the side in the way I knew would wrap him around my little finger. "Please daddy? I won't ask for anything else. I just want to get some time alone with you without your job or Christian or Marion."

Dad seemed to hesitate. I knew he had a lot to do at work and everything. Especially with Marion being home with Christian every day he tried to do all the work whenever the best time so he could spend as much time watching Christian grow up as possible. Not to miss the slightest little thing. Sure I didn't want to miss anything neither. But maybe only one day. One little while.

"I know there's been a lot of time for Christian and Marion lately." At last dad sighed slightly and answered. "Of course Christian gets it- that's the thing when you have a baby. And I do love Marion. But she can't replace your mum. I know I told you that loads of times. I just want to make sure you know. Christian doesn't replace you or mean I love you any less. Marion doesn't replace your mum. And she never will. And seeing the way you've… accepted her more and more since Christian was born…" Dad closed the photo album- it had ended way too soon. "…I'm so proud of you. And not just for Marion but… You're growing up. In just a few days you'll be sixteen years old… that little, little…" Dad opened the photo album to the page of him and mum on the beach and pointed to her baby bounce. "…Sixteen years old and halfway through high school… Your mum would have been so proud of you."

I smiled sadly down on the picture. On mum's bright smile and colorful dress. The evening sun in the background and dad's smile. Not towards the camera and the guy behind it (some random stranger they had stopped and asked to take a picture) but towards my mum. And in his eyes that look. Even on this picture in his eyes I could just see how much he loved my mum only from the way he looked at her.

"Lea-Marie." Dad and I looked up when Marion came up the stairs into my room with Christian in her arms. He was only happily babbling like he usually would and reached out his hands for me. "There's someone at the door that wants to see you." She looked back and forth to dad and me. "Should I show him up here?"

"Yes." Dad gave me a stern look and I rolled my eyes. "Yes please." Christian reached out for me again and I held out my hands. "Can I take Christian? Here Chris." I held out my hands and took the baby from my stepmum. Then put him on my knee and bounced him slightly up and down- he screamed with laughter and I couldn't help but laugh too. "You know, there's nothing in the whole wide world that makes me happier than seeing you happy. So always be happy, okay? Always. Can you promise me that?" I bounced him up and down again and he laughed just as loud. "Because you are the one I love the very most. And none of that is ever going to change."

"Do you want me to take him downstairs?" We could hear footsteps up the stairs and Marion talking to someone so dad stood up from my bed. "If you're going to talk to someone." We then heard footsteps in the stairs up to my room and Daniel turned up over the floor.

"No…" I said at last. "I can hold him. Hey Daniel."

All these times I had imagined Daniel right here, in my bedroom. Or just putting his concentration on me for once- I was going to refuse to cry or even make a fool out of myself more than what I had already done.

"You forgot your things." Daniel held up a shirt, my bag and my phone when he came up the stairs and dad left with a glare towards Daniel- just like he would for any guy who gave me attention. "It's okay. I'm just a friend from the glee club."

Just a friend.

I knew some people were impressed. Liked people better when they saw them with small children or small animals treating them well. Therefore, looking away from Daniel I bounced Christian up and down on my knee again and he laughed.

"He's so cute." Daniel laughed and gestured to the sofa. "Should I put the things here? You look like you have got your hands full."

"Yeah. Christian this is my friend Daniel." Whatever I would have given to make that more than friend. "Daniel this is my brother Christian." Christian laughed again when I held him up. "They're supposed to start laughing at about between three and four months. He is three months tomorrow. But he just started laughing a couple of days ago and now he's…" I bounced him up and down again and he screamed with laugher. "…You see." Daniel smiled again. "You can sit down if you want."

Daniel hesitated. Then did sit down at the very end of the sofa. As far away from me as possible. If I could just find a way to get him to come and sit down next to me on the bed…

"That woman in the video…" I made sure not to start crying again but pouted a bit in the way knew would catch his attention and pity. "…That was my mum." Daniel nodded slightly. "She died of a brain tumor. Do you remember what Mr. Blaine said? That if you get a tumor on the brainstem it is one of the worse kinds. You can survive that type of cancer too like any other type. Except it depends on how early stage one finds the tumor and how big it is and stuff like that. Like always. But it can be hard to make surgery in the brainstem because it's so important to the vitals."

"Was that what your mum had? On the brainstem?" I nodded. "I'm so sorry… You should know that though, after you left we talked about your performance a bit. Everybody really liked it. Me too. It was beautiful. And Mr. Blaine said he… he really admired what you did. Standing up there and doing that song. Singing about something that is that important to you yet so hard."

Daniel was still looking at me that way as if he listened to what I was saying. Yet at the moment he left this house he would have forgotten what I said. I couldn't leave this be- I would have to change my ways and get his attention somehow.

"Why would you have liked it?" I decided to change my ways to try and get his attention and pity- if this didn't work I didn't know what would. "You all hate me."

"We don't hate you." Daniel finally frowned and changed his expression. "Why would we hate you?"

"Why wouldn't you?"

"Because you are one of us. Do you know that song Christie did earlier this week? True love by Pink? That song speaks the truth you know. There's no one we hate as much as family. And in this glee club and after we have been through together. We are family."

My room fell in silence again. That was except for Christian who was happily babbling and waving his hands up and down. Then laughing when I bounced him up and down again to keep him happy.

Daniel smiled at Christian. And I couldn't help but think Daniel would make a great dad someday himself. With his own family… probably with that b*tch Belle Jolie because they were just too adorable together. At least that's what I had heard people say.

"We're going to Hawaii you know." Daniel said dreamingly. "For nationals. I've never been there. The only thing I refer it to is that movie. Lilo and Stitch… Ohana means family. Family means no one gets left behind."

"Or forgotten."

"Will you be so kind…" Daniel smiled and his eyes were just glittering in some jokingly way. "….And not tell anybody I know that quote. Or that movie?"

"Well. I promise but then you have to promise never to tell anyone I know it."

"Deal." Daniel held out his hand and I shook it.

All of these times I had imagined Daniel Vincent in my bedroom. All the times I had been trying to get his attention. Ignored his reactions of trying to get away from me, steps away or hidden grimaces. I guess sooner or later I would have had to admit that he didn't like me as much as I liked him. Actually, until maybe now he hadn't liked me at all.

Seeing him here today and right now was nothing like I had imagined it. I was trying to get myself to think that I could still get Daniel to like me more than what he liked Belle. But I guess I knew more than ever that was not going to happen.

"I guess I'll get going then." Daniel stood up from my couch. "It was nice seeing you and… where you live. And meeting little Christian." Christian had of course no idea what Daniel was saying but smiled toothlessly at Daniel and Daniel just laughed. "Aren't you just too cute?"

"I'll show you out then." I lead Daniel down the stairs, then down the stairs from the second to the ground floor, through the hallway to the door. "I guess I'll see you Monday then. Can you wave Christian?" I took Christian's little hand in mine. "Bye Daniel."

When I stood in the door watching Daniel walk down the road all of the feelings I had had for him were roaring up inside of me stronger than ever. I gave a deep sigh, then looked down on my brother who was still babbling happily and giggling when I looked at him.

"I guess you can be the only boy then…" I started walking back towards my room. "You're the best one anyway." Christian laughed. "You're just laughing. Now to hear you laughing beats any kind of music any day."

"Well." Marion came out into the hallway. I still didn't exactly love her but our relationship after Christian was born. Earlier, I had just wanted Marion to move out- but if Marion was going then Christian was too and I couldn't let that happen. "This Daniel is just another guy." She took Christian from my arms and lifted him "High" in the air. "Believe me Lea- they will be coming and going many times. And you're going to find a whole lot frogs to kiss before you find your prince. But at least, through all of it everything you have to know is that Christian is always here. And so am I. And so is your dad. And…" She took Christian down again and sent me a more serious look. "Whatever you might think. Your mum will also be there. Always and whatever happens. Right in there." She pointed to her heart, then turned to the living room while I walked back to my room.

Marion was right though. Of course mum was dead. And nothing would ever be able to get her to come back. Although I did have our memories, and so did dad. No matter what would happen in our future, I finally, after all of these years really knew that she'd still be here.

And I couldn't help but smile

As you might have seen I'm trying to go back to some old storylines and tie it up. You will see more of that now for the end of the story.

This song was for brain cancer awareness- grey in May. And what Lea-Marie said all of that time ago. Theo and Rachel and little Finn are just too adorable. And Bradon just can't help to miss Finn. He was the one to teach Bradon all of this after all. And none of this would have been possible without him. Then Christie have got A LOT of attitude, Sharon's storyline is just too sad and she made the most beautiful songs. While Jasper, Keagan and Bradon did an acapella song and Bradon went back to the plaque with Finn's picture on it remembering a promise he made to Finn, and to himself in the beginning of the year.

Charlotte's dad and his Kirsten are getting a divorce. Frances came out to him but he doesn't really care. He does care about Seth though and they'll have to have a talk. Frances, Ronald (Mr. Amato) and Charlotte seem happier and closer together than ever. Or at least for the first time in a long time.

Belle and Daniel are so cute together. They did a quite emotional song but now Lenny has finally said something at last. It's barely a month left until nationals. Maybe Lenny won't be there to watch it but there will be a main stream and maybe he will watch it. Megan from chapter "Him or her" is in and is better. It's also mentioned that Shauna- Lenny's girlfriend does feel better than she has earlier during the pregnancy. But Belle has a feeling there's something with Lea-Marie. So what could it be anyway?

At last. Lea-Marie misses her mum loads and loads and loads. Her mum died of a tumor on the brainstem when Lea-Marie was eight. But she was great all until the very end making people laugh with whatever it took. At least Lea-Marie still has her dad. She still isn't too fond of Marion. But she accepts her if that means Christian is staying living with them. She still has a crush on Daniel but he obviously doesn't like her back. And maybe she's going to have to see that. But they're going to Hawaii with the glee club and maybe they can be friends… well. I said maybe!

Playlist
Theo- If tomorrow never comes- Ronan Keating
Christie- True Love- Pink feat. Lily Allen
Sharon- I will carry you (Audrey's song)- Selah
Bradon/ Jasper/ Keagan- When you say nothing at all- Ronan Keating
Ronald Amato- Ready, set, don't go- Billy Ray Cyrusand Miley Cyrus
Charlotte- That is where I'll go- Sibel
Esme/ Martina- somebody's me- Enrique Iglesias
Daniel/ Esme- What are words- Chris Medina
Mr. Blaine- Believe- Dima Bilan (Check out the music video guys-it is beautiful)
Lea-Marie- My heart will go on- Celine Dion

Random fact

To me it's important to raise awareness about also brain tumors. Why? Most of you will ask. Well, about two and a half years ago I was diagnosed with Epilepsy. And after that it had to be checked up if I had a brain tumor. As if that wasn't enough, if I did have one it would have been on the brainstem. Luckily I didn't, but trust me. All of that waiting and knowledge about what would happen if the answers had been of the opposite kind, is nothing I'd wish for my worst enemy.

And seriously, someone has to at least try and raise awareness for breast and prostate cancer for once.

The ones who review will get each shoutout.