Prompt: Write a drabble with the word PENETRATE in it (and for the peeps who asked for a continuation of #49)
Characters/Pairings: Gwen, Merlin
Ratings/Warnings: K+, continuation of 'Realizing' (#49)
Word Count: 363


Promising

When Merlin tells me that Arthur must be waiting on him and tries to pull away, I do not let him, and I respond, "Damn Arthur, Merlin."

He avoids my concerned gaze in embarrassment and shame, and I ask him to please, talk to me because I have since discovered that it isn't Hunith, it isn't Gaius or Arthur or any of the bullying knights, and if it isn't his mother, mentor, or best friend, I do not know what it can be, and whatever it is…it's tearing him up from the inside, and I don't care that he's tight-lipped and unwilling because something's terribly wrong. He needs someone, and I want to be there for him if he'd only allow me to be.

And I consider it a small victory when I tell him so and he doesn't disagree.

His mouth does open and closes multiple times before he, blushing, sighs, "Gwen, please. Just let me go. I can't—"

"Why can't you?" I interrupt gently. "Is it so wrong to reach out for help? To talk to a friend who cares for you no matter what's happened?"

"You—" Merlin chokes in a small voice. "You shouldn't make promises like that."

"It isn't a promise. It's a guarantee."

When his eyes flash to mine, the abrupt anger that blazes through them takes me aback, and despite my instinctive desire to jolt away, I meet his penetrating gaze steadily, unfazed.

His eyes hold me in place for what seems like hours before he finally asks in a quiet voice, a dangerous voice, "You really want to know?"

"I want you to trust me. I want you…to see that you're not alone. What I don't want is to see you like this."

There is a desperate edge to the fire in his eyes now, and jerking his shoulder away from my hand, he shakes his head and chuckles—it sounds so off, so disbelieving and pained…

Dark.

"What is wrong, Merlin?"

"Me." The answer is hard, short, and blunt.

"You? Merlin, what—?"

"Yes, me. I'm wrong, Gwen. I'm what's wrong."

The uncharacteristic fire does not die in the fresh wave of tears.