Brooke woke up instinctively knowing that Nathan was not beside her. He would have all ready left for his early morning work out with Lucas and the other starters on the team. That was if Lucas was feeling up to practicing. She would understand if he wasn't, he had a right to be a little too overwhelmed with personal problems.
Well, she thought as she sat up and rubbed her eyes, one little problem; a problem that had the potential to get much bigger and last for the rest of his life. Haley was pregnant. The one thought sent a zing of pain throughout the length of her scar deep into the empty cavity where her ovary had once laid and into her womb, which would always remain empty.
"I will not lie down and die," Brooke told herself through clenched teeth. I will not let this consume me, she promised herself inside her soul where no one but she could hear.
Her phone rang, a deliciously catchy toon, that drew her attention to the caller id. Luke appeared in block letters, without hesitation she answered, "what's up Lucas?"
"I know you're upset, and I'm sorry for calling right now-"
"I'm not upset. I'm surprised," she cut him off to clarify.
She clearly heard his mumble of disbelief but he continued on before she could say anything further, "Haley and I got into a huge fight this morning and now she texts me that she set up a doctor's appointment for Saturday morning and that I need to be there too."
"Okay, so be there," Brooke replied.
"Brooke," he paused and when he spoke again his voice quivered, "I'm scared."
She nodded in understanding, she was scared too. Scared that he and Haley were jumping into the deep end and they were both just learning how to swim. She was scared that the demons she had been working so hard to destroy were going to return threefold. Oh yes, she understood his fear.
But when she replied her voice was understanding and warm, "it's okay to be scared sometimes Lucas. The trick is recognizing it before it consumes you. Now you can use it to channel your energy into being the man and husband Haley needs beside her right now. Haley will come around and apologize, give her time."
"I love you Brooke," it seemed to be all he could manage. It almost seemed like an apology.
She smiled, "and I love you too Daddy."
He groaned, "where's the sympathy?"
"You don't need it right now but I do need to hang up if Peyton and I are to dress Haley in time for school. Go practice with the guys, let all of it go for a few seconds," Brooke suggested.
After they hung up Brooke nodded to herself and as she saw herself in passing via Nathan's dresser mirror she murmured, "let it all go for a few seconds."
XOXOXOXO
On a regular first day of school Haley, Peyton and Brooke would have dressed in their best, fresh supplies ready and would be noticed by every student in the school. Confidence was a powerful thing when it was in short supply. However, this was not to be a normal or regular first day. Brooke was traumatized, Haley was pregnant and Peyton was still battling a war between her mind and her heart.
"I cannot believe that you are wearing sweats," Brooke spoke in hushed tones as they walked toward the school.
Haley rolled her eyes from beneath the huge bug sunglasses she was sporting. She didn't want the whole student body to know she'd spent the night before and this morning alternately crying and yelling at her husband.
"It's not like you Hales, you usually dress very professionally for school," Peyton pointed out.
Haley stopped and looked at them both, "I'm not in a good mood. Everything is bad right now. Leave it alone."
Peyton and Brooke shared a look before Brooke finally nodded, a consent to something. Peyton smiled tensely, "look, until you and Lucas decide what you want to do then we understand that things will be tense but Haley we will not let you make this an excuse to fall into the pit of despair that Brooke is still trying to climb out of. Shit does suck but you have a family that loves you."
"Neither of you understand," Haley felt tears coming to her eyes and was horrified.
Brooke winced and Peyton sucked her teeth before replying, "from where I stand you have the two things Brooke and I want but don't have: the man you love and a baby."
The magnitude of those words rocked them all because no matter how unlucky the time Haley was still blessed. It wasn't meant to be a statement of jealousy or envy, merely one of observation.
"I'm sorry," Haley finally told them, meaning it, "I'm just so sorry."
They knew she meant she was sorry she had been so careless and they knew that she meant she was sorry for causing any pain with misguided words.
"We are too," Brooke admitted. She went in between them and hooked her arms through theirs, "but we have a first day of school to get through right now."
XOXOXOXO
Lucas stood in front of his locker, his body unwilling to cooperate and get dressed before classes began so that he could meet up with the girls. Seeing Haley again this morning was sure to be another fight waiting to happen and he just wasn't interested in arguing with her. Not when she yelled with a look of pure terror in her eyes. Not when she choked on those yells and cried.
"You'll get through it," Nathan's voice was strong, certain.
Luke turned toward his brother, "I'm sixteen and my wife is pregnant."
"And you'll get through it," Jake repeated, "trust me, having a baby is hard, harder than you can imagine, but it's doable. You can make it work."
"It's crazy that two out of the three of us are fathers," Luke murmured, his surprise from last night hadn't even begun to wear off.
"Luke," Jake's voice was censuring.
For a moment Luke felt like a full fledged idiot. But then, rather perversely, he thought that it must be a load off not to have to worry about birth control or prenatal vitamins. Then a picture of Brooke on the day she had stood in Nathan's kitchen crying crept into his mind and put him in check.
"I'm sorry for that Nate, it was uncalled for," he admitted.
"Yeah it was, but I understand. When something out of your control happens sometimes it's just easier to lash out."
Luke sat on bench and stared up at his brother and one of his best friends, "I don't think I can do this. I don't think I can be a father. And my mother is going to kill me. Probably with her bare hands!"
"No doubt," Jake agreed with a ready grin. Luke looked at him and saw the tired lines on his face, proof of early morning feedings and ear infections.
His head felt so heavy and his heart was thumping wildly. Everything was just wrong, "shit how could I have been such a fucking idiot? What's wrong with me? Jesus, I can't do this. She has to understand, I just can't…I can't."
"Whoa," Nathan sat down too, "before you go making any final decisions don't you think you should go with her to the doctor and talk options?"
"There is only one option, Nathan. We both have plans and dreams that just don't include a baby right now."
"My plans hadn't included a baby but Luke something changes in you man. The first second you see your kid you change. Everything just changes," it was the only way Jake could explain it.
Lucas looked at him, fear poring out of his face, "what if I don't want change?"
"What if Haley does," Nathan wondered.
"Then we have a problem," Lucas finally answered.
XOXOXOXO
Brooke smiled as Nathan approached her, "hey Nate."
Nathan smiled down at her and nodded, "sorry we got held up, Luke had a minor meltdown in the locker room."
"This is big stuff," she told him. Her head was swimming with all sorts of unpleasant things she didn't want to think about. The first being that in less than a minute she and Nathan would walk down the main hallway of Tree Hill High and everyone would stop and stare. Everyone would know her tragedy, everyone would be waiting to see the gaping hole in the armor of Brooke Davis.
Nathan's lips caressed her own suddenly and brought her morbid thoughts to a stand still. When he finally released her lips he kissed her forehead, "stop thinking, baby, and just live."
She nodded and he led her into the building. Everyone in the hallway hushed as they walked through. Brooke held her breath. Look stunning, look untouchable, you're Brooke Davis, everyone either wants to be you or be with you.
After a moment someone began to clap and Brooke looked around in awe as everyone joined in a chorus of applause. Brooke looked up incredulously at Nathan, "why?"
"Because you survived a tragedy, because you're so much braver and stronger than anyone could have guessed," he explained.
Brooke swallowed back tears of surprise and delight. Eventually she smiled at the people they passed whispering her thanks and meaning every one of them.
XOXOXOXO
Haley held a discrete hand to her stomach as it rolled around. She was certain, absolutely certain that the guy sitting in front of her was wearing skunk musk masked as cologne. The smell of it made her want to vomit all over him.
"Hey," two strong hands landed on her shoulders and she was happy and relieved to accept Jake's kiss on the forehead, "how's the stomach?"
She smiled up at him, "hey yourself, and the stomach is turning upside down and inside out."
"Here," he took her wrist and pushed lightly on the area right above the wrist. Within seconds the nausea decreased significantly. He grinned at her surprise, "I read up last night on some tricks, and my mom gave me some tips."
She smiled at him and felt a tightness in her chest, "thank you."
"No problem, Haley-bop," he murmured the nickname and took his seat beside her.
When he just continued to watch her she sighed, "is it that obvious that I'm on the edge?"
"No," he replied, "but I've known you for many moons. I know when something isn't right."
"Nothing seems to be right," Haley told him.
"It's actually all the way it should be. I've come to have a firm appreciation in fate."
Before Haley could reply the teacher began roll call. Luke still hadn't come into class and Haley was worried he was sulking somewhere, or worse, telling his mother. Only she, Jake and Luke were in honors English and being late to an honors class on the first day was definitely a no-no.
"He'll be here," Jake told her but even his voice sounded unsure.
She nodded and continued to stare at the door. It seemed like only a few moments later the bell was ringing and the class was over. He never came.
XOXOXOXO
By the time lunch was over everyone seemed to know that Luke Scott had skipped the first day of classes and therefore would be ineligible for the first basketball game of the preseason. By the end of fifth period everyone was beginning to talk about Haley and Luke's marriage all ready falling apart. By the time Brooke found Luke on the roof of the school everyone was certain he had cancer of some kind, that Haley had filed for divorce and that, for some crazy reason, Jake was behind her decision.
Brooke approached him wearily. He was hunched over on the stairs that led to the next floor on the roof. He was shaking.
"Hey, broody, what are you doing?"
He turned to her, surprise on his face, "how did you know?"
"It was either the roof or the river court. Since you knew the guys would go there I figured you'd go where you were least likely to be found," she surmised her train of thought.
"Nice," he admitted.
"They don't call me Brooke Davis for no reason."
He sighed and focused on his hands, "this is heavy shit, Brooke."
"This was heavy long before yesterday," she corrected.
"She's pregnant. She's got our son or daughter growing inside of her," he detailed this because it had just occurred to him over the last hour or so.
Brooke sat beside him and nodded, "that she is."
"I don't want it," he choked on the sob in his throat.
"Don't say things you don't mean," Brooke told him immediately.
"I can't want it! This isn't the right time," he told her.
"When is?"
"We're not in the right places in our lives!"
"When will you be?"
Luke looked into her hazel depths and two twin trails of tears fell from his blue eyes, "I love her."
"I know it," Brooke nodded.
"I can't be a father right now," Luke told her.
Brooke shook her head and cupped his cheeks, "you all ready are. The only question is will you be a father to this baby or the next? Either way I love you, but when you make your decision with Haley make peace with it. Because either choice will destroy you if you're not at peace with it."
He nodded and then she wiped his tears with her thumbs, "and by the way, the operative part of that was making the decision with Haley. It's not hers, nor is it yours to make alone."
Luke understood but it was still a great burden for him. He wasn't sure if he could face Haley and be the man she needed. He felt like a little boy and was painfully aware that he was landed in a mess that he had the largest hand in creating.
