Chapter 49:

Though their actions had rigged the once-courteous, if not condescending, human powder keg in The Zookeeper to explode, the resistance walled within Planet Express HQ were wishing to avoid the failures of that other revolutionary crew, nearly 1400 years to the date.

Most importantly, of course, they might've also hoped to avoid the mistakes of that year and change ago, especially if their nervous pacing, psyche-up speeches and grand gestures of support were anything to go by.

Busy poring over mail call was Mayfield, who courtesy of DOOP's stabilising, his friends' surviving, and Taco Bellevue's success, had fully recovered from his grave-looking injuries aboard the Nimbus. A thousand dollars lighter, most definitely, but nothing a day or two on the job wouldn't fix…

Among the usual bills & blather, an onyx-black, gold-lined envelope… Man did that ever take him back. Once gifted as a golden opportunity for growth, going places and of greatness, he only had to stare at his stump to be reminded, nastily, of WHO such opportunities were meant for.

For the tenth straight time, he was really letting the words sink in, his pace & psyche-up more nervous and disturbed than the rest of his crew. Standing a good ship length's away, he certainly couldn't hear them all hovering around the lab, oohing and ahhing over The Professor's latest work.

Tightly sealed and seemingly impenetrable to all but the nimblest fingers was that antidote, which those bickering boffins claimed in good faith could cure one person forever of that nasty serum's affliction. Borne from the rarest ingredients, including the time-reversing and preserving marvel that was crystalline opal, it had been carefully crafted from Leela's collected sample a good month ago.

Conservatively, they made clear that it would only work for the same toxic sample used, otherwise it'd be relieving at best, and useless at worst. A true one-shot deal, they couldn't stress enough. Didn't help for the tens of thousands of terrified citizens who, housed in temporary facilities on some desolate planet, still needed treatment. Kept away from family & friends, for everyone's safety, until that day.

With great fear came panic, with great panic came anger, and with great anger came lashing out. Calming those corrupted souls couldn't come with complete relief; those super-soldiers were in all kinds of mess just confronting and restraining them. And that was to say nothing of what The Zookeeper, in brutal surprise or ice-cold pettiness, might order them to do.

Mayfield, having mulled much of this over, had approached the gathered crew and addressed the Professors; eager to express such concerns and more:

"I apologise if I sound ungrateful Farnsworth, but you seriously couldn't create a back-up of any sorts?"

"Have you any idea how rare those ingredients were, Mayfield?!" came the condemning reply. "WERNSTROM and I both could've committed a dozen felonies just to get it together!"

Silenced, he nodded and gulped, before huddling everyone together and getting straight to business with the letter in hand:


New Justice Team, to whoever makes up your ranks;

For many a year we have wagered a wrathful war against each other, widespread across seas of shining stars, right down to our world of whimsy. Whosoever tastes the spoils of victory, know that our history books will remember our battle, forever.

But all good things, all good things…

It's about time we finish this fruitless feud, for fear of missing out on the finer things in life. If you so happen to agree, you know where to find me.

Come alone, and don't keep me waiting…

Yours in faith,
Sir Reginald Archbury
AKA The Zookeeper.


For all money, this was really it.

Much like the one dictating the letter, only silent murmurs and harsh gulps betrayed the strong sense of fear present in everyone. A single moment in time, borne from all those deliveries, all the suspicions, all the beatings & torture, all the mind games, all the preparations and all those all-out wars… Not just over the past five months since Mayfield's arrival, but the seven months & change leading up.

A chance to finally answer those impossible questions & struggles about life's meaning.

Captain Leela called the crew to attention and directed them towards the hangar. Standing on her ship's stairs, her back straight, her chest forward and her eye in fierce focus, she gave for perhaps the final time her captain's address:

"Ladies, gentlemen, robot… We stand here today, upon our final stop, of a journey that altogether bent us backwards, bowed our knees, beat us down, and broke us apart. For reasons most personal or professional, we've all screamed to the skies, suffered in silence, struggled in stride, and strove towards success. For us to get this far, to go through such hell, that deserves a medal on its own."

She motioned a hand to her heart, while small claps and nods of approval sounded off:

"I clung to, dreamed of & prayed in tiniest hope, personally, that out there, we'd find the spark to give Planet Express the new lease on life. That out there, I'd find Bender alive and ready to return to me. And finally, that out there, I'd have a beautiful day of reunion with my one true soulmate."

She then pounded her fist in her palm, determination flashing through her eye:

"Well to quote Meat Loaf, two out of three ain't bad… But I am NOT planning on settling any time soon."

"Took the words right out of my mouth." Mayfield quipped to himself.

Satisfied where he was, Hermes looked in no hurry to take such a risk, and was aggressively quick to let Leela know his feelings on the matter:

"Why in Babylon do we have to rescue Fry, woman? Given our employees past & present, I'd sooner replace him with Mayfield, even for every disappearing game he played! What kind of ridiculous mission is this again?"

This earned him her evilest glare yet, so much so that even Mayfield couldn't appreciate that rare compliment.

"I'll pretend I didn't hear that Hermes, and I'd better not be hearing it again… Personal matters aside, have you forgotten? We're beyond that event horizon now; stopping & surrendering won't stop him from sucking us in and slaughtering us all. Even aside from me personally, all we've done to discredit & damage him came exclusively from how far he pushed every last one of us."

"If I may interrupt for a sec, Cap'n?" Mayfield raised a hand, beckoning to make a point.

"Go ahead."

"Look Hermes, it isn't just Fry we're doing this for. We ALL owe him a solid ass-KICKing that he will wish to forget." He waved his stumpy right arm. "I know I certainly do. Just remember, old and hopefully new, she considers this crew like family. Saying that, why wouldn't she hold such a white-hot, molten grudge against him? Remember, for a mere miscommunication, she nearly killed me. Why the hell do you think she'll let him go so easily?"

Hermes shrugged his shoulders in respecting the point, and remained silent as Leela made her declaration, raising her fist in the process:

"It's about damn time that WE sent that creep into permanent captivity. That WE close this cursed chapter of our story. Now, that just begs the question… Who's with me here?!"

A loud cheer rang throughout the headquarters, with every arm in a pumping whirlwind, every hand clapping as thunder.

"Then it's settled. Bender, Thomas and I will deal with him personally, everyone else, please stay safe. I suspect there's a good chance that we won't be back… Bender, grab the antidote and please, store it carefully. I'll go check around the ship, say my last goodbyes. Thomas, wait outside while we get ourselves set up."

Wasn't long before the baddest bot of all, and the bald, bearded one, both braved the bitter winds in patiently waiting for their Captain. Lighting a cigar to warm himself, Bender was either blithely unaware, or harshly uncaring, of the winds sending that smoke straight to Mayfield's sensitive nose.

Glared at him something awful, while he fell into a coughing and hacking spell.

"What's your problem, panty-waist? Can't handle a cigar?"

"I never smoked, so no, obviously not! You mind just turning your head a little?"

"Give me one good reason why I should, sissy."

"For one, now's no time to relax, and two, I've already had enough poisons, thank you!"

"Not to me you haven't!" he declared, rudely blowing smoke in his face and haw-hawing.

Once he got over his hacking fit, Mayfield snatched the cigar out of his mouth and tossed it in the drain, earning quite the angry stare.

"Next time, that cigar's burning your ass! I don't care whether you smoke or not, and I'm not asking for much here… But just turn it away from me, got it?"

Before the friction got too serious however, Leela had joined them, and of course, their first stop was none other than her apartment. A walk of some familiarity for the young charge, for worse or for better, and one that certainly had Bender reminiscing with another cigar.

From the moment they crossed the street to the café, and onward to the city centre, even Stevie Wonder could notice how Leela had constantly stroked & played with her hair, her speech having hid her discomfort so well until now:

"Everything okay, captain?" Mayfield asked.

"Oh yes, yes all's fine… Why do you ask?"

"Like hell it is! If it's obvious to me, then who are you trying to fool?"

"Fine then… No Thomas, I'm not okay. I've spent too damn long getting this one chance… Fought & lived each minute just craving it, savouring it, begging for it… But now that I have it? It's only stressing me to think that everything's just gonna get screwed up once more, that there'll be no more chances left."

"Look, towards me or anything else, whatever screw-ups there were are behind us now. And we owe that, in good part, to your commitment and to your captaincy."

"Surely your 21st century mind can see, that this matters MUCH more than simply being Captain? At least if I screwed up that day, I could always count on it being there tomorrow! Here and now, if we screw this up, we'll never get a second chance. No routine piloting or leadership experience could ever prepare us for that!"

With a solemn nod, he clapped his hand on her shoulder for levity: "A fair point, but if nothing else, since it worked a treat the last time, you could always warble the Zookeeper to death, hey?"

Flashing an amused smirk while playfully punching him in the chest, Leela unlocked her door and invited them inside. The time to discuss plans, speak some final words, and 'return from the dead' would be upon them, in this whitewashed asylum of sorts where only the precious memories & friends made it home.

Leela had sat with them in the recreation room, unsure about where to begin from. Especially concerning the news she was about to lay off on her charge.

"Guys, I've shared enough stories with you both… I trust that, from my very first crawl to my near-three decades on Earth, you know of the fires of hell I've found myself forged from. That there was no corner too deep, no quadrant too dark, and no creature too damned, to deny my devotion to both Planet Express, and her people."

Silent nods, as she continued:

"That's why it should go without saying… Even in spite of all we've done to temper & sharpen ourselves, for this moment… I've never been more scared for anyone than now. Winner-take-all, no higher stakes I've ever known. I cannot stress enough… We win, we save the universe. We don't, we're good for dog chow."

"As one who's technically lived much longer than you, I agree one hundred percent." Mayfield quipped.

"Yeah, you don't look a day over 150!" she teased.

A small chuckle had by all, some much needed mirth for the mayhem to follow.

"Still, given all the shit you've seen… To see you so scared when you're normally so unshakable…"

"You remember New New Jersey, the charity gala, Chapek-9, and all that Thomas? Being forced to confront those face-to-face were flat-out horrible, and yet they compare nothing to this piece of my past. For one, the fairly likely fear that I'll fail everyone. Done that before, don't want to do it again. Then there's worrying whether The Zookeeper will keep a devious trick or two up his sleeve…"

The robot and rookie crew looked at each other, unsure of what to say.

"You all get the drift now, I hope… Aside from that, do either of you have any questions?"

"Yeah, I have one." Mayfield raised. "How could we counter any tricks that The Zookeeper might pull off in there?"

"Aside from an antidote, the scary truth is… I simply don't know. Last time he obliged us to come alone, we suffered greatly for such nobility. We rush in out of anger or eagerness, we might as well lie down and surrender to his will… Like hell I'll ever do that!"

Bender piped up: "Suppose we actually do save Fry and get back together again… Would we have any more use for chrome-dome over here?"

Leela glared something fierce at that robot, before rolling her eye, almost with a searching doubt. Of all the times to ask…

"First of all Bender, I'll thank you for blurting that out nice & loud… Second, much as I hate saying it, it'd be up to him given that we won't need a second delivery boy to help us out."

Mayfield whipped his head 'round, unsure he caught that: "Wait a minute, why? I get the friendships and deep love, but s'pose Fry's sick or something? You don't even need me as back-up crew, or anything?"

Leela sighed and tapped her knees. "Listen Thomas, this is going to be difficult to hear, but do you want to know the real reason?"

"Well, obviously! If nothing else, I figure that as friends from a once friction-fuelled past, I've earned that right. Hell, not like I can't entertain myself out of everybody else's way, while still enjoying the sights… Right?"

"Fine, if that's your decision. Professor gave the order while you were busy poring over that letter. Once Fry is rescued, re-introduced… You'll be made redundant, alright? Figures that since he's family, that he'll have two arms instead of one, he can pay less than minimum wages for twice the 'productivity'… Miracle Creams or no required."

Those words silenced him stone-cold. Drained every last colour from his face. All he felt were his curling fists and popping veins… "Are you fuckin' kidding me, Leela?"

"You think I agreed to it? One arm or no, you've proven a more than welcome member of my crew! In a heartbeat, I'd invite you along for the ride… But Professor's orders are orders."

"I've schemed to rescue him from the dirt he dug us in, I gave up limbs and nearly my LIFE just to network for him, and went through war just to rescue his tin can, and that's how he repays me? That back-stabbing mother…"

"Thomas, please! I'm sure he'll put in a good word for you."

"Leela, don't delude yourself! He'd send you off to screw-all nowhere for some spare change! He had cut so many corners that we could've DIED, were it not for our miracles! And even as his best employee for light years, he always treated you like crap! After all that, you really expect him to give a fuck about me?!"

The lone man stood and nearly slammed his head into the wall, so furious he was with this revelation. Whether his past, or this present future… Nothing changed worth a damn at all. Five months, and fired behind his back, his future as good as done for.

Feeling absolutely gutted, he eyed the two and felt his fury fade away. "Excuse me, I'm just gonna get some air."

It wasn't just for the sake of the money, even though he had made more than plenty of it.

Deep down, he just knew that he'd never again experience those beautiful wonders of the universe. Never again grab the success he held so firmly in his hands… Never again see the first friends he ever made in a thousand years.

Leela, a flinch of regret flitting across her eye, asked whether Bender had any final words, which he was certainly eager to give:

"Never thought that, after working hard, rising through the ranks and becoming Mayor of Chapek-9, I would learn to love humans ever again. But now I know love… Love, and every one of its suspicious, needy, fearful and greedy corners! And from you meatbags, you have my thanks for giving me the greatest experience of all… And chrome-dome does too, once he's over his little pout."

"Bender, what do you expect him to feel? Man's lost his job and new life, all because the moron-in-charge would sooner save a cent than make a dollar."

"I expect him to feel happy, 'cause he's sacrificing for the greater good… Namely me, Bender."

"Just so we're clear, he's done enough of that for one lifetime… If you'll excuse me."

Sure enough, despite knowing of Bender's love for burglary, Leela left him alone to see her former charge, now leaning against the apartment with his head in his hands.

Feeling like he'd been flung back to his first day; nothing to his name, right back to where he started.

"Thomas, I know it might not be much consolation, but think of what you've gained in just these months alone. The muscles, the stories, the good times, the experience… Where would you have been otherwise, if not for this spot you sit in?

"Leela, you know good and well that I'd have the worms gorging on me for months, were it not for you. But who are you trying to convince? Yes, I've got the muscles, but who would ever believe my stories? Good times? Like when I got ripped apart and sent to hospital, on the verge of death, over Miracle Cream? And experience? Please, who's gonna hire a one-armed, 21st-century educated, 3-month delivery boy, huh? Do you know anybody who would?"

"Well, it's true that it's much tougher than it used to be to get a job, but still…"

"Look, can we just drop this, please? I'll thank you to not remind me about my new future, thanks."

"Coincidentally, I was about to ask if you had any final words. I mean, do you, besides those?"

"What final words? What does one say, when they're being kicked out on their arse? I risk my life and limb to make you guys a bunch of money, to MAYBE help you reunite your big happy family…"

Leela could say nothing at first. Until an encouraging thought raced into her head.

"I get that it's not fair, I do, but given what you've gone through already, you'll get through this too… I promise. You were never told this, but while you were in the Nimbus's Med-Bay, Kif was adamant that we'd be awarded for our efforts against The Zookeeper. And I'd trust his word a great deal more than Zapp's. Hell, we get through this together, you'll be BEGGING for the opportunities to leave you alone."

"I've known of enough wars to tell you that that's a bunch of bullshit. Heard of too many soldiers deserted and left for dead, after fighting some rich mongrel's wars… Now when you're done with the empty platitudes, how 'bout we go back?"

Leela could only shake her head, as they returned to her lounge room to unsurprisingly find Bender lurking about the place, grabbing anything of Leela's that he could get his motorised limbs on. After a few minutes of negotiation & convincing (read: opening major cans of whoop-ass until he yielded) it was time for everyone to get changed.

After Bender replaced everything with a grumble, Leela forged forward for her bedroom, shutting her door before she began to let her hair down. In the recreation room, Mayfield, still angry and hurt, paced back and forth while Bender eagerly searched his Compartment of Mystery.

"Ah-ha!" he cried suddenly. Had felt something neatly folded inside; a royal fur-lined purple cape, a beautiful golden, gemstone-encrusted crown, and a blue goggled mask. His superhero outfit of old; boasting both a gaudy elegance, and a perfect simplicity.

In next to no time, he had carefully wiped & polished the lot, placed everything on, then posed while admiring himself, letting the gems twinkle in the lights while of course demanding Mayfield's opinion…

"Yeah, guess it's fine."

"Subject, you risk displeasing your King… Super King, that is. So I'll ask again, how do I look?"

"Seriously Bender? Do me in like Anne Boleyn for all I care, but honest-to-Gods, just fuck off!" Mayfield exploded.

His Highness of Justice didn't take at all kindly to those vicious words, and were it not for the quiet heroism of Clobberella entering the room, this new justice trio might've dropped to a dynamic duo.

Even barring his obsession with heroes & heroines aside, Mayfield was struck down & swooning for Leela's look in-person. Black domino mask, a red bustier with emblem of a swinging rolling pin, orange-and-yellow Lightspeed Briefs with matching knee-high heels, and of course, the blood-red cape down to her briefs.

Not that she really paid much attention to him going head-over-heels.

"Swore I'd never wear this again… God, it brings back some bad memories."

"Frankly I'm glad you did, it's even better in person than in pictures."

Leela made a few quick adjustments, ignoring him, before she composed herself:

"Oh Thomas, that reminds me. I did get a little something for you, before that whole war. If you're gonna run with the New Justice Team, you better look the part… Make sense?"

As she left for her room and returned in short order, sliding a neat cardboard package into his arms, Mayfield grew a little more hopeful. Maybe his unemployment wouldn't last long after all!

He ripped it right open, and felt his face fall flat in a hurry. Skin-fitting bodysuit; gaudy, Gods-awful and PINK. Most telling of all, Leela's quick curling lips, pursed cheeks and intensely focused eye meant that she was struggling desperately to keep a straight face.

"Oh hell no, you serious? You really think I'm gonna be wearing this?"

"Why not Thomas? I reckon it would look ah-may-zing!"

"Get your eye checked lady! Ever seen a walking strawberry cheesecake? Good grief, I'd look utterly hideous in this!"

"Oh I don't know, we can't say until you try it on… Can we?"

Mayfield had to finally cave, knowing that time was of the essence. He grumbled and groaned as he begrudgingly seized the bodysuit and, with some struggle, got both the top and bottoms on.

It took a few minutes, but he finally asked what they thought.

Bender and Leela just looked at each other, and whether their eyes were salty or oily, or whether their sounds were muffled or snorted, it was of course no good. They had soon collapsed to the floor, one hand gripping their faces, the other to their stomachs, laughing and hooting in hysterics.

Mayfield felt like he'd just been slapped, and staring them down, he could've gained a very different kind of heat vision:

"Figures, I get fired, then turned into a FOOL? That's… it." He began to leave for the door. "Go save the goddamn world on your own!"

"Oh, come on, don't be like that! We've had our laugh!" Leela chased him down, hand stopping him. "But seriously though, you represent us from here on out, so you've got no choice in the matter. Maybe you forget, but we called you into our ranks for a reason… Now would you rather die a hero's death, or a coward's one?"

"The hell does it matter? I die anyhow! And really, who's gonna remember if the universe goes with it?"

Nearly ripping his bodysuit off as he found his black jacket & blue jeans once again, the bitterness and anger never left, even while they checked that they had everything with them. Patting themselves down once, twice, three times to be sure, for creams, antidotes and whatever else, they altogether left out the front, under the cover of night.

Though the New Justice Team hadn't been seen in some time, they still had a rather polarising reputation. For the half who saw them as heroes forced to make a sadistic choice, there was the other half who believed that they deserved swift justice themselves, lives saved or no.

The less people that saw them, the better off they'd be for now.

Strolling past the Museum of Natural History, where those rough memories returned once again, they eventually ended up at those infamous ice caverns, where the hidden lair of The Zookeeper laid in wait.

It was then that Leela used the first glob of many, knowing she needed all the miracles this night.

Unlike her, Mayfield knew he had used his 'miracles' up. While he did bring some along, he was through with caring about anything right now.

Far as he was concerned, with his steady job now stymied, he had nothing. Victorious or not, sacrifices or no, like he had a future left anyway...