Best Job Ever

"Good morning ladies. Today we have a big, big, big day ahead of us." To Effie, every day was a big, big, big day. "Welcome to the January meeting of Kat's World Incorporated. First, attendance, Effie Trinket," she paused so we could absorb the full impact of what was coming next, "president." She raised her hand so we all now knew she was here. "Present." She also announced it for those that didn't see her hand.

"Johanna Mason, secretary." Johanna played along and raised her hand. Effie glared at her. "Oh, sorry... here." Effie smiled.

"Primrose Everdeen, treasurer." Prim's rebellious side had yet to present itself in Kat's World Incorporated, she raised her hand and said, "present."

"Katniss Mellark." I don't have a fuckin' title. I'm on par with the homunculus sitting across from me. "Here." And I raised my hand. "Rue Scurry." Rue also was cooperative. "Here." Along with a hand raise.

"The first thing on our agenda is our new bylaws. Do either of you want to discuss it?" Both Jo and I glanced at each other and shook our heads no.

The bylaws are our governing document. It is like our constitution. It lays out the rules on how we run the business. "Okay then, all in favor?" Effie, Jo and I all raise our hands. "The bylaws have passed unanimously. Next on the agenda is..."

Jo spoke up. "I have something first Effie, I nominate Katniss Mellark for vice president." I immediately raise my hand. "I second that nomination."

"All in favor say..." Effie was interrupted by...

"I object." Prim said.

"I'm sorry Prim but you can't object. You're not a shareholder." Effie explained to her that only shareholders vote. Prim whipped out her checkbook. "How much to be a shareholder?" That little bitch thought she could buy her way at anytime.

"Ain't gonna happen Little Duck." I said. "You need unanimous consent to take in new shareholders, and I won't vote for you, so let's move on with the vote." Prim leaned back in her chair. She had her 'I'm not giving up face on.' Too late. I had an inside track on this little political move, and it's called Peeta. While I suck at politics, my husband is a natural.

"Back to business. All in favor say aye." All three of us agreed. "Congratulations Katniss, you are now the vice president of Kat's World Incorporated."

Jo leaned over and whispered. "You know your only job is to check and see if Effie is still alive."

"Best job ever."

"Now back to business. I've been approached by a producer for a TV show." All four of us leaned in to hear what she had to say. Books are one thing that you can make some money on, but TV and movies are the big time. "It's a reality TV show." I could see it now, cameras following me around. UGH! Ain't happening. "Effie, I don't think..."

"Katniss, wait til you hear the idea." I nodded. "People write in with ideas of stunts and then you do them. It's called 'Let Katniss Do It.'" My eyes got tremendous.

"Like someone writes in, I want to see Kat bungee jump off the George Washington Bridge?" I think maybe Prim suggested that hoping the bungee cord might not work that well. Not enough to kill me, just enough to shut me up.

"WHAT!"

"How 'bout skydiving?" I stood to express my outrage. "The thought of jumping out of a perfectly good airplane is idiotic."

Effie shook her head. "No, not dangerous enough." Not dangerous, ENOUGH! "How about running with the bulls or, or I got it... a rodeo clown!"

"NOOOOOO! No bulls, no running and especially, no clowns!"

"How 'bout we light Katniss on fire?" Rue suggested.

"Won't she get burnt?" Effie asked casually.

"There are certain fluids that burn at low temperatures." Rue said. Effie nodded. "Okay, maybe."

"WHAT! NO FIRE! I WILL NOT BE A GIRL ON FIRE! GOT IT!"

"Relax Katniss. I'm sure it's safe." Prim tried to reassure me. "But you know what I'd like to see. Katniss and an attack dog. You'd wear a giant marshmallow looking suit." I gave up. These people were on a roll. All thinking of ways to make audiences laugh while I get stomped, burnt, gored and stretched. "Jo, why aren't you putting a stop to this?"

"Sorry Kat, I'm too busy taking notes. Prim, what followed attack dog?"

"Um, giant marshmallow suit."

"That's right, thanks." Jo said. This was getting out of hand. I couldn't stand all this talk of my demise. I had to think of something to do. Now, what would Peeta do? Got it.

"I make a motion to recess the meeting." They all fell silent and stared at me. "You can't do that!" Prim said.

"Um, yes I can. According to Robert's Rules of Order, a motion to recess is always in order." Prim sat down. She knew a dangerous parliamentary procedure defeated her. "Someone second please." I glared at Jo. She knew this look. If she didn't back me I'd... "I second the motion."

"Okay then, this meeting is in recess."

"Primrose Violet, I'm gonna tell mom on you."

"Oh please Katniss. I'm thirty years old. You can't blackmail me with threatening to tell mommy about this."

"Oh yeah, I'll tell her you and Rory don't want any children." Prim's eyes got huge. She twitched and started to sweat. This was now a test of wills. "I'll get you for this Kit-Kat. I'll get you." She walked away to think of what revenge she could bring down on me.

"Hey, when did Rory and Prim decide that they didn't want kids?" Jo asked me.

"I don't know. I just guessed that little miss narcissist probably wouldn't want to share Rory with another living being." I still wondered when the little duck will learn how to share her things with anyone.

"Okay ladies. Recess is over. Let's put 'Let Katniss Do It' on the back-burner. I have some other news. They want to voice test Katniss and Olivia for a TV series."

"That's great Effie." After a morning of thinking of schemes to injure me, some good news. "And Jo has some news also." Effie said.

She opened her portfolio. "I have some drawings. This is The Little Duck, and this is The Sparrow."

"Jo, they are adorable. Did Sam do them?" Jo nodded yes. "Sorry Kat. Peeta was too busy to do the coloring. Sam's doing that now." Prim and Rue looked at the drawings. Rue was ecstatic. "I could see me bouncing from tree to tree." She ran around the room flapping her arms. "I love it!"

Prim stood with one arm across her chest and her chin in her other hand. "Um, very interesting." Oh why did she make everything a fuckin' project. "I have one question." All four of us waited in anticipation. What could the brilliant surgeon Everdeen have to question about a cartoon duck. "Why am I fat?"

That's it! That's her question! Why am I fat! "You realize Prim," I spoke up, "that it's not a drawing of you."

"But it is! I'm The Little Duck! This is the living embodiment of Primrose Everdeen, MD."

"No you idiot. You are the living embodiment of Primrose Everdeen, MD. This is a drawing of a cartoon duck!"

"I don't know. Maybe we could..."

"Prim, this is The Little Duck. We start illustrating the book any day now." Jo said. "But Daisy Duck wasn't fat." She countered.

Rue spoke up. "Daisy Duck had a fat ass." Prim thought about this for a moment. "Yes, I guess you're right. She did have a fat ass. But Tina from Looney Toons doesn't."

Now we've gone into the realm of kooky. We're comparing cartoon characters body mass index. "Jo could you bring up various cartoon ducks up on the internet." Effie requested. Jo sat in front of the computer and showed us different cartoon ducks. "You're right, Daisy Duck does have a fat ass." I said.

"I like that one." Jo narrowed her eyes at Prim. "Prim, we can't have a character that looks like a duck version of Jessica Rabbit in a book for young children." Rue pulled Prim aside. "Look Prim. If they take a little bit off your rear and add a little bit to your chest. Will that be okay?" Prim thought about it for a moment. "Yes, that would be satisfactory." She reached out her hand and shook Johanna's. "Then we're agreed." Everything for Prim ends in a contract.