MOLLYMAUK

Dalla loved mollymauks. Every sailor did, the sacred bird was a sign of land and the end of a long voyage, but to Dalla they were something special. When she was little her father taught her about the birds' life cycle, how they helped sailors, and how it was death to kill a mollymauk. They had found a nest and marveled over the eggs before stepping back to watch the parents tend them. And Marlon taught her the mollymauk song.

It was easy to learn with a simple structure and it quickly became Dalla's favorite. When she and Lux started their little family she sang it to Ros and Noah between Lux's classic rock ballads.

"We have to teach them good music!" he'd insist and spin her plus whichever baby she was holding around. "Just one more song."

She'd laugh. "You said that three songs ago. Time for bed."

Lux would then slink off in defeat. "Fine. We'll sing your sea shanty."

For all her trying Lux didn't share her love of the song or its namesake bird. When he first came north for their engagement he confused a molly for an oversized gull, tried to shoo it away, and made Dalla seriously reconsider marrying him. Thank the salt gods she'd gone and done it anyway. She couldn't imagine a life without her husband and children.

Since then Lux had learned the difference and could correctly identify the stuffed birds she bought for Ros and Noah, but that was as far as he took it. Mollymauks, it seemed, would always be something of Dalla's alone.

So it was initially comforting, when her dreams took her to a strangely-lit and slightly familiar room, to see the oil painting of her favorite bird. The comforts faded when she saw the shadowy figure beside it.

Who was he? The lighting made it hard to see anything past a few feet. It was almost like someone had aimed a spotlight at her.

She wasn't going to get answers just staring. "Hello?"

"Hel...oh!" The figure's hand reached up to the bright light and switched it off. "I'm sorry for that. Now you should be able to see."

She focused closer as the black spots faded from her eyes. The man next to the painting was almost as tall as her father and wore a splattered painter's smock. As he came more into focus she could see his dark hair and - Dalla's hackles rose - Salt gods, she knew this place looked familiar!

Sanjay Rash looked her up and down from next to the spotlight. "You really are pretty. No wonder Bernard calls you his muse, with eyes like that you have such a presence to be painted. I could pick you out in any of his works."

What the...Bernard did what?

"But we're not here to talk about those paintings. Do you like this one?" Sanjay asked. "I painted it after I searched the net to find out what a mollymauk was. I'd heard the song about them for years at that point but I didn't know they were your favorite bird."

Dalla stared.

"I didn't know it was your favorite song either ," Sanjay prattled on obliviously. "But it all makes sense now. Of course you would sing something of personal significance."

She must have eaten something spoiled and now she was having weird dreams. That was the only way to explain this. "Excuse me?"

"Right," Sanjay shook his head and gestured to the mollymauk painting on the … easel. For whatever reason her dreams had taken her to the studio at the palace. "You wouldn't know. But I know the song. 'Down upon the southern ocean sailing.' I heard you singing it so often I learned it."

"I never sang to you."

"You didn't, not in person at least."

So a recording then? That had to be it though Dalla didn't know of any recording of her singing. Maybe Father or Sloan had taken one on the sly and Sanjay had stumbled upon it when he was stalking her during the Clone War.

I heard you singing it so often I learned it. Salt gods, the thought of him listening to her voice over and over made her skin crawl.

"You have a lovely voice. Did you have formal instruction?" Sanjay smiled nervously. "You know I taught visual arts but I'm afraid I don't know anything about music. I could have -."

"Gotten me some sheet music and it would have been just like you and Bernard?" She barked out a laugh.

"What? Bernard was my son!"

"But he wasn't your biological son, was he? You needed me to give you one of those."

Sanjay startled, taken aback by her outburst. "Dalla… I made a mistake and I'll never be able to make it up to you. I should have never even considered it much less tried to carry it out. If I could go back in time and change things I would in a heartbeat."

She scoffed. "Not likely. You'd never give up on having children."

"You were a child! And if I succeeded I would have stolen your life. I'm so glad I failed. What you have now, your family, is more than I could have ever given you. Your daughter is so brave and your son's smile -."

"What do you know about my children?" She jumped off the stool she'd been previously seated on and crossed the space between them in two enormous steps. "Are you intruding into their lives too? Get away from them! If you touch them I'll dredge your bones from the river and burn them just to make sure you go to Dxun!"

"I would never hurt your children. I love children. I only wanted to talk to you."

"So that's why you put me here like one of your models? I've seen your paintings and I know how you dressed them." Dalla shook with anger and fear. "You can do whatever you want to me, you can have me. But stay away my children!"

"You can have me?" He repeated, mouth falling open. "I don't want you! What in four moons - why would you think I was here to -?"

"You haven't been after much else the last fifty times you've popped into my head."

Sanjay stared at her agape.

"I am so sorry I caused you such pain you're having nightmares like that. I didn't know my actions affected you so deeply and I'm sorry, but they're just dreams. That was not me."

"It's always been you. You did it to Aunt Shara, you were thirty seconds away from doing it to me, and ever since the execution you've done it in my nightmares." Something hot and wet rolled down her cheek; she refused to believe it was a tear. "What you've done almost destroyed my marriage before it began, did you know that? I nearly lost a good man, a man who loves me, because I couldn't bear the thought of sleeping with him. It took me a long time and a lot of learning to trust Lux would never hurt me like you."

"I never imagined…"

"You should have; you hurt everyone you touch. It's a miracle Bernard walked away unscathed, or were you the one who threw his confidence down the drain?"

"Leave him out of this!" Sanjay stood, towering over her. "He was my son! I taught him and I built him up, I did for him everything I wished someone would have done for me because I promised myself he would have a better life than me. He was my son!"

"So this is how it goes tonight." Sometimes the Sanjay of her nightmares would pretend to be gentle, other times he was a tower of rage. "I know how this ends Sanjay, just get it over with already!"

Instantly he backed off.

"This wasn't supposed to happen," he lay his head in his hands and his body wracked with unshed tears. "You saved me from a fate worse than death and I wanted to see you. I thought we could talk about the birds since we both love them."

"We have nothing in common and there's nothing to talk about."

"But maybe if we do it'll help your nightmares go away? Please, it's my fault this is happening to you, let me help fix it."

"You can't. If you actually want to help then stop torturing me and finish this so I can wake up!"

"Gods, I'm so sorry!" He sobbed and reached out with one hand to tap her forehead...

Dalla woke up. Lux lay beside her in bed, but she had never felt so alone.

She sat up and wiped the tears from her face, careful not to disturb her sleeping husband. He was already upset after attending Maia's funeral and didn't need to deal with her problems tonight. She would pull herself together and no one would be the wiser.

Only that was easier said than done. The one mercy her nightmares had given her until now, was that Sanjay never spoke to her. She couldn't just go back to sleep after this.

She sat in bed for a few minutes longer before she heard the bird's call from outside and made her way to the porthole to investigate.

A mollymauk circled over the Southern Whore, its white body a stark contrast against the pitch-black sky. It almost looked like the bird was looking down at her.

She had to be imagining it. A mollymauk wouldn't care about someone belowdecks on a passing ship, or about anyone really unless they were threatening it or offering it food. But this one she almost swore was watching over her.

Maybe it would be possible to sleep tonight if she believed it.